Ashley Inside My Head

Dropping the Ball

Today’s the day where I publicly admit to dropping the ball on things that I’ve committed to and truly care about. It’s often too easy to tell friends and family that you’ll do something for them and not follow through. I’m guilty of that lately. There are people that depend on me, and believe in me, and I’m guilty of letting them down.

Whew. I feel better.

It’s not easy to admit that, despite the efforts of those holding me accountable, I’m feeling lack-luster about my performance. Even though I’m terrible at saying “no,” when I commit to something, it’s usually because my heart is in it – full force. Often I feel like I rationalize failure to follow through internally with thoughts like “they’re not paying my salary so it’s cool, right?” (Please tell me you’ve had similar evil thoughts…)

I think it feels worse when the amazing people around you are keeping their word. “How do they do it?! They must be superhuman.” I’ve decided that I admire the incredible ability my friends and family have to keep their word, and that it’s an example I try to model my own behavior around – hence the disappointment I’m feeling in myself.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “With the new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.” I’m taking the days ahead to refresh and reboot so I can keep the ball rolling. I have some emotional strength to build and some new perspectives to consider. Hopefully the people I care about most will notice!

– Ashley Respecki

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