Author: catherinewemette

Categories
Inside My Head Libby

Procrastination

I am a terrible procrastinator. I always have been…in fact, my brother made up a character for me called The Procrastinator. My tagline was, “I’ll be back…later…” I procrastinate at losing weight and getting in shape, at doing the gardening and the dishes, calling my friend from college, and definitely at work projects. (I have – in an earlier post on this blog, I am aware – previously touted the idea of being prepared. I will state for the record that procrastination does not necessarily preclude being prepared, but it does make it harder.)

Why do I procrastinate? I’m sure it’s either genetic or some kind of childhood trauma…but that’s irrelevant. I do it. And it makes for a lot of stressful times…but somehow, it also motivates me and lights a fire under my lazy bum. It may even be (partially) responsible for some of my best work! So what I’ve decided to do is Embrace the Procrastination! Instead of fighting the inevitable, I’m learning how to work with it and to use it as a motivator. I haven’t perfected it yet, but I’m getting there. My advice: never stop with whatever self-improvement efforts you have going on, BUT part of those efforts should include cutting your losses. Instead of fighting The Thing that make you feel bad that you continually try to “fix,” figure out how you can mitigate the negative impact of The Thing and use it as your touchstone, your hyper-drive, your magic bean. You, too, can turn that frown upside down…tomorrow, of course.

Categories
On the Job

On the Road: Is It Worth It?

When technology rules and there are seemingly endless ways to keep in touch (or distract ourselves!), is meeting face to face less important? As I write this, my bags are packed, and I’m en route to Atlanta, where nearly 20,000 professionals from the architectural, engineering and construction industries will come together for the next three to four days. There will be hundreds of education sessions, evening events and opportunities to informally connect while we take over the city of Coke, CNN and inspiring leadership lessons from Martin Luther King, Jr. and President Jimmy Carter.

But do we really need to be physically together in the same space? We’ve got email, conference calls, video chat, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, to keep us connected in our homes and offices. We’ve also got commitments like jobs, families, friends, and budgets that make travel more challenging and increase the appeal of those electronic connections even more. And while all of that is true, and it is easier to keep in touch than ever, I absolutely think there’s still value in being face to face, and in the case of a large convention like this, being part of something bigger than yourself.

We so easily get bogged down in the day to day and promise to catch up with friends and colleagues later. But later keeps getting pushed further and further away as the urgent drowns out the important. Sure, the education and keynote sessions at a conference like this are great (I sure hope so, since Karen and I are leading one!), but the real magic happens between the attendees. Sure, that can be during a session, but it’s also in the hallway, during lunch, over a cocktail or two or even bumping into someone from the same conference out and about enjoying the host city. There’s something incredibly powerful in getting out from behind your desk and daily routine, and taking a moment to connect with someone else who does what you do and giving yourself permission to focus on your own growth for a minute or two.

When is the last time you unplugged and met a friend, family member or colleague for some face time and did yourself a favor in the meantime?

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Wrestling and Restless?

Karen RestlessnessOver the last 18 months I could sense the tides turning – shifting. I knew I was about to take a new path. Yet, at the same time, I had no idea I was going to take a new path. What a paradox.

I was both wrestling and restless.

I was wrestling with who I was becoming and what was changing inside me; being stretched and uncomfortable. Significant growth opportunities were knocking at my door on a regular basis. In retrospect, I was learning how to think differently, how to strategize more effectively and communicate more clearly. I was learning how to go deeper, and choose more intently the principle of curiosity and wonder. I was awakened to see more brilliantly the everyday world surrounding me. I guess things felt heightened inside me. But that sounds so flighty. It wasn’t flighty. It was hard. It was causing me to wrestle with who I was becoming. It created a yearning and a longing in me for something. What was it? Why wouldn’t it leave me alone? What was unsettling me? There was no need to be unsettled.

This internal wrestling match created a restlessness.

I was becoming restless with my purpose in life, the location I was living, and my contribution within the business world.

I read a book in November: 30 Lessons For Living by Karl Pillemer, PHD. It provoked me. It stirred me and profoundly impacted me. It was the beginning of the tides turning. I called my friend, “I miss my coaching business. I wish I could focus only on people and leaders. That’s where my heart is. That is my purpose. That is what I long to do.” Her immediate response was, “Yes, yes, yes! Finally! Yes, Karen! Everything in me is shouting yes!”

The restlessness intensified. Unbeknownst to me, my heart knew what was going on but my mind had not caught up yet.

Until March 7, 2015.

I was having a phone conversation with another close friend. He said, “Follow your heart, Karen. It’s always done well for you.” I hung up the phone and knew immediately what that meant. Five days later I went for a long walk on the Vancouver seawall with John Fluevog (my boss, owner, designer, CEO, president, colleague, mentor, comrade… and through these last 7 years, is now also my friend.) and I shared with him what was happening within me. I told him I needed to embark on this journey. I needed to give my notice and move to San Diego. I wanted to pursue my coaching career again. I wanted to try and see if I can do it. I told him that I have a barometer I measure decisions on: When I’m 96 years old, if I don’t do this, will I regret it? Yes, I would look back with regret.

John gets it. He knows what it’s like to chase after a dream. It was actually John who was the first to say to me in 2008, “What do you want, Karen? You have to know what you want. You know what you don’t want. But you have to know what you want. What do you want…”

7 years later, here I am.

The wrestling match has silenced. The restlessness is over. I write this article, sipping my Earl Grey tea, enjoying the blue skies…of San Diego.

I took the leap. I walked off my map. I am here. I am beginning a new chapter.

Thank you, restlessness. Thank you, wrestling match. You are kind to me.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Are You Defensive?

Karen DefenseHave you ever been defensive? Oh boy, I have. It’s my least favorite Karen. The aftermath of my reactiveness depletes me and I get very disappointed with myself. My listening skills are non-existent and I forget to remain curious. When I listen well and I ask questions, it’s guaranteed I won’t be defensive in the least. I don’t like me when I react. I don’t like me when my emotions are stirred up because of a conversation that isn’t going the way I had hoped.

Why do we choose to react defensively rather than respond positively? (Especially when we sincerely want to respond positively!)

Being defensive is a form of anxiety. The New Oxford American Dictionary defines anxiety as a “feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about something with an uncertain outcome.”

Let’s look at a few proposed behaviors that are associated with defensiveness.

You know you’re defensive if:

  1. You forcefully argue and debate an opinion.
  2. You need to prove your perspective is right.
  3. You’re dismissing the other person’s views.
  4. You “shush” or raise your finger/hand to enforce the person to stop talking.
  5. You think you have greater knowledge on the matter.
  6. You feel the need to stick up for yourself.
  7. You use heightened energy levels to drive your point.
  8. You’re projecting strong negative emotions.
  9. You justify your stance with “yeah, but”.

If you can identify with any of these responses, you’re experiencing anxiety. Being defensive weakens our self-confidence.

What is the single most important ingredient that will keep you from being defensive? Confidence in who you are. When we engage in conversations with confidence, our guard comes down and we don’t need to prove ourselves. We appreciate stimulating conversations, because we know they will either make us stronger or change us.

Being defensive is another way of saying “I won’t let you hurt me.” How would we respond if we entered every conversation with the mindset of, “You cannot hurt me. You can only contribute to my growth and by disagreeing with me you are helping expand my intellect.”

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Career Libby

Whitespace

I just returned from an all-expenses-paid, not work-related three days in Palm Springs, CA at a resort that involved lots of swimming, drinking and eating. (Go ahead, hate me…it was awesome! And, yes, my friend Ellen is the best, and no, you can’t have her.) Though to be fair, I suppose it wasn’t all play, I did have to attend two hours-worth of general session wisdom. One of which was Juliet Funt (daughter of Alan Funt, founder of TV’s Candid Camera) – she was awesome: smart, funny and poignant.

The theme of her talk was “whitespace” – figuring out ways to turn off the hub and the bub of daily, connected life and find time to reconnect with your own brain. She has data about how this increases productivity and makes us feel saner – it’s kind of a “duh” thing, but it’s also really difficult to do. I found her message really inspiring and am already thinking of ways to reinstall whitespace wherever I can: not checking work emails on the weekend or after ten pm on weekdays (I do have a wacky schedule), turning my phone off while spending QT with my son and husband, spending time just thinking about a work problem instead of jumping in to solving it. These are little ways to regain focus and make the time I am working more effective and efficient. I haven’t really implemented them yet, but am hopeful it may also give me a boost of renewed energy…who doesn’t need that? What do you do to reclaim whitespace in your world? Have you noticed any changes?

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

Delightfully Unexpected

Over the weekend, my husband pointed out an article in the Washington Post, “How Kathmandu’s ‘kung fu nuns’ sprang into action after the quake.” It’s a quick read, and absolutely worth the time. These Buddhist nuns have been studying kung fu for about four years, not with the intent of fighting, but applying their learnings in ways that you wouldn’t expect.

“The nuns began learning kung fu from a Vietnamese teacher in defiance of accepted gender codes in the Buddhist monastic system. But over time, they have harnessed the ancient Chinese martial art for meditation, community work, edgy campaigns against toxic waste, and for women’s empowerment and walkathons against the prevalence of plastic products in everyday life.”

Most recently, they’ve used their physical and mental strength to help those affected by the horrific earthquake in Nepal. It’s easy to feel disconnected to something going on across the world and think there’s nothing we can do to help, but these nuns are a reminder that we can all have an impact in our own, and sometimes unexpected, way. And sometimes it’s a simple as that.

For more on how to help those affected in Nepal, visit the Better Business Bureau’s website for accredited organizations collecting donations.

Categories
Ashley Inside My Head

Movie Therapy

I mentioned in my very first post that I spent a number of years working at a video rental store called Family Video. If you’re from the Midwest, you may have heard of the company or even rented a few Midweek Specials in your day; and if not, boy, did you miss out. With all of the video rental businesses in the U.S. closing their doors (read: Blockbuster), at last check, that makes Family Video the largest (hell, maybe the only) movie and game rental franchise in the country.

I cannot even imagine how many total hours I’ve spent in my lifetime so far watching, and often rewatching, movies. Ahead of movie release dates for DVDs (almost always a Tuesday), stores receive inventory around 5 days in advance, and staff are allowed and sometimes recommended to “screen” the titles in that advance time frame. I spent a lot of weekends in high school and college watching great movies but also watching some really shitty B class movies. (Don’t tell anyone I admitted to that.)

The point here is this: I love movies. I think I passed this love onto my baby brother…well, that and my music taste, for better or worse. So when I come home to visit, we usually bond over a good movie. But since he’s young(er) and hip(er), he often has seen way more recent releases than I have. On this recent visit, I had to admit to not yet seeing Unbroken, so we sat down for a typical family watch party.

There are always great take-aways from movies, like the faith in humanity you regain watching a really great drama, or the way your wheels continue spinning after an intense thriller. Movies can pull you out of yourself for a good 2 hours and plop you right back into reality with the hint of a credit reel. If somebody did their job right, you talk about what the experience was like for you for a good 30 minutes post-film, and use it for at least some workplace chatter on Monday.

Here’s my recent movie-watching reaction (spoilers ahead): What I hated about Unbroken is that you sit through the whole thing and then Angelina Jolie thought maybe you were an idiot watching and didn’t get the message, so she wrote it out for you at the end before the credits. “Louie learned that forgiveness is greater than revenge…” or something equally uninspiring. But what I loved about Unbroken was the message that spoke so much louder to me, and that was the importance of perseverance. To me Louie showcased what it means to get back up when everyone around you is expecting you to stay down, and continuing to get back up especially once people are rooting for you.

I think it goes without saying that Unbroken probably spoke to you in a totally different way, and maybe you were cool with Angelina’s moral being spelled out for you to cap off the movie. But with movies, the message doesn’t have to be the same for me and for you, and the conversation that ensues because of that difference in emotion and opinion is what keeps us on our toes. And, from my video rental store days, it’s likely why I am an A-Class BS-er today. (I couldn’t afford to curse anymore in this post!) I think I was something of a movie therapist for customers when they returned those stacks of VHS tapes and DVDS…

– Ashley Respecki

Categories
Inside My Head

Judgy McJudgerson

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we judge other people – their actions, their words, their intentions. Lots of us like to say we don’t judge (me included!), but it’s simply not possible – and that’s okay. Our judgment helps us make sense of the world, sift through information and enable us to make decisions. It’s a powerful tool that can keep us out of trouble. But like most powerful tools, it can also get us into the very trouble we were hoping to avoid. When we rely solely on our own judgment and don’t allow for any addition context or points of view, we wander into dangerous territory. But it’s hard to see that danger coming, since we believe our judgment is the right judgment.

Judgment is the lens through which we view the world. Shaped by our experiences, our values, and our desires, it’s continually evolving. But what doesn’t seem to change is that we’re confident that our lens – our judgment – is just right. It’s a finely calibrated machine, superior to all others. We’re confident that we have the right balance of when to let things slide and when to hold people accountable. We know when to fight for something and when to let it go. We see the need for transparency but know what to keep closely guarded. We understand when to keep things moving despite discontent and when it’s worth the delay for some additional conversation. We know which boundaries to push and when the status quo is acceptable. Simply put, our judgment is the best judgment.

But no one else on earth has the exact same lens we have, which can make understanding another’s point of view tricky. No one else has our same experiences, values and desires, so no one else will judge things in the exact same way we do. We may come to the same conclusion, but what gets us there will be different every time. Even if we both sit in the same meeting and hear the same information, we’re processing it through what we’ve heard before and what it means to us, and making assumptions about what it means to those around us. All those things lead us to hear the same words differently and make different judgments about them. And that’s just the way it is.

What we can do is try and remind ourselves that there might be room on the spectrum for others, and sometimes, it may be worth a shift in one direction or the other to try and see things through someone else’s lens. Allowing our own lens to shift as we learn more about other world views is a skill we can all develop more fully. Acknowledging that different lenses exist and our own judgment may not always be the best judgment opens the door to a richer, more diverse and fuller view of the world. Of course, it’s easier in some circumstances that others, but like anything, practice will help. Practicing our openness to the judgment of others will only help strengthen and fine-tune our own. Where are your opportunities to see through a different lens?

Categories
Inside My Head Libby

Younger

I just discovered a new show on TV Land called Younger, about a 40 year old divorcee with a kid passing herself off as a 26 year old. Seems like a ridiculous premise, but Sutton Foster can make anything awesome. The show is entertaining, but it is also thought-provoking…if we could go back in time with the knowledge gained by our older selves and have a kind of do-over, how would that be? Terrific or terrible? I’m torn…I honestly don’t know what I would do in that situation, but I do know that I am lucky enough to have friends and relationships with people of all ages. I have learned so much from both those who are older and those who are younger – it is their experiences and perspectives that make them interesting, valuable and relevant friends, not their age. My little cousin recently reminded me that one now says “hashtag” not “pound” and my mother just shared with me a heart-breaking time she had one day when she was twelve years old – both of those things make me a more understanding person, a more efficient worker, and a better friend. It’s not that I want to be younger – I want to be relevant and happy. I just need to find ways to do that no matter how old I am.

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

How to Spend Your Birthday

I’ve never really been a party person. Well, that’s not absolutely true. Going to parties? Yes, I love doing that. Throwing them? Not so much. So when it comes to my birthday, I’m normally the one trying to kill the hype. That changed a bit when I arrived in college, as every year during my tenure came with a bash equally as unruly as the last. So this year as my birthday approached, I had no earthly idea what to do to celebrate. I felt I had to live up to something, whatever it is. Cursed by my own creation, I struggled with who, what, and when for many days.

The one thing I at least remembered to do was to take off from work. And that was about it. I had three full relaxing days to myself, during which I did absolutely nothing. Probably shouldn’t have been doing nothing, but you get my point. I think birthdays shouldn’t be about large gatherings of folks who oh-so graciously gifted you with their presence to joyously drink and eat in your honor. It should be about number one: you. Always take a minute to remind yourself what you work so hard for. Use the time you’ve spent to create leisure and enjoy that as well.

Often we waste energy trying to astonish and wow, creating memories that we want others to remember. Having such a focus can take away from truly enjoying a day to call your own. Don’t let a number slow you down. Doing what makes you happy, comfortable, and carefree for the time being is what should matter most.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

…wait. I totally lied. My wonderful and beautiful girlfriend did show me a lovely time at dinner on the National Harbor. Fancy, I know. But I guess nothing is too good for number one, right?