Tag: Growth

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Karen On the Job

A Measure of Sacrifice is Required

There is no decision we can make that doesn’t come with some sort of balance or sacrifice.    – Simon Sinek

What are you willing to give up in order to pursue what you really want? What are you willing to let go of for the sake of your dream? What might you have to leave behind because it’s not helping you get where you want to go?

A key ingredient to an entrepreneur’s success is to embrace those moments where your dream will require a measure of sacrifice.

True sacrifice is giving up something of current value to invest in something of greater value.

There are many areas of our lives that hinder us from chasing after our hopes because we don’t want to forfeit our comfort zone.

The most important decision about your goals is not what you are willing to do to achieve them, but what you are willing to give up. – Dave Ramsey

When we sincerely believe there’s a bigger picture awaiting us, sometimes we have to resign oneself to what is comfortably familiar because it no longer benefits the ultimate goal.

Q1:  What’s comfortable in your life but not beneficial to your ultimate goal?  

As Tony Robbins famously coined, “Anything you want that’s valuable requires you to break through short-term pain in order to gain long-term pleasure.”

Are we willing to let go of our presuppositions that got us from where we were to where we are? They got us this far, but no farther. It served its purpose, and now it’s time to sacrifice them because what once nourished you is now hindering you from ultimate success. (A great book to read is Marshall Goldsmith’s, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful.)

When I listen to inspiring leaders, I hear a recurring theme. They share stories in their professional journeys where it was required of them to give something up for the sake of pursuing something greater. They chose to make their sacrifices because they knew they had to let go of their normal in return for their extraordinary.

Q2:  What might you have to relinquish today for the sake of your bright exuberant future? 

He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much; he who would attain highly, must sacrifice greatly. – James Allen

A gentle reminder that sacrifice stems from a place of purpose, not self-gratification. Sacrifice comes with a cost, but always remember you’re choosing something of greater value.  You will know you’ve made a sacrifice because that choice will stretch you outside your comfort levels.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head On the Job

Personal Leadership

I recently participated in a small team discussion about leadership. Now there’s a loaded word, especially when you start examining your own strengths and challenges. I think leadership is one of those nebulous terms we throw around a lot. We also tend to haphazardly add adjectives in front of it – good, weak, thoughtful, inspired. And we seem to spend a lot of time talking about leadership. A LOT of time in my world. But that said, I don’t necessarily remember the last time I did a self-assessment of my own strengths and challenges.

It’s easy to spot what we like in others and gossip about what we don’t. But turning the question on ourselves can be a bit daunting and I found I struggled with the questions – both on the strengths and challenges side. But through that struggle, I found the exercise valuable. It helped me understand what unique qualities I bring to the table and where I have a desire to behave differently. In the interest of helping you take a look at your own list, I thought I’d share mine. And I’d love to hear what you think makes you a strong leader, as well as areas you’d like to develop. Lead on, my friends!

Strengths

  • I am confident in my own beliefs and opinions and I’m willing to share them. I think that’s a huge part of leadership.
  • I ask questions. I ask for clarification. I ask to ensure I understand. I ask to identify underlying feelings. I want to make sure I thoroughly understand what’s going on before I move ahead, whether in the conversation or with an action.
  • I like connecting with people and helping them feel heard. Being heard is a powerful feeling and limitless things can come from that space shared between people.
  • When something doesn’t go as expected, I first look to what I could have done differently. That helps me clarify what I expect and want moving forward. It also keeps me from starting with blame for others.
  • I believe life is more fun when you’re positive, and that goes for work and play. I work to see the positive and not be so focused on the negative.
  • I believe there is always something that can be done – there are always more options.

 

Challenges

  • Delegating and sharing responsibility can be hard for me. Trusting that others are invested at a level that makes me comfortable is tough.
  • I have high expectations and I can take it personally when those expectations aren’t met. I think these high expectations can sometimes come off as high maintenance, which can be a challenge for me (I wrote a whole blog post on this one!).
  • I can get stuck in the details of something and get so focused on making it work that I can miss an easier and better solution because I’m too far down the path with the first option.
  • I can sometimes worry too much about how other people feel. It doesn’t always prevent me from taking action, but it can cause me to struggle in moving forward to letting something go.
  • I believe there is always something that can be done – there are always more options (yes, you read that right – I consider this both a strength and a challenge since it can sometimes drive me crazy).

 

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Inside My Head

Flexibility

Someone on my Facebook feed recently linked to a Psychology Junkie blog on How Each Myers-Briggs Type Reacts to Stress (and How to Help!). I always find these things fascinating and take them with a grain of salt at the same time. Whenever we generalize based on one thing – geographic location, generation, Myers-Briggs-type – we can set ourselves up to miss important pieces of information and make faulty assumptions. That said, I think we can always learn something or find a different way to think about a behavior.

I tend to bounce between ENFP and ENTJ. I was a solid ENFP in my younger years and while many of those same traits are still prevalent, as I get older, I’ve come out as an ENTJ in more recent assessments. However, as I read the stressors and of an ENTJ, many of those resonated with me, though the second to last line stopped me in my tracks.

“They may feel overwhelmed, out of control, unable to sort out priorities, and thus become inflexible.”

I find planning and routine comforting in times of stress, but I’d never thought about it quite in this way. I can find it hard to go with the flow if I’m feeling particularly stressed and I do get irritated when things change, especially last minute. It’s not that I can’t adjust – it’s just that my brain was prepared for one thing and now that’s not happening and it feels like my rusty gears have trouble shifting as quickly as I’d like.That said, I’d seen my need for control and order during times of stress as a positive – a way to buckle down and get things done, but it hadn’t ever occurred to me that it could (and I’m certain does!) come across as being inflexible.

It never hurts to become a little more acquainted with ourselves and learn more about how our actions might be seen by others. I’ll be over here working on my flexibility if anyone needs me…

 

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Inside My Head

High Expectations

Someone recently asked me if I considered myself high maintenance. Before you’re offended on my behalf because we share an assumption that being high maintenance is a bad thing, let me say she’s a wonderful young women and I respect her a lot. I think she’s working on finding her place in this world and is interested in how others see themselves as she’s working on her own self-view. Her question really caught me off guard, however, because I do start with the assumption that being high maintenance isn’t a desirable trait. To me, it conjures up images of demanding whatever is best of you whenever it suits you. It’s complaining about not getting the perfect table. It’s whining about things not going exactly your way. It’s all about you all the time. Quite frankly, the thought of it being about me all the time is exhausting.

I thought about it and told her I didn’t consider myself high maintenance, but rather, I knew what I wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it or ask for it. Perhaps that does make me high maintenance. When I’m excited, I want you to get excited to. When I work hard, I want you to work just as hard. When I prioritize something, I want you to do the same. And maybe that’s another definition of high maintenance. I think of it as wanting to share what I find interesting with someone else. And the people I keep closest to me do often share those same values, which makes it fun.

When relaying this conversation to another friend, he had a good laugh (clearly, I’m a little higher maintenance on his scale than my own). But he did think about it for a minute and reframed it this way – he said he believed I had high expectations. And unlike the label of high maintenance, having high expectations resonated immediately. Yes, I absolutely have high expectations of those around me. I expect you’ll be excited because I’m excited. I expect we’ll work hard together. I expect we’ll share similar priorities. I expect these things because we’ve chosen to come together in life – as friends, colleagues, or partners. We share a common purpose on some level, and that drives our expectations. I hold myself to those same expectations when it comes to you because you matter to me. Your excitement, work ethic and priorities matter to me. And I am more than okay with those expectations of me.

And sure, your high expectations may let you down from time to time. And that’s okay. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop expecting the best from people. I will proudly wear the label of high expectations, and I can’t wait for you to surpass them.

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On the Job

The Battle Royale: Negative vs. Positive Comments

Ah, the good ol’ evaluation. It inspires excitement, fear and usually a little anxiety. In high school, my best friend and I were Red Cross HIV/AIDS Peer Educators and supplemented sex ed curriculum for junior high and high school students across the suburbs of St. Paul. It was a great experience and we loved every second of it. But our absolute favorite part was reading the evaluations. We would thank everyone for their time, collect the evaluations and patiently wait for everyone to clear the room. The second that happened, we were tearing through the evaluations. Fortunately (and perhaps surprisingly), the 14-18 year-olds were typically kind to us and provided us with both useful and feel-good feedback. But with each class, there were usually one or two negative comments, and of course, those were the ones we were drawn to and they were the comments that stuck with us.
What is it about the negative comments that so thoroughly stick with us? Out of a group of 30 people, we can get 28 positive comments, but the 2 comments that aren’t good are the two that stick out. The New York Times published an article about this several years ago, Praise is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall. According to Clifford Nass, a professor of communication at Stanford University, it’s a tendency we all have.

Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones. Thus, we tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events — and use stronger words to describe them — than happy ones.

– Clifford Nass

I just got my latest round of evaluations from a recent event and they were overwhelmingly positive. In fact, they’re some of the highest scores across the board I’ve received. Yet (and you knew this was coming), one of the open comments said that I told too many stories at the end. This overshadowed the comments about how engaging the session was, how they wished it was longer and how much they loved the energy and specific examples. My brain went right to that comment and stayed there.

But here’s the thing about the negative comments I didn’t fully understand back in high school – they’re still just comments. It’s what you decide to do with them that counts. I DO tell a lot of stories – it’s how I make sense of the world. It’s how I relate to people and show empathy. And I think it’s also what makes my a good teacher – I consider it one of my strengths. So it was too much for one person at the end. I’m okay with that. This same person also left some comments about the insightful and helpful tools, so I’m going to chose to focus on that and tell my brain it can move on from the negative.

What are you going to tell your brain to move on from?

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On the Job

Our Future Leaders: Girl Power

Earlier this month, I spoke about feedback at the American Association of University Women’s National Conference for College Women Student Leaders. Admittedly, that’s a whole lot of words and a long acronym (AAUW’s NCCWSL!), but to be fair, sometimes you need a lot of words to convey the power of what’s happening. The collection of young women at this conference was truly extraordinary. They were student leaders from all over the country who were making time for themselves and investing in their future. The conference had sessions focused on all aspects of life after college – professional advancement, relationships, wellness, empowerment and equity. The leadership had done a terrific job of putting together a well-rounded mix of topics to reflect what these young women were after.

And while the speakers and sessions were terrific, they were nothing compared to the energy these young women brought with them. One thing in particular stood out to me. As the attendees were trickling into our session room, I was so impressed with how quickly they greeted each other and got into conversation. It’s a stark contrast to what I typically see at professional conferences – most people are on their phones and leaving plenty of seats between them and their fellow attendees. These women recognized the opportunity they had in front of them and seized it. And their excitement didn’t end there. We had a wonderfully engaging discussion as opposed to just a presentation, which is way more fun for me and the attendees.

I left our session feeling energized and hopeful for our future. If these women are an indication of what’s coming, we’re in good shape. Though we can’t just sit back and watch their success – it’s up to us to help, encourage and support them in whatever way we can. Sharing our knowledge, answering questions and being open to what they have to share will help us all ensure we’re headed down a brighter path together.

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Inside My Head Karen

Loss

Loss:  the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value. 

-New Oxford American Dictionary

The loss of a life. The loss of love. The loss of a job. The loss of health. The loss of money. The loss of friendship. The loss of a game.

Why is loss so painful?

It creates a grief in our hearts that can feel unbearable, overwhelming, deflating, disheartening, discouraging, or anxious.

We all deal with loss differently.

  • Some build walls as a shield of protection.
  • Some avoid the topic because it’s easier to not talk about it.
  • Some get angry to avoid breaking down in tears.
  • Some are overly sensitive because touching the wound is excruciating.
  • Some use dark humor to cover up the deep pain.
  • Some go quiet to silence the multitude of thoughts racing through their mind.
  • Some escape through substance to drown the grief.
  • Some flight because it’s easier to carry on than to deal with it.
  • Some meditate for relief from their anxiety.
  • Some choose retribution to avoid the feeling of rejection.

There is no perfect way to grieve loss. It’s impossible to perform flawlessly when we grieve.

Even in sports, I watch a team lose the championship and some are crying, some are throwing their towel down in frustration, some are sitting on the bench head in hands looking down at the ground, some head straight to the locker room and some are trying to remain composed and professional for the sake of the spectators.

It doesn’t matter how we deal with loss, the reality is we all identify with loss.

Here’s the kicker: and as much as you want to get over it, you don’t bounce back. Yes, time will heal, but not in a bouncy way!

Healing the experience of loss is more like filling a bucket of water with a syringe. Each drop is one step closer to restoring a full bucket inside you. We forget we need to replenish our souls! The expression “a cup of cold water to the soul” is about filling the bucket back up. And filling the bucket takes time.  It’s a process.  Replenishment takes time, and some buckets may take a little longer than others.

All that is required of us is this: simply say yes to the process. A willingness to allow ourselves to be replenished.  Time is patient.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Innovators Spit on Worry and Carry On

What makes us shrink back or hold back?

When I’m hanging out with my wisest friends (who are 70 years and older), I notice a common occurrence: they are less affected by circumstances. They carry an acceptance about where they are, who they’re with and what they’re doing in that very moment. All that matters is now. And in that now moment, they are real, true to themselves, honest, present, sincere and worry-free.

Innovators are similar.

Innovators are such a gift to the human race.  If you’re an innovator, stand tall. You have a greater purpose than simply coming up with new and exciting ideas.

Innovators seem to have the least amount of struggle with falsity. In my opinion, they are uncompromising people. They seem to not invest a lot of their energy in what other people think. They are unapologetic for their opinions, actions and convictions. Okay sure, some innovators are difficult to work with and have peculiarities that might occasionally drive us crazy, but wouldn’t that simply be their unique style, not a flaw in their character?

I am a fortunate woman because my clients are primarily innovators. They are a gift to my journey. Though they may identify with my moments of worry, they have the boldness to spit on worry and carry on.

Let me speak to the heart of an innovator for a moment. If you’re one of them, this is what I think of you.

You teach the rest of us how:

  1. to be present
  2. to remain true to our unique self
  3. to be confident in our thoughts and actions
  4. to be unapologetic for the decisions we make
  5. to embrace the convictions we want to live out
  6. to have faith in what we are pursuing
  7. to not give up
  8. to bend but not break
  9. to be immersed in thought
  10. to radically believe

You remind us to stay the course.

If you’re an innovator, part of your purpose is to inspire us to walk in our true self, worry-free. Those are big shoes to fill, but you’re the people that can fill them.

When I’m with an innovator, it’s amazing how quickly nothing else matters. What worried me, no longer has power. The world is full of options. How can we possibly accomplish anything if we worry? Worry breeds falsity. Possibilities diffuse worry. Innovators understand this.

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin

 

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

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Career

Ah, the Apology Battle

Apologies. Everything has something to say about them. Including me, last year. Lena Dunham just published Sorry, Not Sorry: My Apology Addiction on LinkedIn. Not surprisingly, a rebuttal, Dear Lena, stop telling me to stop saying sorry was quickly published in US Today by Lindsay Deutsch. Apologies are a popular battle ground, especially for women – right up there with swearing (some insist on abstaining and other insist it means you’re smarter).

I was doing a training a couple months ago where we were discussing apologies as part of a well-rounded skill set. We wandered off into a similar discussion being had by Dunham and Deutsch about apologies in the workplace and gender. One of the women asked about apologizing when it seems more and more like women are being told not to apologize. In response, one of the men in the training made the observation that maybe we should be looking at it the other way – rather than telling women to apologize less, we should be encouraging men to apologize more.

Apologies (and swearing!) can be powerful, and it’s dangerous to completely eliminate them from your vocabulary. Like most things, we shouldn’t always or never. There is a time and place for everything, and as Dunham so eloquently points out:

“One of the most important things a person in charge can do is own their mistakes and apologize sincerely and specifically, in a way that shows their colleagues they have learned and they will do better.” – Lena Dunham 

 

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Inside My Head Karen

Know Your Stressors

Taking inventory of our internal well-being on a regular basis is fundamental to healthy living. When we go through a challenging time, a big change, an unexpected disruption (or a planned one), it’s a good idea to ask ourselves, “Heyyyyy youuuu inside there, how are you doing?”

The most important part of stress is this:  
Are you handling it okay?  

When I did this quiz, my stress results were very high. I knew they would be. There’s been a lot of change over the past 12 months. Along with the change, stress. Of course! It comes with the territory.

How we handle stress is what we need to measure.

Ask your closest relationships: Do you think I handle stress well?

For me personally, I’m making life-changing decisions and carving a new path – a path I want to live. The impact these changes are having on me, the inner-person Karen, are monumental. The paradox of this stress and change is that I’ve chosen it. I want the change.

Regardless, change comes with risk, which inevitably induces greater levels of stress.

Although stress is a complex subject, I know what I have to do in order to stay healthy.  I don’t want stress to invoke physical ailments.

Since I’m in a season of high stress (note:  a season), I find myself much more diligent in making sure I’m doing okay. Here are a few of my go-to’s that I find highly valuable and helpful:

  • Find the calm in the chaos.  (I continually say, “All will be well. I’m on the right path.  Keep going.”)
  • Spend time outdoors reflecting and pondering your thoughts.
  • Enjoy solitude and find time to think so you can unpack the clutter in your mind.
  • Give yourself permission to feel your fear, worry or uncertainty. (I used to stuff my feelings. I don’t do that anymore.)
  • Choose gratitude and every day speak out that for which you’re truly thankful.
  • Remind yourself that love is greater than stress. Stay connected with the people that mean the most to you!
  • Every year have a medical check up and blood work done to make sure you’re healthy.
  • Choose to eat healthy and drink lots of water.
  • Love laughing. (I make sure my days are filled with joy.)

Stress is a normal part of life, but it’s not to dominate our lives and it must not be given any controlling power on our circumstances.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com