Author: catherinewemette

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

We Are Not Immune to Hope

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

We are not immune to hope.

Regardless of your circumstances, you will find a whisper of hope. We must find this hope in every aspect of our lives.

Never dismiss hope.

If there’s any topic I want to petition, it would be in contending for the richness of living a hope-filled life. Hope is what takes us out of muck and chaos. Hope is what drives us to rise above our challenges.

Disappointment can dry up our optimism. What does disappointment sound like? Here are a few examples:

  1.  “It’s not fair.”
  2. “Why am I the only one who…”
  3. “I knew it was too good to be true.”
  4. “I can’t believe…”
  5. “I doubt it’ll happen.”
  6. “I’m worried…”
  7. “I expect.”
  8. “I regret.”
  9. “I don’t trust…”
  10. “I am discouraged.”

How many of these phrases have you thought or said over the course of your life? Take inventory.

If your hope has waned, reclaim it today. Why? Because hope is a cup of cold water quenching your thirst. Ensure hope is in the rhythm of your daily life. It is a gift for you.

Here are few examples of what hope offers.

  1. Gratitude: Find what you’re grateful for.
  2. Encouragement: Ask someone for encouraging words.
  3. Community: Lean on others and they will prop you up.
  4. Love: Love conquers all doubt. Receive love from loving people.
  5. Acceptance: Let go of needing to know the outcome. Ride the wave.
  6. Expectancy: Open yourself up to what might be possible.
  7. Clarity: Find what you truly value and what you deeply desire.
  8. Vision: Illuminate your eyes to see something bigger than yourself.
  9. Trust: Know that something good is waiting for you.
  10. Wonder: Believe like a child. Learn like a child. Trust like a child.

This all belongs to you. Every day.

And one more thing, when you surround yourself with hope-filled people, they are contagious.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

Categories
Inside My Head Melissa

It’s Okay!

I often look at the New Year as a fresh start. A time to make resolutions, and, quite frankly, get my shit together, but this year I didn’t write a single resolution down. I didn’t want to beat myself up if I didn’t work out three times a week. I didn’t want to feel like a failure if I stress cried. And I certainly didn’t want to have a piece of paper floating around reminding me that I had accomplished exactly zero things. Not this year. I cruised into the New Year with a drink in my hand and zero resolutions in my planner. And I was only momentarily bummed when I realized we were an hour behind in Chicago and people there don’t watch the ball drop in Times Square. Not going to be bummed out this year by things out of my control! Instead, I watched a deep-dish pizza be dropped out of a window and hoped it wouldn’t be a euphemism for my year.

Well, it’s mid-January and I. am. bummed. I think a more accurate description is feeling unmotivated. Can I blame it on the cold? Or perhaps the recent disappointments that seem to be hiding around every corner at a certain location in the NW corner of DC? I can definitely blame a percentage of it on my American Airlines refund being pending for the last few weeks.

Okay, so back to the resolutions…I’m not writing them down, but they swim around in my head because the New Year is as good a time as any for setting good intentions. Instead of disappointing myself, I am keeping things a little more realistic this year. I’m going to try and be more on top of my commitments, be a better friend, and have a little more self love. And if I slip on one of these, then I’m okay with that. It’s okay! This year my resolutions are to do the best I can, to ask for help, and to be okay when things go awry.

I can have all of the best intentions in the world and goals galore, but I probably will not achieve them all and I’m fine with that.

To 2016 – I hope it’s a year where we all continuously get back on the horse, even if that metaphorical horse hides all winter and is replaced by Malbec and nap time.

– Melissa Grant

Categories
Career Libby

What’s Next?

It’s a new year, and with that comes all kinds of interesting newness: new resolutions, new sweaters, new opportunities. But with newness also comes change, and change is scary. Yes, it’s exciting; yes, I should embrace it, but man, it’s scary.

It is possible that within the next month or so, my life will be very different than it is now. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is dreading it – I have routines and things that I do and don’t do – I like it. But I’m also ready for more – changes at work, changes of those routines that I love, changes in my family dynamic.

But what if it all goes south? What if the changes are “worse” and my new routines are rote rather than reassuring? What is my obligation to this change? Do I have to like it? How long do I have to adjust to the change?

So, here’s the thing…I’m not sure I have a choice: I am not affecting change in my life, change is happening to me. So what’s the difference?

The difference is that I have to step up – I have to meet the change head on and make it work for me the best I can. It means more work on my end and it also means more unforeseen factors for which I can’t prepare. It also means that it is extra exciting – nerve-wracking, in fact – and that the rewards may be even greater than they would be if I had chosen a path myself.

As I tell my son, the only thing you can control is your attitude: you need to make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in or all you’ll have is a bad experience. So I’m embracing this change. I will race towards it hoping to catch it off-balance and have it fall into my arms, out-of-breath and grateful. I will make it work for me.

Wish me luck.

– Libby Bingham

 

 

 

Categories
Ashley Inside My Head

Love, Loss and Learning

My husband and I rang in the new year in our pajamas, finished a bottle of champagne, and snuggled into bed with our sick puppy – a far cry from our typical New Year’s Eve celebrations. A few weeks prior, our 9lb maltese-yorkie mix pup, Bo, came down with a rash on his belly. Bo-Bear the morkie has been the center of our world for nearly five years (no really…search #bobearthemorkie on Instagram).

Given Bo’s spotlight status in our lives, it’s easy to see how and why we spent the last three weeks of December seeking answers about his evolving rash, recurring fever, and overall shifted demeanor. After three vet visits, one round of fluids, 3 different antibiotics, a steroid, allergy medicine, and topical mouse to hopefully clear his skin, Bo had an awful full-body yeast infection. In the final days of 2015, he seemed to be getting better. Nick and I were super optimistic and we were doing everything we could to get him back to healthy pup status. (One day, I made him homemade chicken and rice meals, while Nick drove to 6 different stores on the hunt for a special antiseptic shampoo.) At the advice of both vets we’d visited, we had also booked him the earliest appointment possible with an animal dermatologist at the Regional Veterinary Referral Center in Virginia. There are only about 150 veterinary dermatologists in the country; the appointment was for January 25th.

On January 1st, Bo’s health took a turn for the worse. After realizing he had become cold to the touch, had a stark white tongue, and couldn’t even keep his eyes open, we called the emergency vet and were instructed to bring him right in. We took turns holding him tight in a blanket with a heating pad and quickly getting ready to leave. When we arrived at the vet, they rushed Bo out of my arms. Sitting in the patient room waiting for news, my stomach dropped out of my body. Just minutes later, the vet returned with the news that Bo had no heartbeat when we arrived. Hopefully it was  reassuring, they said, to know that he had likely died in our arms. At just 4 ½ years old, the dog that had been our first baby, our third family member, the center of our world, was gone with no rational explanation.

It seems unfair that on the first day of the year, a day to reset, a day given to all of us to mark new beginnings, we had to mourn such a loss. But I found a level of comfort in the fact that there were so many other people in the world mourning and hurting too, and probably in much worse situations than ours.

The first days with this new void in our lives, my husband and I alternated moments of severe grief, wondering why and becoming angry when the other wasn’t struck with grief at the exact moment as the other. It took a few days to understand each other’s triggers, extreme pain points, thoughts of guilt, and ways of coping. In an effort to distract ourselves, we went on walks, to the mall, and to the movie theater. One night after a movie, I walked into the apartment, realized Bo wasn’t home, and proceeded to dump his entire bin full of toys all over the living room floor. I threw myself into them and I bawled – tears, snot, slobber (mine and probably Bo’s) everywhere. I slept with as many of Bo’s favorite toys and stuffed animals as I could that night. And my husband still loves me…I think.

Our friends and family responded in an amazing way. The outcry of support, the calls, the texts, cards, flowers, social media messages, and more were signs that we were loved, cared for, and showed that Bo had touched not just our lives, but theirs as well. I tried to watch the Disney/Pixar film Inside Out that weekend. My husband, Nick, couldn’t watch the first time; I watched it twice. I obsessed over how Bo could bring so much joy to our lives, yet so much sadness in his death. But I took solace in the fact that our sadness was a result of the overwhelming joy he brought.

My husband and I have learned a lot in the two short weeks since Bo’s death. As silly as it is, we’ve learned to talk to each other directly again, rather than conversing through Bo. (“Bo, tell your poppy you’re ready to go outside!” This was real…if you’ve loved a dog or cat, you know what I’m talking about.) We’re taking comfort in one another’s presence and have made an effort to arrive home together after work so the other doesn’t suffer the blow that comes when you walk in and realize your best friend – who greeted you with love, acceptance, smiles, and licks – isn’t there anymore. And most difficult for me, we’ve had to shift our projections of what life milestones will be like without Bo. He won’t welcome our future children into the world with us, or get to run in a tiny yard in our first home.

Last weekend Nick whisked me away to New York for my birthday – a much needed respite. We reflected on the love Bo brought to our lives, how the unexpected loss has changed us, and what we’ve learned from loving our first dog, grieving together, and leaning on those we love most when our strength isn’t enough. In 2016, January 9th was the start of our new year.

– Ashley Respecki

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

The Theme for Your Year: What is it?

Every year, I present myself a theme. I reflect in December, in preparation for the year to come, and ponder the resource and gift I want the new year to bring me.

I’ve been doing this for approximately 10 years, and I have yet to be disappointed.

When a theme is in the forefront of my mind, I remain incredibly aware of the world around me. It creates a childlike wonder and an anticipation. It gives me permission to ask the dreamy question, “what if?”

My yearly themes break down my guardedness and stretches me out of my comfort zone. My themes create adventures I would never experience if it wasn’t for my intention to stay true to my objective.

It’s not too late to ask yourself, “what is my theme for 2016?”

Reflect on what you want your theme to be. Then say yes to it.

Here’s an important tip: Don’t sit around and expect the experiences to fall from the sky. Once you know your theme, what will you do about it?

One year, my theme was “say yes.” Oh my, sometimes it got me into trouble, “hmmm…maybe I shouldn’t have said yes to that.” But my commitment was to “say yes” so, I said “yes.” For every great moment and opportunity that arose, there was only a smidgen of “shouldn’t have said yes” moments. The “say yes” experiences far outweighed the not-so-great ones. I would say only 2% of my “say yes” moments embarrassed me. But embarrassment doesn’t kill me, and actually make for great stories in the aftermath! Therefore, all my “yes” moments were a great experience and I don’t regret any of them.

Another year, my theme was “Let go.” Wowzers. This theme confronted my need to control (control is based from fear). So ultimately, it also confronted my fear. It was a liberating year of “letting go.” I was challenging myself continually and often re-visiting conversations, eating humble pie, and choosing to relinquish control. Each time I “let go” I was one step closer to being my care-free self. How rewarding!

What is your theme? Find it. Chase it. Embrace it.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

Categories
Ashley Karen Libby Melissa New Friends

We’re Not Very Good at Selfies

Last night, I had a celebratory thank you dinner with most of our amazing bloggers. Libby, Ashley and Melissa joined me for an evening full of stories, laughs and advice over delicious eats and wine. Sadly, Karen wasn’t able to join us since a cross-country flight seemed a bit excessive for dinner, though we hope to all be together sometime soon.

I adore these women, and I wanted to take just a moment to thank them for sharing their time, insights and wisdom with our Good for the Soul Creative Community. They each bring diverse points of view, unique experiences and a worldview that is wholly their own. Yet, in all this, I believe they share a common core. Melissa, Ashley, Libby and Karen each approach the world with enthusiasm and a genuine interest in getting to know those around them. They want to understand their friends, family and colleagues and know what’s important to them. They want to be there to celebrate accomplishments and provide support when things go sideways. And they’re generous with their thoughts, which is incredibly valuable. They share what’s happening in their heads, which makes it each to connect with them and make it safe to share your own thoughts. I’m incredibly lucky to have them all in my life, and I value them tremendously.

And while we’re impressively good at some things, selfies clearly isn’t one of those things (I’ll take all the blame for this one). But we’re good at appreciating great company and that’s the most important thing. Thank you to these women for sharing themselves and thank you for sharing in this journey with us.

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Melissa, Catherine, Ashley and Libby (and Karen in spirit!)
Categories
Inside My Head

Intersecting Stories

There’s a woman I see with some regularity in the area I work. I recognize her by the beautiful, colorful design on the back of her black coat. The coat is made by a Spanish company I like, and that’s one of the reasons the design popped out at me. And once I noticed the coat, I started noticing the woman who wears it. I’ve spotted her in line at one of the places I frequent for lunch, seen her on the sidewalk in front of me when out running an errand, or our and about on my afternoon trip to Starbucks. I believe we’ve exchanged a polite smile or two, and that’s about it. I don’t see her frequently enough for us to be anything more than passers-by on the street, and I’d be surprised if she recognized me at all.

It’s these sort of life intersections that fascinate me. My path crosses this woman’s path with enough regularity that I’ve noticed her, but I know nothing about her other than her fashion sense and mine overlap in one tiny area and we spend time in the same geographical location. And yet, our worlds intersect at these moments. I used to think about this a lot when a bus route was a regular part of my commute years ago. Every morning, I would see many of the same people on my bus route. I knew they lived in my neighborhood and we were all headed to the metro, but that was it. And while we spent 15 minutes or so together every morning, I didn’t know anything about them. I didn’t know where they went when they got off the bus, I didn’t know what they did for a living, who they lived with or what their sense of humor was like. I’m not at all a morning person, so I didn’t usually strike up conversation, and it wasn’t happening much around me, either. I think that’s also fascinating in and of itself – while we didn’t know anything about each other, we all had come to this unspoken agreement that our time together on the bus in the morning was quiet, personal time. We would be polite – smile, make sure your coat wasn’t spilling over onto the seat next to you, but we would respect personal boundaries.

I’ve talked before on this blog about the stories we tell ourselves – it’s how we make sense of the world. Often, we’re telling ourselves stories about people we know – our close colleagues, good friends, pesky neighbors, meddling family. We tell ourselves these stories and assign motives, create heroes, victims and try to make sense of plot twists we didn’t see coming. But in the middle of all that, I’m so intrigued by those who play an extra part in my story – what’s happening in their stories? What brings us both to this same spot at the same time so our stories collide?

It’s through this lens of storytelling that I can’t help but imagine what’s happening in these people’s lives that brings our worlds together for these brief moments. I’ve got many questions for the woman in the coat. I wonder how she discovered this designer we both like – did a good friend introduce her to it? That’s how I found out about it. A few times I’ve seen her out with different people and they seem to be headed somewhere with purpose, laden down by laptops and papers. What are they working on?  Are they coming from the World Bank, which is close to where I am? Do they like working together? One of the women who used to ride the bus with me was reading a book about how not to lose your sense of self once you got married. This was a rare gift that gave me lots to work with! I wondered when the wedding would take place, where it might be and who all might be coming. Did she have lots of family drama she was trying to balance? Maybe she was first of her siblings to get married and so she was by default creating traditions that some of them would follow. Was she nervous? Or was she so excited she could hardly stand it?

It’s these intersections that remind me that we’re all human – we all have struggles, joys, frustrations, stresses, celebrations and hopes. So while these intersections may be brief and fleeting, we can make the most of them by playing our role as an extra to the best of our ability. Offer a smile, open a door, step out of the way, offer up a seat. These are the small and subtle things that can have a much bigger impact on someone else’s story than we may ever know.

 

 

 

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

The Power of the Powerball

As the Powerball lottery jackpot climbs to an estimated $1.3 billion dollars and lottery frenzy takes over small talk (would you take the lump sum or amortized payout? What would you buy first? Who would you tell?), I can’t help but think about the collective power we have when we come together.

The basic premise of the lottery is simple – many people pay a small amount, the money pools together, and someone (or someones, as can be the case), gets lucky and wins a pile of cash. And millions of people do this, despite the fact that you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning or getting bit by a shark than willing the big prize, USA Today reports. But it’s that chance – however small it might be – that keeps people coming back and dreaming big.

That’s a whole lot of dreaming and and a whole lot of hope in the face of overwhelming odds, not to mention a whole whackton of cash (I’m pretty sure whackton in the technical definition when we’re talking about a jackpot this large). And that’s what got me thinking – is it possible to harness this power of collective hope towards something else other than our own personal gain? Maybe it’s cynical, but I don’t know that we can. I want to believe it’s possible, but I just don’t know. We complain about the taxes we pay, and if we don’t complain about the amount or the concept, we complain about the things “our” money is spent on. And given the choice, I don’t know how many of us would willingly turn our money over, even for the things we know we use everyday like roads and sidewalks, or the things we hope we don’t have to use, but are glad exist, like police and fire departments.

So if that’s the case, what’s the lesson in all this? We’re all greedy, sad souls who only care about ourselves? Well, I’m not that cynical. I think charities and service-based nonprofits are wonderful examples of people coming together to have an impact (and can restore my faith in humanity). My $50 alone can’t make a dent in helping those living with HIV and AIDS, but when I donate my money to organizations committed to providing food, services and education to those affected by HIV and AIDS, the impact of all our $50 donations can be awesome. And that has a positive impact on my community and I believe a community of healthy and happy people certainly benefits me.

And there are practical lessons for us as we look at our organizations. Sure, research tells us that involving people in the process creates better buy-in and success, and that’s true at every step of the way, from conceptualization to execution to post-evaluation. But the study of human nature that is the Powerball tells us that if people have even the slightest hope that their lives can be made better, they’re willing to part with some of their cash, and I think the same argument can be made for their time. I’m seeing that right now in a group I’m working with. They’re volunteering their time at work, above and beyond their normal day jobs, to improve the quality of life at work. And they’re accomplishing great things that no one person could do, even if it was their full-time job. It’s the power of the collective.

So with that, the idealist in me encourages you to spend that $20 on Powerball tickets and dream the hell out of the possibilities. But then, find another way to pool an additional $20 to help your community and be guaranteed a return on your investment (way better than being bitten by a shark!). And if you’re feeling especially motivated, take a look around you and find a place where harnessing the power of those around you can have an impact. You may not raise $1.3 billion, but the good news is that there’s a whole that can be accomplished on the way there.

Categories
Career

Collaboration: Where to Start

A friend of mine passed along a couple articles from the January-February 2016 Harvard Business Review, and as usual, she was right on with her guess of what I’d find interesting. One of the articles was Collaboration Overload, by Rob Cross, Reb Rebele and Adam Grant. I’m afraid poor ol’ collaboration is one of those really important concepts that’s fallen into the buzzword bucket. In many cases, we’ve been told to collaborate, but we haven’t really been taught how to do it effectively. We end up providing a final product and asking for feedback (which of course we don’t really want) so we can check the box to say we worked with another person or team. Ta-da! Collaboration!

Boo.

What I liked so much about this particular article was the author’s definition and exploration of collaborative resources, which can help us understand the type of collaboration and help we need. They outlined three personal resources we can each contribute to add value when we collaborate:

  • Informational resources are knowledge and skills—expertise that can be recorded and passed on.
  • Social resources involve one’s awareness, access, and position in a network, which can be used to help colleagues better collaborate with one another.
  • Personal resources include one’s own time and energy.

They go on to discuss how informational and social resources aren’t finite – they can be shared without the giver losing those resources. If I share knowledge I have or introduce you to a person I know, I still have that knowledge and I still know that person. But when I give you my time, no one else can have that time (despite how good at multi-tasking I may think I am).

The problem is that we typically default to asking for another’s time when we attempt to collaborate, depleting the most scarce resource by default when we may not have to. The idea of asking myself what type of resources I need from someone seems a great place to start when I think about how I want to collaborate. I may need actual face time for an exploratory conversation. Perhaps I need a piece of historical context. Or I might just need my project presented as a priority to someone else who can help me. But not all of these require me to set a 30 minute meeting in someone’s day.

I’m going to try this lens for a while and see if it helps me clarify what I need from people. My network is my most valuable resource and I never want anyone to feel like I wasted their time, in a meeting or otherwise. How can you make the best use of your resources?

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

Harsh Truths

In the middle of all the New Year Resolution posts going around, someone posted a link to 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person by David Wong. A few warnings…

  1. If you don’t appreciate harsh language with your harsh truths, this article is definitely not for you.
  2. The article was originally posted at the end of 2012, so while new to me, it may be old news to you.
  3. The website that originally posted the article is aimed at 20-something males, so…
  4. People seem to love or hate this approach to the world. There don’t seem to be many folks in the middle.

Given that I’m devoting a blog post to this, you can probably guess that I’m in the love camp. It’s not because I particularly love harshness for the sake of harshness, but I think his overall message is right on. Wong organizes his argument into these 6 truths, but his second to last truth is the one that really summed up his whole article for me: What you are inside only matters because of what it makes you do. He explains it this way:

Being in the business I’m in, I know dozens of aspiring writers. They think of themselves as writers, they introduce themselves as writers at parties, they know that deep inside, they have the heart of a writer. The only thing they’re missing is that minor final step, where they actually f***ing write things.

But really, does that matter? Is “writing things” all that important when deciding who is and who is not truly a “writer”?

For the love of God, yes.

How many of you are walking around right now saying, “She/he would love me if she/he only knew what an interesting person I am!” Really? How do all of your interesting thoughts and ideas manifest themselves in the world? What do they cause you to do? If your dream girl or guy had a hidden camera that followed you around for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw? Remember, they can’t read your mind — they can only observe. Would they want to be a part of that life?

Wong talks earlier in his article about the world only caring what it can get from you and hippies being wrong [insert audible gasp here from many people]. But I get what he’s saying. It’s not just enough to be a nice person and think kind thoughts – it’s about how your nice comes out and what your kind thoughts drive you to do that’s noticeable to other people. The world wants your unique skills and kindness, and while perhaps unpopular with some, this call to action is just the sort of thing that resonates with me.

I’m personally wired with a bias towards action as opposed to patiently waiting, which is probably why this resonates with me so much (that said,  my bias is sometimes good and sometimes gets me in trouble, and I definitely need the people who are wired to be patient in my life. It’s taken me a long time to learn from these types of people that not responding can be a thoughtful choice, and sometimes the most powerful option, but that’s another issue for another day.). Wong ends his article with a call to action for the new year – learn a new skill and be good enough to impress people with it. But I’d take it a step further.

Don’t set out to do what you think will be impressive to others – set out to do what you want to impress others with. While it’s easy to look for the tangible creations – painting, learning to code, cooking – don’t forget the intangibles that show you’ve a nice person. Send just because cards in the mail, make time for coffee with someone you know is having a hard time, buy a copy of a book you read for a friend who would enjoy it – impress people in your own unique way and let your kindness shine. Let’s do this, 2016!