Category: Awesomeness in the World

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Diversity

karen applesDifferent cultures and different points of view are woven into the fabric of this world. Thanks to the world wide web, globalization is now part of our daily routine. The world is getting smaller.

I’d like to share some initial thoughts about diversity. There’s a difference between embracing diversity and being in agreement. Diversity doesn’t mean we’ll agree. Diversity is the acceptance of a range of different people/things. Diversity is quite simple: it means variety. Being in agreement does not equate diversity. We can embrace diversity, yet disagree.

Let’s using apples as an example. They’re diverse: Granny Smith, Delicious, McIntosh, Gala, Fuji – yet, they’re all apples. They grow healthily in orchards of sameness. Your culture, your community and your world is like an apple orchard. You are valuable. Your beliefs, your convictions, your lifestyle, your principles, your opinions and your feedback are all valuable.

If you’re a Gala, you’ll never be a Granny Smith, and that’s okay. Granny Smiths and Red Delicious, although both apples, are diverse. If apples can thrive in diversity, how much more can we humans?

You know what confuses things? The word “or”. That’s what messes everything up. We like the word “and”. Think about it.

  1. A happy partnership works best as you and I; not you or I.
  2. Running works best with the right and left leg alternating in motion; not the right or left leg.
  3. Rocking a chair works best with front and back motion; not front or back motion.

Diversity challenges us to rethink things. Diversity is the invitation that starts us with “or” and unites us to “and”.

Invisible Cyber Voice: Karen, do you like surf and turf?

KT: Why, yes I do, CV.

CV: Which one? Do you like surf or turf?

KT: Umm… well, I like them both.

CV: You can’t. You have to pick your favorite.

KT: But they’re so different. One is seafood and one is beef. I like them both. Why can’t I like them both?

CV: It doesn’t work that way. Pick one. Pick a side.

KT: Okay…. I like surf. I choose surf.

CV: So you don’t like beef?!

KT: I do like beef!

The word “or” provokes us to choose this rather than that or that rather this this. (note the or I snuck in there).

I remember learning about dualism for the first time by Jim McNeish. In our world we are quick to choose sides, one or the other, either/or, this or that. And he challenged us to think more about “yes and.” (Do you like surf or turf? I like surf and turf.)

Think beyond the word“or.” It will help immensely in learning what it means to be part of this big, beautiful, blue planet full of diversity.

How does diversity grow healthy orchards? What does it look like when we embrace diversity and uphold ‘variety’ as a core value? Let’s start with 10 simple principles on how we conduct ourselves amongst diversity.

  1. We refrain from derogatory or condescending language about another human being.
  2. We may not always agree, but we are not aggressive.
  3. We do not disqualify a person’s beliefs, values and principles to help prove we are right.
  4. We recognize that mankind is made up of various cultures and practices. Ours is not the best one.
  5. We will debate and disagree without loss of respect, kindness and honor towards one another.
  6. We engage with interest in conversations to help gain understanding and appreciation of others.
  7. We embrace each human as a valuable contribution to this world and we’re thankful.
  8. We may have convictions on certain topics, but never at the cost of defaming or degrading another.
  9. We ask questions.
  10. We do not uphold discrimination and prejudice.

May we please place, as our highest priority, the embracing of diversity, regardless of which apple we are. Let’s simplify diversity and not over-complicate it. Yes, disagree all you want. Yes, have convictions. Yes, have points of view. Enjoy your community. Enjoy your culture.

It would be unrealistic for McIntosh and Fuji to think they are exactly the same in appearance, taste, smell and texture. Along the same lines, we can start at the simplest base root – we all belong to the same planet. Can we start there and work our way to the core? (yes, pun intended)

p.s. The apple core are where seeds are nestled, ready to be planted so they too can be an apple tree.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

What are Your Non-Negotiables?

I’ve been thinking about my line of work and what makes me so unbelievably passionate about what I do. As I reflect, there are four non-negotiables that are important to me when working with teams, leaders and organizations. I’d like to share them with you.

  1. PEOPLE: People Matter. Right now, right here, you and/or your team are all that matter to me. I listen: intently. I’m captivated by every word you say. Your words, how you think, how you process, how you strategize, how you lead – it all matters. And I have all the time in the world for you. When I went through therapy several years ago, we were limited on time. The last 10 minutes of the counseling session I’d begin to shut off. I was aware that we were coming to the end. People need time.
  2. HEART: The heart of your business/organization/leadership matters. It was passion that started you on your path. You were full of vision, enthusiasm, confidence, hope, determination, tenacity, and courage. It’s important that this never be compromised; that the richest qualities you and/or your team possess remain strong and unwavering. It is humans that are leading organizations. It is humans that are living their lives. It is humans to whom I am committed.
  3. UNDER-PROMISE: My on-going commitment is to under-promise. I often ask myself, “what would I want?” This is an important question because it keeps the focus on your success. By keeping this question in the forefront of my mind, my hope is that I will deliver outcomes that exceed your expectations.
  4. AVAILABLE: At any time, we’ll explore whatever potential worries, stresses and uncertainties that may arise that could thwart your progress. At any time, I will be your sounding board and help you process any hurdles you may come across so you can resolve issues and frustrations quickly. At any time, I will facilitate any brainstorming or strategic thinking that you require. At any time, I am available to help formulate tasks and timelines to make sure the ball keeps rolling. At any time, I will coach your processes so that they’re executed exactly the way you want it; the way you like it; and the way you need it. At any time, I will help resolve unsettledness, conflict or misunderstandings. At any time, I am here for you. Period. I will support you…. at any time.

What are your non-negotiables? What is the contribution you bring to your work that is vital to the team’s success? Where do you shine? What matters to you? Which or your skills have you invested in? What are your work principles? Why are you valuable?

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World

Workplace Unicorn Sighting!

We all know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I’m not immune to judging an article or post by its title, and I was absolutely going to click on “11 Signs You’re the Workplace Unicorn.” Amazing. I love the thought of a workplace unicorn in the first place, but 11 signs that I could actually be one? Magical!

When I was talking about this with my husband, he questioned the unicorn. “So you’d be a mythical creature who doesn’t actually exist?” he asked. I chose to go with a loser, less strict interpretation of unicorn – a rare and amazing creature, sought be everyone. And if you look long enough and believe hard enough, you might just find it.

With that in mind, I’ll admit to feeling a little sad that the behaviors and actions listed here are associated with rare (okay, okay…mythical) creatures. Things like sharing credit and making others look good should be what we all strive to do. And anticipating needs of your boss and colleagues? That just makes my life easier, too! While some may argue that a few of these 11 signs (suggestions?) are too touchy-feely and don’t belong in the workplace, I beg to differ. I firmly believe that the more we care about each other at work, the more successful our companies and organizations will be. The more invested I am in my colleagues, the more invested I am in coming to work and enjoying my time here. And the more I enjoy my time at work, the more productive I’ll be and you’ll hear me at those networking events talking about how much I love my job.

So go on…be rare and amazing. Prove the haters wrong and show them that workplace unicorns are totally a real thing.

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Awesomeness in the World

The Thing That Only You Can Do

I was having lunch with a friend recently and she was telling me about a new coach she was using – for her dating life. I admit, this was the first time I’d heard of a dating coach, but the more I think about it, the more I love the concept. I fully believe in career coaching and personal training, and that doesn’t even get into the other areas of expertise I need in my life. I find value in doctors, attorneys, plumbers, landscapers, movers, designers…why would a dating coach be any different? We can all learn something from someone who has devoted their life to a specialty that’s different than ours.

I had a boss in my past who used to say “do the thing that only you can do,” and it’s a piece of advice that’s stuck with me. While I would like to think I’m well-rounded, I can’t possibly be good at everything. Or even most things. Realistically, I can discover and select a few things and do them exceptionally well and leave the rest to other folks. It relates back to the concept of spending 10,000 hours on something before we can be considered an expert at it. We can’t possibly spend 10,000 on very many things, so it only makes sense to look to the people who have spent 10,000 hours in an area where we need help.

Even if we don’t have 10,000 hours logged yet, we can still be on the lookout for the things that only we can do. At work, there may be a meeting that only I can lead. That means someone else can wrap up the report. Maybe only I can sort through and organize my closet, but maybe someone else can make the donation run afterwards. And perhaps I’m the only one who can be that shoulder to cry on and we’ll let someone else take care of dinner tonight.

What’s your thing that only you can do?

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Awesomeness in the World

Don’t Worry – The Universe Has Your Back

They say it’s a small world, and they’re usually right. I was reminded of this a couple weeks ago when a newer friend of mine came over to our house for dinner. I’ve known her for about a year and she’s one of those people you instantly adore. She lives in Boston, but is in DC every 4-6 weeks to come into her office here and touch base, and I thought she might like a home-cooked meal rather than another dinner out (my husband’s cooking – let’s be clear. I’m pretty skilled at ordering in.). Plus, we could take our time and linger rather than being rushed after dinner.

While we were settling into dinner, my friend and my husband were getting to know each other. As we talked, my husband was surprised that my friend had heard of his relatively small(ish) association and it turns out she had interviewed there a few years ago. As they kept talking, they realized they worked in the same area and eventually worked back to the fact that my husband had interviewed my friend three years ago. Not only had he interviewed her, he had offered her the job at the same time she was offered her current job. Clearly, she turned down the job with my husband and started working where I met her a year ago. It had been several years ago and they were both our of context (a job interview vs. a friendly dinner at our home), but it was a hilarious discovery. I remembered my husband talking about this woman who was terrific, but probably overqualified and he was worried she would take the offer she’d been given. He was obviously right to worry, but his judgement of her character and abilities were spot on – I can attest to that now on this end of things. Fortunately, both my husband and my friend are class acts and even though they didn’t end up working together, they parted on good terms. Talk about something that could have been an awkward situation…

As we were laughing about how small the world is (repeatedly – it really was funny), my friend said “Obviously the universe had big plans for us, and our paths were going to cross one way or another.” And she was absolutely right. I know most of the people on my husband’s staff and he knows lots of the people with whom I work, so I believe we would have met and become friends one way or another. So often, the people who come into our lives can seem random and haphazard. My husband and I often talk about how curious it is that our paths crossed how they did and when they did. While I don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, experiences like this do make me think that the universe might have my back. And that’s not a bad feeling at all.

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Ashley Awesomeness in the World

History of 100 Years

A few weeks ago, I ventured back to my home state of Indiana to celebrate my great grandma Lela Barber’s 100th birthday. While she doesn’t actually turn 100 until November, July seemed like the perfect month to corral a huge family that’s spread across several states. The celebration was a huge success, if you don’t count the suffocating heat and humidity…but who am I to complain? My great grandma dealt with that business like a champ.

Her milestone has made me stop and think about a lot of things. In her card, I thanked her for the years of beauty and laughter she’s brought to the world. What I couldn’t write in her card was “my goodness, how did you do it all these years?!” I know some of the truth; she’s a tough, no-nonsense lady. She was once a lunch lady at the local school and she tells stories about former students approaching her every now and then. They share memories they have of her and she says to all of us, “Ohhh I can’t remember those kids from Adam! I was busy doing my job.”

She’s sharp as a tack at nearly 100 years – I walked into the party, she hugged me and said “Hi Ashley!” followed by a sarcastic “It is ‘Ashley,’ right?” I wonder where she’s found the strength to face the changes that have defined her lifetime. I wish I could know how she’s managed to remember all the history she’s accumulated – the names of her kids, grandkids, great grandkids, the birthdays, this first steps, the anniversaries…all of the milestones.

She wasn’t able to travel the two hours north for my wedding several years ago so she instead wrote a letter about what she remembered about the day my dad first met me as an infant. Man, oh man, was that a tear-jerker. My mom had me when she was pretty young, and, at the time of my birth, my dad was in South Dakota with the Air Force. From what my mom says, my great grandma’s depiction of that day and experience was pretty spot on. Last year, as the city of Washington, Indiana, was preparing to celebrate their annual Rail Fest, she called the local newspaper to tell stories of the railroad’s economic success in the city, lest anyone forget. I love how she carries all this knowledge with her, and continues to share it with anyone who will listen.

I think what I admire most is how she’s maintained what can only be called sanity, for nearly 100 years. Most of the time, I end my day stressing about what I couldn’t change around me, and wondering if tomorrow truly holds all the answers. And then I remember I should be relishing in all of these small moments, saving them for a great letter to my future great grandchild. Lela is my mother’s fraternal grandmother, and while on this side of my family, longevity is notable (Lela’s husband, my great grandpa Barber, lived to be 96), in other lineage, there is a strong history of Alzheimer’s and dementia. My joke is that it’s likely I’ll live to 90 plus, but I might not know my name for the last 30 years of my life. With that in mind, this milestone celebration for my family has encouraged me to fight for every memory I make, and to keep writing…I might have to share a good piece of forgotten DC history with the Washington Post one day, if I can just remember it…

– Ashley Respecki

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Character is More Important than Reputation

karen - water
Photo credit: Andrew Phillips

One thing I have learned over the years is this: character is more important than reputation. I’m not the only one who holds this stance. I think those who know what it’s like to endure hardship relate to me.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

Our reputation is based on what people think of us. Did you know we only have 3-5 seconds to make a first impression? Does it have to do with our character or reputation? It has to do solely with our reputation. How we treat an individual will determine their opinion of us. How we conduct ourselves publicly will influence the onlookers’ view of who we are.

When I went through my divorce in 2010, I immediately began to feel shame for having a failed marriage. Will people think I’m not good with relationships? Will people think I don’t place a high value on commitment? Will people think I quit? Will people think I did something wrong? Have I disqualified myself from continuing to coach people in their business or personal lives? These are big topics, and these questions are fueled by how my reputation may have been affected.

Reputation is viewing someone’s environment with partial knowledge. As humans, we are presented with an immediate story and therefore make a quick assessment. This is normal human behavior, and will remain this way today and in the future to come. This assessment is based on what we see and how we perceive the situation. The majority of humans want to think the best of others. We want to give individuals the benefit of the doubt. We ward off negative opinions and potential judgments, and we try very hard to not perceive wrongly. That takes conscious effort.

When time is on our side, we have the opportunity to establish stronger bonds with people and, in so doing, we learn more about the individual because we have the privilege of walking alongside their journey with them. This is when reputation morphs into character.

Going back to my divorce as an example, I had a small circle of friends where I found my refuge. It was a circle of eight people. I closed out the world and “disappeared” into my family, my eight friends, my therapist Dr. Kirk Austin, and my work. I was overwhelmed with pain and, well, I was a broken person. One of my closest friends, Tanya Cassidy, said: “you’re like a fragile bird.” My mom and dad were huge supporters and I found great comfort in their encouragement and love. My sister would listen to me process through countless hours of sorrow. Dr. Kirk Austin was an incredible gift to me as he helped me unpack, first, my behaviors and dysfunctions; and then he helped rebuild my true identity. These pillars were my oasis, my haven and my voice of hope. My career was my place of escape. I immersed myself in work I love that had nothing to do with my hardship. I wanted to keep giving; it was a place where I knew I could grow and regain my strength and confidence. My colleagues saw my shortcomings, my anxieties and my tears. My management team was the ones I’d celebrate with, build business with, experience success, and where I could listen and support their work.

My children walked through the deepest valleys with me, and I went through profound grief knowing they were victims of the tearing apart of a traditional family unit. This, by far, was the biggest pain I had to overcome. There is nothing that will ever separate my children from my love. And although we had to work through a painful process, we are stronger for it; we are closer for it; and our love is deeper for it. Healing is a beautiful gift. And it enriched our relationship.

When you experience the pangs of a negative reputation, you will get over it. Don’t fear. It is fleeting. People are kind enough to forget. People are kind enough to give you a second chance. Don’t despair. We all have a story in our lives that we’re reluctant to share, in fear that it will affect our reputation. No need to be reluctant. It is the very story that you wish to bury that will be a tremendous gift to others. When we overcome an event in our lives, we instantly become a carrier of hope.

What people see on the surface is fleeting. It is not raw reality; it is the perception of reality. Observing someone momentarily can only produce one result: a reputation.

It’s in the journey we walk with people where we engage with the richness of one’s character. (Allow me to be poetic for a moment, please). In the depth of your soul, in the warmth of your heart, in the contemplations of your mind is where character abides. With each story, we can choose how it will influence who we’re becoming. This life is a continual journey of becoming. Who we are becoming can only grow in powerful ways when we engage our character.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”

What does Abraham Lincoln mean by ‘character’?

Using three different English dictionaries, character is defined as (1) “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” (Oxford) (2) “the complex of mental and ethical traits marking a person.” (Merriam Webster)  (3) “the quality of being determined and able to deal with difficult situations.” (Cambridge)

I have a new phrase I try to say often: this is my story.

This is my story is my commitment to invest in my character no matter what curve ball is thrown my way. When I choose to allow each chapter of my life to be a new opportunity for growth, I am only left with one outcome: a richer character. This conviction creates immeasurable hope inside me. It tells me “all will be well.”

If I want to grow in the area of trust, then today is the perfect day to grow this character trait of trust. If I want to grow in the area of kindness, then today is the perfect day to grow this character trait of kindness. Character is choosing moral, ethical and mental outcomes regardless of the circumstances.

Today will either be an effortless day or a challenging day. Either way, my character has an opportunity to delve deeper. Every day matters.

In reading 30 Lessons For Living by Karl Pillemer, the people highlighted in this book, in my opinion, exude tremendous character and wisdom that comes from experience. They have journeyed life, and as they reflect back, they see how it helped develop their character.

For character to truly be enriched, it requires events where we have the privilege to grow and learn. Regardless of the circumstances, your character is ready and available to be enriched.

Reputation is fleeting. Character is long lasting. Always choose character first and foremost. Good repute will follow.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

The Quiet Journey Of Transformation

Karen AcornAn acorn falls from the tree. The rains come and it begins to sink into the ground.

Below the surface in the quietness of earth, the roots push and break through its shell. The acorn grows; diving to deeper depths of soil. In this dark place where no sunlight exists, no one can see the purity of its transformation. In the dark, cold earth a seed is morphing, in small, gradual steps.

Seasons come and go; and one day, on a very special day, for the first time, the roots of this acorn surface. It enters sunlight as a fragile stem. Bruisable. Breakable. Vulnerable. In its appearance there is weakness; yet concealed is an unshakeable foundation. A fortified strength.

The investment that takes place in secrecy, births life to what will be a magnificent oak tree.

What once was merely one in a million is now one of a kind.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Be Present with Confidence

Karen Confidence
Photo credit: Maja Petrih

My good friend of 12 years, Nathan Rooke, is an innovator, businessman, family man, humanitarian, philanthropist, and dreamer. Once a year, we would meet for lunch and catch up on our lives and our news. It was effortless to spend time with him. He’s a soaker of information. He listens with curiosity. He’s kind and encouraging. He’s also a thinker and a strategist and whatever he sets his mind to, he will only pursue it one way: with excellence. We would share both business and personal stories. We would talk about our dreams and aspirations. We would speak openly of our challenges. And with each visit, I would walk away inspired and grateful for his friendship. It’s not quantity that grows friendships; it’s quality. One of my favorite things about Nathan is how wonderfully present and engaging he is.

What happens when we are present? We are confident. We speak with confidence. We walk with confidence. We engage with confidence. When you are present, you carry a presence about you. This presence is what draws people to you.

Everyone has a presence. Yes, everyone. How do you present yourself, right now, today? Choose your presence. And stay true to it.  (“How do I do that, KT?”)

Well, you can start your day like this “Today I choose to be present with everyone I come into contact with. Everyone matters today. I will show humans that I am present. They will see it in the way I look into their eyes. They will feel it in the warmth of my kind smile. They will know it through my kind words. They will experience me simply being the best me. All I know is, when I am present, I exude a presence that positively impacts others.”

Please don’t ask me to contextualize this for you. You decide. You choose. What are your favorite yous? Live you – today.

How well do you engage in the moment, with the people standing in front of you? How easily distracted are you from what is presently happening in your current environment?

As a business leader, there are added benefits to being present with your presence. To list a few off the top of my head: camaraderie with your colleagues; happy staff who feel valued; heightened productivity; and teamwork in daily operations. When we are not vying for position, and we are content with our present place, our authority increases. Authority is the permission to ‘be’ who we are in the position we are entrusted with.

When we are engaging, we activate our inner-confidence. With inner-confidence is the contentment that, who we are, right now, is perfectly perfect. With this peaceful assurance, we can humbly walk in authority. What do I mean by authority, since there are many definitions? The one I am referring to is the power to influence others, especially because of one’s commanding presence.

Who would have thought that the simplicity of being present can magnify our confidence; our confidence enlarges our presence; our presence expands our authority; our authority heightens our influence; and our influence increases our impact.

The times I am most inspired by people are in conversations that emerge because we are effortlessly present. In these moments, gold nuggets transpire and my day is doused with inspiration.

To those I have been in contact with either serendipitously, momentarily, seasonally, or lifelong journeyers: thank you for being present with me. You have no idea the type of impact you have when you share your presence with me. Thank you for choosing to be present with your presence. Don’t stop. It created a magic between us that can only be manifested through your inner-confidence. To the ones I have not yet met or not yet come into contact with: I look forward to encountering your presence.

World renown author, Wayne Dyer, writes, “Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Libby

Rumer Has It

I recently was gifted a Glamour magazine (July 2015) – not my usual fare, but I found some real value in it: negotiation tactics, pastels are in this summer, and Rumer Willis is kind of awesome. I missed the season of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) where Rumer won the coveted disco ball, but I wish I hadn’t – her article (Dancing Queen) hit on some things that I’m still trying to learn a whole quarter of a century after she’s gained the insight:

  1. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This Teddy Roosevelt gem is something that Rumer’s mom, megastar, Demi Moore, told her when she was growing up. It’s a good one – there’s always someone smarter/richer/prettier/funnier/more successful than you are; if you spend all your time lamenting whatever you are not, you’re wasting a lot of time being unhappy. Find your awesome and embrace it!
  2. “Fear is a really debilitating emotion.” Being scared of failing, looking the fool or not being “enough” can keep you from enjoying your life and trying new things. Rumer overcame her fear enough to go on national TV to do something she’d never tried, she of no dance or athletic background (“…or even worked out much…”). Oh, and she won.
  3. Inspiration can be found lots of places. Scout and Tallulah, her little sisters, both inspire her to turn down the negative noise – their bravery has helped her ignore a constant barrage of nasty comments on the Internet. I don’t know Scout and Tallulah, but I have found a little inspiration in Glamour magazine!
  4. Beauty is in accomplishment. Rumer talked about how beautiful she felt after having completed her first competition dance – not because of the pretty costume or having her hair and make-up done, but because of how hard she’d worked and having overcome her fears. This has led to a stronger sense of believing in herself.
  5. Stop being mean. This is something that almost every child has heard, but as adults, we sometimes forget. In the age of Internet anonymity, cruelty has become easier, but it hurts just as much. Think of what we could all accomplish if we stopped being mean and started being supportive. If you can’t think of something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

– Libby Bingham