Category: Awesomeness in the World

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

How Bad Is It, Really, When We Fail?

Karen Fail
Photo by Daniela Cuevas

There is nothing idealistic or romantic about failing. It is part of life. It is humbling. It is discouraging. It depletes us (for a moment), yet reminds us (if we so choose) to remain relentless.

How bad is it, really, when we fail? Is it really that awful?

Hurts our pride, sure. Creates embarrassment, yes, okay. Reminds us we’re at least giving it our best shot, absolutely!

Failure is the omission in our performance; the state of inability; a giving way under stress; a lack of success; a falling short. (gee, thanks, Mirriam-Webster, rub it in a little more…)

We can view our shortcomings as opportunists or with defeatism. Listen carefully to what I’m about to write – I need your full attention!

DO NOT QUIT! DO NOT GIVE UP! You’ve come this far. You are so close. To what? To progress, to the outcome you desire, to fulfilling what you believe you are to do. Remain steadfast. Persevere. Hang in there. Surround yourself with cheerleaders.

If you focus on a plant and cultivate it, water it, weed it and nurture it – it will grow. To what extent? We’re never quite certain. But we are certain it will grow. Ask yourself, “Instead of quitting, is there opportunity for just a little more room for growth?” If there is room, even an inkling of forward progress, then do it!

Your character is not in question. This has nothing to do with character. Failure is not associated with our character. Failure is associated with our attempt to try. This is solely about performance (an action), and performance lends itself to immeasurable opportunities.

Look back on your timeline. How far have you come? Has there been progress? Then, I petition you, keep going!

You don’t know yet what that missing piece is. But you will find it. It may take some time, and that’s okay. It might come about through a big “aha” light bulb moment beaming from your brain! It may come through a passing comment you overheard. Maybe you’ll figure it out through reading, writing, learning, analytics or research. You may find that “clue” in the quietness of contemplation, through nature or outdoor activities. You get the gist! There is a missing piece. Pioneer that you are, you will figure it out.

Which club do I want to belong to? The club that has paved the way for us newbie ‘failurites’ to believe it’s possible. Check out what these greats have to say about failure!

*****

Winston Churchill said “Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.”

Michael Jordan said, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

James Cameron said, “There is room for failure; there is no room for fear.”

Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

J.K. Rowling said, “Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” 

*****

Don’t be afraid to fail. Chances are, there will be moments it happens. And that’s okay. Note: I said “moments” not a “lifetime.” Failure is temporary.

A perfect path has already been trodden upon. A new path requires the forerunner to carve the clearing. C’mon forerunner, carve away!

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Instant or Gradual Change?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Photo Credit: Jeff Sheldon

Here’s a question: Think of an area of personal conduct that, when expressed, you later regret and/or know is not how you really want to be.

For me, it’s assuming I know what’s going on or what people are thinking when there is silence.

This has been a life-long nuisance. I want to not jump to conclusions when I experience “silence” from an individual. But, it’s something I still struggle with. As I look back I can see progress; but it’s slowwwww progress. Yes, I’m better today than I was 10 years ago, but dang, sure wish I would grow in this area in leaps and bounds. Nope. It’s a slow journey. Yes, I’m moving forward, which is the most important part, but nonetheless, slow.

Growth is gradual. Often, we desire and want immediate change. It’s fun to experience instant change in how we view life, how we relate to life, and how we conduct ourselves in life.

Think of a metaphor that exemplifies gradual growth or change. For example, a river creates gradual change. When a river shifts its bed, it begins to manipulate and erode the land to fit the new course.

Other examples of gradual change can be a seed to an oak tree, a baby to an adult, a university student to a CEO – each morphing in its due time. Bodybuilders and athletes understand the discipline of gradual change. Even rocks change with time!

What truly remains the same? What never alters or changes in pattern? Try to come up with one thing that won’t change at some point in time. Chances are, you will not find an example that depicts absolute dormancy. Without being too morbid, even a decaying body will eventually turn back to dust.

What about instant or unpredictable change? Things like a tornado, a car accident, being laid off work, winning the lottery, falling in love.

Gradual change and instant change both carry a different form of impact. We say we want immediate change, but do we really want it?

What are the contrasts of instant and gradual change? One is slow & probable; the other is sudden and startling.

What are some negative experiences we associate with gradual and instant change? With gradual change, it is common to experience impatience because it’s going too slow, insecurity because we are unclear of where ‘this’ is going. It can create doubt.

With instant change, it’s common to be unprepared for its immediate impact. It can have a dramatic affect on how we relate to our environment, and it can also create different levels of distress.

What are some positive experiences we associate with gradual and instant change?

With gradual change, we might experience introspection and contemplation. We might be more evaluative and measure our progress, and we will have a calmer and simplified process with the change.

With instant change, we might have a life-changing experience. It can push us to make a decision and not procrastinate, and it helps create new thinking.

What would be your answers?

So, where am I going with this?

Don’t be so hard on yourself if you don’t see immediate results when you desire change. Take inventory of your life. If you look back ten years, do you see any change? Never underestimate the small victories and accomplishments, even if they seem minute. Celebrate it!

If, in reflecting, you don’t see the change you hoped for, embrace the journey of gradual change. Just like a river, it is a beautiful thing to watch a current transform landscape. You are just like that river. And your landscape welcomes the change. It’s just that sometimes, it takes time. And that’s okay, because time is your friend.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Faith Can Be Painful

Karen FaithI’ve been thinking about the phrase, “Don’t lose faith”. In the Disney movie, Pocahontas sings “Just around the Riverbend”, and asks the following question: “Do you still wait for me, dream giver? Just around the river bend?”

In the New Oxford American Dictionary, faith is defined as “complete trust in someone or something.” Words affiliated with faith are: trust, belief, confidence, conviction, optimism, hopefulness and hope.

My close and dear friend, Heidi Cave, exudes the most faith of any person I know.  One thing she taught me – that I will never forget – is how painful believing can be; yet no matter how painful, one must never stop believing.

Heidi survived a devastating car accident that took the life of her friend and left her severely burned, costing her the loss of both legs from the knees down. She went through months of recovery at the Vancouver Burn Unit. She was fighting for her life on a daily basis. Her memoirs can be read here: Fancy Feet. Now an author and key note speaker, Heidi tells her story of overcoming tragedy and clinging to hope. I am so proud of who she is and the inspiration she is to countless people.

Being part of her journey, I was privy to the hardships she would face. When we’d hang out or when we’d talk on the phone, she would express her frustrations. She would vent; cry; process. She would let me see her discouragement and her vulnerability.

Believing, hoping and not losing faith was a daily battle.  It was hard work for Heidi to survive; to try and walk again. It wasn’t easy to come to terms that, in a blink of an eye, her life was dramatically changed.

But here’s the part that, to this day, impacted me. The most amazing thing would happen! She’d put her prosthetic legs back on, stand back up, and try again. She taught me that emotions are temporal. They are real, yes. But they are fleeting. Yet, she never dismissed the emotional impact of her trauma. She taught me that what we feel in the moment is not what defines us. Sure, go ahead, feel every ounce of it. And when you’re finished, remember that it’s the heart and character of what we do next that is foundational to faith.

What did Heidi do next? Every time, Heidi stood back up. With passion in her eyes, she would show us again and again that her faith never lost any ground whatsoever. Yes, there were moments of discouragement, but her fighting faith superseded all emotions.

Faith is intense determination. Faith can be painful. It is ugly sometimes. However, faith – true faith – is relentless. Faith is the conviction to keep your eyes on the mark and keep pressing forward. Faith provokes in us a tenacious spirit. Heidi is my role model in witnessing what faith truly looks like. Heidi believed she would walk again. Heidi believed that a brighter life awaited her. Heidi believed what was just around the river bend.

It is with great love and admiration and loyalty that I write about my extraordinary comrade, Heidi Cave. Thank you for showing me what “Don’t lose faith” really looks like.

– Karen Thrall

also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Libby

Personal Training Wisdom

So, I bit the bullet and decided to hire a personal trainer at my gym – I really think having that extra push is necessary for me as I make the effort to change things up in my life. It doesn’t hurt that Joseph is super nice and, well, hot, but he’s also smart…I thought I would share some of the wisdom from our sessions.

  1. Innovation is good. We already know that innovation is the buzz word of the century, but Joseph applies it to training and it totally makes sense. I’m not getting anywhere doing the same thing I’ve been doing – I need a different approach, a do-over, a new start. He is creating innovative workouts that continually changes and keeps my body guessing – it never knows what to expect! It also keeps me from getting bored.
  2. Try slowing down. So on top of being super nice and very fit, Joseph is also an app designer – he’s working on an app that will help runners train or that can help newbies get started. He recently told me that they’re making a lot of progress but also encountering a lot of bugs so he recommended to his partners that they slow things down. This is excellent advice for everybody – take your time! If you’re not rushing through things, you’re less likely to make mistakes, waste money, or get hurt, while at the same time, more likely to learn something and make real progress.
  3. Little things mean a lot. 0-60 is great for engine performance, but progress in life is much more incremental. Instead of adding 10lbs to my bar every time I lift weights, it is better for me to tack on one or two repetitions to every set. Today I told him that I don’t seem to have lost any weight but my pants are fitting better and I went up a notch on my bra strap…I got a “way to go” AND a high-five! It’s not necessarily a lot (those pounds are stubborn!) but it is progress and any positive change should be celebrated.
  4. Keep your head in the game. One of the reasons I like working with Joseph is he understands that – for me – the idea of working out is mostly mental and emotional. It’s not enough for me to sweat, lift the weights or do the crunches, I have to truly believe that the effort I put in will make a difference, that I deserve to be healthy and that I am able to stay the course. If you can get your head in the right place – whatever you’re taking on – that’s more than half the battle.
  5. Lists are good for blogs! According to Joseph, who has a friend who is a professional blogger, lists are the way to go for blogs – much easier for the reader. So, expect to see more lists in the future…you’re welcome!

– Libby Bingham

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

I Need Your Help

We have the right to be nourished. It’s a phrase that is used in one of our seminars. It’s one of five developmental stages that shapes who we become as adults.

I was on a business trip in Boston, visiting the Fluevog team. It was during an autumn month. I flew in and went straight to the store, with my carry-on and computer bag.

Pete, one of the Fluevogologists, was outside sweeping the steps.

P: “Hey Karen! Welcome back!”

K: “Thanks Pete! It’s great to be back.”

P: “Can I help you with your suitcase?”

K: “No that’s ok. I can do it.”

Wait. Pause. Hold on a minute!

Why won’t I let him help me with my suitcase?

I’m in heels, the steps are steep, the suitcase is heavy – why the bleep would I not ask for help? Because I can manage this suitcase myself. I don’t need help. I’m self-made. I’m independent. I’ve come this far on my own, why would I need help now?

Oh my.

Reload, KT. Reload.

K: “Pete, yes I would love your help. Thanks.”

Pete grabs my suitcase and we walk down the steps together.

P: “Look who just showed up!”

And with that announcement, Fluevog’s finest welcome greeted me upon entering. Ahhhh, good to be back in Boston.

In our western culture, where independence and self-made principles are imbedded into our DNA, no wonder we have lost the art of asking for help.

When’s the last time you said, “I need your help”

It’s a constant reminder in my life. It’s easy to resist help. It’s easy to talk myself out of needing help. But I don’t want to be that kind of person. I want to be human. Humans need humans.

I took my bike to Performance Bicycle on Sorrento Valley Road (which was in pieces due to my road trip from Vancouver to San Diego). I own a Brodie Cuda 29er. Sweet front suspension mountain bike.

Karen bikeI walked in and said, “Hi. I need your help.”

Jason replies, “What can we do for you? We’re here to help.”

K: “My bike is in pieces. Can you reassemble it and air the tires so I can get it back in the trails?”

J: “We absolutely can do that for you.”

I could have reassembled it myself but it would have taken me far too long, in comparison to these pros that have all the gadgets and equipment and skill! And besides, they’d do a way better job than I would!

Asking for someone’s help is part of being human. It’s part of being in community. It’s part of belonging. It’s part of excellent camaraderie. It’s part of healthy relationships. From a professional point of view, it’s also good business.

Why have we stopped asking? What presuppositions have we distorted about the phrase, “I need your help.”

I have a request: I’d like you to ask for help once a day for the next fourteen days. Keep track of the responses. Let me know what happens: me[at]karenthrall.com I’d love to hear about it. If you’re the only one giving, it’s up to you to change that. How? You can start with, “I need your help.”

– Karen Thrall

 * also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Libby

Gardening

The weather in the Washington, DC area has been really nice this spring and it has done its job in motivating me to get outside and dig. I find gardening to be relaxing, good exercise (I have a lot of weeds to pull) and a terrific way to connect with others. Although I am alone most of the time I am doing the work, I find that people will stop and want to chat while I’m out there (covered in dirt, sweaty…good thing I’m already married…). My marathon days of reconnecting with my garden are also days of reconnecting with my neighbors and my family. My son and I both love rocks and collecting them. My husband does not really share this interest, so he encouraged us to build a rock garden together – it’s terrific! Every morning on the way to school, we both stop to admire the garden…sure, nothing has grown, but it’s fun to recognize a new rock that we hadn’t seen before and relive the memory of when it was found. My mother and her entire family are avid gardeners, and my mother has two green thumbs and three green fingers. Her gardens are amazing. Every time I go to her house, she sends me home with cuttings or seedlings or plants she just digs up. Every time they bloom after I’ve planted them at my house (when they survive the transition), I am reminded of her and I call and give her a progress report. This is the same kind of connection I feel with my aunt who died from a brain tumor, or my uncle who died in a car accident – they may be gone, but they live on through the beauty of a blooming iris. By planting and cultivating living things, my relationships are rooting and multiplying, and I love admiring that growth as well. What’s growing in your garden?

– Libby Bingham

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Awesomeness in the World

Delightfully Unexpected

Over the weekend, my husband pointed out an article in the Washington Post, “How Kathmandu’s ‘kung fu nuns’ sprang into action after the quake.” It’s a quick read, and absolutely worth the time. These Buddhist nuns have been studying kung fu for about four years, not with the intent of fighting, but applying their learnings in ways that you wouldn’t expect.

“The nuns began learning kung fu from a Vietnamese teacher in defiance of accepted gender codes in the Buddhist monastic system. But over time, they have harnessed the ancient Chinese martial art for meditation, community work, edgy campaigns against toxic waste, and for women’s empowerment and walkathons against the prevalence of plastic products in everyday life.”

Most recently, they’ve used their physical and mental strength to help those affected by the horrific earthquake in Nepal. It’s easy to feel disconnected to something going on across the world and think there’s nothing we can do to help, but these nuns are a reminder that we can all have an impact in our own, and sometimes unexpected, way. And sometimes it’s a simple as that.

For more on how to help those affected in Nepal, visit the Better Business Bureau’s website for accredited organizations collecting donations.

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Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

How to Spend Your Birthday

I’ve never really been a party person. Well, that’s not absolutely true. Going to parties? Yes, I love doing that. Throwing them? Not so much. So when it comes to my birthday, I’m normally the one trying to kill the hype. That changed a bit when I arrived in college, as every year during my tenure came with a bash equally as unruly as the last. So this year as my birthday approached, I had no earthly idea what to do to celebrate. I felt I had to live up to something, whatever it is. Cursed by my own creation, I struggled with who, what, and when for many days.

The one thing I at least remembered to do was to take off from work. And that was about it. I had three full relaxing days to myself, during which I did absolutely nothing. Probably shouldn’t have been doing nothing, but you get my point. I think birthdays shouldn’t be about large gatherings of folks who oh-so graciously gifted you with their presence to joyously drink and eat in your honor. It should be about number one: you. Always take a minute to remind yourself what you work so hard for. Use the time you’ve spent to create leisure and enjoy that as well.

Often we waste energy trying to astonish and wow, creating memories that we want others to remember. Having such a focus can take away from truly enjoying a day to call your own. Don’t let a number slow you down. Doing what makes you happy, comfortable, and carefree for the time being is what should matter most.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

…wait. I totally lied. My wonderful and beautiful girlfriend did show me a lovely time at dinner on the National Harbor. Fancy, I know. But I guess nothing is too good for number one, right?

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Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Even the Little Things Count

The sound of buzzing caressed my ears as the curly dark fell from my head. Rambunctious tunes blasted from the college radio station next door, carrying voices of personalities unknown to me and those around. General chatter filling the room, my barber and I were willing participants.

Our conversation started with…well, I actually couldn’t tell you how it started. I always get to the part where I close my eyes and then nothing. You know, when you don’t want hair in your face or eyes. I know our conversation had to do with institutionalized racism and some sort of half-formed plan to inform minority communities about property investment, but I don’t think there’s time to get into that (and I can’t really remember how we got there anyway!). What’s important is I can tell you the most meaningful thing I came away with from said conversation: any one person can truly make a difference.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Oh, of course, Gabriel. Everyone says that to be inspirational. You may be right, yet the mistake I think people make is thinking too big. Not to say the big picture isn’t the best one, but I believe most people psyche themselves out by justifying negligence or ignorance. Neither are proper excuses because you can make a difference, even if it’s just for the person right next to you. The conversation I had with my barber got me thinking about what can be done to affect change in any situation. It doesn’t have to be some diabolical master plan. It can be as simple as making a chart, writing a funny suggestion, or even taking someone out to lunch just to shoot the shit. These little things could open someone’s mind to new possibilities, perspectives, and methods of operation. And that opening could produce something so magnificent, you wouldn’t see it coming – almost like a miracle. So start your day knowing that what you do today could make the slightest – or the biggest – difference to someone else on this big ball of dirt we find ourselves on at the moment. Cheers.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

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Ashley Awesomeness in the World

Great Moments

This week, my baby brother is getting married. When I say “baby” brother, it’s in the vein that most big sisters try to trap their younger siblings’ into a lapsed time and place. But to my credit, he is eight years my younger, making him the ripe old age of 20. In 1995, my parents finally gave into their eldest child’s consistent requests for a sibling, and six days after I turned 8, we welcomed my “bubba” into this world. Getting a sibling wasn’t quite what I had expected; after all, I was way into board games and American Girl dolls at that point, and none of the activities associated with those obsessions are fit for an infant or toddler’s participation. But hell, was I proud. There is a classic photo of me in my khaki corduroy pants and red waffle henley grinning from ear to ear pushing that 9lb 9oz tank of a baby down the hallway of the hospital – my mom being wheeled behind us, looking exhausted and astonished. (To her credit, birthing a 9lb 9oz human must do that to you.)

My last post, “Life Promises,” got me thinking about the piles of advice we offer loved ones and friends at various milestones in life – like marriage. My brother has several milestones ahead of him that, being an opinionated, oldest child, have me desperate to do a brain dump of advice. When he was a baby I was busy dispensing practical advice; “clean up your toys” (oh, the clean up song!), “the remote doesn’t have a motor so stop pretending it does”, “stop touching your…” Well, you know…boys are gross. I’m sure all those things set him up for success (right?!), or at least taught him how to (sort of) function in society.

As he prepares to be married and, in May, ship off to San Antonio for Air Force basic training, I have a much wider range of advice to offer; like, even when your family is far away, they’re always still there for you, and how making dinner for two people is really, really difficult and it’s okay to eat popcorn on lazy nights. But I don’t think I’ll waste my breath. Not because I don’t think it’s valuable knowledge or think he won’t listen to his big sister, but because those things are so fun to learn on your own. I’ve made some crazy mistakes along the way so far and a wise motivational speaker once shared this message about those flubs; mistakes are great moments. There is so much to be learned from doing things the “wrong” way. Let’s face it, when you flub, it’s easier to identify what you did to cause the problem or situation and you’re less likely to let it happen again; thus, a great moment.

So rather than offer a “life promise,” I think I’ll encourage my sweet baby brother to love (a lot!), face fears, try new things, and make lots and lots of mistakes. Okay…and maybe eat ice cream for breakfast with no shame.

– Ashley Respecki