Category: Inside My Head

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Inside My Head

Teachable Travel

So our Good for the Soul Creative Community has been a little quiet recently and some of that was due to launching the pilot training I described. However, in addition to that, I’ve been getting ready for a long vacation in New Zealand (when it takes almost 30 hours to travel there, you want to make sure you’re there for a while!). I write this post in Franz Josef  while we wait for the skies to clear up a bit so we can go explore the nearby Fox Glacier.

In the spirit of Libby’s lists and what she learned from her vacation last year, I thought I’d create my own list of what I’ve experienced so far and how it relates to life outside of travel.

  1. Share your excitement with others – it’s contagious. Just before we were leaving (actually on the the way to the airport), I needed to stop by my doctor’s office for a quick cortisone injection to calm down an angry hip. In the course of trying to move things along so we could officially start vacation, I mentioned our trip and everyone wanted to talk about it. The nurse wanted to know where we were going, the physician’s assistant gave us some great recommendations from her visit to New Zealand last summer and the doctor wanted to know how much Lord of the Rings stuff we were doing (spoiler alert: none). It was really fun to share my excitement with them and watch their perk up in the middle of their work days.
  2. Plan to your own level of comfort. My husband and I approach vacation planning very differently. He’s satisfied once the itinerary is set to not worry about it again until he’s packing for the trip (which is typically the day of or the night before, but no earlier). I tend to be on the other side of the spectrum. While I don’t necessarily start physically packing until closer to departure, I begin packing several weeks out to make sure I’ll have what I need and can make the best of the trip, especially on a long trip that this where the temperatures will vary by more than 40 degrees as we travel around. I want to make sure I’m ready. We’ve traveled together enough now that we know this about each other and have learned not to force what makes us comfortable onto the other (well, most of the time, anyway…)
  3. It can be nice to unplug. For the longest leg of our trip (a 14+ hour flight from Houston to Auckland), we had no internet. I’ve always been a little hesitant to connect at 30,000 feet if for no other reason than it’s one of the last places where it was okay to be out of touch. Having said that, I’ve become accustomed to being connected. And while crammed into an airplane seat for that amount of time wasn’t the most fun part, it was nice to take a break from the rest of the world for a bit. I read, watched a couple movies, managed to get some sleep and started to focus on getting ready to be on vacation. It was a nice little buffer time.
  4. Recognize when you’re done (and it’s okay to be done!). When we arrived in Queenstown, we did out best to keep going so we could get over the jet lag and get on local time. We were doing pretty well until we went to grab an early dinner. By the time the food came out, my husband and I were snipping at each, apologizing for said snipping and really just trying to keep out heads off the table. We were exhausted and DONE. We scrapped our plans to explore Queenstown that night and just headed back to the hotel to crash. We realized everything would still be there in the morning. There’s nothing wrong with changing plans so you can fully enjoy them (and still be speaking to your travel partner after the first day). 😉

I’ll have more to share about our adventures, but in the meantime, I’ll leave you with our view of Queenstown during our first day of exploring. Enjoy!

 

Queenstown, NZ
Hello, Queenstown!

 

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Inside My Head Karen

When You Talk to Yourself

“What I like best about cell phones is that I can talk to myself in the car now and nobody thinks it’s weird.” ― Ron Brackin, Author

It’s quite common now to watch people walking down the street talking to, what appears to be, no one. They have this little piece of technologically stuck to their ear with a string hanging down attached to their phone.

I confess, I am one of those people. I’ve had a few looks and stares. People think I’m talking to them, and sometimes will respond and then they realize I’m on the phone.

So, it got me thinking about the times I actually am talking to myself. What is it about talking to ourselves that is wonderfully therapeutic?

When I was a little girl I had an imaginary friend, Louise LeBon (English translation: Louise The Good). Kinda cool that I created this best friend and gave her such a great name, at that! I played with her a lot. She’d help me set the table, she sat beside me at meal time, we played board games, enjoyed great adventures outdoors, and I had great conversations with Louise!

My first real adult job at the age of 19 was a legal assistant at a law firm. When I first joined the team, I remember noticing the assistants scurrying around the office talking to themselves. I quickly became one of “them!” We’d joke around the conversations swirling around in our minds in a fast paced environment, reaching deadlines and getting the job done.

Fast-forward to today, I continue to have dialogues with myself when I’m preparing to make a decision. As an entrepreneur, I put a lot of time into thinking. I go on long walks and hikes to process and strategize. When I’m driving, I talk to myself. And before I start my workday, I spend time in the morning thinking and talking out loud.I guess my early years were training ground, teaching me how to have a great conversation with myself!!

What is talking to yourself? It’s our way of thinking out loud. Processing. Dealing with. Attending to. Sort out.

My question is: how often do you think out loud?

When I have to rehearse a conversation or do a presentation, I’ll lie on my couch and talk to the ceiling. I want to hear what I sound like. And I want to make sure it’s exactly what I want to say.

Talking out loud gives our minds an opportunity to hear what its actually thinking. It’s the auditory to our mind. We become our very own sounding board.

You’ve heard the expression “think before you speak?” I’d like to change it a bit to say, “think out loud before you speak.”

Commit to making great decisions for your personal and professional life. To pursue great decision-making, why not try thinking out loud as one of your resources?

– Karen Thrall

*also published on http://www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head

Looking for an Adult

I was at my volunteer shift on a crisis hotline last night and a new listener checked in with me on a call he’d received earlier. He wanted to see if he’d handled it the right way and made the comment, “I just wanted to check in with an adult.” He said it with a sense of humor since we’re very clearly both adults in the sense that we’re able to legally drive a car, vote and have an alcoholic drink. We also both have paid jobs and people who trust us with responsibility in said jobs, as well as in our volunteer hotline jobs. But his choice of words stood out to me – no matter how old we are, we don’t ever stop looking for an adult.

Several years ago, I was in a three car accident. A teen driver rear-ended me at a stoplight with so much force that I was pushed into the car in front of me. As we all got out of the cars, the teen driver was already crying and his friend was visibly shaken. The couple in front of me weren’t that much younger than I was, though they were clearly wondering what the hell had just happened. And in that second, I knew I was the adult in the situation. I was the oldest, least shaken and knew what had happened, so the role fell to me. I made sure no one was seriously injured (thankfully, that the was case) and I told the teen to call a parent while I called the police. And the whole time this was happening, I remember wondering how in the world I was the adult in this situation. When did that happen?
More often that we admit, there are times in our lives when we think surely there must be someone else who should be in charge. How did we end up as adult in the room? Lots of factors can contribute to how adult we feel at any given time – our age, experience, confidence, abilities, health, financial status, support network, and on and on. And while we’d like to think we’ve got it under control most of the time, there are also times we just don’t want to be the adult in the room. We don’t feel like the situation is best handled if we’re in charge and we desperately hope someone else will do it. Or at the very least, someone will tell us it will be okay if we do find ourselves the adult in the room.
So the moral of the story…cut yourself some slack next time you find yourself looking for the adult in the room and you’re well above toddler age. The rest of us are doing the same thing.
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Inside My Head

Hey, Jealousy!

Hey Jealousy isn’t just a catchy little Gin Blossom tune from 1989 (the actual year, not the recent Taylor Swift album paying homage to the same year – oof, I feel old. But I digress…). It’s the recognition of a powerful emotion. “Hey, Jealously! Where the hell did you come from?”

Jealousy is a sneaky little feeling that seems most often to come out of nowhere and the poor guy gets a bad reputation. Last week, I was talking with a friend who was having a hard time admitting she was jealous of a colleague. In the telling of a story about this colleague, my friend hesitated and said, “I know it’s bad and I shouldn’t say it, but maybe it’s jealousy?”

But here’s the thing. Jealousy itself isn’t bad. None of the emotions we feel are – we can’t help it. It’s how we feel. It’s what we do about jealously and his fellow emotion friends that can get us into trouble. We’re taught early one to assign judgements to our emotions – it’s good to feel happy, excited or joyful. It’s bad to feel sad, anxious or jealous. And that’s really what gets us into trouble. Our emotions are powerful guides that can help us and we should really cut them some slack when they show up. We need to be less quick to assign a judgement to them and listen to what they’re trying to tell us.

Take our good friend jealousy. He shows up when you see something you want. A colleague gets a promotion. A friend gets married. A cousin takes a trip abroad. If we see these things and want them for ourselves, jealousy can be an exceptionally powerful motivator. What do I need to do to get the promotion? Did I know getting married was that important to me? Should I prioritize a travel fund more than a new car? If we allow jealously to fester and he moves in, gets comfortable and starts making us say mean things to our colleague, wish our friend ill or be outwardly gleeful when our cousin gets food poisoning on her trip, jealousy is bad news. That’s where we get into trouble.

On the flip side, harnessing jealousy and understanding that it’s a reflection of our own values and shifting priorities can be incredibly powerful. In talking about this with another friend, she shared she gets jealous when she’s out and about and sees parents and children having a good time together. She doesn’t get jealous when she sees nice cars or the newest and biggest houses. Having a child is important to her and she doesn’t have one yet – having a nice car and beautiful house are not important to her. She’s listened to jealously and let it help her focus on what’s she’s prioritizing now.

So the next time you notice jealousy popping by to say hello, pay attention to what he’s trying to tell you before you kick him out. He may have a thing or two to share with you.

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Inside My Head Karen

THINK THINK THINK: It does the mind good

On May 1, 2015, I moved to San Diego to launch my business and chase my dream. Reflecting back on these past 10 months, I want to share something that is vital to great decision-making. Ready for it? Here it is:

Every decision deserves time beforehand to think.

Take all the time you want or need. Never under-estimate the value of thinking before executing.

Looking back, I think moving to San Diego was a 2 year process of wrestling with myself about my professional career. I was restless. I was frustrated. I was stressed. And this negative energy provoked me to think differently.

John Fluevog Shoes was a stepping stone; not the destination. Through sub-conscious and conscious reflection I was seeking and searching for my path. When the decision came to give my 6 week notice, pack up my car and move to San Diego, it was a life-giving decision. And 10 months later, and stronger than ever, I believe it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Wow, I can’t believe I walked off my map! Did I really do this? Yes! I desired it and I wanted it. There was nothing irrational or flippant about it. I chose the path, I chased after it and I still wake up every morning abundantly thankful.

The hurdle was “how do I move to San Diego without a job?” I couldn’t see how it would be possible without a job. And then in November of 2014, I read 30 Lessons for Living by Dr Karl Pillemer and my heart awakened.

Looking back, I think launching my business in San Diego started in 2003! It was January  2003 when I started my first coaching company. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I loved it and knew it was what I was made to do. Then John Fluevog recruited me. Again, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I always had such a passion for business. John took a risk and I loved working with him. I loved every part of my job! And now the two unite: Lifetime Initiatives + John Fluevog Shoes = I’m now ready to live out my purpose fully (Karen Thrall, Inc.).

Was I hasty? No, but perhaps to an onlooker it might look that way.

The thinking I did before making my decision to move was like slow-cooking a great pot of chili! The longer you cook it, the better it tastes.

Taking time to think creates great decisions.

If you’re searching for or sensing a life change, take time to think about it; as much as you can. Go for walks and think. Read books and think. Talk to friends and think. Journal and think. Search the web and think. Explore all your options and think. Imagine different scenarios and think. Let your thinking shape the path you’re on and a great decision will emerge.

Great decisions do not void you of challenges. Oh, you will have challenges, yes. And you’ll also create a powerful foundation of conviction, determination, tenacity, strength, confidence and hope.

Seeing how much I spent thinking about moving to Southern California is now my anchored memory for how important thinking is. The more you think, the better the decision.

I experienced what a great decision feels like! And am the recipient of the positive impact it has had on my life.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Libby

Grandmothers

I just found out that my co-worker’s grandmother just died. She was – understandably – wrecked and had to leave work. Today, we are all sharing thoughts with her to show support and it got me thinking about my own grandmothers and what I learned from them:

  1. Always have a good time. My maternal grandmother was a party girl – my earliest memories of her revolve around entertaining: hams, turkeys, bloody marys, smoking and swing music. While my mother has a different view of things, to me it was always an environment of joy, celebration and friendship. The warmth she exuded while entertaining was the same whether the house was full of people or just the two of us. Either way, she taught me that it’s important to have fun with the people you love.
  2. If all else fails, make fudge. My paternal grandmother was not the warm and fuzzy type. She was serious, cranky and distant…we had very little in common. But we still managed to connect on a very basic level: she made the best fudge ever. She may not have been able to hug and snuggle me, but that fudge let me know how much she loved me. (That and her mac ‘n cheese…yum…)
  3. A place of refuge. When I was in college, times were tough for my family; we were going through a lot. I didn’t know or understand the extent of things, but I did know that my parents had a series of difficult decisions and there was a lot of stress. My grandmother stepped in with the option for me to live with her. She wasn’t one for heart-to-hearts, but she offered me a place to decompress and process in peace.
  4. Music is important. With both grandmothers, music played a role in our relationships. At both houses, there was always music in the background (my paternal grandfather was a drummer in a Dixieland band). When we would arrive at my grandmother’s house, she would direct us upstairs to “put on your suits” and go get into the pool – she had an old “boom box” that she’d put in the window from the kitchen and blast swing music while we swam. They were both one-woman audiences for all our shows and musicals. They taught me songs that I sing to my own children.

I am under no delusion that my grandmothers were perfect, or that they were even good mothers. But they were important people in my life, people who offered support, guidance, a way out and love…to me, they are wonderful foundational pieces of my childhood and my adulthood. I thank them for all they were capable of giving and for giving it – I think that might be the most important lesson: giving something is better than giving nothing…the smallest things can end up being bigger than you’d ever think possible!

– Libby Bingham

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Inside My Head Karen

Carefree or Careless?

I have a memory. I was a little girl and my mom was going to the grocery store. I asked her if my friend and I could go to the park and play in the wading pool while she went to get groceries. She agreed and dropped us off.

When we arrived, the park attendant told us we couldn’t play in the water with regular clothing. We needed a bathing suit.

My mom had already left so now what are we going to do?

I had a great idea and thought we could walk over to my neighbor’s house and swim in her pool. My plan was to call my mom at the grocery store and ask them to page her and I’d let her know where we were – once we arrived at my neighbor’s.

Off we go, walking. We walked and walked. At last, arrived. I called to leave a message at the grocery store, as planned, but they couldn’t locate my mom. This didn’t faze me. And we continued with our plan to swim.

Yep, that’s my story.

Imagine my mom’s rendition! The panic. The fear. Is her little girl safe? She’s responsible for my friend, too! She doesn’t know where I am. She couldn’t find me. What thoughts were racing through her head?

My perception of who I was as a child is a bit of a footloose kid. I didn’t think through my decisions fully. I would go with the flow. Adjust. Adapt. Roll with the punches. To not be fazed was normal. My lens was full of adventure and wonder. I was the “okay, sure” tag-along. I wasn’t the leader; I was definitely the follower. I would get lost in my imaginary world and create worlds that didn’t exist. I created pretend stories. And ever since I can remember, life was good and I was blessed with a carefree nature. However, I wasn’t passive and docile. I had lots of energy. A tomboy. A handful, sometimes…

Thinking on this memory, was I carefree or careless?

I’ve been thinking about the paradox of these words. And my answer is, “Yes, both.”

I would imagine from my mom’s perspective, I was completely careless. But from my perspective I was carefree.

My mom’s lens might be: “Karen was not thoughtful of how her behavior affected others.”

My lens is: “We’ll figure it out. All will be well.”

My mom’s lens might be: “If Karen would have taken a bit more time to think through her options, we wouldn’t have experienced this gut-wrenching fear.”

There is a price to being carefree. The reality is, it’s a paradox. With my carefree nature, I also have a careless nature.

For example, I’ve had to replace my mobile phone three times in one year. My phone drops from my hand and falls out of my bag because I won’t take the time to care for it properly.  In the last 3 years I’ve broken 7 phones. That’s a 7:1 ratio compared to my friends.

Carelessness vs. Carefreeness. They co-exist in my world.

I don’t want to forfeit my carefree spirit for the sake of over-thinking. But I do want to be carefree with more thoughtfulness.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Inside My Head Melissa

“The mind that is not baffled is not employed.”

I took a bath last week (let me add that the bath was in addition to multiple showers). It was therapeutic in an unconventional way. I was feeling a little down and felt like I deserved an answer from the world on what’s next, and I thought a bath would help me sort things out. I try to remind myself that I don’t “deserve” things, that I need to work for them and I get that, but I think it would be nice if while I was driving down the proverbial highway of my life a sign said “Get off here.” I don’t need to know exactly what I’m doing off that exit – just that I got off at the right exit.

So back to the bath. I’m sitting there with my face inches from the water so that my hair is gently swaying below the surface. All the delicate strands crisscrossed. They made, dismantled, and remade shapes (there was a real fractal-like quality about it) and I wanted this beautiful moment–where I was so focused on the gentle movement of my hair–to reveal something about what I should do next. Spoiler alert: it did not. Looking back, it would have been bizarre if my hair spelled “humble” like Charlotte’s web…that would have been life changing because it would mean that I have lost my marbles completely and I’m not ready to deal with that kind of change.

I wonder why at times when we feel lost, we also feel a little hopeless. I don’t have the answer to that and I don’t have the answer on what my next life move should be, but I reminded myself that it’s okay – that while I’m lost, I’m not hopeless. In a few weeks or months or maybe even next year (please, world – don’t make me exercise patience for that long) I won’t feel lost, but in the meantime, I keep coming back to these words and they are very comforting:

“The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.”

– Wendell Berry

– Melissa Grant

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Ashley Inside My Head

Embracing the Ugly Cry

January was one of the weirdest months I’ve experienced as an adult, and it was, without a doubt, a terrible way to kick off 2016. I should’ve known – my horoscope for the month was pretty clear: “Communication will be impossible this month,” and “people will misunderstand not just your words, but your actions as well…” I thought, psh, I’m a great communicator. Bring it on.

The misfires and layers of miscommunication were awful. Five days after my husband and I lost our beloved dog, my parents and younger sister (who’s 18, a senior in high school, and obviously still living at home) decided to welcome a brand new puppy to the family – same breed as the adored puppy we had just lost. Having never had an indoor pet (I’m not counting the random fish or multitude of hamsters I had as an only child until the age of 8), this whole thing was highly unusual for my family. To make matters worse, I had waved the red flag and said, “please don’t do this, it’s going to come with a whole crazy level of hurt for me.” They did it anyway. The only saving grace? They live 600 miles away.

At work, our team is adjusting to new ways of working, new ways of thinking, and new teammates. Tensions are high, but in a good way. It’s the way you know something great is on the horizon. But it doesn’t mean it’s been easy, and when the conflict came to a head, we got everything out in the open and dealt with it.

What I learned from all the grief, misunderstanding, and growing pains January brought was this: you’ve gotta embrace the ugly cry. I’m talking the red-in-the-face, crinkled nose, snot bubbles, congestion-inducing ugly cry. There is definitely a time and a place for the ugly cry, but when appropriate, it feels pretty damn good. Most of my “time and place” for the ugly cry in January was in late in the evening, on the phone with my grandmother, likely sitting in the staircase at my apartment complex where no one dare goes. (I’m a closet crier, clearly.)

I felt so cleansed moving into February. I’m sure it’s close to the feeling most people had moving into the new year. And now that Mercury is moving out of retrograde, this Capricorn is waving goodbye to the ugly cry for awhile.

– Ashley Respecki

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Inside My Head Libby

Snow Bound

Last week, the Washington, DC area got rocked by a blizzard. There was a lot of hype and hullabaloo preceding the “snow event,” but it was warranted – the area got hit with anywhere from 20 – 36 inches of snow. CRAZY. And it was crazy – everything was shut down: Metro, the federal government, fast food establishments. Here are some observations:

  1. Nature is something. Watching the entire blizzard process was incredible – the snow, the wind, a fox that was running around in the front yard trying to figure out where to go…amazing. To see how the snow accumulated, especially waking up in the morning and the landscape and totally changed, was remarkable. Being blinded by the sun sparkling on the snow and seeing the trees decorated as if in a Macy’s Christmas window makes me happy. Nature!
  2. “A sweater is something you have to wear when your mother feels cold.” I think this is a Nora Ephron quote, or maybe Oscar Wilde (thanks a lot, internet…) and it has been hammered home these past several days while cabin-fevered up with my seven-year-old son. “Put some socks on!” “Mom, my feet are hot!” I think it’s too cold to go outside, and he is outside tunneling through snow for hours. To me, snow means we can’t go anywhere, to him it means he doesn’t have to go anywhere [school]! As usual, it is all about perspective. Which also reminds me that I am ridiculously thankful I am “imprisoned” in a warm house with plenty of food, cable and internet.
  3. The Martian is inspirational. If you haven’t seen it yet, it really is impressive – although ridiculously suspenseful (I had to make my parents tell me the ending halfway through because I couldn’t take it). If you think “surviving” the blizzard is tough, try being abandoned on Mars. It made me realize how impressive our meteorologists are, that they used science to predict all of what would happen and prepared us well, probably saving many lives. Best takeaway from the movie is to find ways to “science the shit out of” life’s challenges. Not sure that will get me more half-n-half for this morning’s coffee, but it is definitely a way to look at other obstacles in my life moving forward. (My science-brained husband may be more useful than I thought!)
  4. Jack Daniels knows how to make friends. When it was finally over, my dad and I were out shoveling the driveway making incremental headway. A neighbor down the street used his snowblower to clear the sidewalk all the way to our house. Dad went inside and got the bottle of Jack to help warm the guy up and say thank you – next thing I know, there are four other neighbors hanging out, drinking and shooting the breeze. I didn’t even know there were that many people in the neighborhood!
  5. Family. Because we were worried about losing power, I left my husband holding down the home front and went to my parents’ house where they rarely lose power (thank you, underground power lines!). My worries were not realized (phew) but I knew my husband would be okay, while if we had stayed, I would have worried about my parents and about my son. And everyone else in the family was worried about all of us here – phone calls were coming in from Ukraine, Buffalo, Boston and Scotland to check on us. It was nice to know so many people care about us, but being apart from loved ones is the biggest challenge of the whole endeavor. Stay warm, safe and snuggled if you can!

– Libby Bingham