Category: Inside My Head

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Inside My Head

10 Year Reunion

Over the weekend, I attended a retreat focused on our holistic lives as women – the connection between career, love and wellness. It was a valuable and restorative weekend and a chance to meet some fascinating women. One of the first exercises we did to kick off the weekend was to envision our ten year reunion as a group. We were to meet three new people, but rather than talk about where we are now in our lives, we were to tell them what we’d been up to since we last saw each other in 2015. It was an interesting twist on an introduction activity and got us started on what we were there to do.

I realize that for many people, I may have just described your worst nightmare. Not only an ice-breaker, but the same ice-breaker done three times. And while I do tend to enjoy a good ice-breaker more than the average person, I especially loved the opportunity to do this three times. We were encouraged to use this chance to go dream shopping. You could use the same update three times and fine-tune a dream you’d already done some thinking about, or you could start over from scratch each time and tell and completely different story about where your life had gone. I moved to Vancouver, northern California and then was bi-coastal. I continued my consulting business, started a new business and then combined them both by the third time. As for my colleagues, there were lots of trips, new babies, new business ventures and some exotic new home bases.

Future visioning is certainly nothing new and you may not have a group of new people to meet, but there’s something incredibly powerful about saying these words out loud. A trusted colleague, a friend, partner or parent can be a great sounding board to try out your own future update. What would you dream? What’s been rattling around in your head that deserves to be heard? Or is there a decision you’ve been on the fence about? Giving voice to both side of the decision can be helpful. Where could you be in ten years?

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Inside My Head Karen

Your One Sentence Summary

If you could take 6 months off with unlimited resources, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

1. _____ Rest and relax and enjoy not having any pressing responsibilities
2. _____ Plan an outdoor excursion: _____________________________________
3. _____ Enjoy your community with a ‘staycation’
4. _____ Invest in your hobby: _____________________________________
5. _____ Work on house projects or renovations: _________________________________
6. _____ Spend more time gardening and being in your backyard
7. _____ Visit family and relatives
8. _____ Travel the world: ______________________________________
9. _____ Try something new: ________________________________________
10. _____ Volunteer for a humanitarian cause: _______________________________________

Place this list in your order of preference.

Did you do it? Pause. Don’t read anymore until you’ve filled it out.

Ready?

What are your top 4? What are you bottom 4?

Question: What is this saying about you? Write down 5 things.

This says/shows that I….
1. _________________________________________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________________________________________
4. _________________________________________________________________________________
5. _________________________________________________________________________________

There are core values we live by that are so woven into the deepest parts of our being that they never slumber and never go away. They are so part of us that sometimes we need to be reminded that they want to live on the outside, not just as a dreamer on the inside.

If you could sum up your five statements and turn it into one phrase about yourself, explaining why these phrases are so important to you, what would you write?
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, one last question.

How will you live the one-sentence summary today? This week? This month?

Don’t lose site of how you’re designed. It is a living spring bursting inside you, the fountain of your youth.

You don’t need six months off to live out what lives inside you. You can do that anywhere, anytime with anyone.

When I did this exercise, I resolved once again something that I’ve always known. I reflected on my ‘summary’ sentence and made a fresh commitment to myself to keep it alive, not only on the inside, but in who I am in this world. It is a gift to me and a gift to others; that’s the beauty of core values – they create wonderful energy in our environment, culture and community.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Karen

Asking Why?

I want to expand my knowledge, so I added a trivia APP on my phone. The app is Quizoid, “Get smart with your phone.” I like it. I’m actually learning tidbits of information that I hadn’t known previously, and I’m enjoying it.

I’ve never considered myself an intellect – still don’t. Yet, I long to know more. I crave it. My curiosity is one of the highest values I uphold. I don’t ever want to lose sight of the “why.”

As little children, we start life asking “why?”

There is something so pure in wanting to know more.

When I ask “why?” I start exploring. I listen differently. I observe differently. I engage my curiosity. I engage that childlike wonder.

I think sometimes we ask “why” as a cynic or critic rather than with sincerity. What would happen if we let down our guard and asked “why?” from a place of openness instead of defensiveness? Curious, childlike wonder may just surprise us.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head

Always On and Always Connected: What Does It Mean?

I got my first cell phone in college, back when Nextel phones were still a thing and I paid by the minute, paid long distance charges, and certainly didn’t text. And I only bit the bullet after a stalled car made me late for work and I didn’t have a way to let them know I wasn’t going to be on time. This was strictly an emergency phone (though perhaps the definition of emergency shifted as the cost of my minutes went down…but I digress). About 5 years after that, I got my first smart phone through work and I’ll admit to being thrilled because as a young professional, it was a sign that I was important (the naivete of youth is adorable, isn’t it?). Fast forward to 2015, and 92% of adults in the U.S. now have cell phones. And don’t even get me started on kids having phones…

This leaves us facing etiquette challenges that just simply didn’t exist ten or fifteen years ago. The Pew Research Center, a subsidiary of The Pew Charitable Trusts, recently released a report, Americans’ Views on Mobile Etiquette. It’s fascinating stuff.  I share this not to reminisce about the good ol’ days before cell phones ruined our lives or propelled us into the greatest technological era of all time (depending on your view), but I do find our attitudes interesting when it comes to the appropriateness of using our phones.

When asked for their views on how mobile phone use impacts group interactions, 82% of adults say that when people use their phones in [social] settings it frequently or occasionally hurts the conversation. Meanwhile, 33% say that cell phone use in these situations frequently or occasionally contributes to the conversation and atmosphere of the group. Women are more likely than men to feel cell use at social gatherings hurts the group: 41% of women say it frequently hurts the gathering vs. 32% of men who say that the same. Similarly, those over age 50 (45%) are more likely than younger cell owners (29%) to feel that cellphone use frequently hurts group conversations.

And while those 82% said that using phones may hurt the conversation, 89% of adults who own a cellphone say they used it at their last social gathering. 89%. Yowza. Yet, before we mourn the loss of personal connection, of those 89%, 78% reported using their phone for what Pew termed a “group contributing” action: posting a video or photo about the gathering, sharing something that happened, looking up information to contribute to the conversation or connecting with someone at the gathering. My, how the times have changed from Zach Morris’ Saved by the Bell phone…

The report goes on to talk about always being connected, the types of activities for which we use our phones and how much usage we tolerate in different public spaces. As you would expect from a research study, Pew simply presents the facts. They don’t chastise us for our behavior, nor credit cell phones for bringing us together across the globe. Rather, they present the information and let you decide what it means to you. And it’s certainly had the wheels of my brain turning since I read it. What does your connectivity mean to you? And what do you think it says to others?

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Inside My Head Melissa

Being Present

I wanted my first post to be good, honest, and something you’d like to read, but last week held a lot of events that even when written down and made flashy with em dashes and explanation points ended up being not very good at all. The phrase “Should I write about this?” has been said multiple times over the past week, but my mind has been elsewhere, too foggy to concentrate on that question. I’ve been constantly going over the to-do list in my head and adding new bullets and pushing other “to-dos” further into the future.

“Why don’t you write about that?” The “that” in that question is the list I made late last week, which was not a to-do list or not intended to be a to-do list, but a things-I-absolutely-need-to-be-happier list. This list included everything from “I need to be more self-confident” to “I need to buy a vacuum” (really opening up to myself on that last one, I know).

Perhaps it’s the endlessness of summer heat, but I am having a hard time staying present and it’s wearing on me. I am overwhelmed, I have a pinch of sadness, and I am desperately looking forward to October – a month that currently has few to-dos.

There’s something about the DC humidity that causes me, in very real and very inconvenient ways, to lose my mind. I find it hard to focus. I get easily upset about minor things. I cram too much into every day, or I do nothing at all. It’s a challenge to stay present – to hear stories, to remember conversations, to appreciate sensations: sights and touches, the heat of a September afternoon.

My roommate, Ben, came home last week to find me mid list making and close to tears. He had work to do and I had a to-do list that felt miles long, but instead, we went for a walk. We left the apartment with no destination and ended up getting ice cream.

“Can you believe,” I said “with everything we have to do tonight, we’re doing this?”

I took a spoonful. It was a flavor made with spices and the man behind the counter had informed me that despite being cold, it would taste scalded.

I ate for a moment, and thought. I closed my eyes. I lost myself in the act of tasting, which, for only a moment, seemed to require my full attention.

“Are you getting it?” Ben asked.

I looked up. Yes, I said, I was.

– Melissa Grant

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Inside My Head Karen

Three Ways to Find Peace Before Your Day Begins

Karen Peace
Photo by Demi DeHerrera

Although there are many methods, I want to touch on three practical and effective ways to invite a peaceful environment into your life before your day begins.

With these three steps, you will start your day peacefully and keep that need to hurry to a minimal.

  1. Be aware of how you wake up. Stay clear of the need to rush-out-of-bed. Why do you need to rush out of bed? Don’t do that. Get out of bed slowly, which confirms a relaxed state. Enjoy the feeling of waking up slowly.
  1. Be aware of how fast you walk. From the moment you wake up to the moment you arrive at work, or getting your kids to school, slow down your pace. Walk slower and let all and any of your movements be at a slower pace.
  1. Be aware of your breathing and the speed of your voice. In your mornings, keep track of when you’re holding your breath while thinking or doing something; and talk slowly and quietly. Imagine speaking in an art gallery or watching a sunset.

Guaranteed, these three simple tips will create a bigger space in your morning for peace.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Karen

Fear + Humans = Normal

Karen Fear
photo credit @michaelhull

Fear.

Of?

______________________________________________.

Fill in the blank.

My Aha Moment: Every human on the planet can write something on that line.

Isn’t that incredible?! Think about that for a moment. The entire human race, from every region of the planet, can identify with fear. It manifests itself differently in all of us. What might create fearfulness in one person may help another experience fearlessness.

Someone is afraid of heights while another is fearless of heights.

Someone is afraid of large social gatherings while another is fearless and the life of the party.

If I’m a child, I may be afraid of the dark or afraid of monsters in the closet. If I’m a teenager, I may be afraid of not having friends or being picked last in classroom games. If I’m an adult, I may be afraid of not having enough money or afraid of getting a serious illness.

Doesn’t matter what the age, what part of the world you live in, or whatever status you perceive to have – you do experience fear. We all do. Whether fleeting or immobilizing, momentarily or hauntingly – fear is real.

I was reading a bunch of quotes on the Internet about fear. Countless quotes on fear! That in and of itself is mind blowing. Could it be the topic of fear is one of the most researched, talked about, counseled and examined? Does fear land in the top 5 psychological analyses? (I don’t know. These are genuine questions.)

These countless quotes were actually pretty inspiring: encouraging us to let go of fear and reminding humans we can overcome fear.

As I reflected on my personal life, I notice my fears morph. What might have caused me fear at one point in my life, no longer causes me fear. Each fear I encounter is usually associated with The Unknown.

My Resolve #1:  Fear is universal and woven into the human race. The reassurance: someone identifies with each of us.

My Resolve #2:  Fear changes and Experience is its overcomer. The reassurance: we will learn deep truths and get through it.

My Resolve #3:  Fear does not isolate us from community. The reassurance: we belong and we are loved.

My Resolve #4:  Fear is waiting for us in our tomorrow world. The reassurance: we will conquer yet again.

My Resolve #5:  Fear does not make us weak. The reassurance: we are strong and perceptive.

My Resolve #6:  Fear commands us to trust that which we do not know. The reassurance: we’re being propelled into new understandings and empathies.

My Resolve #7:  Fear is a gift to others. The reassurance: because of our fears, we are able to support someone else in his or hers.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Karen

I Cannot See Ahead of Me

Karen sightIt is a scary moment when you open a door and enter a room where all you see is darkness, and you know you have to maneuver through its corridors without a glimpse of light.

Which is scarier, not seeing or the unknown?

“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

We like the comfort of seeing. We do what we do amidst light.

I see, therefore, I know.

I see, therefore, I can.

I see, therefore, I will.

But what if you can’t see?

I don’t see, therefore, I don’t know.

I don’t see, therefore, I can’t.

I don’t see, therefore, I won’t.

What if you have to proceed even though you can’t see or can only see dimly?

I cannot see, then I will learn.

I cannot see, then I will trust.

I cannot see, yet I will endeavor.

Sometimes we have to make decisions on what we can’t see and on the unknown. When these moments enter our lives, (and believe me they will enter your life) we need to change our posture from illuminated decision making to unknown decision making. No human is void of the unknown. Each individual story will have at least one chapter where they cannot see ahead.

There are no absolutes in the unknown.

Think about entering a dark room and trying to get to the other side. With careful steps and hands extended, we cautiously and nervously proceed. Some will enter the room and will turn right back around; the unknown is too frightening and they will opt out. Those that choose to attempt this challenge can only do it one way: one step at a time and with a tremendous amount of trust. And as each step moves you forward, you learn. Learning comes from what you just did, not what you are about to do.

Learn from your previous steps, trust the forward steps and choose to endeavor.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Career Inside My Head

Choices

I’ve been thinking about choices a lot lately.

Scratch that. I’ve always thought a lot about choices. Probably because I’ve never been very good at making decisions, since ultimately, choosing one thing means not choosing another. That’s the part I have a hard time with. I’m pretty good about knowing what I don‘t want, but there are so many interesting possibilities out there that it’s really hard to narrow down what I do want.

In high school, I ran myself into the ground because I couldn’t choose – I was one of a handful of kids who got permission to be on the swim team and participate in the fall musical. I juggled track practice and the spring play. But let’s be clear, here – I was fine at all these things. Not great, but fine. It wasn’t like I was a huge talent and the show wouldn’t go on without me (was Villager #2 really critical to the plot?). But as fine as I was, I really liked all these things. I wanted to be a part of them and enjoyed having these experiences in my life.

I don’t have trouble letting go of things I’ve tried that have no interest for me (softball, the flute, Girl Scouts). I enjoyed all these things just fine, but they didn’t hold my interest long-term. In college, I knew I wasn’t going to be an engineer or a math professor, so I dutifully completed my math and science requirements and moved on. But I couldn’t narrow down my interest in the liberal arts, so I double majored in communications and political science and minored in business administration. And now as an adult professional, I’ve finally settled on consulting as my career so I can work with lots of different people and organizations.

Clearly, I have trouble choosing.

A friend recently shared this blog post, Work-Life Balance is Absolutely Bogus by Deirde Maloney. And while I don’t necessarily think I have trouble with work-life balance specifically, the first truth she asserts is that there’s no such thing as having it all. Maloney writes:

The idea that we can “have it all” if we just get better at time-management or set some boundaries is a fallacy. When we try to squeeze our never-ending list of activities (and relationships) into a given day, our time and energy run out. We wind up doing a bunch of things partway. Which means we do some things well and some things … not-so-well.

I’d like to think I’ve gotten a little better about life balance since running myself into the ground in my high school days, but Maloney’s words ring true to me – trying to squeeze it all in means that quality of work and the quality of the time spent suffer. We have to make choices about what we want to do well and there’s just no way to get around that. And that’s just the reminder I need when I start to think about all the things I might be missing out on. It’s probably not a coincidence that the one sport in which I excelled was skiing and I devoted myself fully to that sport for the entire season. So as I think through the choices I make, I need to stop thinking about what I might be missing and start thinking about what I want to do well and let that guide me.

What do you want to do well?

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Inside My Head

What’s Your Main Goal?

When I first launched Good for the Soul, a very good friend asked me a question. She said, “What’s your main goal?” Her question took me a bit by surprise since I though the way I’d branding my type of consulting was pretty clear. The more I thought about it, however, the more her question was brilliant. Yes, I wanted to focus on areas most interesting to me. Sure, I’d like to make a living through that focus. And I really wanted to help people tackle problems, grow more confident and have fun along the way. But mostly, really and truly, I wanted to work with people I liked. I wanted to surround myself with people I enjoy most – people who are smart, creative, empathetic, driven, funny, introspective, positive and passionate. I wanted to pick the clients with whom I work and have the final say in who carries my brand. I wanted to work with people I liked.

We spend so much time with work and at work. We spend a good chunk of the hours we’re awake with these people. Why spend so much time working with people we don’t like? I’ve been fortunate enough to make good friends at every place I’ve worked. Sure, there are lots of people with whom I’m friendly, but I’m talking about the people you bring into your life outside of work – the people with whom you stay in touch long after neither one of you work at the organization where your paths crossed. These are the people I like and the people with whom I want to work on a regular basis.

Someone once told me you shouldn’t ever have a team member who you wouldn’t have over to your house for dinner. While perhaps somewhat difficult to describe in a job posting (“Must be willing to come over for dinner and not care that I’ve ordered in and not cooked – trust me, we’ll all be happier”), I think there’s something to this. And to be clear, this isn’t the the same as only having people on your team who think like you do. A good, spirited debate can be just as fun as banding together to slam the newest political foe. It’s not about whether or not we agree on everything – it’s about whether or not you have my back and I have yours. We trust each other, value similar things and are willing to work towards them together. Those are the people I want to have over for dinner. And the people I want to surround me at work, too. With an amazing group of people like that, we can figure out the rest together. That’s my main goal.