Category: Karen

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Inside My Head Karen

When You Talk to Yourself

“What I like best about cell phones is that I can talk to myself in the car now and nobody thinks it’s weird.” ― Ron Brackin, Author

It’s quite common now to watch people walking down the street talking to, what appears to be, no one. They have this little piece of technologically stuck to their ear with a string hanging down attached to their phone.

I confess, I am one of those people. I’ve had a few looks and stares. People think I’m talking to them, and sometimes will respond and then they realize I’m on the phone.

So, it got me thinking about the times I actually am talking to myself. What is it about talking to ourselves that is wonderfully therapeutic?

When I was a little girl I had an imaginary friend, Louise LeBon (English translation: Louise The Good). Kinda cool that I created this best friend and gave her such a great name, at that! I played with her a lot. She’d help me set the table, she sat beside me at meal time, we played board games, enjoyed great adventures outdoors, and I had great conversations with Louise!

My first real adult job at the age of 19 was a legal assistant at a law firm. When I first joined the team, I remember noticing the assistants scurrying around the office talking to themselves. I quickly became one of “them!” We’d joke around the conversations swirling around in our minds in a fast paced environment, reaching deadlines and getting the job done.

Fast-forward to today, I continue to have dialogues with myself when I’m preparing to make a decision. As an entrepreneur, I put a lot of time into thinking. I go on long walks and hikes to process and strategize. When I’m driving, I talk to myself. And before I start my workday, I spend time in the morning thinking and talking out loud.I guess my early years were training ground, teaching me how to have a great conversation with myself!!

What is talking to yourself? It’s our way of thinking out loud. Processing. Dealing with. Attending to. Sort out.

My question is: how often do you think out loud?

When I have to rehearse a conversation or do a presentation, I’ll lie on my couch and talk to the ceiling. I want to hear what I sound like. And I want to make sure it’s exactly what I want to say.

Talking out loud gives our minds an opportunity to hear what its actually thinking. It’s the auditory to our mind. We become our very own sounding board.

You’ve heard the expression “think before you speak?” I’d like to change it a bit to say, “think out loud before you speak.”

Commit to making great decisions for your personal and professional life. To pursue great decision-making, why not try thinking out loud as one of your resources?

– Karen Thrall

*also published on http://www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Karen

THINK THINK THINK: It does the mind good

On May 1, 2015, I moved to San Diego to launch my business and chase my dream. Reflecting back on these past 10 months, I want to share something that is vital to great decision-making. Ready for it? Here it is:

Every decision deserves time beforehand to think.

Take all the time you want or need. Never under-estimate the value of thinking before executing.

Looking back, I think moving to San Diego was a 2 year process of wrestling with myself about my professional career. I was restless. I was frustrated. I was stressed. And this negative energy provoked me to think differently.

John Fluevog Shoes was a stepping stone; not the destination. Through sub-conscious and conscious reflection I was seeking and searching for my path. When the decision came to give my 6 week notice, pack up my car and move to San Diego, it was a life-giving decision. And 10 months later, and stronger than ever, I believe it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Wow, I can’t believe I walked off my map! Did I really do this? Yes! I desired it and I wanted it. There was nothing irrational or flippant about it. I chose the path, I chased after it and I still wake up every morning abundantly thankful.

The hurdle was “how do I move to San Diego without a job?” I couldn’t see how it would be possible without a job. And then in November of 2014, I read 30 Lessons for Living by Dr Karl Pillemer and my heart awakened.

Looking back, I think launching my business in San Diego started in 2003! It was January  2003 when I started my first coaching company. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I loved it and knew it was what I was made to do. Then John Fluevog recruited me. Again, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I always had such a passion for business. John took a risk and I loved working with him. I loved every part of my job! And now the two unite: Lifetime Initiatives + John Fluevog Shoes = I’m now ready to live out my purpose fully (Karen Thrall, Inc.).

Was I hasty? No, but perhaps to an onlooker it might look that way.

The thinking I did before making my decision to move was like slow-cooking a great pot of chili! The longer you cook it, the better it tastes.

Taking time to think creates great decisions.

If you’re searching for or sensing a life change, take time to think about it; as much as you can. Go for walks and think. Read books and think. Talk to friends and think. Journal and think. Search the web and think. Explore all your options and think. Imagine different scenarios and think. Let your thinking shape the path you’re on and a great decision will emerge.

Great decisions do not void you of challenges. Oh, you will have challenges, yes. And you’ll also create a powerful foundation of conviction, determination, tenacity, strength, confidence and hope.

Seeing how much I spent thinking about moving to Southern California is now my anchored memory for how important thinking is. The more you think, the better the decision.

I experienced what a great decision feels like! And am the recipient of the positive impact it has had on my life.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Karen

Carefree or Careless?

I have a memory. I was a little girl and my mom was going to the grocery store. I asked her if my friend and I could go to the park and play in the wading pool while she went to get groceries. She agreed and dropped us off.

When we arrived, the park attendant told us we couldn’t play in the water with regular clothing. We needed a bathing suit.

My mom had already left so now what are we going to do?

I had a great idea and thought we could walk over to my neighbor’s house and swim in her pool. My plan was to call my mom at the grocery store and ask them to page her and I’d let her know where we were – once we arrived at my neighbor’s.

Off we go, walking. We walked and walked. At last, arrived. I called to leave a message at the grocery store, as planned, but they couldn’t locate my mom. This didn’t faze me. And we continued with our plan to swim.

Yep, that’s my story.

Imagine my mom’s rendition! The panic. The fear. Is her little girl safe? She’s responsible for my friend, too! She doesn’t know where I am. She couldn’t find me. What thoughts were racing through her head?

My perception of who I was as a child is a bit of a footloose kid. I didn’t think through my decisions fully. I would go with the flow. Adjust. Adapt. Roll with the punches. To not be fazed was normal. My lens was full of adventure and wonder. I was the “okay, sure” tag-along. I wasn’t the leader; I was definitely the follower. I would get lost in my imaginary world and create worlds that didn’t exist. I created pretend stories. And ever since I can remember, life was good and I was blessed with a carefree nature. However, I wasn’t passive and docile. I had lots of energy. A tomboy. A handful, sometimes…

Thinking on this memory, was I carefree or careless?

I’ve been thinking about the paradox of these words. And my answer is, “Yes, both.”

I would imagine from my mom’s perspective, I was completely careless. But from my perspective I was carefree.

My mom’s lens might be: “Karen was not thoughtful of how her behavior affected others.”

My lens is: “We’ll figure it out. All will be well.”

My mom’s lens might be: “If Karen would have taken a bit more time to think through her options, we wouldn’t have experienced this gut-wrenching fear.”

There is a price to being carefree. The reality is, it’s a paradox. With my carefree nature, I also have a careless nature.

For example, I’ve had to replace my mobile phone three times in one year. My phone drops from my hand and falls out of my bag because I won’t take the time to care for it properly.  In the last 3 years I’ve broken 7 phones. That’s a 7:1 ratio compared to my friends.

Carelessness vs. Carefreeness. They co-exist in my world.

I don’t want to forfeit my carefree spirit for the sake of over-thinking. But I do want to be carefree with more thoughtfulness.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Career Karen

Make an 80% Decision

The difference between a great decision and a mediocre one is one word: doubt.

I’d rather make a great decision and be 80% successful with 20% room for error, than to second-guess my decision, doubt it and then do 100% n.o.t.h.i.n.g!

I’m someone who will default to performing at 80%. The advantage? Things get done. Not perfectly, but they get done.

In school, when children bring home a straight A’s report card they sometimes are rewarded with gifts and money and other fun things. However, when you come home with a straight B (minuses!) report card, I’m pretty sure there’s no bicycle in the driveway waiting for you.

But here’s the thing: I’d rather perform with B’s and get things done. The bicycle can wait.

Why? Because there’s no such thing as perfect. If I adopt that mindset, my stress levels will be through the roof.

I’m comfortable with an ‘almost perfect’ outcome.

For example, my company is being built on 80%. If I didn’t have this philosophy, I’d still be in Vancouver in a senior leadership role for a luxury footwear company working a 9-5 job. Well, actually, more like a 60-hour a week job.

Taking a leap of faith is like committing to doing something at 80%. The remaining 20% is the cushion, the room for error, the room for growth and, best of all, room for the “aha!” moments which arrive at my doorstep unannounced. The 20% buffer rocks!

My mistakes don’t define my success. However, they absolutely contribute to my success. My shortcomings, those moments where I find myself thinking “I have no idea what to do” turn into amazing lessons for my personal development.

Yes, in the moment or errors, I’m being stretched wayyyy out of my comfort zone. It’s like I’ve been thrown into a stormy ocean of “what to do ” waves! But I don’t drown. I’ve never drowned. Each time I’m in that “I don’t know what to do” predicament, a life vest of new thinking is thrown my way.

Those 20% flawed moments provoke me to ask this question: “What am I going to do about it?” and “How do I get through this?” They force me to look beyond my limited understanding, to seek out help and ask for insights. I read more, explore more and research more. That 20% flaws create an “uh oh” in me that forces me to think. And when I take time to think, I’m welcoming life to teach me. I am a student. I open myself to knowledge and understanding that far surpasses my limitations.

My 20% mistakes keep me motivated and, in turn, I remain true to my original commitment: “Get it done.”

If one of the principles enveloping my business is, “Karen, you’ll figure it out. You’re 80% ready, go for it. Get it done.” then the 20% room for error plays an essential part and empowers me all the more.

Why are we worried about doing something at 80%? Our reputation? Our ego? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to function at 100% in our decision-making and in our execution?

Quite frankly, the only way you can do anything at 100% is within a team context. When I was fortunate to lead an incredible team of managers at John Fluevog Shoes, I felt like we were unstoppable energy with limitless possibilities. My 80% contributed to someone else’s 80% and so on and so on. A team of 22 people performing at 80%, well, do the math. The beauty of teamwork and leaning on each other, knowing that I can only get straight A’s if I do it with y.o.u. is unbelievably empowering, life-giving and successful. Together we join our flawed performances, we weave a tapestry of unique fabric and create a masterpiece.

Embrace your 80%. Embrace his 80%. Embrace her 80%. And let’s fill in each other’s gaps.

Don’t be afraid of the 20% errors. It’s only 20%. Life’s too short to be uncertain. Be a great decision maker. Stay the course. Get it done. Learn. Grow. #pressrepeat

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

We Are Not Immune to Hope

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

We are not immune to hope.

Regardless of your circumstances, you will find a whisper of hope. We must find this hope in every aspect of our lives.

Never dismiss hope.

If there’s any topic I want to petition, it would be in contending for the richness of living a hope-filled life. Hope is what takes us out of muck and chaos. Hope is what drives us to rise above our challenges.

Disappointment can dry up our optimism. What does disappointment sound like? Here are a few examples:

  1.  “It’s not fair.”
  2. “Why am I the only one who…”
  3. “I knew it was too good to be true.”
  4. “I can’t believe…”
  5. “I doubt it’ll happen.”
  6. “I’m worried…”
  7. “I expect.”
  8. “I regret.”
  9. “I don’t trust…”
  10. “I am discouraged.”

How many of these phrases have you thought or said over the course of your life? Take inventory.

If your hope has waned, reclaim it today. Why? Because hope is a cup of cold water quenching your thirst. Ensure hope is in the rhythm of your daily life. It is a gift for you.

Here are few examples of what hope offers.

  1. Gratitude: Find what you’re grateful for.
  2. Encouragement: Ask someone for encouraging words.
  3. Community: Lean on others and they will prop you up.
  4. Love: Love conquers all doubt. Receive love from loving people.
  5. Acceptance: Let go of needing to know the outcome. Ride the wave.
  6. Expectancy: Open yourself up to what might be possible.
  7. Clarity: Find what you truly value and what you deeply desire.
  8. Vision: Illuminate your eyes to see something bigger than yourself.
  9. Trust: Know that something good is waiting for you.
  10. Wonder: Believe like a child. Learn like a child. Trust like a child.

This all belongs to you. Every day.

And one more thing, when you surround yourself with hope-filled people, they are contagious.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

The Theme for Your Year: What is it?

Every year, I present myself a theme. I reflect in December, in preparation for the year to come, and ponder the resource and gift I want the new year to bring me.

I’ve been doing this for approximately 10 years, and I have yet to be disappointed.

When a theme is in the forefront of my mind, I remain incredibly aware of the world around me. It creates a childlike wonder and an anticipation. It gives me permission to ask the dreamy question, “what if?”

My yearly themes break down my guardedness and stretches me out of my comfort zone. My themes create adventures I would never experience if it wasn’t for my intention to stay true to my objective.

It’s not too late to ask yourself, “what is my theme for 2016?”

Reflect on what you want your theme to be. Then say yes to it.

Here’s an important tip: Don’t sit around and expect the experiences to fall from the sky. Once you know your theme, what will you do about it?

One year, my theme was “say yes.” Oh my, sometimes it got me into trouble, “hmmm…maybe I shouldn’t have said yes to that.” But my commitment was to “say yes” so, I said “yes.” For every great moment and opportunity that arose, there was only a smidgen of “shouldn’t have said yes” moments. The “say yes” experiences far outweighed the not-so-great ones. I would say only 2% of my “say yes” moments embarrassed me. But embarrassment doesn’t kill me, and actually make for great stories in the aftermath! Therefore, all my “yes” moments were a great experience and I don’t regret any of them.

Another year, my theme was “Let go.” Wowzers. This theme confronted my need to control (control is based from fear). So ultimately, it also confronted my fear. It was a liberating year of “letting go.” I was challenging myself continually and often re-visiting conversations, eating humble pie, and choosing to relinquish control. Each time I “let go” I was one step closer to being my care-free self. How rewarding!

What is your theme? Find it. Chase it. Embrace it.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

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Ashley Karen Libby Melissa New Friends

We’re Not Very Good at Selfies

Last night, I had a celebratory thank you dinner with most of our amazing bloggers. Libby, Ashley and Melissa joined me for an evening full of stories, laughs and advice over delicious eats and wine. Sadly, Karen wasn’t able to join us since a cross-country flight seemed a bit excessive for dinner, though we hope to all be together sometime soon.

I adore these women, and I wanted to take just a moment to thank them for sharing their time, insights and wisdom with our Good for the Soul Creative Community. They each bring diverse points of view, unique experiences and a worldview that is wholly their own. Yet, in all this, I believe they share a common core. Melissa, Ashley, Libby and Karen each approach the world with enthusiasm and a genuine interest in getting to know those around them. They want to understand their friends, family and colleagues and know what’s important to them. They want to be there to celebrate accomplishments and provide support when things go sideways. And they’re generous with their thoughts, which is incredibly valuable. They share what’s happening in their heads, which makes it each to connect with them and make it safe to share your own thoughts. I’m incredibly lucky to have them all in my life, and I value them tremendously.

And while we’re impressively good at some things, selfies clearly isn’t one of those things (I’ll take all the blame for this one). But we’re good at appreciating great company and that’s the most important thing. Thank you to these women for sharing themselves and thank you for sharing in this journey with us.

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Melissa, Catherine, Ashley and Libby (and Karen in spirit!)
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Career Karen

Enabling in the Workplace

In my last post I shared my personal reflections and experience surrounding the topic of enabling.

Let’s translate this hurdle of enabling into the workplace. What does it look like when someone begins to enable?

I want you to fill in the blanks before you continue reading. Humor me, pretend you’re an enabler. How would you answer these 9 statements?

  1.  If I don’t show support, the person will think I’m _______________.
  2. If I don’t show understanding, the person will think I’m ________________.
  3. If I complain, the person will think I’m ________________.
  4. If I get upset, the person will think I’m ___________________.
  5. If I express my honest thoughts, the person will think I’m ______________.
  6. If I feel hurt, the person will think I’m _________________.
  7. If I say no, the person will think I’m ___________________.
  8. If I don’t agree, the person might _________________.
  9. If I don’t agree, the person could _________________.

Unlike popular thinking, it’s not “yes people” that move up the corporate ladder. They will move up, but only at the mercy of a pecking order.

“If I dot all my I’s and cross all my T’s, they’ll choose me.”

Nope.

“If I show support and agreement to my direct supervisor, they will endorse me in my career within the organization.”

Not necessarily.

Only you can move up the ladder. No one can take you there but yourself.

The primary trait that will move you up in your career is a genuine confidence in who you are and your capabilities. That’s what leaders look for.

Confident people are great listeners and engage with fellow stakeholders. They’re team players and forward thinkers who are considerate and inclusive.

Confident people aren’t afraid of stating their thoughts and expressing their opinions because their ultimate desire is to build a great future with a great team.

When we enable, we are acknowledging that we are not confident.

You now have a second chance to answer the above questions. This time, answer them with confidence, with intelligence, with experience and with expertise.

When we respond from a place of confidence, we interpret events, circumstances, environments, conversations and people from a healthier perspective. (Notice how different the above statements are interpreted in the list below.)

  1. If I say what I think and express my honest thoughts, I’m showing my team commitment because _______________.
  2. If I ask for clarity because I lack understanding, I’m showing my team commitment because _______________.
  3. If I’m dissatisfied with the outcome and express my complaint, I’m showing my team commitment because _______________.
  4. If I’m displeased with the outcome and I’m troubled, I’m showing the team my commitment because ___________________.
  5. If I’m disappointed in the team’s unity and express my discouragement, I’m showing the team my commitment because _________________.
  6. If I say no, I’m showing the team my commitment because ___________________.
  7. If I don’t agree, the person will know that _________________.
  8. If I don’t agree, the person could respond with _________________.

Enabling is responding with fear.

Confidence is responding from your true identity. And in your true identity, there is no need for fear.

It’s one thing to accommodate and remain flexible because you want to be. Being flexible is an attribute of team playing. Being accommodating can have a great impact when it’s offered from a place of fearless confidence.

However, it’s considered enabling if you accommodate and remain flexible because you’re afraid of what people will think or you’re afraid the outcome will have a negative impact on you.

What replaces the brokenness of enablement? The valor of confidence.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

 

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Inside My Head Karen

Enabling

I’ve been reflecting SO MUCH on the topic of enabling.

What I write in this post is my perception and perspective. I’m not a medical expert and do not have university psychological training. I’m reflecting on the word “enabling” based on my experience and my conduct. I’ve grown in leaps and bounds, but on occasion, it still rears its ugly head.

The hardest part about admitting I’m an enabler is looking at the intentions of my conduct. My perception tells me I’m being loving, thoughtful, accommodating, understanding, forgiving, looking-the-other-way, empowering and supportive.

How can that be wrong? How can I possibly be labeled an enabler?

It’s not these characteristics that define enabling. It’s the conduct and motive behind the behavior. The root of ‘why I do what I do’ is the enabling part.

Sorry to break it to ya, but fear is the root of all enablers. And fear distorts our lens on reality and we end up responding in a way that is unhealthy.

  • If I don’t show support, the person will think I’m selfish.
  • If I don’t show understanding, the person will think I’m controlling.
  • If I complain, the person will think I’m high maintenance and needy.
  • If I get upset, the person will think I’m irrational.
  • If I express my honest thoughts, the person will think I’m picking a fight.
  • If I feel hurt, the person will think I’m projecting my issues.
  • If I say no, the person will think I’m unloving.
  • If I don’t agree, the person will get mad at me.

So I better not act in these ways, whatsoever! After all, I don’t want people to think of me in this light.

An enabler is worried of how they’ll be perceived:

  • Will you think I’m selfish?
  • Will you think I’m controlling?
  • Will you think I’m needy?
  • Will you think I’m irrational?
  • Will you think I’m picking a fight?
  • Will you think I’m projecting my issues on to you?
  • Will you think I’m unloving?
  • Will you think I’m causing problems?
  • Will you think I’m unsupportive?
  • Will you think I’m thoughtless?
  • Will you think I’m unloving?
  • Will you think I’m inflexible?
  • Will you get mad at me?

It was 2009 when I went through counseling, and at that time was told I was an enabler. This diagnosis was a true gift. What enlightenment! Thank you, doctor! I had no idea! It transformed me and launched me on a new path; a path where I learned to find my voice.

How do you stop being an enabler?

  1. Seek professional counseling. The doctor will move you through this healing much faster than you can do it on your own.
  2. The phrase I started to say, and continue to help others say who struggle with this similar vice, is: “This is not okay with me.” By using this simple phrase, it allows opportunity for conversation. You are not projecting. You are not being unloving. You are not being unsupportive. You are merely stating how it makes you feel. In a healthy relationship, the person you are speaking to will want to hear more and the conversation will have a mutual dialogue, a mutual engagement. Start with this simple phrase and grow your confidence.

Mutual empowerment on how we feel and think is healthy. One person catering to another’s wishes, thoughts, actions, wants, needs – but is not reciprocated – is not healthy. If the game is one-way, you may want to explore the dysfunction of enablement.

 

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

 

 

 

 

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Worthy of Love

A few years ago, I dated this guy who, after 7 months, said to me, “I don’t have feelings of love for you.” I was quite taken back. I had not heard that phrase before.

“You have no feelings of love?”

Like, I love pizza. I love this movie. I love golf. No feelings of love?

It was important to him that I know this ‘truth’.

My truth, in response to him was: “I need to be with someone who loves me. I want to be loved.”

The irony is we continued dating.

I conjured an enabling theory that could keep me in this dating relationship: “He doesn’t know how to love. He’s been so hurt. Be patient, Karen.”

A few months later we parted ways. His intentions were clear and it continued to play out: this relationship was not a loving relationship and would never be one.

Karen Thrall could not ‘fix’ this. I could not ‘change’ this. I could not act better, try harder, do more, serve more, give more.

I struggle with being an enabler. It’s something that rears its ugly head on occasion. I’ve come a long way in progress; but it still shows up every so often. It’s a pattern I created in my life from a very young age. Perhaps it will be a life-long journey. I hope not.

However, I look back and look at my present and celebrate, because I can see how far I’ve come. I can see how much I’ve grown, matured and advanced. I’m a work in progress. As long as I continue to grow and learn, this bane will be a gift to me.

A few days ago, the memory resurfaced. It’s a sentence that stuck and I’ve allowed it to fuel feelings of unworthiness: to believe I was not worthy of love.

Why would I allow my inner-person to embrace these feelings of unworthiness? Why would I allow my self to entertain the notion that I’m not worthy of love? How did this lie creep into my subconscious, into my life?

The story I share is just a story. It happened once. In my entire life, I’ve only heard that phrase once. How could I possibly allow one phrase to have that kind of power?

I was chatting with my sister about it last night. Musing upon this memory and the effect it had on me.

She said, “Starting now, it no longer has an effect. It’s that easy. The bottom line is, you’re worthy of love. Choose it. Make the switch immediately.”

It’s exactly what I needed to hear. Replace the lie with truth.

I am worthy of love.

I chose to share this with you, not for your sake, but for mine. Today I reclaim the truth that I’m worthy of love. And I say to Karen, “Please forgive me for letting feelings of unworthiness cloud your heart, your soul and your hope.”

I am worthy of love. Not for what I do, not because of who I am, or what I say. I am worthy of love because I am worthy of love. There are no stipulations or criteria. There is no merit system. There is no checklist. There are no conditions. There are no hoops for me to jump through. To be worthy of love is the beauty of being human. When you’re born, you are instantly worthy of love. This is what I truly believe. And I stand strongly on this truth. Not wavering, not clouded.

How people treat you with regards to your worth does not define your worthiness.

You are loved. You are worthy of love.

I’d like to share this gift of truth and self-acceptance with you. May it touch your heart as it has touched me this morning.

Today I shed a memory that does not help me shine. I shed a memory that darkens my self-worth. I shed a memory that caused me to question my worthiness. And today, I re-launch the solid, non-negotiable truth that sets me free to truly live: I am worthy of love.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com