Category: Karen

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Career Karen

It Took Six Months to Resolve a Conflict

Karen fightSeveral years ago, I experienced a business conflict. This conflict lasted 6 months. I had made a business decision that created this disruption with a colleague.

We were both willing to engage in dialogue and resolve our differences. We had met over coffee a few times over those six months – per my request. However, the conversations never brought resolve. We had opposing views and differing opinions; and we could not find that common ground.   We still worked well together, but there was strain in our relationship. There was an unspoken undercurrent.

On-going conflict for six months is not any fun. It’s disruptive and has a negative impact on camaraderie and rapport.   I don’t like it (does anyone?).

I was determined to resolve!

We went for coffee…again. I asked him to recount his perspective…again .

He shared his views – which was not how I recollected it. But that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered to me was his interpretation. I no longer tried to explain myself. I sat and listened; and repeated what I was hearing him say. As I listened, I continued to look for the positive intention in what he was trying to convey to me. It wasn’t about being right or wrong anymore. It wasn’t about defending my stance.   It was about respecting his views and valuing his opinions. And in turn, he listened to mine and reciprocated respect.

We resolved.

Interesting what took place next: He thanked me for my tenacity and my patience with the time it took to resolve our differences.

Something clicked in us that day. That very conflict strengthed us. Our loyalty to one another was sealed. And we stepped into a higher level of trust.

What did I learn? If we are willing to engage in dialogue, conflict will only strengthen us. If we are patient – it will resolve. There is nothing to fear. It is not a personal attack when someone disagrees with you. It is a strengthening of forces. Stay in it.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Compartmentalizing

Karen CompartmentsDon’t allow your fears and anxieties to paralyze you from making good decisions.

I can be content about many things and anxious about one thing. And that’s okay. Chances are, there will always be that one thing that I’m unsettled about. My life isn’t paradise. But I will make the best of it.

Compartmentalizing works well for me. I take inventory on a daily basis. I zoom out. I look at the entire picture. I don’t pigeonhole myself into a rut. I won’t let myself wallow in that one area of my life that is the bane of my world!

Usually when we’re unsettled, it’s not about everything; it’s about one or two things. I refuse to allow that one compartment to rob me of the happiness that is living in all other compartments. No matter how upset it makes me.

Some might say, “That’s great for you, Karen. But I am extremely anxious in every part of my life.” Really? I promise you, I can prove that to be an inaccurate statement.

Hone in on whatever that negative vice might be, and name it. What is it – exactly? Once you have the exact language and perspective, you then zoom out and measure it against other personal topics and situations.

Several years ago, I was at a party. I had just launched a small business. I was now officially an entrepreneur. A neighbor of mine, a successful entrepreneur, approached me and said, “So I hear you started a business?” I nodded yes and we chatted about what it means to be an entrepreneur. He then says, “Have you cried in the corner like a baby yet?” Pleasantly surprised and relieved by how accurate he was, I blurt out, “Yes! Yes, I have!”   I laughed and he smiled, “Yeah, me too. We’ve all done it.”

Wait. What? What did he mean, “We’ve all done it?!?”

He meant it’s normal. He included me amongst the entrepreneur posse and reassured me that those moments of “anxiety” were momentary and played a smaller role in the bigger order of life.

We can afford to be anxious for a moment; however, we cannot afford to wallow in anxiety. Fear must never dominate the path we have embarked upon.

One of the best gifts I give myself is the permission to change my mind. This is how I experience this situation today. Only today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. I then resolve to look at all the areas of my life where I am content. They are more important to me than this negative situation.

I have a friend who writes his gratitude list every day. I like that. That’s another way to do it. There’s many ways to remind yourself that fear in one area must not dominate your overall gratitude.

Anxiety is not meant to paralyze you. It becomes a gift that provokes you. But it can only provoke you if you acknowledge the compartments you’re indeed content with. Our hardships become an offensive weapon that propels forward motion.

What are these compartments? Here are a few suggestions I propose:

  • Your income
  • Your personal finances
  • Your financial responsibilities
  • Your (student) loans
  • Your position at work
  • Your educational status
  • Your colleagues
  • Your supervisors
  • Your workload
  • Your commute
  • Your demographics
  • Your neighbor
  • Your friend(s)
  • Your child(ren)
  • Your spouse/partner
  • Your love life
  • Your sexual activeness
  • Your health
  • Your fitness
  • Your eating habits
  • Your addictions
  • Your communication skills
  • Your social skills
  • Your social circle
  • Your hobby
  • Your home
  • Your home life
  • Your home responsibilities

(1) Rate each one anywhere between 0-10. Zero means you are absolutely undeniably miserably anxious!! Ten means you are over-joyed, elated, and exuberantly content!!

(2) If you rated yourself below a 2, is there anything you can potentially do to increase your number from 0 to, let’s say, a 2.25? I’m not asking you to jump immediately to a 10. I’m asking if there’s anything in your power, perhaps a minor adjustment, that can move your number to a higher place.

(3) For the compartments you rated 3 and higher, there is joy to be seen and found – right now.

Be tenacious with your unsettledness! After all, it is in your control to change your perspective. Be stubborn. Be really stubborn. Hope wins. Hands down. Hope rules. Let it rule.

Okay, so you did that. Thank you! But, now what?

The important part.

From this place, you will now be able to find the best decisions for yourself. From the realm of contentment, you will walk in wisdom. Wisdom (your wisdom) will help you know what to do. Wisdom is a friend to your happiness. They co-exist. One will strengthen the other.

Your contentment lets the world in on a special secret: you know what to do.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Career Karen

Training: We Have to Pursue It

Karen PuppyIt doesn’t matter what type of training you are experiencing. Training is a one-step-at a-time process.

Training is an invitation for growth. Growth in what? Well, what do you want to see grow? Let me ask that again: What. Do. You. Want. To. See. Grow?

We have to choose training. We have to pursue it and want it. It takes discipline and commitment.

Why do we train? What’s the purpose? We pursue training so that we may excel and become better at something. It hones in on a skill. We are strengthened through training. It opens up the opportunity to reach a goal – or even better – a dream.

Training is “the action of teaching a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time”. You begin at point A and, through training, you reach point B; and so on. Training is intentional and each step matters.

The truly committed will not look to fast track. They recognize that the step they are taking – right here, right now – is the only one that matters. It’s the most important one.

Training forces you to live in the moment. If you lose sight of the training at hand, you will not reach your goal.

Training requires endurance. And endurance cannot function without patience.

Training isn’t easy. It can be discouraging. It provokes self-doubt in our capabilities. It depletes our energy and pushes us beyond our comfort levels. It confronts our fears; our insecurities; and any feelings of inadequacy we might have.

Training commands us to let go and to forfeit our need for control. Training summons us to surrender our need to understand. Because sometimes it’s not time to understand, it’s time to train for…what might be possible.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Curiously Engaging

Karen CuriosityWhen curiosity and engagement are interwoven and lived out simultaneously, it creates this magical wonder we call: being present

What does it look like to curiously engage?

  • You are approachable.
  • You ask questions.
  • You are personable.
  • You explore conversations.
  • You laugh freely.
  • You open yourself up to new experiences.
  • You pursue understanding
  • You expand your knowledge.
  • You radiate safety and warmth.
  • You extend respect easily.
  • You appreciate more.
  • You welcome camaraderie.
  • You create community.
  • You express belonging.
  • You offer space for others to be known.

And the cool part is – while gallivanting around in curious engagement – you become contagious. Not a bad return on investment!!

May I suggest that curiosity be viewed as a verb rather than a noun? When curiosity is a thing it loses its power. When curiosity is alive, it is a blazing unstoppable force that opens doors you never thought imaginable.

-Karen Thrall

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Diversity

Karen HandsLast week, my flight was delayed and it was evening. I was feeling a bit tired; content to be quiet, listen to music, watch a movie, and snooze. Although quiet, I was very aware of my surroundings – curiously aware.

Across from me were a Middle Eastern mother and her two sons. Beside me was a Canadian on holidays and an American traveling with some of his mates. The two primary flight attendants that served us were Asian and French.

Diversity.

Our world is so big, yet so small all at the same time. Five ethnic cultures represented within arms reach. What a privilege to be surrounded by global culture.

Diversity. Variety. Assortment. Mixture. What I admire about bakers is their talent in blending together ingredients with perfection and presenting delectable treats. This big ol’ world is just like dessert! When mixed together, we are delicious!

It is enriching to embrace diversity – to know that your world might be different from my world. Your thoughts different from mine. Your principles; your opinions; your routines; your passions; your hobbies; your knowledge; your views; your tastes; your beliefs; your style; your convictions; your expressions – you get the idea. I like it.

Thanks, big ol’ world for being within arms reach. I have learned so much from you. You enrich me.

 -Karen Thrall

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Life Is Unpredictable

Karen UnpredictableLast week I hung out with a friend of mine. It was catch up time. We hadn’t connected in awhile. I asked if, instead of meeting for dinner or at a coffee shop, we could sip our hot beverage of choice while strolling the Vancouver seawall.

It was nightfall. The West End was beginning to settle in for the night. The air was refreshing. The sound of the water was peaceful. The boulevard was quiet, with a few evening runners and people walking their dogs.

Amidst the city lights, we shared life. The tales were filled with victories, defeats and self-reflection. My eyes sparkled as I listened to his joy and my shoulders slumped when he shared his hardship.

Also last week, I received a text message from a friend letting me know he lost a close friend in a car accident; another experienced unsettledness and is re-thinking their career; another went through a painful break-up; and one heard the news that her mother has cancer.

All in one week.

I find myself intently aware that circumstances knock on our door unannounced. Our lives are interwoven with elation and disappointment. Life is unpredictable.

And when we connect to each other’s lives, two powerful expressions of friendship are manifested: we listen & we are present. We extend compassion or a standing ovation; comfort or celebration; high fives or a shoulder to lean on; tears of joy or tears of grief. Whichever it may be, one thing is clear – we need each other.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

First Receive, Then Give

Karen AppleThere is a presupposition about giving that I’ve noticed is quite popular. It is the mindset that we are to give more than we receive.

I disagree. Actually, I believe the opposite.

For you to truly give – you must give from what you already have.

How can I possibly give what I have not?

Therefore, receive first – then give.

Does that sound selfish? Not at all.

From what I have been given; from what I have received; from what I have experienced for myself – from that place I will give generously to you.

When I need help with my golf game, to whom do I turn? I turn to my friends that are scratch golfers, or I make an appointment with my golf coach. What they are able to give me is a surplus of information and experience. It is effortless for them to share golf tips with me that will improve my game. They are giving from what they have. They are giving from what they’ve also received that helps them play well.

KAREN: I am going to give you a dozen apples.

INVISIBLE CYBER VOICE: Do you have a dozen apples?

KT: Well, no.

ICV: How many do you have?

KT: I have one apple.

ICV: Then why would you tell me you’ll give me a dozen apples when you don’t have a dozen? Why don’t you just give me a portion of the apple you have?

KT: Oooo, good idea. A win/win.

You can’t pretend to give a dozen apples. The receiver will figure out soon enough that you don’t have a dozen apples to give!

Why would other forms of giving be any different? Why do we treat giving of ourselves as a sacrifice? The whole point of giving is generosity.

What does generosity mean? The quality or fact of being plentiful! Give from a place of plentifulness; a place of abundance. Give from what we have. What I have, I will give.

“Karen, what if I don’t have anything to give?”

Impossible.

There is always something to give. BUT only give what you have! Whatever you are able to give is precious. Stand in a pitch-black room where no light can penetrate. I’m talking the kind of darkness where you will not be able to see your own hand if you put it in front of your face.

Now, strike a match. What happens is extraordinary!

That little flame illuminates the entire darkened room.

Whether your “giving” is a single flame from a single match or the grandeur of a lighthouse beaming across the stormy ocean waves – light is light. Translate it now to generosity. Regardless of the quantity of giving, generosity is still generosity.

I may not have much, but what I have I will share. I like that mindset.

Never underestimate the power of your giving. It is far better to give from what you have than to give from a place of deficit.

KT: I do not have a dozen apples. But I do have one apple. Would you like to share it with me?

ICV: That is so generous of you KT. I would love to share it with you.

KT: I wish I could give you a dozen apples. But I only have one.

ICV: The fact that you’d be willing to share the only apple you have with me, means more to me than a thousand apples. Thank you.

Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you get my point?

“Karen, I am giving from a place of deficit. What do I do?”

Be honest. Stop sacrificing. Generosity was never meant to be equated with sacrifice. The whole point of generosity is giving from a place of abundance. If you ain’t got it – don’t give it! Simple enough.

I am adamant about this.

Trust me, you will experience more joy and pleasure in giving when you only give what you have. Whether that is a physical resource, your time, your heart, your soul, your energy, your mind, your talent, your wisdom, etc. Give from a place of abundance.

Only give what you have. Share only what you have. Stop giving from an empty tank – please fill it back up.When you invest in nurturing your well-being, you will give abundantly. Do not measure the amount of your giving, measure the generosity of your giving. Keep it simple.

If I give from an empty place, then I’m going through the motions of giving – giving has now become a duty – and I convince myself it’s the right thing to do.Giving from a place of surplus, however small the gesture, will have the greatest impact.

How do you know when and how much to give? What is your mindset around giving? Is it…

I really, really want to! – OR –  I must.

I am so happy that I’m able to give. – OR –  It’s the right thing to do.

It’s not much, but I want to share it with you. – OR – They really need my help.

Yes, there will be times in our lives we will sacrifice. However, remember what true sacrifice is. In those moments of sacrifice, there is great joy because we want to. Sacrifice is done as an expression of generosity; not hardship.

“Karen, what about at work? The demands are exhausting me. I keep piling work on my desk.”

  1.  How urgent is it? How much time do you have to get the work done?
  2. What other areas of work are they willing for you to neglect while you focus on the newest task?
  3. Communicate honestly what you have to give. Your colleagues and superiors understand. They know what it’s like to have a heavy workload. They will negotiate the completion date with you.
  4. Ask for help. Teamwork rocks!

When John Fluevog (the person I report directly to) approaches me with ideas, projects or research – I ask him one simple question: “When do you need this by?” This will help me gauge if I can put the time into my work to complete the task. More so than not, it has a flexible timeline. And the few times it’s immediate, I call my colleague and let him know that I’ll be distracted for the next couple of days and I ask for his help to keep the ship on course.

I have a favor to ask of you… please practice receiving. It is a remarkable resource for giving. Ohhhh, that from a place of surplus you may give lavishly, extravagantly, wholeheartedly, effortlessly and generously.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Awkwardness is Beautiful

Karen - SocializingI was having tea with a friend of mine on Friday. We were talking about the importance of socially engaging with people.

She says to me, “You greet strangers on the street?”

I responded, “Yes, sometimes. Why not? What’s the worst that will happen?” I smile and offer a greeting. If they ignore me, that’s okay. If they smile and return the greeting, we both just added happiness to the other person’s day. Low risk!

Hmm… well, my friend got me thinking. So, yesterday while at the airport heading to Southern California, I paid attention to my interactions with strangers.

Why do I interact with strangers? Because people appreciate kindness and smiles. I sure do! When someone approaches me, and his or her facial expression shows kindness? I will respond – absolutely! Why wouldn’t I?

The philosophy behind my behaviour is: Kind people create happy environments.

More and more it seems people are losing their confidence in conversing with others. I would imagine one of the biggest hurdles for growing our social skills is technology. Quoting a member of my team, “Social media is the opportunity to be our own paparazzi.” Brilliantly stated!

Social media is a forum where:

  1. we communicate who we are and what we think… when we want to.
  2. we are in complete control of how we want people to perceive us.
  3. we can think before we speak; ponder what we want to say; and delete and re-word our thoughts until they are eloquently crafted.

Social media is not reality. It is a perception.

The realness of social engagement is that it has an element of awkwardness to it. And awkwardness is beautiful.

I remember in the movie Dirty Dancing, Baby fumbles her words when she meets Johnny for the first time. He asks “What’s she doing here?!” Baby blurts out “I carried a watermelon.” When Johnny walks away she expresses self-disgust, “I.. carried.. a.. watermelon??” In other words, “That’s the best line I could come up with?!?”

Yes, Baby, welcome to the awkward world of socializing.

It’s perfectly normal. I am intentional with that phrase. Did you catch it? Let me say it again: it’s perfectly normal.

We are too quick to disqualify ourselves in how we engage with others.

Our engagements with people are laced with “foot IN mouth disease”. My question is: What’s bad about that? So what? Why is this a problem? We disqualify ourselves if we’re uneasy; tongue-tied; stuttering; nervously laughing; don’t have a come back; not funny enough; and so the list grows…

Give yourself a break.  Give yourself a second chance! The world is full of second chances. And third chances, and fourth and fifth and and and….

Enjoy those awkward moments. They are priceless. And endearing!

We have 3-5 seconds to leave our first impression. Wow! Talk about pressure! But here’s the great news: Relationships and friendships are not built on impressions. Nor are they built on perceptions.

Great connections grow with time. It takes time to get to know one another. Don’t be quick to disqualify yourself because of any “foot in mouth disease” that may arise.

Yesterday, while in the United lounge waiting for my flight, a gentleman said he couldn’t connect to the lounge’s Wi-Fi. I had a similar problem. So I asked him if I could help. He snapped at me and was curt. I guess I insulted him and possibly made him feel incompetent? Don’t know. But I do know he did not appreciate me offering my help.

Sometimes my openness to people backfires on me. And that’s okay. 75% of the time my social interactions are perfectly fine and the 25%? Well, they’re fine too. Regardless, a story is birthed.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Career Karen

Seeing Is Believing?

Karen SeeingisBelievingYou’ve heard the phrase “Seeing is believing.” Well, that’s not necessarily how I live my life. And frankly, I don’t really want to live my life that way.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t discredit it. “Seeing is believing” plays an important role. For example, to truly give someone your trust, they need to earn it. Therefore, seeing them being trustworthy will create a strong foundation for believing they are trustworthy.

Yes, there are areas in our lives that require us to see before we believe.

What I’m referring to is more so about the confidence to not hold back.

My perception of “seeing is believing” limits the wonder of the “what if.”

“Seeing is believing” means I limit my confidence in the impossible, the unfathomable, the unattainable. I limit my worldview to only what is guaranteed. No risk whatsoever??? No way. Can’t. Won’t. Don’t want to.

That would be like sucking every ounce of my passion out of my body!

“Believing is seeing.” Now that’s a sentence I can buy into!

It’s one thing to believe because the proof and facts are presented to you. Sure, anyone can do that! That’s easy.

Show me a meat lovers pizza and, trust me; I’ll believe it’s delicious! Show me a song that’s been already composed by a brilliant musician; yes indeed I’ll believe it’s beautiful music.Show me a winning game plan for an innovative idea; I’ll believe it will succeed.Show me how to improve my golf swing with guaranteed results; yes, I’ll believe you and do what you say.

But to believe in something which requests you to imagine, to visualize, to ignite curiosity, to ponder, to wonder, to stimulate opportunity, to provoke longing, to welcome the “what if” – this excites me! This tells me to broaden my perspective; to listen carefully; to observe intently and to think outside my existing perceptions.

To believe, that I may see, welcomes vision. To believe, that I may see, invites possibility, hope and forward motion. Fantastic!

How does this apply to you? “Karen, it all sounds so nebulous and philosophical. Where’s the meat of it, KT!”

Ok, invisible Cyber Voice – here’s the crux…

I’ll believe it when I see it! – I’ve said that phrase. Many times. But…I don’t like me when I talk that way. I sound like a skeptic. I sound defensive, reactive, guarded and cynical.   Feels like I just nailed up a fence; established boundaries; set up stipulations. Why? Why say it in the first place? Why not engage and explore the conversation? Why so quick to dismiss the notion? What happened for me to react that way? What went wrong for me to now hold this presupposition?

I see it because I believe it! Zowie! Just writing that phrase stirs me up! The confidence! The relentless commitment to not wilt when challenged! To get back up and keep running when you trip over the hurdles! To not buckle when odds are against you! To not quit when the feat seems too great to overcome!

I see it because I believe it! I sound like I’m healthy and don’t carry old baggage around. Life gives us hard knocks, sure. But I don’t want those hard knocks to define me. They are part of my story, sure. But every hard moment ends up being a true gift. It either grows your character or jades your soul.

I’d rather look a fool for seeing because I believe, than to limit my world to believing only if I see.

-Karen Thrall

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Weariness

Weary ClownThis past Monday, while walking to work, I became more and more intrigued.

What did I see? Exhaustion. Weariness. Tiredness.

As people approached me I’d look at them, into their eyes, and think: ”There’s another one. Another tired person.”

I enjoy casually walking to work with an Earl Grey in hand. What normally takes 30 minutes to walk, usually takes me 40 minutes. I stroll. I don’t like to rush. I don’t want to rush. By strolling, I soak in my environment. The ol’ saying “stop and smell the roses.” That would be the best description of how I view each morning.

What awaits me at work is a fast-paced, high energy, highly stimulated environment. For an introvert, although gregarious, this could easily suck the life out of me. But I’ve learned, over the last 13 years, that peace and tranquility are uncompromising resources in my life. I will not negotiate these two life sources. Since 2002, I am committed to finding my rest before my day begins.

I naturally wake up early, without an alarm clock (early, as in 5:30-6:00am). I like it. It allows me to just be. There’s nothing urgent at that hour. On the rare occasion that I need to move quickly in the morning, I instantly experience stress, pressure and anxiety. I do not want to start my day that way! No thanks! However, those rare occasions become gifts to me, reminding me once again that I MUST start my day with peace and tranquility. This is not just a good idea; it is a principle I live by. Good for the soul!

So, here I am, walking to work, soaking in the people – and my compassion begins to kick in. “So many weary people.”

Why?

Here are a few reasons I’d like to propose:

  • Busy, because they need a holiday and a slower pace of life to give themselves the opportunity to refuel again.
  • Striving, because they put pressure on themselves to perform at high levels.
  • Sleeplessness, because they can’t turn off their minds.
  • Bored, because they are in a rut and don’t know how to create fresh life for themselves.
  • Lonely, because they don’t know how to freely express the longing for what they truly desire and want.
  • Restless, because they are dissatisfied with part or all of life.
  • Worried, because they have financial debt and are not living within their means.
  • Hurt, because they carry an un-resolve for wrongdoings they’ve experienced.
  • Shame, because they can’t seem to quite forgive themselves for one, or ten, or countless mistakes – in other words, they can’t forgive themselves for being human.
  • Disappointment, because they thought their lives would have been so much different than the outcome they are presently in.

Weariness is a result of excessive exertion or lack of sleep. The opposite of weary? Refreshment.

Excessive exertion can take place in your body, your mind and your soul. You may be doing too much and your body is tired; you may be thinking too much and your mind is tired; you may be feeling too much and your soul is tired.

Pause for a moment. If any of the proposed reasons for weariness applies to you, then it’s time for you to find your rest. By finding rest, you will be refreshed.

Refreshment means to gain new strength; to restore; to revitalize…to wake up.

How does one find rest? Sometimes it requires only simple adjustments:

  • Slow your pace down. Walk slower. Sit longer. Breathe slower. Talk slower.
  • Give yourself that extra 15 minutes so you don’t have to experience feeling rushed; or late; or in a hurry.
  • On the weekends, start your day one or two hours later. It’s the weekend – the opportunity to not have a responsible schedule (unlike what is required of you at work).
  • Sip your coffee/tea in silence. Learn to enjoy the sound of quietness again.
  • Don’t make excuses for your tiredness: avoid “yeah, but…”
  • When’s the last time you really had a day off? It’s not sustainable to keep yourself busy every day. (and I’m referring to all three: body, mind and soul).
  • Instead of using electricity, light candles. Candlelit rooms create an environment for tranquility.
  • Take a break from your computer, mobile and/or television.
  • Stroll or sit outdoors and breathe in the fresh air.
  • Take a break from using your car.

I’m not asking you to change your life. Keep everything exactly the way it is.

I’m only asking one thing… add rest.

-Karen Thrall