Tag: Change

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Character is More Important than Reputation

karen - water
Photo credit: Andrew Phillips

One thing I have learned over the years is this: character is more important than reputation. I’m not the only one who holds this stance. I think those who know what it’s like to endure hardship relate to me.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

Our reputation is based on what people think of us. Did you know we only have 3-5 seconds to make a first impression? Does it have to do with our character or reputation? It has to do solely with our reputation. How we treat an individual will determine their opinion of us. How we conduct ourselves publicly will influence the onlookers’ view of who we are.

When I went through my divorce in 2010, I immediately began to feel shame for having a failed marriage. Will people think I’m not good with relationships? Will people think I don’t place a high value on commitment? Will people think I quit? Will people think I did something wrong? Have I disqualified myself from continuing to coach people in their business or personal lives? These are big topics, and these questions are fueled by how my reputation may have been affected.

Reputation is viewing someone’s environment with partial knowledge. As humans, we are presented with an immediate story and therefore make a quick assessment. This is normal human behavior, and will remain this way today and in the future to come. This assessment is based on what we see and how we perceive the situation. The majority of humans want to think the best of others. We want to give individuals the benefit of the doubt. We ward off negative opinions and potential judgments, and we try very hard to not perceive wrongly. That takes conscious effort.

When time is on our side, we have the opportunity to establish stronger bonds with people and, in so doing, we learn more about the individual because we have the privilege of walking alongside their journey with them. This is when reputation morphs into character.

Going back to my divorce as an example, I had a small circle of friends where I found my refuge. It was a circle of eight people. I closed out the world and “disappeared” into my family, my eight friends, my therapist Dr. Kirk Austin, and my work. I was overwhelmed with pain and, well, I was a broken person. One of my closest friends, Tanya Cassidy, said: “you’re like a fragile bird.” My mom and dad were huge supporters and I found great comfort in their encouragement and love. My sister would listen to me process through countless hours of sorrow. Dr. Kirk Austin was an incredible gift to me as he helped me unpack, first, my behaviors and dysfunctions; and then he helped rebuild my true identity. These pillars were my oasis, my haven and my voice of hope. My career was my place of escape. I immersed myself in work I love that had nothing to do with my hardship. I wanted to keep giving; it was a place where I knew I could grow and regain my strength and confidence. My colleagues saw my shortcomings, my anxieties and my tears. My management team was the ones I’d celebrate with, build business with, experience success, and where I could listen and support their work.

My children walked through the deepest valleys with me, and I went through profound grief knowing they were victims of the tearing apart of a traditional family unit. This, by far, was the biggest pain I had to overcome. There is nothing that will ever separate my children from my love. And although we had to work through a painful process, we are stronger for it; we are closer for it; and our love is deeper for it. Healing is a beautiful gift. And it enriched our relationship.

When you experience the pangs of a negative reputation, you will get over it. Don’t fear. It is fleeting. People are kind enough to forget. People are kind enough to give you a second chance. Don’t despair. We all have a story in our lives that we’re reluctant to share, in fear that it will affect our reputation. No need to be reluctant. It is the very story that you wish to bury that will be a tremendous gift to others. When we overcome an event in our lives, we instantly become a carrier of hope.

What people see on the surface is fleeting. It is not raw reality; it is the perception of reality. Observing someone momentarily can only produce one result: a reputation.

It’s in the journey we walk with people where we engage with the richness of one’s character. (Allow me to be poetic for a moment, please). In the depth of your soul, in the warmth of your heart, in the contemplations of your mind is where character abides. With each story, we can choose how it will influence who we’re becoming. This life is a continual journey of becoming. Who we are becoming can only grow in powerful ways when we engage our character.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”

What does Abraham Lincoln mean by ‘character’?

Using three different English dictionaries, character is defined as (1) “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” (Oxford) (2) “the complex of mental and ethical traits marking a person.” (Merriam Webster)  (3) “the quality of being determined and able to deal with difficult situations.” (Cambridge)

I have a new phrase I try to say often: this is my story.

This is my story is my commitment to invest in my character no matter what curve ball is thrown my way. When I choose to allow each chapter of my life to be a new opportunity for growth, I am only left with one outcome: a richer character. This conviction creates immeasurable hope inside me. It tells me “all will be well.”

If I want to grow in the area of trust, then today is the perfect day to grow this character trait of trust. If I want to grow in the area of kindness, then today is the perfect day to grow this character trait of kindness. Character is choosing moral, ethical and mental outcomes regardless of the circumstances.

Today will either be an effortless day or a challenging day. Either way, my character has an opportunity to delve deeper. Every day matters.

In reading 30 Lessons For Living by Karl Pillemer, the people highlighted in this book, in my opinion, exude tremendous character and wisdom that comes from experience. They have journeyed life, and as they reflect back, they see how it helped develop their character.

For character to truly be enriched, it requires events where we have the privilege to grow and learn. Regardless of the circumstances, your character is ready and available to be enriched.

Reputation is fleeting. Character is long lasting. Always choose character first and foremost. Good repute will follow.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

The Quiet Journey Of Transformation

Karen AcornAn acorn falls from the tree. The rains come and it begins to sink into the ground.

Below the surface in the quietness of earth, the roots push and break through its shell. The acorn grows; diving to deeper depths of soil. In this dark place where no sunlight exists, no one can see the purity of its transformation. In the dark, cold earth a seed is morphing, in small, gradual steps.

Seasons come and go; and one day, on a very special day, for the first time, the roots of this acorn surface. It enters sunlight as a fragile stem. Bruisable. Breakable. Vulnerable. In its appearance there is weakness; yet concealed is an unshakeable foundation. A fortified strength.

The investment that takes place in secrecy, births life to what will be a magnificent oak tree.

What once was merely one in a million is now one of a kind.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

How Bad Is It, Really, When We Fail?

Karen Fail
Photo by Daniela Cuevas

There is nothing idealistic or romantic about failing. It is part of life. It is humbling. It is discouraging. It depletes us (for a moment), yet reminds us (if we so choose) to remain relentless.

How bad is it, really, when we fail? Is it really that awful?

Hurts our pride, sure. Creates embarrassment, yes, okay. Reminds us we’re at least giving it our best shot, absolutely!

Failure is the omission in our performance; the state of inability; a giving way under stress; a lack of success; a falling short. (gee, thanks, Mirriam-Webster, rub it in a little more…)

We can view our shortcomings as opportunists or with defeatism. Listen carefully to what I’m about to write – I need your full attention!

DO NOT QUIT! DO NOT GIVE UP! You’ve come this far. You are so close. To what? To progress, to the outcome you desire, to fulfilling what you believe you are to do. Remain steadfast. Persevere. Hang in there. Surround yourself with cheerleaders.

If you focus on a plant and cultivate it, water it, weed it and nurture it – it will grow. To what extent? We’re never quite certain. But we are certain it will grow. Ask yourself, “Instead of quitting, is there opportunity for just a little more room for growth?” If there is room, even an inkling of forward progress, then do it!

Your character is not in question. This has nothing to do with character. Failure is not associated with our character. Failure is associated with our attempt to try. This is solely about performance (an action), and performance lends itself to immeasurable opportunities.

Look back on your timeline. How far have you come? Has there been progress? Then, I petition you, keep going!

You don’t know yet what that missing piece is. But you will find it. It may take some time, and that’s okay. It might come about through a big “aha” light bulb moment beaming from your brain! It may come through a passing comment you overheard. Maybe you’ll figure it out through reading, writing, learning, analytics or research. You may find that “clue” in the quietness of contemplation, through nature or outdoor activities. You get the gist! There is a missing piece. Pioneer that you are, you will figure it out.

Which club do I want to belong to? The club that has paved the way for us newbie ‘failurites’ to believe it’s possible. Check out what these greats have to say about failure!

*****

Winston Churchill said “Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.”

Michael Jordan said, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

James Cameron said, “There is room for failure; there is no room for fear.”

Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

J.K. Rowling said, “Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” 

*****

Don’t be afraid to fail. Chances are, there will be moments it happens. And that’s okay. Note: I said “moments” not a “lifetime.” Failure is temporary.

A perfect path has already been trodden upon. A new path requires the forerunner to carve the clearing. C’mon forerunner, carve away!

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Instant or Gradual Change?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Photo Credit: Jeff Sheldon

Here’s a question: Think of an area of personal conduct that, when expressed, you later regret and/or know is not how you really want to be.

For me, it’s assuming I know what’s going on or what people are thinking when there is silence.

This has been a life-long nuisance. I want to not jump to conclusions when I experience “silence” from an individual. But, it’s something I still struggle with. As I look back I can see progress; but it’s slowwwww progress. Yes, I’m better today than I was 10 years ago, but dang, sure wish I would grow in this area in leaps and bounds. Nope. It’s a slow journey. Yes, I’m moving forward, which is the most important part, but nonetheless, slow.

Growth is gradual. Often, we desire and want immediate change. It’s fun to experience instant change in how we view life, how we relate to life, and how we conduct ourselves in life.

Think of a metaphor that exemplifies gradual growth or change. For example, a river creates gradual change. When a river shifts its bed, it begins to manipulate and erode the land to fit the new course.

Other examples of gradual change can be a seed to an oak tree, a baby to an adult, a university student to a CEO – each morphing in its due time. Bodybuilders and athletes understand the discipline of gradual change. Even rocks change with time!

What truly remains the same? What never alters or changes in pattern? Try to come up with one thing that won’t change at some point in time. Chances are, you will not find an example that depicts absolute dormancy. Without being too morbid, even a decaying body will eventually turn back to dust.

What about instant or unpredictable change? Things like a tornado, a car accident, being laid off work, winning the lottery, falling in love.

Gradual change and instant change both carry a different form of impact. We say we want immediate change, but do we really want it?

What are the contrasts of instant and gradual change? One is slow & probable; the other is sudden and startling.

What are some negative experiences we associate with gradual and instant change? With gradual change, it is common to experience impatience because it’s going too slow, insecurity because we are unclear of where ‘this’ is going. It can create doubt.

With instant change, it’s common to be unprepared for its immediate impact. It can have a dramatic affect on how we relate to our environment, and it can also create different levels of distress.

What are some positive experiences we associate with gradual and instant change?

With gradual change, we might experience introspection and contemplation. We might be more evaluative and measure our progress, and we will have a calmer and simplified process with the change.

With instant change, we might have a life-changing experience. It can push us to make a decision and not procrastinate, and it helps create new thinking.

What would be your answers?

So, where am I going with this?

Don’t be so hard on yourself if you don’t see immediate results when you desire change. Take inventory of your life. If you look back ten years, do you see any change? Never underestimate the small victories and accomplishments, even if they seem minute. Celebrate it!

If, in reflecting, you don’t see the change you hoped for, embrace the journey of gradual change. Just like a river, it is a beautiful thing to watch a current transform landscape. You are just like that river. And your landscape welcomes the change. It’s just that sometimes, it takes time. And that’s okay, because time is your friend.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Libby

Personal Training Wisdom

So, I bit the bullet and decided to hire a personal trainer at my gym – I really think having that extra push is necessary for me as I make the effort to change things up in my life. It doesn’t hurt that Joseph is super nice and, well, hot, but he’s also smart…I thought I would share some of the wisdom from our sessions.

  1. Innovation is good. We already know that innovation is the buzz word of the century, but Joseph applies it to training and it totally makes sense. I’m not getting anywhere doing the same thing I’ve been doing – I need a different approach, a do-over, a new start. He is creating innovative workouts that continually changes and keeps my body guessing – it never knows what to expect! It also keeps me from getting bored.
  2. Try slowing down. So on top of being super nice and very fit, Joseph is also an app designer – he’s working on an app that will help runners train or that can help newbies get started. He recently told me that they’re making a lot of progress but also encountering a lot of bugs so he recommended to his partners that they slow things down. This is excellent advice for everybody – take your time! If you’re not rushing through things, you’re less likely to make mistakes, waste money, or get hurt, while at the same time, more likely to learn something and make real progress.
  3. Little things mean a lot. 0-60 is great for engine performance, but progress in life is much more incremental. Instead of adding 10lbs to my bar every time I lift weights, it is better for me to tack on one or two repetitions to every set. Today I told him that I don’t seem to have lost any weight but my pants are fitting better and I went up a notch on my bra strap…I got a “way to go” AND a high-five! It’s not necessarily a lot (those pounds are stubborn!) but it is progress and any positive change should be celebrated.
  4. Keep your head in the game. One of the reasons I like working with Joseph is he understands that – for me – the idea of working out is mostly mental and emotional. It’s not enough for me to sweat, lift the weights or do the crunches, I have to truly believe that the effort I put in will make a difference, that I deserve to be healthy and that I am able to stay the course. If you can get your head in the right place – whatever you’re taking on – that’s more than half the battle.
  5. Lists are good for blogs! According to Joseph, who has a friend who is a professional blogger, lists are the way to go for blogs – much easier for the reader. So, expect to see more lists in the future…you’re welcome!

– Libby Bingham

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Ashley Career

Fear and Desire

As a twenty something, I feel very safe about my life decisions so far. I went to college in my home state, and I applied to grad school and ended up staying at Ball State University after undergrad because it was “free” (tuition reimbursement and a stipend ﹘ can’t beat it). My husband was the one who encouraged me to apply for jobs in February of our final year of grad school, in the heart of thesis projects. It paid off and I found a dream job in a city I longed to live in; it was a package I couldn’t refuse. But truth be told, despite working my butt off these past four years, it’s all been pretty comfortable.

When things get a little too comfortable and/or boring, it’s probably a sign that you’ve been playing it safe for some time. This week, I begin a new job within the organization I currently work for. This will truly be a career shift and is an opportunity to grow skill sets in areas of business I’ve been drawn to since I began my career. I’m incredibly excited about what this new opportunity means for me personally, but I’m most looking forward to the impact I can make within the organization.

But, truth is, although I’m ready to shake things up, I haven’t been so confident about the new role until recently. When I was first approached about the opportunity, I was feeling inadequate and questioned how I could possibly be the right fit for this type of role. (And then Catherine plopped a great article in front of me about how women don’t express their value and exude confidence about their skill set the way men do… go figure.) Once things moved forward, I became pretty terrified by what this change would mean. It wasn’t a new sensation; I’ve been afraid of change for as long as I can remember, though as I age, the degree of fear has lessened substantially. Then I was reading an article where a young female entrepreneur was sharing career advice about how you should be more excited about a new opportunity than you fear it. At that moment I thought, “bingo!” – that’s exactly how I feel.

I’m so excited about this change that any nerves and fears associated with what’s to come have subsided dramatically. I’ve replaced insecurity with desire and determination to succeed. If you’re ever fearful of a new endeavor, I hope you will also take inventory of your emotions and see if excitement is ready to overtake any fear or anxiety clouding your visions of success.

– Ashley Respecki

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Career Libby

Innovation

I attended a program on innovation last week. The speaker was Frans Johannson; he was really compelling. He talked about how innovation is all about intersections – the places where diverse thoughts/industries/paradigms come together. He was able to show how insects can influence architecture and Martin Luther King Jr. has an influence on techno music. It is the surprise factor that makes an idea exciting, and it is diversity that drives innovation.

Now, I have a lot of work-related ideas, many of which are interesting and a few of which are innovative. On one hand we are encouraged to be creative and try new things; on the other, we are hog-tied by something ironically called our “innovation process” – it is a cumbersome methodology designed to ensure that ideas are carefully thought out, the ROI is quantified, the budget is laid out, staff hours are accounted for, etc. All of this sounds perfectly reasonable and logical, and it also effectively kills innovation. It’s a very frustrating place in which to live…I’d really like to innovate the New Product Development process into obsolescence. One of the other things Johannson shared with us is that if we want to innovate, we need to do something, do anything. We may fail, but at least we tried and now we know more than we did before. If the “process” for innovation is to stop failure before it’s tried, there’s no way to try. If you really want to innovate, you need to think in surprising ways, allowing room for trying and subsequently learning from mistakes – with truly unexpected ideas, you can’t possibly know in advance how it’s all going to turnout! Creativity is not a linear process, it is messy and dirty and accidental and fun. To me, rules and frameworks are akin to professional fear…maybe the whole thing will be found lacking and then what? You better innovate your resume…

– Libby Bingham

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Inside My Head

What’s Lurking Around the Corner

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was laid off not too long ago. She’d reached out to me to ask if we could talk, and was very clear about what had just happened to her and how it was a good thing – a very good thing. She was looking forward to spending the summer with her children and taking the time to figure out what she really wanted to do. She’d already had one job offer since she’d been laid off, but had turned it down. She’s determined to take advantage of this time and I’m so impressed by her. It takes a lot of confidence and courage to be that comfortable with ambiguity, especially when it comes to your livelihood.

That conversation has been rattling around in my head for the past few days. When we think about losing our job, it’s usually in some kind of worst case scenario. But I’m so proud of my friend’s outlook and her ability to see the flip side of this coin. Rather than seeing tragedy and fear, she’s embracing the opportunity to focus on what’s most important to her. She’s prioritizing her family in the immediate future and using the time to think through what her long-term future could be. We so often get bogged down by the unknown, and seeing her excitement and optimism is refreshing. Yes, her husband is in a stable job and they’ve planned well. And they’ll save money by not putting the kids in daycare for the summer. They’ve planned and are ready with a list of adjustments to their lives that they can make at various points along this journey. Of course, this all affords her a certain amount of freedom, and I realize not everyone has that. If she was solely responsible for the family income, insurance and the like, it’s a different scenario. Even then, however, knowing my friend, she would have made plans in case something like this happened. She’s a planner and makes sure she’s prepared for whatever needs handling – whatever may be lurking around the corner.

What strikes me in addition to her embracing this situation is the reminder of the resilience we all have in us – the ability to get our shit handled, no matter what comes at us. Yes, we may have to change course and shift direction. Sure, things may not look exactly like we’d imagined, or turn out as we’d planned (does life ever turn out how we’d planned???). We may have to adjust the way we live and approach the world, but at the end of the day, we all have the confidence and courage to find our own path. We may just need to dig a little deeper, but it’s there. And I’m grateful for the people and events that remind me of my own ability to persevere – it’s a valuable life lesson for me that I learn over and over again.

Categories
On the Job

Change: The Universal Language

Last week, Karen and I teamed up to present a session in Atlanta, Georgia. Our session was titled “Change the Game, Don’t Let the Game Change You,” in honor of the great Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. While I’ve been consulting and working with architects and their professional association for almost a year now, I don’t have a background in architecture, and neither does Karen. Sure, we can both appreciate good design, but you definitely don’t want us in charge of designing your building. And while we love to share our experience with change, the most powerful part of the session – and our favorite – is hearing from the attendees themselves.

Karen and I don’t design buildings, and our session attendees don’t teach on the subject of change, and you as the reader don’t have the same background, either. But we do have one thing in common, though: we’ve all experienced change. While the specifics of the changes we’ve had in our personal and professional lives can be vastly different, the emotions that come along with change are usually very familiar: anxiety, excitement, fear, apprehension, curiosity, happiness, relief. While I may not be able to relate to the exact situation of the change happening in your architecture firm, I can definitely relate to feeling nervous about what a change might mean, or being excited about the opportunities it might present for me. And in relating to those common feelings, we find the commonality in our experiences and can learn from each other. That was the coolest part of or session last week – helping the attendees find their common ground and connect with each other. Sure, it was easier since they were in the same industry and they were much more likely to have more similarities in the change they’re experiencing. But it’s powerful knowing you can connect with someone based on a shared experience in emotion. And the cliche about change is true – it’s the only thing that’s constant. We may just as well get comfortable with it and comfortable reaching out to those who can relate. It makes the journey a whole lot easier.

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Inside My Head Libby

Procrastination

I am a terrible procrastinator. I always have been…in fact, my brother made up a character for me called The Procrastinator. My tagline was, “I’ll be back…later…” I procrastinate at losing weight and getting in shape, at doing the gardening and the dishes, calling my friend from college, and definitely at work projects. (I have – in an earlier post on this blog, I am aware – previously touted the idea of being prepared. I will state for the record that procrastination does not necessarily preclude being prepared, but it does make it harder.)

Why do I procrastinate? I’m sure it’s either genetic or some kind of childhood trauma…but that’s irrelevant. I do it. And it makes for a lot of stressful times…but somehow, it also motivates me and lights a fire under my lazy bum. It may even be (partially) responsible for some of my best work! So what I’ve decided to do is Embrace the Procrastination! Instead of fighting the inevitable, I’m learning how to work with it and to use it as a motivator. I haven’t perfected it yet, but I’m getting there. My advice: never stop with whatever self-improvement efforts you have going on, BUT part of those efforts should include cutting your losses. Instead of fighting The Thing that make you feel bad that you continually try to “fix,” figure out how you can mitigate the negative impact of The Thing and use it as your touchstone, your hyper-drive, your magic bean. You, too, can turn that frown upside down…tomorrow, of course.