Tag: Growth

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Inside My Head Libby

Believe in Your Damn Self

Last weekend I attended a leadership program designed to get women focusing on their dreams, feeling empowered and moving forward. While the target age demographic was well below my own, the energy was timeless. I was truly amazed at the drive and passion so many of these women exhibited – education, entrepreneurial spirit, fighting for equal pay, saying yes to both the personal and professional loves of their lives…wow. I am in mourning for my younger self and what I (maybe, I am quite lazy sometimes…) could have accomplished. Moving on…

Another impressive thing was their lack of fear – I’m not saying that they aren’t worried or feel some trepidation about doing something new, but they’re also comfortable with trying. They know that it might not work out, but they’re still going to make a go at it. And if it doesn’t work out? They’ll try something else – they know this isn’t their last shot, their only opportunity. How do they know? Because they’re making their own opportunities – they’re not waiting for something to happen to them, they are making it happen for them.

Last week on Project Runway, (spoiler alert!!) Laurie Underwood, 29, owner of design label Wanda Grace, was kicked off. Did she cry? No! Was she angry and bitter? No! Did she tell all the other contestants/friends not to cry for her? Yes! This was her final monologue as she cleaned up her workspace and turned out the light…

“This isn’t the end for me because I believe in my damn self. This does not stop my shine. There are other spotlights for Laurie Underwood…to be in and she will be there. I’m still writing my story and the best part is yet to come.”

Amazing. This is the attitude we should all strive for – to try new things that we think will make us happy. And if it doesn’t work out, we should chalk it up to experience, pick ourselves up and move on. Hell to the yes, Laurie Underwood and all you other ladies out there getting bossed up and finding your way!

– Libby Bingham

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Inside My Head

10 Year Reunion

Over the weekend, I attended a retreat focused on our holistic lives as women – the connection between career, love and wellness. It was a valuable and restorative weekend and a chance to meet some fascinating women. One of the first exercises we did to kick off the weekend was to envision our ten year reunion as a group. We were to meet three new people, but rather than talk about where we are now in our lives, we were to tell them what we’d been up to since we last saw each other in 2015. It was an interesting twist on an introduction activity and got us started on what we were there to do.

I realize that for many people, I may have just described your worst nightmare. Not only an ice-breaker, but the same ice-breaker done three times. And while I do tend to enjoy a good ice-breaker more than the average person, I especially loved the opportunity to do this three times. We were encouraged to use this chance to go dream shopping. You could use the same update three times and fine-tune a dream you’d already done some thinking about, or you could start over from scratch each time and tell and completely different story about where your life had gone. I moved to Vancouver, northern California and then was bi-coastal. I continued my consulting business, started a new business and then combined them both by the third time. As for my colleagues, there were lots of trips, new babies, new business ventures and some exotic new home bases.

Future visioning is certainly nothing new and you may not have a group of new people to meet, but there’s something incredibly powerful about saying these words out loud. A trusted colleague, a friend, partner or parent can be a great sounding board to try out your own future update. What would you dream? What’s been rattling around in your head that deserves to be heard? Or is there a decision you’ve been on the fence about? Giving voice to both side of the decision can be helpful. Where could you be in ten years?

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Inside My Head Karen

Your One Sentence Summary

If you could take 6 months off with unlimited resources, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

1. _____ Rest and relax and enjoy not having any pressing responsibilities
2. _____ Plan an outdoor excursion: _____________________________________
3. _____ Enjoy your community with a ‘staycation’
4. _____ Invest in your hobby: _____________________________________
5. _____ Work on house projects or renovations: _________________________________
6. _____ Spend more time gardening and being in your backyard
7. _____ Visit family and relatives
8. _____ Travel the world: ______________________________________
9. _____ Try something new: ________________________________________
10. _____ Volunteer for a humanitarian cause: _______________________________________

Place this list in your order of preference.

Did you do it? Pause. Don’t read anymore until you’ve filled it out.

Ready?

What are your top 4? What are you bottom 4?

Question: What is this saying about you? Write down 5 things.

This says/shows that I….
1. _________________________________________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________________________________________
4. _________________________________________________________________________________
5. _________________________________________________________________________________

There are core values we live by that are so woven into the deepest parts of our being that they never slumber and never go away. They are so part of us that sometimes we need to be reminded that they want to live on the outside, not just as a dreamer on the inside.

If you could sum up your five statements and turn it into one phrase about yourself, explaining why these phrases are so important to you, what would you write?
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, one last question.

How will you live the one-sentence summary today? This week? This month?

Don’t lose site of how you’re designed. It is a living spring bursting inside you, the fountain of your youth.

You don’t need six months off to live out what lives inside you. You can do that anywhere, anytime with anyone.

When I did this exercise, I resolved once again something that I’ve always known. I reflected on my ‘summary’ sentence and made a fresh commitment to myself to keep it alive, not only on the inside, but in who I am in this world. It is a gift to me and a gift to others; that’s the beauty of core values – they create wonderful energy in our environment, culture and community.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Karen

Asking Why?

I want to expand my knowledge, so I added a trivia APP on my phone. The app is Quizoid, “Get smart with your phone.” I like it. I’m actually learning tidbits of information that I hadn’t known previously, and I’m enjoying it.

I’ve never considered myself an intellect – still don’t. Yet, I long to know more. I crave it. My curiosity is one of the highest values I uphold. I don’t ever want to lose sight of the “why.”

As little children, we start life asking “why?”

There is something so pure in wanting to know more.

When I ask “why?” I start exploring. I listen differently. I observe differently. I engage my curiosity. I engage that childlike wonder.

I think sometimes we ask “why” as a cynic or critic rather than with sincerity. What would happen if we let down our guard and asked “why?” from a place of openness instead of defensiveness? Curious, childlike wonder may just surprise us.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Diversity

karen applesDifferent cultures and different points of view are woven into the fabric of this world. Thanks to the world wide web, globalization is now part of our daily routine. The world is getting smaller.

I’d like to share some initial thoughts about diversity. There’s a difference between embracing diversity and being in agreement. Diversity doesn’t mean we’ll agree. Diversity is the acceptance of a range of different people/things. Diversity is quite simple: it means variety. Being in agreement does not equate diversity. We can embrace diversity, yet disagree.

Let’s using apples as an example. They’re diverse: Granny Smith, Delicious, McIntosh, Gala, Fuji – yet, they’re all apples. They grow healthily in orchards of sameness. Your culture, your community and your world is like an apple orchard. You are valuable. Your beliefs, your convictions, your lifestyle, your principles, your opinions and your feedback are all valuable.

If you’re a Gala, you’ll never be a Granny Smith, and that’s okay. Granny Smiths and Red Delicious, although both apples, are diverse. If apples can thrive in diversity, how much more can we humans?

You know what confuses things? The word “or”. That’s what messes everything up. We like the word “and”. Think about it.

  1. A happy partnership works best as you and I; not you or I.
  2. Running works best with the right and left leg alternating in motion; not the right or left leg.
  3. Rocking a chair works best with front and back motion; not front or back motion.

Diversity challenges us to rethink things. Diversity is the invitation that starts us with “or” and unites us to “and”.

Invisible Cyber Voice: Karen, do you like surf and turf?

KT: Why, yes I do, CV.

CV: Which one? Do you like surf or turf?

KT: Umm… well, I like them both.

CV: You can’t. You have to pick your favorite.

KT: But they’re so different. One is seafood and one is beef. I like them both. Why can’t I like them both?

CV: It doesn’t work that way. Pick one. Pick a side.

KT: Okay…. I like surf. I choose surf.

CV: So you don’t like beef?!

KT: I do like beef!

The word “or” provokes us to choose this rather than that or that rather this this. (note the or I snuck in there).

I remember learning about dualism for the first time by Jim McNeish. In our world we are quick to choose sides, one or the other, either/or, this or that. And he challenged us to think more about “yes and.” (Do you like surf or turf? I like surf and turf.)

Think beyond the word“or.” It will help immensely in learning what it means to be part of this big, beautiful, blue planet full of diversity.

How does diversity grow healthy orchards? What does it look like when we embrace diversity and uphold ‘variety’ as a core value? Let’s start with 10 simple principles on how we conduct ourselves amongst diversity.

  1. We refrain from derogatory or condescending language about another human being.
  2. We may not always agree, but we are not aggressive.
  3. We do not disqualify a person’s beliefs, values and principles to help prove we are right.
  4. We recognize that mankind is made up of various cultures and practices. Ours is not the best one.
  5. We will debate and disagree without loss of respect, kindness and honor towards one another.
  6. We engage with interest in conversations to help gain understanding and appreciation of others.
  7. We embrace each human as a valuable contribution to this world and we’re thankful.
  8. We may have convictions on certain topics, but never at the cost of defaming or degrading another.
  9. We ask questions.
  10. We do not uphold discrimination and prejudice.

May we please place, as our highest priority, the embracing of diversity, regardless of which apple we are. Let’s simplify diversity and not over-complicate it. Yes, disagree all you want. Yes, have convictions. Yes, have points of view. Enjoy your community. Enjoy your culture.

It would be unrealistic for McIntosh and Fuji to think they are exactly the same in appearance, taste, smell and texture. Along the same lines, we can start at the simplest base root – we all belong to the same planet. Can we start there and work our way to the core? (yes, pun intended)

p.s. The apple core are where seeds are nestled, ready to be planted so they too can be an apple tree.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Inside My Head Melissa

Being Present

I wanted my first post to be good, honest, and something you’d like to read, but last week held a lot of events that even when written down and made flashy with em dashes and explanation points ended up being not very good at all. The phrase “Should I write about this?” has been said multiple times over the past week, but my mind has been elsewhere, too foggy to concentrate on that question. I’ve been constantly going over the to-do list in my head and adding new bullets and pushing other “to-dos” further into the future.

“Why don’t you write about that?” The “that” in that question is the list I made late last week, which was not a to-do list or not intended to be a to-do list, but a things-I-absolutely-need-to-be-happier list. This list included everything from “I need to be more self-confident” to “I need to buy a vacuum” (really opening up to myself on that last one, I know).

Perhaps it’s the endlessness of summer heat, but I am having a hard time staying present and it’s wearing on me. I am overwhelmed, I have a pinch of sadness, and I am desperately looking forward to October – a month that currently has few to-dos.

There’s something about the DC humidity that causes me, in very real and very inconvenient ways, to lose my mind. I find it hard to focus. I get easily upset about minor things. I cram too much into every day, or I do nothing at all. It’s a challenge to stay present – to hear stories, to remember conversations, to appreciate sensations: sights and touches, the heat of a September afternoon.

My roommate, Ben, came home last week to find me mid list making and close to tears. He had work to do and I had a to-do list that felt miles long, but instead, we went for a walk. We left the apartment with no destination and ended up getting ice cream.

“Can you believe,” I said “with everything we have to do tonight, we’re doing this?”

I took a spoonful. It was a flavor made with spices and the man behind the counter had informed me that despite being cold, it would taste scalded.

I ate for a moment, and thought. I closed my eyes. I lost myself in the act of tasting, which, for only a moment, seemed to require my full attention.

“Are you getting it?” Ben asked.

I looked up. Yes, I said, I was.

– Melissa Grant

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On the Job

Ignite: What Selling Shoes Taught Me

For the past few days, I’ve been in Detroit attending the ASAE Annual Meeting. The meeting itself is a great gathering of association executives from all over the country and a wonderful chance to see some faces I’ve missed. But this year was different for me in that I spoke at an educational session called Ignite. Ignite sessions are a number of speakers grouped together talking about entirely unrelated topics, but all using the same format. Each speaker gets 5 minutes and 20 PowerPoint slides that advance automatically every 15 seconds. It’s a fascinating format. I’ve attended a number of these sessions over the years and it’s a great opportunity to get a glimpse into people’s lives. The sessions are typically personal in nature and tell some sort of story – lessons learned, inspiration and even some incredibly moving personal stories about love and loss.

I’ve been presenting for a long time and I can say with all certainly that this is the hardest type of presentation to give. Five minutes flies by and the timing of the slides requires a ton of practice. There’s very little room for error, though thankfully, the audience (typically at least 300 people at this meeting) is supportive, encouraging and forgiving. It was a unique experience and I’m honored to have been a part of it. My co-presenters this year talked about a wide variety of topics and some of my favorites included lessons learned after beating cancer, coming from Poland to rural Missouri as a high school exchange student and the power of music. I chose to honor John Fluevog and talk about what I learned while selling shoes at his extraordinary company and I wanted to share a bit with you (be kind…I only had 5 minutes!).

  1. Do what you expect, not what others expect. Making a career move from association management into retail management seemed like a crazy idea to most people. But in talking with the folks at Fluevog, we all agreed it was just a crazy enough idea to work. And while I got a lot of funny looks and reactions from some professional contacts, it never occurred to me to not pursue it.
  2. Be yourself. This is a big one and John himself talks about the importance of authenticity all the time. When you’re comfortable and being yourself, others will be comfortable and be themselves around you. This is the sweet spot where the magic happens.
  3. Build your team. One of the most memorable things John ever said to me was that the DC store was my store and the team there needed to be my team and work with me. This was coming from the founder of this company, and I was pretty sure it was his store. His permission was a huge vote of confidence and changed the way I thought about managing people. John thought enough of me and trusted me to build a team he’d be proud of. And I’m happy to say I think we accomplished that. Some of my favorite people are in my life now because we were on that team together.
  4. Celebrate and have fun. We get caught up in the day to day and we often forget this part. My team genuinely enjoyed each other and were always rooting for one another both at work and outside of work. We celebrated store accomplishments, birthdays, graduations, and important life milestones. Celebrating and enjoying each other is critical for any team’s success.

And while not a quote from John himself, I think this Amy Poehler quote sums up what resonated most with me – do work you are proud of with your talented friends. Thanks for letting me share some of my story here. 🙂

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Inside My Head Karen

I Cannot See Ahead of Me

Karen sightIt is a scary moment when you open a door and enter a room where all you see is darkness, and you know you have to maneuver through its corridors without a glimpse of light.

Which is scarier, not seeing or the unknown?

“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

We like the comfort of seeing. We do what we do amidst light.

I see, therefore, I know.

I see, therefore, I can.

I see, therefore, I will.

But what if you can’t see?

I don’t see, therefore, I don’t know.

I don’t see, therefore, I can’t.

I don’t see, therefore, I won’t.

What if you have to proceed even though you can’t see or can only see dimly?

I cannot see, then I will learn.

I cannot see, then I will trust.

I cannot see, yet I will endeavor.

Sometimes we have to make decisions on what we can’t see and on the unknown. When these moments enter our lives, (and believe me they will enter your life) we need to change our posture from illuminated decision making to unknown decision making. No human is void of the unknown. Each individual story will have at least one chapter where they cannot see ahead.

There are no absolutes in the unknown.

Think about entering a dark room and trying to get to the other side. With careful steps and hands extended, we cautiously and nervously proceed. Some will enter the room and will turn right back around; the unknown is too frightening and they will opt out. Those that choose to attempt this challenge can only do it one way: one step at a time and with a tremendous amount of trust. And as each step moves you forward, you learn. Learning comes from what you just did, not what you are about to do.

Learn from your previous steps, trust the forward steps and choose to endeavor.

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

The Quiet Journey Of Transformation

Karen AcornAn acorn falls from the tree. The rains come and it begins to sink into the ground.

Below the surface in the quietness of earth, the roots push and break through its shell. The acorn grows; diving to deeper depths of soil. In this dark place where no sunlight exists, no one can see the purity of its transformation. In the dark, cold earth a seed is morphing, in small, gradual steps.

Seasons come and go; and one day, on a very special day, for the first time, the roots of this acorn surface. It enters sunlight as a fragile stem. Bruisable. Breakable. Vulnerable. In its appearance there is weakness; yet concealed is an unshakeable foundation. A fortified strength.

The investment that takes place in secrecy, births life to what will be a magnificent oak tree.

What once was merely one in a million is now one of a kind.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

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Book Reports Libby

The Year of Magical Thinking

Last week I received a call from a friend, the mother of my son’s friend. Her son, who had just turned seven years old, died. He got sick, was hospitalized and while in the care of doctors, had a brain hemorrhage and died.

On so many levels, for so many reasons, I am heartbroken.

I am doing my best to navigate the murky waters of being a friend and, at the same time, a reminder of what she and her husband have lost. I am trying not to be sad all the time. I’m talking to people in order to process it while trying hard not to make this about me.

A friend of mine – who lost her mother to a long bout with brain cancer – recommended to me that I read Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking, a book looked upon as a classic take on mourning.

The book was hard to read; Didion lays all her emotions bare. And while it does not specifically address the death of a child, many of the things she goes through are universal. One thing stuck out to me: it was just an ordinary day.

That phrase is terrifying – there is no advance notice of death. Even if someone is sick for a long time, the actual passing is still difficult; without time to process, it’s devastating. You cannot prepare.

It can also be a comforting phrase – this means that every day is a special day when you spend it with people you care about. It’s an opportunity to make a memory, build a relationship, or share an experience. And in mourning, the most ordinary of things are the things you remember – and miss – the most.

I will continue to be sad, but I will also stop lamenting that every day is not a rainbow of fun, sunshine and candy. I will embrace the ordinariness of the everyday, because I have commonplace, I have mundane, I have one more day.

– Libby Bingham