Tag: Growth

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

First Receive, Then Give

Karen AppleThere is a presupposition about giving that I’ve noticed is quite popular. It is the mindset that we are to give more than we receive.

I disagree. Actually, I believe the opposite.

For you to truly give – you must give from what you already have.

How can I possibly give what I have not?

Therefore, receive first – then give.

Does that sound selfish? Not at all.

From what I have been given; from what I have received; from what I have experienced for myself – from that place I will give generously to you.

When I need help with my golf game, to whom do I turn? I turn to my friends that are scratch golfers, or I make an appointment with my golf coach. What they are able to give me is a surplus of information and experience. It is effortless for them to share golf tips with me that will improve my game. They are giving from what they have. They are giving from what they’ve also received that helps them play well.

KAREN: I am going to give you a dozen apples.

INVISIBLE CYBER VOICE: Do you have a dozen apples?

KT: Well, no.

ICV: How many do you have?

KT: I have one apple.

ICV: Then why would you tell me you’ll give me a dozen apples when you don’t have a dozen? Why don’t you just give me a portion of the apple you have?

KT: Oooo, good idea. A win/win.

You can’t pretend to give a dozen apples. The receiver will figure out soon enough that you don’t have a dozen apples to give!

Why would other forms of giving be any different? Why do we treat giving of ourselves as a sacrifice? The whole point of giving is generosity.

What does generosity mean? The quality or fact of being plentiful! Give from a place of plentifulness; a place of abundance. Give from what we have. What I have, I will give.

“Karen, what if I don’t have anything to give?”

Impossible.

There is always something to give. BUT only give what you have! Whatever you are able to give is precious. Stand in a pitch-black room where no light can penetrate. I’m talking the kind of darkness where you will not be able to see your own hand if you put it in front of your face.

Now, strike a match. What happens is extraordinary!

That little flame illuminates the entire darkened room.

Whether your “giving” is a single flame from a single match or the grandeur of a lighthouse beaming across the stormy ocean waves – light is light. Translate it now to generosity. Regardless of the quantity of giving, generosity is still generosity.

I may not have much, but what I have I will share. I like that mindset.

Never underestimate the power of your giving. It is far better to give from what you have than to give from a place of deficit.

KT: I do not have a dozen apples. But I do have one apple. Would you like to share it with me?

ICV: That is so generous of you KT. I would love to share it with you.

KT: I wish I could give you a dozen apples. But I only have one.

ICV: The fact that you’d be willing to share the only apple you have with me, means more to me than a thousand apples. Thank you.

Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you get my point?

“Karen, I am giving from a place of deficit. What do I do?”

Be honest. Stop sacrificing. Generosity was never meant to be equated with sacrifice. The whole point of generosity is giving from a place of abundance. If you ain’t got it – don’t give it! Simple enough.

I am adamant about this.

Trust me, you will experience more joy and pleasure in giving when you only give what you have. Whether that is a physical resource, your time, your heart, your soul, your energy, your mind, your talent, your wisdom, etc. Give from a place of abundance.

Only give what you have. Share only what you have. Stop giving from an empty tank – please fill it back up.When you invest in nurturing your well-being, you will give abundantly. Do not measure the amount of your giving, measure the generosity of your giving. Keep it simple.

If I give from an empty place, then I’m going through the motions of giving – giving has now become a duty – and I convince myself it’s the right thing to do.Giving from a place of surplus, however small the gesture, will have the greatest impact.

How do you know when and how much to give? What is your mindset around giving? Is it…

I really, really want to! – OR –  I must.

I am so happy that I’m able to give. – OR –  It’s the right thing to do.

It’s not much, but I want to share it with you. – OR – They really need my help.

Yes, there will be times in our lives we will sacrifice. However, remember what true sacrifice is. In those moments of sacrifice, there is great joy because we want to. Sacrifice is done as an expression of generosity; not hardship.

“Karen, what about at work? The demands are exhausting me. I keep piling work on my desk.”

  1.  How urgent is it? How much time do you have to get the work done?
  2. What other areas of work are they willing for you to neglect while you focus on the newest task?
  3. Communicate honestly what you have to give. Your colleagues and superiors understand. They know what it’s like to have a heavy workload. They will negotiate the completion date with you.
  4. Ask for help. Teamwork rocks!

When John Fluevog (the person I report directly to) approaches me with ideas, projects or research – I ask him one simple question: “When do you need this by?” This will help me gauge if I can put the time into my work to complete the task. More so than not, it has a flexible timeline. And the few times it’s immediate, I call my colleague and let him know that I’ll be distracted for the next couple of days and I ask for his help to keep the ship on course.

I have a favor to ask of you… please practice receiving. It is a remarkable resource for giving. Ohhhh, that from a place of surplus you may give lavishly, extravagantly, wholeheartedly, effortlessly and generously.

– Karen Thrall

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Awesomeness in the World

The Platinum Rule

We’re all familiar with the Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. There’s a lot to be said for this, and while it’s definitely a philosophy that won’t lead you astray, I would argue that there’s another rule that will serve you even better: put out into the world what you would like to get back from the world. I suppose some would suggest that’s karma, but I think it’s a bit more proven than karma (which, for the record, I also believe in, but that’s another post), so I’m going to go ahead and make it the Platinum Rule.

Putting out into the world what you would like to get back from the world means you are an active participant in bringing things into your life rather than simply having life happen to you. You’ll find yourself surrounded by people who support your worldview – not in a mindless groupthink way, but by those who share your values. When you are genuinely interested in those around you, you will attract people who want to know the real you. When you are positive, you attract people who believe anything is possible. If you take risks, entrepreneurs and those who seek adventure will find you. If you enjoy talking about people behind their backs, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who will be happy to talk about you when you leave the room. The Platinum Rule reminds us that we should treat people well because we value them as individuals – not just because we want to be treated well.

I am personally drained by negativity. I find it exhausting, unproductive and, quite frankly, not very much fun. I need positive energy – I crave it and thrive off it, and it seems a little greedy to want it and not put the same energy back out there. I find that the more positive energy I release into the universe, the more comes back to me. I find that the negative people aren’t much interested in being around me – believing that you can change your life and have a say in how things play out is equally exhausting for them. Karen’s post on beautiful awkwardness is a great example of the Platinum Rule.

So if you find yourself underwhelmed by what’s taking place in your life right now, consider exploring how you can put out more of what you’d like to see come back – generosity, kindness, strength, understanding, patience. I guarantee you it will be time well spent.

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Awkwardness is Beautiful

Karen - SocializingI was having tea with a friend of mine on Friday. We were talking about the importance of socially engaging with people.

She says to me, “You greet strangers on the street?”

I responded, “Yes, sometimes. Why not? What’s the worst that will happen?” I smile and offer a greeting. If they ignore me, that’s okay. If they smile and return the greeting, we both just added happiness to the other person’s day. Low risk!

Hmm… well, my friend got me thinking. So, yesterday while at the airport heading to Southern California, I paid attention to my interactions with strangers.

Why do I interact with strangers? Because people appreciate kindness and smiles. I sure do! When someone approaches me, and his or her facial expression shows kindness? I will respond – absolutely! Why wouldn’t I?

The philosophy behind my behaviour is: Kind people create happy environments.

More and more it seems people are losing their confidence in conversing with others. I would imagine one of the biggest hurdles for growing our social skills is technology. Quoting a member of my team, “Social media is the opportunity to be our own paparazzi.” Brilliantly stated!

Social media is a forum where:

  1. we communicate who we are and what we think… when we want to.
  2. we are in complete control of how we want people to perceive us.
  3. we can think before we speak; ponder what we want to say; and delete and re-word our thoughts until they are eloquently crafted.

Social media is not reality. It is a perception.

The realness of social engagement is that it has an element of awkwardness to it. And awkwardness is beautiful.

I remember in the movie Dirty Dancing, Baby fumbles her words when she meets Johnny for the first time. He asks “What’s she doing here?!” Baby blurts out “I carried a watermelon.” When Johnny walks away she expresses self-disgust, “I.. carried.. a.. watermelon??” In other words, “That’s the best line I could come up with?!?”

Yes, Baby, welcome to the awkward world of socializing.

It’s perfectly normal. I am intentional with that phrase. Did you catch it? Let me say it again: it’s perfectly normal.

We are too quick to disqualify ourselves in how we engage with others.

Our engagements with people are laced with “foot IN mouth disease”. My question is: What’s bad about that? So what? Why is this a problem? We disqualify ourselves if we’re uneasy; tongue-tied; stuttering; nervously laughing; don’t have a come back; not funny enough; and so the list grows…

Give yourself a break.  Give yourself a second chance! The world is full of second chances. And third chances, and fourth and fifth and and and….

Enjoy those awkward moments. They are priceless. And endearing!

We have 3-5 seconds to leave our first impression. Wow! Talk about pressure! But here’s the great news: Relationships and friendships are not built on impressions. Nor are they built on perceptions.

Great connections grow with time. It takes time to get to know one another. Don’t be quick to disqualify yourself because of any “foot in mouth disease” that may arise.

Yesterday, while in the United lounge waiting for my flight, a gentleman said he couldn’t connect to the lounge’s Wi-Fi. I had a similar problem. So I asked him if I could help. He snapped at me and was curt. I guess I insulted him and possibly made him feel incompetent? Don’t know. But I do know he did not appreciate me offering my help.

Sometimes my openness to people backfires on me. And that’s okay. 75% of the time my social interactions are perfectly fine and the 25%? Well, they’re fine too. Regardless, a story is birthed.

– Karen Thrall

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Inside My Head Libby

Involved and Engaged

I’m what my mom calls a “Do-Bee” – since I was a little kid, I was a helper, pitching in, taking the lead on school projects and the like. Back in the day, when I used to work in the office, I was a pretty involved employee – I volunteered for party-planning, task forces, charitable give-backs and the whole thing. Now I’m so far removed from a daily office routine that I usually go in on a Sunday so I don’t bogart the copy machine. It’s not so much that I miss the specific activities, but I now have to find other ways to expend my Do-Bee energy. Last year this looked like me being a homeroom parent for Kindergarten (talk about demanding!), summer camp researcher and family reunion organizer. This year it’s more like the outdoor classroom’s pond committee chair, hockey mom and retirement party organizer. All this activity should make me feel good, connected to the community and fulfilled, right? What I really feel is just plain tired.

How do I stop the Do-Bee cycle? Why am I compelled to volunteer, to help, to be involved, to do more? The thing is that if I’m not doing, I feel anxious, like I should be doing something (yes, please feel free to send me your therapist recommendations.), but when I am engaged in all these activities, I feel like I’m doing nothing well. Luckily, a friend recently posted an article on Facebook ( I definitely do NOT have time for Facebook, but this was worth it…) that spoke about women needing to cut themselves a break on how they’re living their lives – constantly worried about whether or not we’re making the right choices and if we’re doing enough and doing it well. It made me think in a new way about all the things I do – family, work, my Do-Bee activities – and I realized that I’m doing okay. I have my bad days, but generally, I can keep it all together and be a pretty good wife, mother, friend, worker, scheduler, planner and participant. Sure, I’m tired, but if I take a little pressure off myself, I realize that I’m pretty happy, too. That’s okay – not perfect, but pretty cool.

– Libby Bingham

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Gabriel Inside My Head

Little by Little

The drive took way longer than we expected. Not long after we exited the city did we run into the northbound evening traffic we had so ambitiously tried to avoid. But I thought, “Hell. At least I’m out of DC.”

We crawled higher up the column of vehicles in front of us, all friends embarking on a trip for the city that never sleeps for a tasteful, yet raucous, weekend that threw itself together. The rented silver mom van sat all six of us comfortably. We all spoke often of how sweet it would be to own such a van in another life, while making fun of the oldest of us, who indeed was driving this homage to the loss of one’s dignity and/or cajones. We finally passed the dreaded obstacle of all road trips, hitting much sought after open road. After making a few stops along the way, we crept upon New York City as night fell.

The last two times I had been to the city are some of my fondest memories since living in the Northeast. Yet, I’ve always seen New York as an unapproachable beast of concrete, engines, and lights that I could never get acquainted with. However, on this particular trip, I found myself taking on the city with an approach that surprised me. I didn’t feel overwhelmed or stressed about the immensity of the crowds or the possibilities. I took the reins and walked through the city at my own pace. As the weekend progressed, I came to appreciate the company I was in, past that of my friends. I realized that even though things may seem large, intimidating, or just too big to handle, I shouldn’t shy away, but calmly approach it – little by little. Look at me! It took three separate trips to say, “I can handle New York.”

It just goes to show that any experience can facilitate growth, so keep your ears and mind open. Attack that unapproachable beast, one blow at a time.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

 

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Book Reports Jams

10,000 Hours: Gladwell and Macklemore Style

Malcolm Gladwell brought us the concept of 10,000 hours, and while I’m about halfway through his book, Outliers, I find myself more inspired by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ take on Gladwell’s idea. Maybe the writing in the book is a little dry for me, or maybe I should listen to more books on tape because the spoken word resonates more with me. Either way, on the album The Heist, Macklemore introduces himself as “some Malcolm Gladwell, David Bowie meets Kayne shit,” and I find myself listening a little more closely. Macklemore was apparently so inspired by Gladwell that he devoted a whole track to it: 10,000 Hours. And in summarizing Gladwell’s take on where talent comes from, Macklemore gets it pretty succinctly: “The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint. The greats were great because they paint a lot.”

It’s this notion of talent coming from a place of interest and then a whole lot of practice. Lots and lots of practice. 10,000 is the number of hours Gladwell suggests will make us an expert in something. For most of us, that means a minimum of five years of full time work, which assumes a 50-week work year at 40 hours per week.  If you happen to not be working in the field in which you’d like to be an expert, you’ve got to find that time in your nonworking hours. Assuming you were devoted and spent 2 hours every single day of every single week (in addition to all the things you need to be a responsible adult!), you’re looking at something just shy of 14 years.

It’s an impressive devotion to something, and I can really only think of a handful of things that I’ve ever spent 10,000 on. Swimming comes to mind, but having participated in exactly zero Olympics, I don’t know that I can quite claim expert status yet. When I look at my professional and personal lives, the theme of people seems to be my common thread, and I don’t have a hard time seeing myself as a people expert. Through all my years of volunteer management work, I’ve spent a long time listening to people, hearing what they really want and working to help make that happen. In my personal life, I take pride in being a friend to turn to for advice, comfort or a good laugh (all usually accompanied by a glass of wine). In both areas of my life, I want people to feel they are better off having spent time with me. That’s what drives me, and that’s what I continue to practice. 10,000 hours and counting. Where have you logged 10,000 hours?

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Career Karen

Seeing Is Believing?

Karen SeeingisBelievingYou’ve heard the phrase “Seeing is believing.” Well, that’s not necessarily how I live my life. And frankly, I don’t really want to live my life that way.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t discredit it. “Seeing is believing” plays an important role. For example, to truly give someone your trust, they need to earn it. Therefore, seeing them being trustworthy will create a strong foundation for believing they are trustworthy.

Yes, there are areas in our lives that require us to see before we believe.

What I’m referring to is more so about the confidence to not hold back.

My perception of “seeing is believing” limits the wonder of the “what if.”

“Seeing is believing” means I limit my confidence in the impossible, the unfathomable, the unattainable. I limit my worldview to only what is guaranteed. No risk whatsoever??? No way. Can’t. Won’t. Don’t want to.

That would be like sucking every ounce of my passion out of my body!

“Believing is seeing.” Now that’s a sentence I can buy into!

It’s one thing to believe because the proof and facts are presented to you. Sure, anyone can do that! That’s easy.

Show me a meat lovers pizza and, trust me; I’ll believe it’s delicious! Show me a song that’s been already composed by a brilliant musician; yes indeed I’ll believe it’s beautiful music.Show me a winning game plan for an innovative idea; I’ll believe it will succeed.Show me how to improve my golf swing with guaranteed results; yes, I’ll believe you and do what you say.

But to believe in something which requests you to imagine, to visualize, to ignite curiosity, to ponder, to wonder, to stimulate opportunity, to provoke longing, to welcome the “what if” – this excites me! This tells me to broaden my perspective; to listen carefully; to observe intently and to think outside my existing perceptions.

To believe, that I may see, welcomes vision. To believe, that I may see, invites possibility, hope and forward motion. Fantastic!

How does this apply to you? “Karen, it all sounds so nebulous and philosophical. Where’s the meat of it, KT!”

Ok, invisible Cyber Voice – here’s the crux…

I’ll believe it when I see it! – I’ve said that phrase. Many times. But…I don’t like me when I talk that way. I sound like a skeptic. I sound defensive, reactive, guarded and cynical.   Feels like I just nailed up a fence; established boundaries; set up stipulations. Why? Why say it in the first place? Why not engage and explore the conversation? Why so quick to dismiss the notion? What happened for me to react that way? What went wrong for me to now hold this presupposition?

I see it because I believe it! Zowie! Just writing that phrase stirs me up! The confidence! The relentless commitment to not wilt when challenged! To get back up and keep running when you trip over the hurdles! To not buckle when odds are against you! To not quit when the feat seems too great to overcome!

I see it because I believe it! I sound like I’m healthy and don’t carry old baggage around. Life gives us hard knocks, sure. But I don’t want those hard knocks to define me. They are part of my story, sure. But every hard moment ends up being a true gift. It either grows your character or jades your soul.

I’d rather look a fool for seeing because I believe, than to limit my world to believing only if I see.

-Karen Thrall

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Career Gabriel

You’re Never Too Old to Learn

The other day I was unwinding with friends at another friend’s apartment. Amidst the beer and cigarette smoke, an interesting conversation commenced concerning workers’ value and how being able to accurately present one’s value is a critical skill.

This well-spoken and intelligent friend of mine is Conway. Two years my junior, he attends GW and interns with a very well respected think tank here in the District of Columbia. He focuses on economics and global markets, so you can imagine he would be the one to lead such a discussion. We starting talking about the all the hundreds of customers I had seen try on shoes at the retail store where I work. He then began to quantify the number of people with whom I had tried shoes on, the number of hours spent with different types of customers, and how these experiences helped hone my skills to sell a product. Reading people’s personalities and choosing which shoes to bring down to them based on this does take some skill and experience. By placing these statistics next to amount of dollars sold, my value as an employee can be calculated and assessed. This all may have been some buzzed logic conjured up by Conway to make me feel great about myself at that moment, but nonetheless, I still think that there’s a great lesson to be learned.

A firm handshake won’t cut it anymore. Knowing what you’re capable of constitutes as essential knowledge, but knowing how to show that to others is absolutely necessary. So even though I’m two years older than Conway, he was able to teach me a critical lesson in being successful in any aspect of life in our short five minute conversation. And for those to whom this isn’t news, maybe this can serve just as a friendly reminder! Here’s to progress.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

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Inside My Head Karen

Weariness

Weary ClownThis past Monday, while walking to work, I became more and more intrigued.

What did I see? Exhaustion. Weariness. Tiredness.

As people approached me I’d look at them, into their eyes, and think: ”There’s another one. Another tired person.”

I enjoy casually walking to work with an Earl Grey in hand. What normally takes 30 minutes to walk, usually takes me 40 minutes. I stroll. I don’t like to rush. I don’t want to rush. By strolling, I soak in my environment. The ol’ saying “stop and smell the roses.” That would be the best description of how I view each morning.

What awaits me at work is a fast-paced, high energy, highly stimulated environment. For an introvert, although gregarious, this could easily suck the life out of me. But I’ve learned, over the last 13 years, that peace and tranquility are uncompromising resources in my life. I will not negotiate these two life sources. Since 2002, I am committed to finding my rest before my day begins.

I naturally wake up early, without an alarm clock (early, as in 5:30-6:00am). I like it. It allows me to just be. There’s nothing urgent at that hour. On the rare occasion that I need to move quickly in the morning, I instantly experience stress, pressure and anxiety. I do not want to start my day that way! No thanks! However, those rare occasions become gifts to me, reminding me once again that I MUST start my day with peace and tranquility. This is not just a good idea; it is a principle I live by. Good for the soul!

So, here I am, walking to work, soaking in the people – and my compassion begins to kick in. “So many weary people.”

Why?

Here are a few reasons I’d like to propose:

  • Busy, because they need a holiday and a slower pace of life to give themselves the opportunity to refuel again.
  • Striving, because they put pressure on themselves to perform at high levels.
  • Sleeplessness, because they can’t turn off their minds.
  • Bored, because they are in a rut and don’t know how to create fresh life for themselves.
  • Lonely, because they don’t know how to freely express the longing for what they truly desire and want.
  • Restless, because they are dissatisfied with part or all of life.
  • Worried, because they have financial debt and are not living within their means.
  • Hurt, because they carry an un-resolve for wrongdoings they’ve experienced.
  • Shame, because they can’t seem to quite forgive themselves for one, or ten, or countless mistakes – in other words, they can’t forgive themselves for being human.
  • Disappointment, because they thought their lives would have been so much different than the outcome they are presently in.

Weariness is a result of excessive exertion or lack of sleep. The opposite of weary? Refreshment.

Excessive exertion can take place in your body, your mind and your soul. You may be doing too much and your body is tired; you may be thinking too much and your mind is tired; you may be feeling too much and your soul is tired.

Pause for a moment. If any of the proposed reasons for weariness applies to you, then it’s time for you to find your rest. By finding rest, you will be refreshed.

Refreshment means to gain new strength; to restore; to revitalize…to wake up.

How does one find rest? Sometimes it requires only simple adjustments:

  • Slow your pace down. Walk slower. Sit longer. Breathe slower. Talk slower.
  • Give yourself that extra 15 minutes so you don’t have to experience feeling rushed; or late; or in a hurry.
  • On the weekends, start your day one or two hours later. It’s the weekend – the opportunity to not have a responsible schedule (unlike what is required of you at work).
  • Sip your coffee/tea in silence. Learn to enjoy the sound of quietness again.
  • Don’t make excuses for your tiredness: avoid “yeah, but…”
  • When’s the last time you really had a day off? It’s not sustainable to keep yourself busy every day. (and I’m referring to all three: body, mind and soul).
  • Instead of using electricity, light candles. Candlelit rooms create an environment for tranquility.
  • Take a break from your computer, mobile and/or television.
  • Stroll or sit outdoors and breathe in the fresh air.
  • Take a break from using your car.

I’m not asking you to change your life. Keep everything exactly the way it is.

I’m only asking one thing… add rest.

-Karen Thrall

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Gabriel Inside My Head

If You Could Fly, Would You?

I don’t know how many people have gotten the opportunity to see Michael Keaton’s new film Birdman, but it is, to say the least, interesting. With a stellar cast that includes Zach Galifianakis and Edward Norton, the film follows washed-up actor Riggan Thomas (Michael Keaton), who, after turning down a fourth installment of his well known superhero role “The Birdman,” tries to re-launch his career by putting on a Broadway play which he writes and stars in. You can imagine how much heat he receives for even attempting to do this. Throughout the movie, it seems as though Riggan, constantly taunted by the voice of his Birdman character, has been blessed with telekinesis and the ability to fly. None of the other characters are ever around to witness this. This little motif struck me to be a representation of the internal battle we all have with our past selves.

Attempting to do something new and different can be scary and intimidating in the beginning – like all new challenges. However, in many cases, we can be our own worst enemy or obstacle when trying to move forward on a new path. From then on, a battle incites within. Like Riggan allowing all the critics and his fears to dictate his performance, we let outside distractions block our way and then may use them as excuses not to continue. But sometimes listening to the voice inside is just what we need. When Riggan ultimately gives in to the Birdman character, his “larger than life” movie star persona is revived. After his psychological transformation, Riggan puts on an opening show that turns each sour critic sweet and gains him the respect he sought so earnestly.

In the final scene of the film, we see Riggan’s daughter, Sam, find her father flying outside of the window. Riggan finally decides to let his inner Birdman fly. Hence, my title. If you have the opportunity to take that stomach-turning leap into something potentially awesome, do it. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from trying to fly. Who knows? Maybe you’ll just soar.

– Gabriel Oigbokie