Tag: Personal Development

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Book Reports

Lean In

I’ve gotten sloppy again in my reading. I’ve been spending this summer focusing on working out, taking care of myself and keeping more connected with those people who inspire me and feed my soul. And while I certainly don’t regret any of those choices, it does mean I’ve spent less time reading. But like so many patterns in my life, travel means reading and a recent trip back home to Minnesota was no exception. I had a chance to catch up on some books I’ve been excited about (and purchasing a few more to add to my ever-growing pile. I better get on that!).

As I mentioned in a previous post, one of those books was Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. I know I’m a little late to the party (I usually am when it comes to books – and new technologies if we’re being honest), but I had also put this one off for a bit after reading about the passing of Sandberg’s husband, Dave Goldberg. I knew one of the chapters of her book outlined the importance of having an equal partner, and the cruelty of her partner being taken away from her in such an unexpected way after preparing for a lifetime together seemed like it might be more than I could handle. It’s always hard to hear about the passing of another’s loved one, but his passing in what seemed to be the prime of their lives together seems incredibly unfair (I know, I know…life is never fair. But sometimes it seems exceptionally unfair.).

That said, I’m glad I decided to read the book anyway. Obviously I don’t know her at all, but after reading her book, I’m interested in learning more about her. I want to listen to her TEDTalks and read more interviews with her. The titles of her chapters reflect the sort of advice I’ve found helpful in my life and can always use more of. What’s interesting about Sandberg is that she weaves together her own experiences with countless studies and mountains of research. Early on in her writing, she admits to being most comfortable with science and less comfortable sharing her own experiences, but I think we can all relate to that. Science is facts, and you can’t argue with facts, while our opinions and our experience leave us vulnerable to others’ judgments. And while the facts certainly help strengthen her case, it’s Sandberg’s willingness to share of herself through her stories that makes this book so readable. She comes across as the smart, funny and honest big sister, cousin or friend we’d all like to have in our corner. And we know we’d be fiercely loyal to her in return. Her words are simple, though powerful reminders of what we need to do for ourselves and others to lift us all up. We need to sit at the table, seek and speak our truth, and most importantly, talk about it.

I’m already making a mental list of the people to whom I need to recommend or buy this book for – assuming they’re a little behind the times like I am. That to me is always the most powerful indicator of a good story – one I can’t wait to share with others. And assuming you’re more on top of it than I am, I’d love to hear your take on her story as well!

Categories
Career

The Good About Pain Points

Pain points – we all have them. We have them in our personal and professional lives, and our companies and organizations have them, too. In the past week, I’ve come across two unique takes on addressing company pain points. The first was this Forbes article on pain letters. Don’t worry – they’re much less scary than they sound (and they’re very smart!).

The basic premise is that rather than telling a prospective employer about yourself through your resume and traditional cover letter, you flip the focus to one of their pain points and then share how you can help. Not only does it provide a nice introduction to yourself, but more than that, it tells your potential employer that you do your research and understand where they’re coming from. Who doesn’t like to be presented with a solution rather than a sales pitch? This was the first time I’ve heard about this particular form of cover letter and it certainly makes a lot of sense to me

So with that rattling around in my head, I’m also reading Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. I’m really enjoying it, and will share more in a future book report post, but I was struck by a story she told that reminded me of the pain letter. Shortly after she started her job as Facebook’s COO, Sandberg talks about an acquaintance, Lori Goler, who called her and said she wanted to work with her. Rather than go through her own skills and ask Sandberg what openings may be a good fit, Goler asked Sandberg what her biggest business problem was at the moment and whether or not she thought Goler could help fix it. The way that Sandberg tells the story, the approach was so novel and so helpful, her “jaw hit the floor.” She needed help with recruiting new talent and while Goler didn’t necessarily have that exact background, she had skills that were transferable enough that they thought it could work. And it did – exceptionally well. I’ll let you read the book to learn more.

I can’t stop thinking about the notion of pain points as a starting place. What would happen if we stopped selling ourselves first and started with understanding someone else’s pain points? How much further could we go, and how much faster? What untapped capacity could we find within ourselves that we didn’t know existed? Rather than thinking of ourselves as one particular skill set, what if we identified problems and then were able to figure out how we could help? What teams could we build and what amazing things could we accomplish? These are the things that will continue to rattle around in my head for quite some time, and I can’t wait for the next opportunity to help someone with their pain point.

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Be Present with Confidence

Karen Confidence
Photo credit: Maja Petrih

My good friend of 12 years, Nathan Rooke, is an innovator, businessman, family man, humanitarian, philanthropist, and dreamer. Once a year, we would meet for lunch and catch up on our lives and our news. It was effortless to spend time with him. He’s a soaker of information. He listens with curiosity. He’s kind and encouraging. He’s also a thinker and a strategist and whatever he sets his mind to, he will only pursue it one way: with excellence. We would share both business and personal stories. We would talk about our dreams and aspirations. We would speak openly of our challenges. And with each visit, I would walk away inspired and grateful for his friendship. It’s not quantity that grows friendships; it’s quality. One of my favorite things about Nathan is how wonderfully present and engaging he is.

What happens when we are present? We are confident. We speak with confidence. We walk with confidence. We engage with confidence. When you are present, you carry a presence about you. This presence is what draws people to you.

Everyone has a presence. Yes, everyone. How do you present yourself, right now, today? Choose your presence. And stay true to it.  (“How do I do that, KT?”)

Well, you can start your day like this “Today I choose to be present with everyone I come into contact with. Everyone matters today. I will show humans that I am present. They will see it in the way I look into their eyes. They will feel it in the warmth of my kind smile. They will know it through my kind words. They will experience me simply being the best me. All I know is, when I am present, I exude a presence that positively impacts others.”

Please don’t ask me to contextualize this for you. You decide. You choose. What are your favorite yous? Live you – today.

How well do you engage in the moment, with the people standing in front of you? How easily distracted are you from what is presently happening in your current environment?

As a business leader, there are added benefits to being present with your presence. To list a few off the top of my head: camaraderie with your colleagues; happy staff who feel valued; heightened productivity; and teamwork in daily operations. When we are not vying for position, and we are content with our present place, our authority increases. Authority is the permission to ‘be’ who we are in the position we are entrusted with.

When we are engaging, we activate our inner-confidence. With inner-confidence is the contentment that, who we are, right now, is perfectly perfect. With this peaceful assurance, we can humbly walk in authority. What do I mean by authority, since there are many definitions? The one I am referring to is the power to influence others, especially because of one’s commanding presence.

Who would have thought that the simplicity of being present can magnify our confidence; our confidence enlarges our presence; our presence expands our authority; our authority heightens our influence; and our influence increases our impact.

The times I am most inspired by people are in conversations that emerge because we are effortlessly present. In these moments, gold nuggets transpire and my day is doused with inspiration.

To those I have been in contact with either serendipitously, momentarily, seasonally, or lifelong journeyers: thank you for being present with me. You have no idea the type of impact you have when you share your presence with me. Thank you for choosing to be present with your presence. Don’t stop. It created a magic between us that can only be manifested through your inner-confidence. To the ones I have not yet met or not yet come into contact with: I look forward to encountering your presence.

World renown author, Wayne Dyer, writes, “Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

Categories
Career Inside My Head

Choices

I’ve been thinking about choices a lot lately.

Scratch that. I’ve always thought a lot about choices. Probably because I’ve never been very good at making decisions, since ultimately, choosing one thing means not choosing another. That’s the part I have a hard time with. I’m pretty good about knowing what I don‘t want, but there are so many interesting possibilities out there that it’s really hard to narrow down what I do want.

In high school, I ran myself into the ground because I couldn’t choose – I was one of a handful of kids who got permission to be on the swim team and participate in the fall musical. I juggled track practice and the spring play. But let’s be clear, here – I was fine at all these things. Not great, but fine. It wasn’t like I was a huge talent and the show wouldn’t go on without me (was Villager #2 really critical to the plot?). But as fine as I was, I really liked all these things. I wanted to be a part of them and enjoyed having these experiences in my life.

I don’t have trouble letting go of things I’ve tried that have no interest for me (softball, the flute, Girl Scouts). I enjoyed all these things just fine, but they didn’t hold my interest long-term. In college, I knew I wasn’t going to be an engineer or a math professor, so I dutifully completed my math and science requirements and moved on. But I couldn’t narrow down my interest in the liberal arts, so I double majored in communications and political science and minored in business administration. And now as an adult professional, I’ve finally settled on consulting as my career so I can work with lots of different people and organizations.

Clearly, I have trouble choosing.

A friend recently shared this blog post, Work-Life Balance is Absolutely Bogus by Deirde Maloney. And while I don’t necessarily think I have trouble with work-life balance specifically, the first truth she asserts is that there’s no such thing as having it all. Maloney writes:

The idea that we can “have it all” if we just get better at time-management or set some boundaries is a fallacy. When we try to squeeze our never-ending list of activities (and relationships) into a given day, our time and energy run out. We wind up doing a bunch of things partway. Which means we do some things well and some things … not-so-well.

I’d like to think I’ve gotten a little better about life balance since running myself into the ground in my high school days, but Maloney’s words ring true to me – trying to squeeze it all in means that quality of work and the quality of the time spent suffer. We have to make choices about what we want to do well and there’s just no way to get around that. And that’s just the reminder I need when I start to think about all the things I might be missing out on. It’s probably not a coincidence that the one sport in which I excelled was skiing and I devoted myself fully to that sport for the entire season. So as I think through the choices I make, I need to stop thinking about what I might be missing and start thinking about what I want to do well and let that guide me.

What do you want to do well?

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Libby

Rumer Has It

I recently was gifted a Glamour magazine (July 2015) – not my usual fare, but I found some real value in it: negotiation tactics, pastels are in this summer, and Rumer Willis is kind of awesome. I missed the season of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) where Rumer won the coveted disco ball, but I wish I hadn’t – her article (Dancing Queen) hit on some things that I’m still trying to learn a whole quarter of a century after she’s gained the insight:

  1. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This Teddy Roosevelt gem is something that Rumer’s mom, megastar, Demi Moore, told her when she was growing up. It’s a good one – there’s always someone smarter/richer/prettier/funnier/more successful than you are; if you spend all your time lamenting whatever you are not, you’re wasting a lot of time being unhappy. Find your awesome and embrace it!
  2. “Fear is a really debilitating emotion.” Being scared of failing, looking the fool or not being “enough” can keep you from enjoying your life and trying new things. Rumer overcame her fear enough to go on national TV to do something she’d never tried, she of no dance or athletic background (“…or even worked out much…”). Oh, and she won.
  3. Inspiration can be found lots of places. Scout and Tallulah, her little sisters, both inspire her to turn down the negative noise – their bravery has helped her ignore a constant barrage of nasty comments on the Internet. I don’t know Scout and Tallulah, but I have found a little inspiration in Glamour magazine!
  4. Beauty is in accomplishment. Rumer talked about how beautiful she felt after having completed her first competition dance – not because of the pretty costume or having her hair and make-up done, but because of how hard she’d worked and having overcome her fears. This has led to a stronger sense of believing in herself.
  5. Stop being mean. This is something that almost every child has heard, but as adults, we sometimes forget. In the age of Internet anonymity, cruelty has become easier, but it hurts just as much. Think of what we could all accomplish if we stopped being mean and started being supportive. If you can’t think of something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

How Bad Is It, Really, When We Fail?

Karen Fail
Photo by Daniela Cuevas

There is nothing idealistic or romantic about failing. It is part of life. It is humbling. It is discouraging. It depletes us (for a moment), yet reminds us (if we so choose) to remain relentless.

How bad is it, really, when we fail? Is it really that awful?

Hurts our pride, sure. Creates embarrassment, yes, okay. Reminds us we’re at least giving it our best shot, absolutely!

Failure is the omission in our performance; the state of inability; a giving way under stress; a lack of success; a falling short. (gee, thanks, Mirriam-Webster, rub it in a little more…)

We can view our shortcomings as opportunists or with defeatism. Listen carefully to what I’m about to write – I need your full attention!

DO NOT QUIT! DO NOT GIVE UP! You’ve come this far. You are so close. To what? To progress, to the outcome you desire, to fulfilling what you believe you are to do. Remain steadfast. Persevere. Hang in there. Surround yourself with cheerleaders.

If you focus on a plant and cultivate it, water it, weed it and nurture it – it will grow. To what extent? We’re never quite certain. But we are certain it will grow. Ask yourself, “Instead of quitting, is there opportunity for just a little more room for growth?” If there is room, even an inkling of forward progress, then do it!

Your character is not in question. This has nothing to do with character. Failure is not associated with our character. Failure is associated with our attempt to try. This is solely about performance (an action), and performance lends itself to immeasurable opportunities.

Look back on your timeline. How far have you come? Has there been progress? Then, I petition you, keep going!

You don’t know yet what that missing piece is. But you will find it. It may take some time, and that’s okay. It might come about through a big “aha” light bulb moment beaming from your brain! It may come through a passing comment you overheard. Maybe you’ll figure it out through reading, writing, learning, analytics or research. You may find that “clue” in the quietness of contemplation, through nature or outdoor activities. You get the gist! There is a missing piece. Pioneer that you are, you will figure it out.

Which club do I want to belong to? The club that has paved the way for us newbie ‘failurites’ to believe it’s possible. Check out what these greats have to say about failure!

*****

Winston Churchill said “Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.”

Michael Jordan said, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

James Cameron said, “There is room for failure; there is no room for fear.”

Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

J.K. Rowling said, “Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing.” 

*****

Don’t be afraid to fail. Chances are, there will be moments it happens. And that’s okay. Note: I said “moments” not a “lifetime.” Failure is temporary.

A perfect path has already been trodden upon. A new path requires the forerunner to carve the clearing. C’mon forerunner, carve away!

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Instant or Gradual Change?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Photo Credit: Jeff Sheldon

Here’s a question: Think of an area of personal conduct that, when expressed, you later regret and/or know is not how you really want to be.

For me, it’s assuming I know what’s going on or what people are thinking when there is silence.

This has been a life-long nuisance. I want to not jump to conclusions when I experience “silence” from an individual. But, it’s something I still struggle with. As I look back I can see progress; but it’s slowwwww progress. Yes, I’m better today than I was 10 years ago, but dang, sure wish I would grow in this area in leaps and bounds. Nope. It’s a slow journey. Yes, I’m moving forward, which is the most important part, but nonetheless, slow.

Growth is gradual. Often, we desire and want immediate change. It’s fun to experience instant change in how we view life, how we relate to life, and how we conduct ourselves in life.

Think of a metaphor that exemplifies gradual growth or change. For example, a river creates gradual change. When a river shifts its bed, it begins to manipulate and erode the land to fit the new course.

Other examples of gradual change can be a seed to an oak tree, a baby to an adult, a university student to a CEO – each morphing in its due time. Bodybuilders and athletes understand the discipline of gradual change. Even rocks change with time!

What truly remains the same? What never alters or changes in pattern? Try to come up with one thing that won’t change at some point in time. Chances are, you will not find an example that depicts absolute dormancy. Without being too morbid, even a decaying body will eventually turn back to dust.

What about instant or unpredictable change? Things like a tornado, a car accident, being laid off work, winning the lottery, falling in love.

Gradual change and instant change both carry a different form of impact. We say we want immediate change, but do we really want it?

What are the contrasts of instant and gradual change? One is slow & probable; the other is sudden and startling.

What are some negative experiences we associate with gradual and instant change? With gradual change, it is common to experience impatience because it’s going too slow, insecurity because we are unclear of where ‘this’ is going. It can create doubt.

With instant change, it’s common to be unprepared for its immediate impact. It can have a dramatic affect on how we relate to our environment, and it can also create different levels of distress.

What are some positive experiences we associate with gradual and instant change?

With gradual change, we might experience introspection and contemplation. We might be more evaluative and measure our progress, and we will have a calmer and simplified process with the change.

With instant change, we might have a life-changing experience. It can push us to make a decision and not procrastinate, and it helps create new thinking.

What would be your answers?

So, where am I going with this?

Don’t be so hard on yourself if you don’t see immediate results when you desire change. Take inventory of your life. If you look back ten years, do you see any change? Never underestimate the small victories and accomplishments, even if they seem minute. Celebrate it!

If, in reflecting, you don’t see the change you hoped for, embrace the journey of gradual change. Just like a river, it is a beautiful thing to watch a current transform landscape. You are just like that river. And your landscape welcomes the change. It’s just that sometimes, it takes time. And that’s okay, because time is your friend.

– Karen Thrall

* also published on www.karenthrall.com

Categories
On the Job

The Power of One Word

Earlier this week, Libby and I taught a course on facilitation for the American Society of Association Executives (ASAE). It was a great group of engaged and thoughtful participants. If you’ve read any of my posts, you know my favorite part of all the sessions I do are the gems from the attendees – the power that comes from a group of people willing to share their thoughts and experience is truly amazing. And this session was no exception. While we were sharing tips and tricks, one of the attendees shared her one word exercise. It’s simple and can be used at any point during a meeting: each attendee shares one word to sum up their thoughts. It can be a feeling about where the project is, an item to suggest for the next agenda, a thought on the how the meeting went…you get the idea.

I love this tool. I used to volunteer for a suicide hotline and in the training of new listeners (that’s what the hotline volunteers were called), we focused heavily on empathy and feelings, and this was one of the tools we used. At the end of each training session (and some of them were pretty intense, as you can imagine), each listener had to share one feeling word to sum up where they were in the process. We heard a lot of nervous, anxious, apprehensive, excited, overwhelmed and so on. It helped us as trainers get a sense of where the trainees were in their journey, and it also helped us all practice using feeling words. Having to select only one word really made us all focus. We all had a lot of reactions, thoughts and feelings during a session, but being forced to narrow it down to one word really made you think. Very often, I was energized by the team in the room and the commitment they’d made to be there. I was hopeful for our community, given the number of people who chose to spend their time this way. And I was grateful to be a part of it all.

Bring reminded of that exercise earlier this week has reinvigorated me and put me into a different head space. What’s the one word I want to describe my day today? This meeting? This interaction? How do I want to feel about where I’m at? How I’ve spent my time? And what can I do to influence the one word people would say about their interaction with me? These are powerful questions and I encourage you to take the one word challenge. What do you want your one word to be?

Categories
Ashley On the Job

Email Hell

You guys, I’ve had writer’s block. What makes it so awful is I’m not even a writer! How can this be?! I mean, I like to think I’m sort of an amateur writer with a few decent stories to tell, but this level of avoidance and frustration is out of hand. (Bless you, real writers.)

A few weeks ago I started a new gig. I’m going out on a limb here, but I’d say in the last three weeks, I’ve received double – maybe triple – the typical number of emails in my work inbox. (Eek!) I started thinking that maybe my desire to write is being hindered by the amount of work-related writing I’m currently on the hook for. Basically, work email is trumping my communication priorities. At this point, I’m so desperate to not email that I have tried to solve a good portion of the email questions/proposals I receive with a phone call or an in-person chat. (And “chat” should be used loosely…we all know those are turning into meetings.)

Luckily, I like to read and have a metro commute of decent length that allows for some quick wins in my day. (Flipboard has been super awesome for streamlining the content input in my life.) Last week, I ran across this FastCo article, “How Email Became the Most Reviled Communication Experience Ever.” Warning: they used an over-abundance of obnoxious GIFs in the article, so read with caution. And to save you from losing your lunch trying to read between those GIFs, I’ll boil it down to the bad news, folks: We tried to make email do everything and now it’s not exceptionally good at anything. To make matters worse, we’re pretty much neurochemically compelled to check our email…on the chance that there’s something critical this time.

The article was a timely read since I’m implementing new project management processes for a team in need of major process improvement as part of their product deliverables. The team is actually giving some of the tools highlighted in the article a shot and testing for comfort levels and usability. I’m hoping we can find just a few tools that can begin to replace the functions that people have turned to email for…and hopefully I can get back to writing about things I love and things that inspire me. In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll be digging out of email hell.

– Ashley Respecki

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Faith Can Be Painful

Karen FaithI’ve been thinking about the phrase, “Don’t lose faith”. In the Disney movie, Pocahontas sings “Just around the Riverbend”, and asks the following question: “Do you still wait for me, dream giver? Just around the river bend?”

In the New Oxford American Dictionary, faith is defined as “complete trust in someone or something.” Words affiliated with faith are: trust, belief, confidence, conviction, optimism, hopefulness and hope.

My close and dear friend, Heidi Cave, exudes the most faith of any person I know.  One thing she taught me – that I will never forget – is how painful believing can be; yet no matter how painful, one must never stop believing.

Heidi survived a devastating car accident that took the life of her friend and left her severely burned, costing her the loss of both legs from the knees down. She went through months of recovery at the Vancouver Burn Unit. She was fighting for her life on a daily basis. Her memoirs can be read here: Fancy Feet. Now an author and key note speaker, Heidi tells her story of overcoming tragedy and clinging to hope. I am so proud of who she is and the inspiration she is to countless people.

Being part of her journey, I was privy to the hardships she would face. When we’d hang out or when we’d talk on the phone, she would express her frustrations. She would vent; cry; process. She would let me see her discouragement and her vulnerability.

Believing, hoping and not losing faith was a daily battle.  It was hard work for Heidi to survive; to try and walk again. It wasn’t easy to come to terms that, in a blink of an eye, her life was dramatically changed.

But here’s the part that, to this day, impacted me. The most amazing thing would happen! She’d put her prosthetic legs back on, stand back up, and try again. She taught me that emotions are temporal. They are real, yes. But they are fleeting. Yet, she never dismissed the emotional impact of her trauma. She taught me that what we feel in the moment is not what defines us. Sure, go ahead, feel every ounce of it. And when you’re finished, remember that it’s the heart and character of what we do next that is foundational to faith.

What did Heidi do next? Every time, Heidi stood back up. With passion in her eyes, she would show us again and again that her faith never lost any ground whatsoever. Yes, there were moments of discouragement, but her fighting faith superseded all emotions.

Faith is intense determination. Faith can be painful. It is ugly sometimes. However, faith – true faith – is relentless. Faith is the conviction to keep your eyes on the mark and keep pressing forward. Faith provokes in us a tenacious spirit. Heidi is my role model in witnessing what faith truly looks like. Heidi believed she would walk again. Heidi believed that a brighter life awaited her. Heidi believed what was just around the river bend.

It is with great love and admiration and loyalty that I write about my extraordinary comrade, Heidi Cave. Thank you for showing me what “Don’t lose faith” really looks like.

– Karen Thrall

also published on www.karenthrall.com