Tag: Sharing

Snow Bound

Last week, the Washington, DC area got rocked by a blizzard. There was a lot of hype and hullabaloo preceding the “snow event,” but it was warranted – the area got hit with anywhere from 20 – 36 inches of snow. CRAZY. And it was crazy – everything was shut down: Metro, the federal government, fast food establishments. Here are some observations:

Nature is something. Watching the entire blizzard process was incredible – the snow, the wind, a fox that was running around in the front yard trying to figure out where to go…amazing. To see how the snow accumulated, especially waking up in the morning and the landscape and totally changed, was remarkable. Being blinded by the sun sparkling on the snow and seeing the trees decorated as if in a Macy’s Christmas window makes me happy. Nature!
“A sweater is something you have to wear when your mother feels cold.” I think this is a Nora Ephron quote, or maybe Oscar Wilde (thanks a lot, internet…) and it has been hammered home these past several days while cabin-fevered up with my seven-year-old son. “Put some socks on!” “Mom, my feet are hot!” I think it’s too cold to go outside, and he is outside tunneling through snow for hours. To me, snow means we can’t go anywhere, to him it means he doesn’t have to go anywhere [school]! As usual, it is all about perspective. Which also reminds me that I am ridiculously thankful I am “imprisoned” in a warm house with plenty of food, cable and internet.
The Martian is inspirational. If you haven’t seen it yet, it really is impressive – although ridiculously suspenseful (I had to make my parents tell me the ending halfway through because I couldn’t take it). If you think “surviving” the blizzard is tough, try being abandoned on Mars. It made me realize how impressive our meteorologists are, that they used science to predict all of what would happen and prepared us well, probably saving many lives. Best takeaway from the movie is to find ways to “science the shit out of” life’s challenges. Not sure that will get me more half-n-half for this morning’s coffee, but it is definitely a way to look at other obstacles in my life moving forward. (My science-brained husband may be more useful than I thought!)
Jack Daniels knows how to make friends. When it was finally over, my dad and I were out shoveling the driveway making incremental headway. A neighbor down the street used his snowblower to clear the sidewalk all the way to our house. Dad went inside and got the bottle of Jack to help warm the guy up and say thank you – next thing I know, there are four other neighbors hanging out, drinking and shooting the breeze. I didn’t even know there were that many people in the neighborhood!
Family. Because we were worried about losing power, I left my husband holding down the home front and went to my parents’ house where they rarely lose power (thank you, underground power lines!). My worries were not realized (phew) but I knew my husband would be okay, while if we had stayed, I would have worried about my parents and about my son. And everyone else in the family was worried about all of us here – phone calls were coming in from Ukraine, Buffalo, Boston and Scotland to check on us. It was nice to know so many people care about us, but being apart from loved ones is the biggest challenge of the whole endeavor. Stay warm, safe and snuggled if you can!

– Libby Bingham

Tags coping, Fun, Quiet Time, Sharing

Inside My Head

Intersecting Stories

There’s a woman I see with some regularity in the area I work. I recognize her by the beautiful, colorful design on the back of her black coat. The coat is made by a Spanish company I like, and that’s one of the reasons the design popped out at me. And once I noticed the coat, I started noticing the woman who wears it. I’ve spotted her in line at one of the places I frequent for lunch, seen her on the sidewalk in front of me when out running an errand, or our and about on my afternoon trip to Starbucks. I believe we’ve exchanged a polite smile or two, and that’s about it. I don’t see her frequently enough for us to be anything more than passers-by on the street, and I’d be surprised if she recognized me at all.

It’s these sort of life intersections that fascinate me. My path crosses this woman’s path with enough regularity that I’ve noticed her, but I know nothing about her other than her fashion sense and mine overlap in one tiny area and we spend time in the same geographical location. And yet, our worlds intersect at these moments. I used to think about this a lot when a bus route was a regular part of my commute years ago. Every morning, I would see many of the same people on my bus route. I knew they lived in my neighborhood and we were all headed to the metro, but that was it. And while we spent 15 minutes or so together every morning, I didn’t know anything about them. I didn’t know where they went when they got off the bus, I didn’t know what they did for a living, who they lived with or what their sense of humor was like. I’m not at all a morning person, so I didn’t usually strike up conversation, and it wasn’t happening much around me, either. I think that’s also fascinating in and of itself – while we didn’t know anything about each other, we all had come to this unspoken agreement that our time together on the bus in the morning was quiet, personal time. We would be polite – smile, make sure your coat wasn’t spilling over onto the seat next to you, but we would respect personal boundaries.

I’ve talked before on this blog about the stories we tell ourselves – it’s how we make sense of the world. Often, we’re telling ourselves stories about people we know – our close colleagues, good friends, pesky neighbors, meddling family. We tell ourselves these stories and assign motives, create heroes, victims and try to make sense of plot twists we didn’t see coming. But in the middle of all that, I’m so intrigued by those who play an extra part in my story – what’s happening in their stories? What brings us both to this same spot at the same time so our stories collide?

It’s through this lens of storytelling that I can’t help but imagine what’s happening in these people’s lives that brings our worlds together for these brief moments. I’ve got many questions for the woman in the coat. I wonder how she discovered this designer we both like – did a good friend introduce her to it? That’s how I found out about it. A few times I’ve seen her out with different people and they seem to be headed somewhere with purpose, laden down by laptops and papers. What are they working on? Are they coming from the World Bank, which is close to where I am? Do they like working together? One of the women who used to ride the bus with me was reading a book about how not to lose your sense of self once you got married. This was a rare gift that gave me lots to work with! I wondered when the wedding would take place, where it might be and who all might be coming. Did she have lots of family drama she was trying to balance? Maybe she was first of her siblings to get married and so she was by default creating traditions that some of them would follow. Was she nervous? Or was she so excited she could hardly stand it?

It’s these intersections that remind me that we’re all human – we all have struggles, joys, frustrations, stresses, celebrations and hopes. So while these intersections may be brief and fleeting, we can make the most of them by playing our role as an extra to the best of our ability. Offer a smile, open a door, step out of the way, offer up a seat. These are the small and subtle things that can have a much bigger impact on someone else’s story than we may ever know.

Tags Kindness, Quiet Time, Sharing

Ashley On the Job

Memory Bias

Every fall, my husband and I give in and pay the ridiculous monthly fee to get Showtime so we can watch Homeland, and the last two years, The Affair. You guys, I’m obsessed. Season 1 was phenomenal, and while Season 2 hasn’t held my husband’s interest because he claims it’s verging on the edge of a “chick flick” (I know, I know…that phrase is just as rage-inducing for me), the show can still count me as a loyal follower. But, at the onset, my husband and I were both equally sold on the writing, and more importantly, the style of storytelling.

The story is told through each character’s memory biases. What started as memory biases of just two main characters has grown to include two additional key characters in Season 2. I think when we started watching the show last fall, I was enamored by the idea of memory biases. I think of myself as a pretty great storyteller (humble too, uhem) and the idea that someone could have such a vastly different memory from a shared experience is sort of upsetting to me. Especially since, despite using superlative language a little too much, I’m not much of an exaggerator. Intense and dramatic, yes, but divergent from reality, not so much. My husband would tell you I’m a boring storyteller sometimes because of my interest in sticking to reality. But I mean, come on — life is scary enough without intensifying it to the nth degree.

For the first time ever, memory biases in my business relationships have become simply puzzling. In my new project management role, I’m extensively documenting interactions from meetings and phone calls in order to outline roles and responsibilities and next steps. I also use that documentation to provide appropriate recall when decisions and actions come into question. But, I’ve learned that despite agreement and acceptance of actions at a given point, people’s memory bias and further experience create conflicts and power struggles. It’s exhausting.

Solutions have evaded me, and hindered so much progress. I’ve been conceding more than defending and feel as though the loss of credibility in doing so is somehow worse than an argument. I wonder if others have had similar difficulty with variances in memory recall and what you’ve utilized or developed. Can you relate? Has memory bias ever damaged any of your relationships, personal, business, or otherwise?

(More importantly, do you love The Affair as much as I do?!)

– Ashley Respecki

Tags Growth, Personal Development, Sharing

Ashley Awesomeness in the World Uncategorized

5 Things for which I’m Thankful

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date December 1, 2015
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It’s only fitting that this is the time of year we stop and reflect on the things that make us warm and fuzzy inside and the things that make our days a little brighter. I’ll spare you from the warm and fuzzy (husband, family, my sweet pup — you get the picture) and focus on some of the not-so-glamorous little things that make my days better, brighter, easier.

My new iPhone 6S – It’s a digital world, folks! My iPhone is about a month old now, and I am thrilled with the battery life improvement — no more “oh no! my phone is going to die!” end-of-day stress. I’m also thankful it’s working beautifully (knock on wood), despite being dropped in the toilet for 2 seconds at a dive bar a few weeks ago; of course only after all the wisdom of the internet plus a bag of rice (and a good sanitation session).
unroll.me – My friend and colleague, Melissa, has been frightened by the number of email notifications my phone displays in that scary red circle. It scares me too, so when she mentioned unroll.me and the daily roll up, I knew I should probably give it a shot. I finally did this weekend and I’m already sooooo happy my inbox is less frightening.
Sparkling water – I’ve been addicted to sparkling water for awhile, and debated whether or not to just buy a soda stream. I couldn’t justify it so my go-to is the Poland Spring brand from Whole Foods. When I feel like treating myself though, I buy the beautiful, glass bottled Whole Foods Italian Sparkling Mineral Water, preferably strawberry.
Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream – My colleague and I have been sharing skin care products and routines recently and this will forever be my favorite daily use product. Unscented, non-oily, no frills really — just straight up moisture. Go get a tub of this stuff right now.
Nylabone Oral Care dog treats – I know what you’re thinking…what in the world? But hear me out. Who wants a snuggly 9lb teddy-bear pup with stinky breath?! My sweet pup is almost five years old and the older he gets, the more his dental health declines. Totally natural, but a challenge nonetheless. We brush his teeth to keep plaque at bay (have you ever seen this process? It’s a sight!), but these dental treats have been knocking it out of the park. They’re like doggy crack, too. He’s obsessed.

So there you have it; some of the tangible, bizarre things I can’t live without and for which I am truly thankful. I hope you, too, will stop to appreciate some of the little things this season. And I hope the warm and fuzzy stuff is making you grin ear to ear, too!

– Ashley Respecki

Tags Fun, Gratitude, Sharing

Melissa New Friends

Introducing Melissa Grant

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date September 8, 2015
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I’m so impressed by this woman. Melissa is the definition of wise beyond her years. Like most of us, she’s figuring out her way in the world, but is doing so in a way that makes me think there’s an amazing soundtrack playing in her head. She’s caring, positive and taking in everything around her. She has an amazing ability to prioritize the million things coming at her and get her business handled – and I mean handled. If you ask her to do it, it’s done, and that seems to be an increasingly rare quality these days. I met Melissa a little more than a year ago, and one of the things that first drew me to her was her desire to help people. She and I share a passion for outstanding customer service and delight in the ability to meet a need and go the extra mile. Whether it’s a design client or someone looking for that perfect outfit, Melissa will make sure you are well taken care of. I’m thrilled she’s open to sharing her musings with us here in our Creative Community, and I can’t wait for us to get a glimpse into her world.

Melissa_Grant_2 — Melissa Grant (Malbec and ukulele not pictured)

Hi! I’m Melissa, nice to meet you. I am delighted to be here and to get a chance to share a few of things that cross my consciousness every week.

I’m a designer at The American Institute of Architects (where I met Catherine and Ashley!) and I’m a part-time sales associate at Anthropologie. Since moving to DC in 2013, I’ve found new homes and new friends, eaten my weight in happy hour appetizers, watched friends fall, (and have fallen myself). I’ve teetered and tottered, failed, and taken flight. I’ve learned (and am still learning) to embrace the discomfort and uncertainty of growing up. I’ve gotten better at learning my character flaws and not so much better at fixing them but I’m trying! Overall, it’s been an exciting, albeit-scary-but-mostly-happy journey.

I’m looking forward to telling stories here, posting a little about art and other curiosities, but mostly, I’m looking forward to being honest, to getting things out of my head, and to sharing.

On a personal note:

Star sign / Taurus

Personality characteristics / Optimistic, superstitious, silly

Current hobbies / Playing the ukulele and taking German I at George Washington University

Drink of choice / Malbec (in the evening of course)

I’m so glad I’m here. Thank you for reading.

– Melissa Grant

Tags Fun, Introduction, Sharing

Awesomeness in the World

The Thing That Only You Can Do

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date August 25, 2015
No Comments on The Thing That Only You Can Do

I was having lunch with a friend recently and she was telling me about a new coach she was using – for her dating life. I admit, this was the first time I’d heard of a dating coach, but the more I think about it, the more I love the concept. I fully believe in career coaching and personal training, and that doesn’t even get into the other areas of expertise I need in my life. I find value in doctors, attorneys, plumbers, landscapers, movers, designers…why would a dating coach be any different? We can all learn something from someone who has devoted their life to a specialty that’s different than ours.

I had a boss in my past who used to say “do the thing that only you can do,” and it’s a piece of advice that’s stuck with me. While I would like to think I’m well-rounded, I can’t possibly be good at everything. Or even most things. Realistically, I can discover and select a few things and do them exceptionally well and leave the rest to other folks. It relates back to the concept of spending 10,000 hours on something before we can be considered an expert at it. We can’t possibly spend 10,000 on very many things, so it only makes sense to look to the people who have spent 10,000 hours in an area where we need help.

Even if we don’t have 10,000 hours logged yet, we can still be on the lookout for the things that only we can do. At work, there may be a meeting that only I can lead. That means someone else can wrap up the report. Maybe only I can sort through and organize my closet, but maybe someone else can make the donation run afterwards. And perhaps I’m the only one who can be that shoulder to cry on and we’ll let someone else take care of dinner tonight.

What’s your thing that only you can do?

Tags Motivation, Personal Development, Sharing

Awesomeness in the World

Don’t Worry – The Universe Has Your Back

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date August 21, 2015
No Comments on Don’t Worry – The Universe Has Your Back

They say it’s a small world, and they’re usually right. I was reminded of this a couple weeks ago when a newer friend of mine came over to our house for dinner. I’ve known her for about a year and she’s one of those people you instantly adore. She lives in Boston, but is in DC every 4-6 weeks to come into her office here and touch base, and I thought she might like a home-cooked meal rather than another dinner out (my husband’s cooking – let’s be clear. I’m pretty skilled at ordering in.). Plus, we could take our time and linger rather than being rushed after dinner.

While we were settling into dinner, my friend and my husband were getting to know each other. As we talked, my husband was surprised that my friend had heard of his relatively small(ish) association and it turns out she had interviewed there a few years ago. As they kept talking, they realized they worked in the same area and eventually worked back to the fact that my husband had interviewed my friend three years ago. Not only had he interviewed her, he had offered her the job at the same time she was offered her current job. Clearly, she turned down the job with my husband and started working where I met her a year ago. It had been several years ago and they were both our of context (a job interview vs. a friendly dinner at our home), but it was a hilarious discovery. I remembered my husband talking about this woman who was terrific, but probably overqualified and he was worried she would take the offer she’d been given. He was obviously right to worry, but his judgement of her character and abilities were spot on – I can attest to that now on this end of things. Fortunately, both my husband and my friend are class acts and even though they didn’t end up working together, they parted on good terms. Talk about something that could have been an awkward situation…

As we were laughing about how small the world is (repeatedly – it really was funny), my friend said “Obviously the universe had big plans for us, and our paths were going to cross one way or another.” And she was absolutely right. I know most of the people on my husband’s staff and he knows lots of the people with whom I work, so I believe we would have met and become friends one way or another. So often, the people who come into our lives can seem random and haphazard. My husband and I often talk about how curious it is that our paths crossed how they did and when they did. While I don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory that everything happens for a reason, experiences like this do make me think that the universe might have my back. And that’s not a bad feeling at all.

Tags Fun, Kindness, Sharing

Book Reports

Modern Romance (and Our Old Friend, Choice!)

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date August 19, 2015
No Comments on Modern Romance (and Our Old Friend, Choice!)

I just finished Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance. As a devoted Parks and Recreation fan, it was on my must-read list and it definitely didn’t disappoint. He looks at our approaches to dating through the lens of modern technology, and while I’m not currently in the dating pool, I still recognized myself in lots of what he was talking about. Of course you would expect Ansari’s fantastic sense of humor to be prevalent throughout the book (and it certainly is), but I wasn’t prepared for all the research and science he uses to inform his thinking and back up his observations.

I wrote about choices last month and the difficulty I have with options. It turns out I’m not alone (not too shocking, I suppose). Ansari’s writes:

Barry Schwartz is a professor of psychology at Swarthmore College who has spent much of his career studying the annoying problems that come from have an abundance of options. Schwartz’s research, and a considerable amount of scholarship from other social scientists too, shows that when we have more options, we are actually less satisfied and sometimes even have a harder time making a choice at all.

Ansari then goes on to talk about the concepts of “maximizer” and “satisficer” which are the ways we deal with all these options (both of which were new to me, but apparently not the rest of the world…or so my husband tells me). A maximizer is someone who wants to seeks out the best of all the options available and a satisficer (a combination of satisfy and suffice) will be happy with something that’s good enough. And we can be both of these types of people, depending on the situation. Ansari points out the trouble we have today with all the different ways we can meet and select people thanks to technology, but these ways of dealing with all choices rang true to me in other areas of my life as well.

For instance, I love to try new restaurants, but usually when someone else is making the decision. I’m too overwhelmed by all the options and the important thing to me is the company, so I’m pretty willing to go someplace that’s good enough. But having said that, I am a karaoke maximizer. There is no “good enough” experience. You either play to win and bring the house down or you don’t go at all. I am constantly on the look out for the best karaoke song for the situation (and ballads are always a no-go. Sorry, Celine Dion. She’s great, but no one wants to hear that out at a karaoke bar. You’re welcome, world.)

There are only so many hours in the day and so much brain space we have to give, so we’ve got to decide where we want to maximize and where we want to satisfice. I’m glad I chose to spend my time on Modern Romance. In addition to my new vocabulary word, I definitely laughed out loud at some of the text message exchanges Ansari found in his focus groups and stand up acts. Those alone are make the book worth the time.

Tags Books, Fun, Sharing

Ashley Awesomeness in the World

History of 100 Years

A few weeks ago, I ventured back to my home state of Indiana to celebrate my great grandma Lela Barber’s 100th birthday. While she doesn’t actually turn 100 until November, July seemed like the perfect month to corral a huge family that’s spread across several states. The celebration was a huge success, if you don’t count the suffocating heat and humidity…but who am I to complain? My great grandma dealt with that business like a champ.

Her milestone has made me stop and think about a lot of things. In her card, I thanked her for the years of beauty and laughter she’s brought to the world. What I couldn’t write in her card was “my goodness, how did you do it all these years?!” I know some of the truth; she’s a tough, no-nonsense lady. She was once a lunch lady at the local school and she tells stories about former students approaching her every now and then. They share memories they have of her and she says to all of us, “Ohhh I can’t remember those kids from Adam! I was busy doing my job.”

She’s sharp as a tack at nearly 100 years – I walked into the party, she hugged me and said “Hi Ashley!” followed by a sarcastic “It is ‘Ashley,’ right?” I wonder where she’s found the strength to face the changes that have defined her lifetime. I wish I could know how she’s managed to remember all the history she’s accumulated – the names of her kids, grandkids, great grandkids, the birthdays, this first steps, the anniversaries…all of the milestones.

She wasn’t able to travel the two hours north for my wedding several years ago so she instead wrote a letter about what she remembered about the day my dad first met me as an infant. Man, oh man, was that a tear-jerker. My mom had me when she was pretty young, and, at the time of my birth, my dad was in South Dakota with the Air Force. From what my mom says, my great grandma’s depiction of that day and experience was pretty spot on. Last year, as the city of Washington, Indiana, was preparing to celebrate their annual Rail Fest, she called the local newspaper to tell stories of the railroad’s economic success in the city, lest anyone forget. I love how she carries all this knowledge with her, and continues to share it with anyone who will listen.

I think what I admire most is how she’s maintained what can only be called sanity, for nearly 100 years. Most of the time, I end my day stressing about what I couldn’t change around me, and wondering if tomorrow truly holds all the answers. And then I remember I should be relishing in all of these small moments, saving them for a great letter to my future great grandchild. Lela is my mother’s fraternal grandmother, and while on this side of my family, longevity is notable (Lela’s husband, my great grandpa Barber, lived to be 96), in other lineage, there is a strong history of Alzheimer’s and dementia. My joke is that it’s likely I’ll live to 90 plus, but I might not know my name for the last 30 years of my life. With that in mind, this milestone celebration for my family has encouraged me to fight for every memory I make, and to keep writing…I might have to share a good piece of forgotten DC history with the Washington Post one day, if I can just remember it…

– Ashley Respecki

Tags Celebrate, Fun, Sharing