Tag: Sharing

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Book Reports

Summer Reading Lists

For many of us, the summer reading list goes back to the days of elementary school. Whether the books were assigned by next year’s teacher, your library had a program or you were motivated by personal pan pizzas (thanks, BOOK IT!), summer is synonymous with getting lost in a good book. As an adult, summer vacations aren’t necessarily the two or three months they used to be, but beaches and planes also present some good reading opportunities.

The Washington Post recently published “A summer reading list that will help you professionally,” which got me feeling guilty about my own pile of books waiting to be read. I’m currently about halfway through Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, a collection of essays pulled together by Meghan Daum. It’s an incredibly thoughtful look at the decisions we make around children – not just about not having them, but also about why people choose to have kids. It’s a deeply personal conversation and I think it’s impossible to explore one side of the coin without looking at the other. I’m enjoying the different perspectives and the conversations it brings up among my friends.

My other books waiting patiently to be read this summer…

What’s on your summer reading list this year?

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Awesomeness in the World Libby

Gardening

The weather in the Washington, DC area has been really nice this spring and it has done its job in motivating me to get outside and dig. I find gardening to be relaxing, good exercise (I have a lot of weeds to pull) and a terrific way to connect with others. Although I am alone most of the time I am doing the work, I find that people will stop and want to chat while I’m out there (covered in dirt, sweaty…good thing I’m already married…). My marathon days of reconnecting with my garden are also days of reconnecting with my neighbors and my family. My son and I both love rocks and collecting them. My husband does not really share this interest, so he encouraged us to build a rock garden together – it’s terrific! Every morning on the way to school, we both stop to admire the garden…sure, nothing has grown, but it’s fun to recognize a new rock that we hadn’t seen before and relive the memory of when it was found. My mother and her entire family are avid gardeners, and my mother has two green thumbs and three green fingers. Her gardens are amazing. Every time I go to her house, she sends me home with cuttings or seedlings or plants she just digs up. Every time they bloom after I’ve planted them at my house (when they survive the transition), I am reminded of her and I call and give her a progress report. This is the same kind of connection I feel with my aunt who died from a brain tumor, or my uncle who died in a car accident – they may be gone, but they live on through the beauty of a blooming iris. By planting and cultivating living things, my relationships are rooting and multiplying, and I love admiring that growth as well. What’s growing in your garden?

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Ashley Inside My Head

Movie Therapy

I mentioned in my very first post that I spent a number of years working at a video rental store called Family Video. If you’re from the Midwest, you may have heard of the company or even rented a few Midweek Specials in your day; and if not, boy, did you miss out. With all of the video rental businesses in the U.S. closing their doors (read: Blockbuster), at last check, that makes Family Video the largest (hell, maybe the only) movie and game rental franchise in the country.

I cannot even imagine how many total hours I’ve spent in my lifetime so far watching, and often rewatching, movies. Ahead of movie release dates for DVDs (almost always a Tuesday), stores receive inventory around 5 days in advance, and staff are allowed and sometimes recommended to “screen” the titles in that advance time frame. I spent a lot of weekends in high school and college watching great movies but also watching some really shitty B class movies. (Don’t tell anyone I admitted to that.)

The point here is this: I love movies. I think I passed this love onto my baby brother…well, that and my music taste, for better or worse. So when I come home to visit, we usually bond over a good movie. But since he’s young(er) and hip(er), he often has seen way more recent releases than I have. On this recent visit, I had to admit to not yet seeing Unbroken, so we sat down for a typical family watch party.

There are always great take-aways from movies, like the faith in humanity you regain watching a really great drama, or the way your wheels continue spinning after an intense thriller. Movies can pull you out of yourself for a good 2 hours and plop you right back into reality with the hint of a credit reel. If somebody did their job right, you talk about what the experience was like for you for a good 30 minutes post-film, and use it for at least some workplace chatter on Monday.

Here’s my recent movie-watching reaction (spoilers ahead): What I hated about Unbroken is that you sit through the whole thing and then Angelina Jolie thought maybe you were an idiot watching and didn’t get the message, so she wrote it out for you at the end before the credits. “Louie learned that forgiveness is greater than revenge…” or something equally uninspiring. But what I loved about Unbroken was the message that spoke so much louder to me, and that was the importance of perseverance. To me Louie showcased what it means to get back up when everyone around you is expecting you to stay down, and continuing to get back up especially once people are rooting for you.

I think it goes without saying that Unbroken probably spoke to you in a totally different way, and maybe you were cool with Angelina’s moral being spelled out for you to cap off the movie. But with movies, the message doesn’t have to be the same for me and for you, and the conversation that ensues because of that difference in emotion and opinion is what keeps us on our toes. And, from my video rental store days, it’s likely why I am an A-Class BS-er today. (I couldn’t afford to curse anymore in this post!) I think I was something of a movie therapist for customers when they returned those stacks of VHS tapes and DVDS…

– Ashley Respecki

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Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

How to Spend Your Birthday

I’ve never really been a party person. Well, that’s not absolutely true. Going to parties? Yes, I love doing that. Throwing them? Not so much. So when it comes to my birthday, I’m normally the one trying to kill the hype. That changed a bit when I arrived in college, as every year during my tenure came with a bash equally as unruly as the last. So this year as my birthday approached, I had no earthly idea what to do to celebrate. I felt I had to live up to something, whatever it is. Cursed by my own creation, I struggled with who, what, and when for many days.

The one thing I at least remembered to do was to take off from work. And that was about it. I had three full relaxing days to myself, during which I did absolutely nothing. Probably shouldn’t have been doing nothing, but you get my point. I think birthdays shouldn’t be about large gatherings of folks who oh-so graciously gifted you with their presence to joyously drink and eat in your honor. It should be about number one: you. Always take a minute to remind yourself what you work so hard for. Use the time you’ve spent to create leisure and enjoy that as well.

Often we waste energy trying to astonish and wow, creating memories that we want others to remember. Having such a focus can take away from truly enjoying a day to call your own. Don’t let a number slow you down. Doing what makes you happy, comfortable, and carefree for the time being is what should matter most.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

…wait. I totally lied. My wonderful and beautiful girlfriend did show me a lovely time at dinner on the National Harbor. Fancy, I know. But I guess nothing is too good for number one, right?

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Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Even the Little Things Count

The sound of buzzing caressed my ears as the curly dark fell from my head. Rambunctious tunes blasted from the college radio station next door, carrying voices of personalities unknown to me and those around. General chatter filling the room, my barber and I were willing participants.

Our conversation started with…well, I actually couldn’t tell you how it started. I always get to the part where I close my eyes and then nothing. You know, when you don’t want hair in your face or eyes. I know our conversation had to do with institutionalized racism and some sort of half-formed plan to inform minority communities about property investment, but I don’t think there’s time to get into that (and I can’t really remember how we got there anyway!). What’s important is I can tell you the most meaningful thing I came away with from said conversation: any one person can truly make a difference.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Oh, of course, Gabriel. Everyone says that to be inspirational. You may be right, yet the mistake I think people make is thinking too big. Not to say the big picture isn’t the best one, but I believe most people psyche themselves out by justifying negligence or ignorance. Neither are proper excuses because you can make a difference, even if it’s just for the person right next to you. The conversation I had with my barber got me thinking about what can be done to affect change in any situation. It doesn’t have to be some diabolical master plan. It can be as simple as making a chart, writing a funny suggestion, or even taking someone out to lunch just to shoot the shit. These little things could open someone’s mind to new possibilities, perspectives, and methods of operation. And that opening could produce something so magnificent, you wouldn’t see it coming – almost like a miracle. So start your day knowing that what you do today could make the slightest – or the biggest – difference to someone else on this big ball of dirt we find ourselves on at the moment. Cheers.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

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Inside My Head Karen

Do I Trust You?

Karen TrustHave you ever not trusted someone? Have you had your trust broken?

Forgiveness and trust are two different journeys.

Forgiveness is necessary for your health and wellbeing. If you don’t forgive, it can jade your heart or fester bitterness. The sooner you can forgive someone, the sooner the burden of life lightens. We need to live in a lightened place. The heavier the burdens we carry, the weightier our world becomes.

I think where people get confused is in the area of trust; not forgiveness. To say I forgive you is admitting we are all flawed and we all err on imperfection. It’s normal to disappoint or hurt someone. It’s normal to get upset with one another. It’s normal to say, “Forgive me” or “I forgive you.” It’s part of life. We are disillusioned if we presuppose we can ride the wave of life without ever hurting someone or being hurt.

What about trust? That’s a different topic.

I can forgive you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I will trust you.

When John Fluevog offered me a Director position I accepted wholeheartedly – elatedly! I also told him not to trust me. He gave me that “what did you just say?” look. I added, “I want to earn your trust, John.” It took me 18 months to earn John’s trust. (It was one of my most favorite emails to receive, with these words: “I trust you.”)

Earning someone’s trust is important to me. And someone earning my trust is equally important.

I won’t easily say I trust you. I will say I like you. I will offer up all kinds of accolades. But I will not say “I trust you” unless I really mean it. I measure it in my heart.

  • Do I trust this person is for me?
  • Do I trust this person is honest with me?
  • Do I trust this person is capable of ________?
  • Do I trust this person will do what they say?

Once I know how much I trust the individual, I can engage in the relationship accordingly.

I’m not saying it’s full distrust, but it might be a lack of trust in a specific area. If I trust you 25%, that’s important information for me to know beforehand. If I trust you 100%, then I will pour every ounce of my heart and soul into this personal or business relationship.

It is up to the person to earn my trust, if they so choose. And it’s up to me to grant them my trust, at whatever level that may be. Trust is the opportunity to strength a relationship. Without trust, the foundation weakens.

Sometimes interactions, conversations, or incidences hurt us. Ask yourself, “Does my hurt stem from a lack of trust or from the inability to forgive?” I guarantee you, the majority of time it will be a lack of trust.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Ashley Inside My Head

(A dose of) Why I Married an Architect

In 2012, I married my best friend. Nick is a smart, intense, hard-working guy. He’s also an architect, licensed to practice in the District of Columbia. The only problem is that we’ve got that architecture thing in common.

Nick and I met in my home state while receiving our undergraduate degrees and by the time we were considering grad school, we were pretty committed to one another. That commitment was evidenced by our decision to both stay at Ball State University for our Master of Architecture degrees and to move in together. In that time, we worked on architecture studio projects as a team, both held graduate assistantships at the University library (where we briefly shared a very small office), and cohabited a three-bedroom apartment. (Oh Indiana…how I miss having that much space to live in!) Needless to say, it was pretty clear we could make it through marriage. If we could spend that much time together and not kill one another, it was meant to be.

The thing is, architects are weird. There’s no other way to slice it. We’re taught to see the world differently – to see design in everything we do – and we make it through our training by having our work consistently critiqued. If you’ve met any architects, chances are they’re visionary, creative individuals who pay great attention to detail, constantly look for alternative solutions to problems, and it’s likely they sought an alternative career, possibly in engineering or art. That makes us sound too great – what I really mean is we’re picky, opinionated, believe we’re smarter than we (likely) are, and think we can do anything.

All that coupled with our intensity probably makes Nick and I an unbearable couple to be around – you should see us play sports or flip cup together! Sometimes I’m surprised we have friends that even like to hang out with the two of us together. But we make it work. I’m so grateful for his ability to push me to try new things, go after things I want, and challenge the status quo. I’m grateful for the way he inspires me to be better every day, even if he does it like an architect. You don’t need to be married to an architect (but bless you if you are) to have someone who inspires you in just the right way, but I’d love to know how that someone in your life inspires you in just the right way that you need to be inspired.

– Ashley Respecki

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Jams Libby

Come Sail Away

My repertoire of songs for lullabies is limited – when Joey was a baby, I had to reach deep into my past for songs from musicals (we didn’t have a TV for a while growing up), a childhood steeped in 70’s soft rock and teenage years rockin’ out to AC/DC, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi and other iconic bands before falling in love with pop (after an embarrassing spell as a Deadhead in college). Any of these songs can be turned into a lullaby with the right volume level and cadence – surprising, but true. As Joey grew older, we’d start hearing his lullabies on the radio and he’d be awfully surprised, but he has learned to love both the original and the adaptation. One of our favorites was and is Come Sail Away by Styx. It’s a great song musically – it builds slowly to a dramatic finish, in a key that is easy for me to navigate – but it also has a terrific message about hope and overcoming the inevitable disappointments of life, prompting us to “carry on” even in the face of adversity (or aliens, as the case may be). I think that as we sail upon the sea of life, we would all do well to embrace the positive and supportive spirits of friends, family and loved ones that are around us as we navigate the waters of an unfamiliar future. Oh, and you should also have a plan for whenever you run into aliens, of course.

– Libby Bingham

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Ashley Awesomeness in the World

Life Promises

I have my weekly habits like most people. Monday nights I skip working out, at least once a week I get coffee and oatmeal at Peets (maybe Starbucks), I call my mom or grandmother during my walk home from the metro, and on Sunday night, I watch my standard tv. One of those standard shows is Girls on HBO. It’s a guilty pleasure for sure. I love Lena Dunham’s stark take on life as a twenty-something, even if it is far flung. If you watch, you know the fourth season just ended, and if you’re an avid fan like me, you’re incredibly depressed about how long you have to wait for season 5.

Sometimes revelations come from the most unexpected sources. Likely you’ve had one in the shower or while brushing your teeth. Mine have come from niche corners of my life recently and I sort of enjoy that. The most recent came from – you guessed it – the season four finale of Girls. (Minor spoiler alert!) There’s a birth that brings together some recently estranged characters and when the little one finally arrives, Hannah (Dunham’s character) has some great wisdom about the wonders of life to pass on to the tiny human. In a sweet, baby-coo voice, she says this: “Life…I can’t guarantee perfection, but I can guarantee intrigue.”

How beautiful is that?

If you have any ounce of Type A in you, you’re likely to have a competitive side, a passion for organizing, and an expectation for perfection in everything you do. But even if you’re not a Type A personality, what I think Hannah realized, much like this twenty-something has, is that we often set our bar too high. We expect from ourselves and those around us entirely too much. We ignore the beauty in imperfections and are afraid to say no. After all, we’re busy crafting a perfect life with memories exactly as we want them! If you hang around a Gen Y-er at all, you know they’ve coined the acronym FOMO – fear of missing out. I think that desire for perfection comes so much from our technology-overloaded, over-sharing culture; we want to go on that gorgeous vacation our high school rival just took or get an invite to brunch with that great new group of friends we’ve been courting. But life’s not perfect, is it? We can’t quite customize it the way we hope. But think about how much more exciting that is! Just try and count how many lessons you’ve learned from failure, and how great those stories are when you share them now.

I hope this week, you take the time to recognize the not-so-perfect moments and allow your curiosity to take over – relish in the fascination and intrigue.

– Ashley Respecki

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Awesomeness in the World On the Job

Personal is Perfect

In order to add an element of fun to a recent staff gathering, a team leader hid a prize envelope under the chair of one of the attendees. In the middle of the meeting, the attendee in that seat found out he’d won treats for his department, delivered courtesy of the team lead. No specifics had been promised, and the plan was to figure it out after the meeting (you know how many logistics go into a big meeting leading up to it – sometimes you’ve got to punt what you can).

In a discussion afterwards about what sorts of treats would be appropriate, several ideas were tossed around. Custom logo cookies. Cupcakes from a local bakery. Make your own ice cream sundae bar (and yes, I really just wanted a giant cupcake for most of the conversation). The next morning, the team lead asked a couple of us if we thought it would be too hokey if she baked cookies for the team instead of anything we’d talked about. It was a GREAT idea. What a very cool, personal touch. Who doesn’t love the childhood nostalgia of homemade chocolate chip cookies? And what a fun way to not only add an element of surprise to the meeting itself, but follow up afterwards with not just the treat, but the important message of making the time to do something with such a personal feel.

I think we so often want to do something to let people know we’re thinking of them or that we value them, but we get caught up in thinking we have to do the one right thing, get the best gift or spend the appropriate amount of money. And before we know it, we’ve become too paralyzed and done nothing. I think most often it’s the little things that mean the most – a handwritten thank you note, inviting someone out for a cup of coffee and conversation, or, of course, a baked good. What can you put your own personal touch on to let someone know you appreciate them?