Author: catherinewemette

Dropping the Ball

Today’s the day where I publicly admit to dropping the ball on things that I’ve committed to and truly care about. It’s often too easy to tell friends and family that you’ll do something for them and not follow through. I’m guilty of that lately. There are people that depend on me, and believe in me, and I’m guilty of letting them down.

Whew. I feel better.

It’s not easy to admit that, despite the efforts of those holding me accountable, I’m feeling lack-luster about my performance. Even though I’m terrible at saying “no,” when I commit to something, it’s usually because my heart is in it – full force. Often I feel like I rationalize failure to follow through internally with thoughts like “they’re not paying my salary so it’s cool, right?” (Please tell me you’ve had similar evil thoughts…)

I think it feels worse when the amazing people around you are keeping their word. “How do they do it?! They must be superhuman.” I’ve decided that I admire the incredible ability my friends and family have to keep their word, and that it’s an example I try to model my own behavior around – hence the disappointment I’m feeling in myself.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “With the new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.” I’m taking the days ahead to refresh and reboot so I can keep the ball rolling. I have some emotional strength to build and some new perspectives to consider. Hopefully the people I care about most will notice!

– Ashley Respecki

Tags Change, Motivation, Personal Development

Inside My Head Karen

What Do You Want?

The question I have for you is: What do you want?

I’ve observed that it’s easier for us to list what we don’t want. But can we truly list what we want? Can we speak it forth? Can we proclaim without apology?

Do you think it’s selfish to “want?”

A dear friend of mine once said to me, “Stop being a martyr. It doesn’t look good on you.”

What does that mean?

At that time in my life, I chose to act in a state of apology for who I was, suppressed what I longed for, dismissed what I dreamed of, tempered what I desired, forbade what I wanted, etc. I let my insecurity keep me hidden. After all, to want is selfish, right?

Wrong. Selfish means a lack of consideration for others and being only concerned with your own profit. To want is a desire and a wish.

It’s up to you if you want to step into your wants selfishly or with desire. Both will get results; although the outcomes will be different.

Do you know what happens when you know what you want?

You activate motion. Whether small or great, motion is motion. A caterpillar or a cheetah. Both are moving forward. Don’t underestimate the power of movement.

I want to get from A to Z.

How will you do that?

I will start at A until I reach B; then I will go to C. Thought-filled timeliness. Or I will start at A and will leap to Z. Passionate timeliness.

Both are valuable. Both are moving you forward.

Pause and take inventory of what you want in:

Love
Family
Friendship
Purpose
Career
Finances
Rest
Joy
Hobbies
Quality of Life

Currently, do your desired wants have active motion?

If not, what are you going to do about it? What small or large steps can you take to activate your wants?

Stay in motion.

– Karen Thrall

Tags Change, Growth, Personal Development

Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Even the Little Things Count

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date April 23, 2015
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The sound of buzzing caressed my ears as the curly dark fell from my head. Rambunctious tunes blasted from the college radio station next door, carrying voices of personalities unknown to me and those around. General chatter filling the room, my barber and I were willing participants.

Our conversation started with…well, I actually couldn’t tell you how it started. I always get to the part where I close my eyes and then nothing. You know, when you don’t want hair in your face or eyes. I know our conversation had to do with institutionalized racism and some sort of half-formed plan to inform minority communities about property investment, but I don’t think there’s time to get into that (and I can’t really remember how we got there anyway!). What’s important is I can tell you the most meaningful thing I came away with from said conversation: any one person can truly make a difference.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Oh, of course, Gabriel. Everyone says that to be inspirational. You may be right, yet the mistake I think people make is thinking too big. Not to say the big picture isn’t the best one, but I believe most people psyche themselves out by justifying negligence or ignorance. Neither are proper excuses because you can make a difference, even if it’s just for the person right next to you. The conversation I had with my barber got me thinking about what can be done to affect change in any situation. It doesn’t have to be some diabolical master plan. It can be as simple as making a chart, writing a funny suggestion, or even taking someone out to lunch just to shoot the shit. These little things could open someone’s mind to new possibilities, perspectives, and methods of operation. And that opening could produce something so magnificent, you wouldn’t see it coming – almost like a miracle. So start your day knowing that what you do today could make the slightest – or the biggest – difference to someone else on this big ball of dirt we find ourselves on at the moment. Cheers.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

Tags Change, Growth, Sharing

Career Libby

Dream Teams

I don’t know if it’s Spring Fever or just general malaise, but I haven’t been exactly inspired professionally over the past several weeks. I think I’m more affected than I thought by the gearing up of the search for our boss’ replacement – among issues including job security, I am also really troubled about how bringing in someone new to our department could really change our inter-departmental dynamic, and not for the better. We have a terrific group of people right now and if someone messes with it, our Dream Team is in danger of becoming a nightmare. On top of that, I have recently been tasked with overseeing the transition of a preparatory program held twice a year to an online format, and the scope of that endeavor has also been the backdrop for my partial professional paralysis.

I recently met with the people I have been working on this project with for more than three years – it is challenging content-wise, time-wise and emotionally, and they have put in a lot of time and creative energy to make it a success. Today I asked my three volunteers – my friends – to make a commitment to me for two more iterations of our current program so that I can concentrate on the migration. If I can keep my own Dream Team intact, the worry and burden of training people who may or may not do a good job will all go away. They all said yes. I owe them all manner of goods and services for a long and indeterminate period of time, but they said yes! When I got home, I actually cried a little bit – the sense of relief was overwhelming. My gratitude to these people is immeasurable…having them as my team is a dream come true. Dream Team…a phenomenon which is so rare and incredibly important. So I ask you, before I get back to work with renewed vigor, who’s on your Dream Team?

Tags Career, Growth, Organizational Development

Jams

Summer Jams

I love new music that comes out just in time for summer. It seems summer has its own special vibe as the days get longer, we’re outside in the sunshine more and life slows down just a little bit with extended happy hours and vacations. DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince captured this perfectly in their 1991 amazingness, Summertime. And while I could never be as eloquent as that pair, I do love these lighter summer songs where you can’t help but sing along and you don’t even care about the looks you’re getting when you roll up to a spotlight and forget that all your windows are down. The concept shows up in one of my favorite shows, Parks and Recreation, as Ben Wyatt is outed for a CD found in his car, Benji’s Cool Times Summer Jamz Mix. The fact that the writers wholly committed and made the full playlist is amazing. Check it out for some old school inspiration!

Jason Derulo’s Want to Want Me is going to be impossible to escape this summer, and Meghan Trainor’s Dear Future Husband brings back the wholesomeness of the 1950’s with the fun style of 2015. Both of these songs have been stuck in my head for the past couple weeks and I just can’t seem to shake them. But I don’t mind so much, at least for now. Check back in with me again come August. 😉 What are you go to summer jams – either from this year or summers past?

Tags Celebrate, Fun, Music

Inside My Head Karen

Do I Trust You?

Have you ever not trusted someone? Have you had your trust broken?

Forgiveness and trust are two different journeys.

Forgiveness is necessary for your health and wellbeing. If you don’t forgive, it can jade your heart or fester bitterness. The sooner you can forgive someone, the sooner the burden of life lightens. We need to live in a lightened place. The heavier the burdens we carry, the weightier our world becomes.

I think where people get confused is in the area of trust; not forgiveness. To say I forgive you is admitting we are all flawed and we all err on imperfection. It’s normal to disappoint or hurt someone. It’s normal to get upset with one another. It’s normal to say, “Forgive me” or “I forgive you.” It’s part of life. We are disillusioned if we presuppose we can ride the wave of life without ever hurting someone or being hurt.

What about trust? That’s a different topic.

I can forgive you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I will trust you.

When John Fluevog offered me a Director position I accepted wholeheartedly – elatedly! I also told him not to trust me. He gave me that “what did you just say?” look. I added, “I want to earn your trust, John.” It took me 18 months to earn John’s trust. (It was one of my most favorite emails to receive, with these words: “I trust you.”)

Earning someone’s trust is important to me. And someone earning my trust is equally important.

I won’t easily say I trust you. I will say I like you. I will offer up all kinds of accolades. But I will not say “I trust you” unless I really mean it. I measure it in my heart.

Do I trust this person is for me?
Do I trust this person is honest with me?
Do I trust this person is capable of ________?
Do I trust this person will do what they say?

Once I know how much I trust the individual, I can engage in the relationship accordingly.

I’m not saying it’s full distrust, but it might be a lack of trust in a specific area. If I trust you 25%, that’s important information for me to know beforehand. If I trust you 100%, then I will pour every ounce of my heart and soul into this personal or business relationship.

It is up to the person to earn my trust, if they so choose. And it’s up to me to grant them my trust, at whatever level that may be. Trust is the opportunity to strength a relationship. Without trust, the foundation weakens.

Sometimes interactions, conversations, or incidences hurt us. Ask yourself, “Does my hurt stem from a lack of trust or from the inability to forgive?” I guarantee you, the majority of time it will be a lack of trust.

– Karen Thrall

Tags Growth, Personal Development, Sharing

Ashley Inside My Head

(A dose of) Why I Married an Architect

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date April 17, 2015
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In 2012, I married my best friend. Nick is a smart, intense, hard-working guy. He’s also an architect, licensed to practice in the District of Columbia. The only problem is that we’ve got that architecture thing in common.

Nick and I met in my home state while receiving our undergraduate degrees and by the time we were considering grad school, we were pretty committed to one another. That commitment was evidenced by our decision to both stay at Ball State University for our Master of Architecture degrees and to move in together. In that time, we worked on architecture studio projects as a team, both held graduate assistantships at the University library (where we briefly shared a very small office), and cohabited a three-bedroom apartment. (Oh Indiana…how I miss having that much space to live in!) Needless to say, it was pretty clear we could make it through marriage. If we could spend that much time together and not kill one another, it was meant to be.

The thing is, architects are weird. There’s no other way to slice it. We’re taught to see the world differently – to see design in everything we do – and we make it through our training by having our work consistently critiqued. If you’ve met any architects, chances are they’re visionary, creative individuals who pay great attention to detail, constantly look for alternative solutions to problems, and it’s likely they sought an alternative career, possibly in engineering or art. That makes us sound too great – what I really mean is we’re picky, opinionated, believe we’re smarter than we (likely) are, and think we can do anything.

All that coupled with our intensity probably makes Nick and I an unbearable couple to be around – you should see us play sports or flip cup together! Sometimes I’m surprised we have friends that even like to hang out with the two of us together. But we make it work. I’m so grateful for his ability to push me to try new things, go after things I want, and challenge the status quo. I’m grateful for the way he inspires me to be better every day, even if he does it like an architect. You don’t need to be married to an architect (but bless you if you are) to have someone who inspires you in just the right way, but I’d love to know how that someone in your life inspires you in just the right way that you need to be inspired.

– Ashley Respecki

Tags Creativity, Fun, Sharing

Book Reports

Thanks for the Feedback

I’ve been a little behind on my reading, though not on my collecting of books to read (yes, I still read actual paper books – not sure if I’ll ever be able to give them up). The pile seems to be growing bigger and bigger, thanks to recommendations, interesting articles and finding new favorite authors. Based on a great recommendation, I’m currently reading Thanks for the Feedback, by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. I’m about a third of the way through, so I’m sure there will be more gems to come, but the very premise of the book is one of the more fascinating ideas. Often with feedback, the focus is on the person giving the feedback, but Stone and Heen suggest that we’ve been approaching this wrong – the focus needs to be on the receiver of the feedback. In fact, the subtitle of their book suggests it from the start: “The science and art of receiving feedback well, even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood.”

I love this for a couple reasons. Sure, we could all be better at giving feedback. We can improve on our word choice, have better timing and think more about where the other person may be coming from. And we should do those things. Focusing on the receiver of feedback doesn’t let us off the hook for giving feedback in positive and constructive ways. However, what resonates most with me about this approach is the fact that how I receive the feedback is something I have a say in. I can’t control much about how feedback is given to me – it comes when it comes and how it comes. But how I react to it, interpret it and absorb it is entirely up to me. And I do see how I can be better at that. What a powerful perspective. No longer am I totally at the mercy of the person offering me the feedback – I now have a say in how the conversation goes and what I choose to do with the feedback. And I’m getting tools to do it more effectively.

The book goes on to talk about what triggers us into shutting out feedback or not really hearing what’s being said, and I can’t wait to read the rest and learn more about the strategies and suggestions offered. In the meantime, I’ll be on the lookout for feedback and ready to welcome it, hopefully feeling more prepared to sift through it and embrace what resonates with me.

Tags Books, Career, Personal Development

Career Karen

It Took Six Months to Resolve a Conflict

Post author By catherinewemette
Post date April 13, 2015
1 Comment on It Took Six Months to Resolve a Conflict

Several years ago, I experienced a business conflict. This conflict lasted 6 months. I had made a business decision that created this disruption with a colleague.

We were both willing to engage in dialogue and resolve our differences. We had met over coffee a few times over those six months – per my request. However, the conversations never brought resolve. We had opposing views and differing opinions; and we could not find that common ground. We still worked well together, but there was strain in our relationship. There was an unspoken undercurrent.

On-going conflict for six months is not any fun. It’s disruptive and has a negative impact on camaraderie and rapport. I don’t like it (does anyone?).

I was determined to resolve!

We went for coffee…again. I asked him to recount his perspective…again .

He shared his views – which was not how I recollected it. But that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered to me was his interpretation. I no longer tried to explain myself. I sat and listened; and repeated what I was hearing him say. As I listened, I continued to look for the positive intention in what he was trying to convey to me. It wasn’t about being right or wrong anymore. It wasn’t about defending my stance. It was about respecting his views and valuing his opinions. And in turn, he listened to mine and reciprocated respect.

We resolved.

Interesting what took place next: He thanked me for my tenacity and my patience with the time it took to resolve our differences.

Something clicked in us that day. That very conflict strengthed us. Our loyalty to one another was sealed. And we stepped into a higher level of trust.

What did I learn? If we are willing to engage in dialogue, conflict will only strengthen us. If we are patient – it will resolve. There is nothing to fear. It is not a personal attack when someone disagrees with you. It is a strengthening of forces. Stay in it.

– Karen Thrall

Tags Growth, Organizational Development, Personal Development