Tag: Change

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Wrestling and Restless?

Karen RestlessnessOver the last 18 months I could sense the tides turning – shifting. I knew I was about to take a new path. Yet, at the same time, I had no idea I was going to take a new path. What a paradox.

I was both wrestling and restless.

I was wrestling with who I was becoming and what was changing inside me; being stretched and uncomfortable. Significant growth opportunities were knocking at my door on a regular basis. In retrospect, I was learning how to think differently, how to strategize more effectively and communicate more clearly. I was learning how to go deeper, and choose more intently the principle of curiosity and wonder. I was awakened to see more brilliantly the everyday world surrounding me. I guess things felt heightened inside me. But that sounds so flighty. It wasn’t flighty. It was hard. It was causing me to wrestle with who I was becoming. It created a yearning and a longing in me for something. What was it? Why wouldn’t it leave me alone? What was unsettling me? There was no need to be unsettled.

This internal wrestling match created a restlessness.

I was becoming restless with my purpose in life, the location I was living, and my contribution within the business world.

I read a book in November: 30 Lessons For Living by Karl Pillemer, PHD. It provoked me. It stirred me and profoundly impacted me. It was the beginning of the tides turning. I called my friend, “I miss my coaching business. I wish I could focus only on people and leaders. That’s where my heart is. That is my purpose. That is what I long to do.” Her immediate response was, “Yes, yes, yes! Finally! Yes, Karen! Everything in me is shouting yes!”

The restlessness intensified. Unbeknownst to me, my heart knew what was going on but my mind had not caught up yet.

Until March 7, 2015.

I was having a phone conversation with another close friend. He said, “Follow your heart, Karen. It’s always done well for you.” I hung up the phone and knew immediately what that meant. Five days later I went for a long walk on the Vancouver seawall with John Fluevog (my boss, owner, designer, CEO, president, colleague, mentor, comrade… and through these last 7 years, is now also my friend.) and I shared with him what was happening within me. I told him I needed to embark on this journey. I needed to give my notice and move to San Diego. I wanted to pursue my coaching career again. I wanted to try and see if I can do it. I told him that I have a barometer I measure decisions on: When I’m 96 years old, if I don’t do this, will I regret it? Yes, I would look back with regret.

John gets it. He knows what it’s like to chase after a dream. It was actually John who was the first to say to me in 2008, “What do you want, Karen? You have to know what you want. You know what you don’t want. But you have to know what you want. What do you want…”

7 years later, here I am.

The wrestling match has silenced. The restlessness is over. I write this article, sipping my Earl Grey tea, enjoying the blue skies…of San Diego.

I took the leap. I walked off my map. I am here. I am beginning a new chapter.

Thank you, restlessness. Thank you, wrestling match. You are kind to me.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Career Libby

Whitespace

I just returned from an all-expenses-paid, not work-related three days in Palm Springs, CA at a resort that involved lots of swimming, drinking and eating. (Go ahead, hate me…it was awesome! And, yes, my friend Ellen is the best, and no, you can’t have her.) Though to be fair, I suppose it wasn’t all play, I did have to attend two hours-worth of general session wisdom. One of which was Juliet Funt (daughter of Alan Funt, founder of TV’s Candid Camera) – she was awesome: smart, funny and poignant.

The theme of her talk was “whitespace” – figuring out ways to turn off the hub and the bub of daily, connected life and find time to reconnect with your own brain. She has data about how this increases productivity and makes us feel saner – it’s kind of a “duh” thing, but it’s also really difficult to do. I found her message really inspiring and am already thinking of ways to reinstall whitespace wherever I can: not checking work emails on the weekend or after ten pm on weekdays (I do have a wacky schedule), turning my phone off while spending QT with my son and husband, spending time just thinking about a work problem instead of jumping in to solving it. These are little ways to regain focus and make the time I am working more effective and efficient. I haven’t really implemented them yet, but am hopeful it may also give me a boost of renewed energy…who doesn’t need that? What do you do to reclaim whitespace in your world? Have you noticed any changes?

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Ashley Inside My Head

Dropping the Ball

Today’s the day where I publicly admit to dropping the ball on things that I’ve committed to and truly care about. It’s often too easy to tell friends and family that you’ll do something for them and not follow through. I’m guilty of that lately. There are people that depend on me, and believe in me, and I’m guilty of letting them down.

Whew. I feel better.

It’s not easy to admit that, despite the efforts of those holding me accountable, I’m feeling lack-luster about my performance. Even though I’m terrible at saying “no,” when I commit to something, it’s usually because my heart is in it – full force. Often I feel like I rationalize failure to follow through internally with thoughts like “they’re not paying my salary so it’s cool, right?” (Please tell me you’ve had similar evil thoughts…)

I think it feels worse when the amazing people around you are keeping their word. “How do they do it?! They must be superhuman.” I’ve decided that I admire the incredible ability my friends and family have to keep their word, and that it’s an example I try to model my own behavior around – hence the disappointment I’m feeling in myself.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “With the new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.” I’m taking the days ahead to refresh and reboot so I can keep the ball rolling. I have some emotional strength to build and some new perspectives to consider. Hopefully the people I care about most will notice!

– Ashley Respecki

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

What Do You Want?

KarenWantThe question I have for you is: What do you want?

I’ve observed that it’s easier for us to list what we don’t want. But can we truly list what we want? Can we speak it forth? Can we proclaim without apology?

Do you think it’s selfish to “want?”

A dear friend of mine once said to me, “Stop being a martyr. It doesn’t look good on you.”

What does that mean?

At that time in my life, I chose to act in a state of apology for who I was, suppressed what I longed for, dismissed what I dreamed of, tempered what I desired, forbade what I wanted, etc. I let my insecurity keep me hidden. After all, to want is selfish, right?

Wrong. Selfish means a lack of consideration for others and being only concerned with your own profit. To want is a desire and a wish.

It’s up to you if you want to step into your wants selfishly or with desire. Both will get results; although the outcomes will be different.

Do you know what happens when you know what you want?

You activate motion. Whether small or great, motion is motion. A caterpillar or a cheetah. Both are moving forward. Don’t underestimate the power of movement.

I want to get from A to Z.

How will you do that?

I will start at A until I reach B; then I will go to C. Thought-filled timeliness. Or I will start at A and will leap to Z. Passionate timeliness.

Both are valuable. Both are moving you forward.

Pause and take inventory of what you want in:

  1. Love
  2. Family
  3. Friendship
  4. Purpose
  5. Career
  6. Finances
  7. Rest
  8. Joy
  9. Hobbies
  10. Quality of Life

Currently, do your desired wants have active motion?

If not, what are you going to do about it? What small or large steps can you take to activate your wants?

Stay in motion.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Even the Little Things Count

The sound of buzzing caressed my ears as the curly dark fell from my head. Rambunctious tunes blasted from the college radio station next door, carrying voices of personalities unknown to me and those around. General chatter filling the room, my barber and I were willing participants.

Our conversation started with…well, I actually couldn’t tell you how it started. I always get to the part where I close my eyes and then nothing. You know, when you don’t want hair in your face or eyes. I know our conversation had to do with institutionalized racism and some sort of half-formed plan to inform minority communities about property investment, but I don’t think there’s time to get into that (and I can’t really remember how we got there anyway!). What’s important is I can tell you the most meaningful thing I came away with from said conversation: any one person can truly make a difference.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Oh, of course, Gabriel. Everyone says that to be inspirational. You may be right, yet the mistake I think people make is thinking too big. Not to say the big picture isn’t the best one, but I believe most people psyche themselves out by justifying negligence or ignorance. Neither are proper excuses because you can make a difference, even if it’s just for the person right next to you. The conversation I had with my barber got me thinking about what can be done to affect change in any situation. It doesn’t have to be some diabolical master plan. It can be as simple as making a chart, writing a funny suggestion, or even taking someone out to lunch just to shoot the shit. These little things could open someone’s mind to new possibilities, perspectives, and methods of operation. And that opening could produce something so magnificent, you wouldn’t see it coming – almost like a miracle. So start your day knowing that what you do today could make the slightest – or the biggest – difference to someone else on this big ball of dirt we find ourselves on at the moment. Cheers.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

Categories
Inside My Head Karen

Compartmentalizing

Karen CompartmentsDon’t allow your fears and anxieties to paralyze you from making good decisions.

I can be content about many things and anxious about one thing. And that’s okay. Chances are, there will always be that one thing that I’m unsettled about. My life isn’t paradise. But I will make the best of it.

Compartmentalizing works well for me. I take inventory on a daily basis. I zoom out. I look at the entire picture. I don’t pigeonhole myself into a rut. I won’t let myself wallow in that one area of my life that is the bane of my world!

Usually when we’re unsettled, it’s not about everything; it’s about one or two things. I refuse to allow that one compartment to rob me of the happiness that is living in all other compartments. No matter how upset it makes me.

Some might say, “That’s great for you, Karen. But I am extremely anxious in every part of my life.” Really? I promise you, I can prove that to be an inaccurate statement.

Hone in on whatever that negative vice might be, and name it. What is it – exactly? Once you have the exact language and perspective, you then zoom out and measure it against other personal topics and situations.

Several years ago, I was at a party. I had just launched a small business. I was now officially an entrepreneur. A neighbor of mine, a successful entrepreneur, approached me and said, “So I hear you started a business?” I nodded yes and we chatted about what it means to be an entrepreneur. He then says, “Have you cried in the corner like a baby yet?” Pleasantly surprised and relieved by how accurate he was, I blurt out, “Yes! Yes, I have!”   I laughed and he smiled, “Yeah, me too. We’ve all done it.”

Wait. What? What did he mean, “We’ve all done it?!?”

He meant it’s normal. He included me amongst the entrepreneur posse and reassured me that those moments of “anxiety” were momentary and played a smaller role in the bigger order of life.

We can afford to be anxious for a moment; however, we cannot afford to wallow in anxiety. Fear must never dominate the path we have embarked upon.

One of the best gifts I give myself is the permission to change my mind. This is how I experience this situation today. Only today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. I then resolve to look at all the areas of my life where I am content. They are more important to me than this negative situation.

I have a friend who writes his gratitude list every day. I like that. That’s another way to do it. There’s many ways to remind yourself that fear in one area must not dominate your overall gratitude.

Anxiety is not meant to paralyze you. It becomes a gift that provokes you. But it can only provoke you if you acknowledge the compartments you’re indeed content with. Our hardships become an offensive weapon that propels forward motion.

What are these compartments? Here are a few suggestions I propose:

  • Your income
  • Your personal finances
  • Your financial responsibilities
  • Your (student) loans
  • Your position at work
  • Your educational status
  • Your colleagues
  • Your supervisors
  • Your workload
  • Your commute
  • Your demographics
  • Your neighbor
  • Your friend(s)
  • Your child(ren)
  • Your spouse/partner
  • Your love life
  • Your sexual activeness
  • Your health
  • Your fitness
  • Your eating habits
  • Your addictions
  • Your communication skills
  • Your social skills
  • Your social circle
  • Your hobby
  • Your home
  • Your home life
  • Your home responsibilities

(1) Rate each one anywhere between 0-10. Zero means you are absolutely undeniably miserably anxious!! Ten means you are over-joyed, elated, and exuberantly content!!

(2) If you rated yourself below a 2, is there anything you can potentially do to increase your number from 0 to, let’s say, a 2.25? I’m not asking you to jump immediately to a 10. I’m asking if there’s anything in your power, perhaps a minor adjustment, that can move your number to a higher place.

(3) For the compartments you rated 3 and higher, there is joy to be seen and found – right now.

Be tenacious with your unsettledness! After all, it is in your control to change your perspective. Be stubborn. Be really stubborn. Hope wins. Hands down. Hope rules. Let it rule.

Okay, so you did that. Thank you! But, now what?

The important part.

From this place, you will now be able to find the best decisions for yourself. From the realm of contentment, you will walk in wisdom. Wisdom (your wisdom) will help you know what to do. Wisdom is a friend to your happiness. They co-exist. One will strengthen the other.

Your contentment lets the world in on a special secret: you know what to do.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Ashley Awesomeness in the World

Great Moments

This week, my baby brother is getting married. When I say “baby” brother, it’s in the vein that most big sisters try to trap their younger siblings’ into a lapsed time and place. But to my credit, he is eight years my younger, making him the ripe old age of 20. In 1995, my parents finally gave into their eldest child’s consistent requests for a sibling, and six days after I turned 8, we welcomed my “bubba” into this world. Getting a sibling wasn’t quite what I had expected; after all, I was way into board games and American Girl dolls at that point, and none of the activities associated with those obsessions are fit for an infant or toddler’s participation. But hell, was I proud. There is a classic photo of me in my khaki corduroy pants and red waffle henley grinning from ear to ear pushing that 9lb 9oz tank of a baby down the hallway of the hospital – my mom being wheeled behind us, looking exhausted and astonished. (To her credit, birthing a 9lb 9oz human must do that to you.)

My last post, “Life Promises,” got me thinking about the piles of advice we offer loved ones and friends at various milestones in life – like marriage. My brother has several milestones ahead of him that, being an opinionated, oldest child, have me desperate to do a brain dump of advice. When he was a baby I was busy dispensing practical advice; “clean up your toys” (oh, the clean up song!), “the remote doesn’t have a motor so stop pretending it does”, “stop touching your…” Well, you know…boys are gross. I’m sure all those things set him up for success (right?!), or at least taught him how to (sort of) function in society.

As he prepares to be married and, in May, ship off to San Antonio for Air Force basic training, I have a much wider range of advice to offer; like, even when your family is far away, they’re always still there for you, and how making dinner for two people is really, really difficult and it’s okay to eat popcorn on lazy nights. But I don’t think I’ll waste my breath. Not because I don’t think it’s valuable knowledge or think he won’t listen to his big sister, but because those things are so fun to learn on your own. I’ve made some crazy mistakes along the way so far and a wise motivational speaker once shared this message about those flubs; mistakes are great moments. There is so much to be learned from doing things the “wrong” way. Let’s face it, when you flub, it’s easier to identify what you did to cause the problem or situation and you’re less likely to let it happen again; thus, a great moment.

So rather than offer a “life promise,” I think I’ll encourage my sweet baby brother to love (a lot!), face fears, try new things, and make lots and lots of mistakes. Okay…and maybe eat ice cream for breakfast with no shame.

– Ashley Respecki

Categories
Career

Anatomy of an Apology

It’s never easy to admit we’re wrong or that we’ve done something to adversely affect someone else, especially if that someone is important in our life (though you’d think that would make it easier!). This is such a hard task, that we’ve come to accept – and offer – the most insincere of apologies.

I’m sorry if I…

No. You’re not sorry if your apology contains the word “if.” You’ve now put the blame back on the person who is supposed to be receiving the apology. You may as well just give up and go with something much more straightforward like “If you’re so sensitive that I hurt your feelings, then it’s not my fault.” Ouch. That’s harsh. And clearly doesn’t convey anything close to remorse for what happened.

Apologizing is all about taking genuine responsibility for your actions. It needs to be “I’m sorry I…” I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I missed the deadline. I’m sorry I failed to meet our shared expectations. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. We’re taught early on never to apologize at the scene of a car accident – doing so implicates you and assigns fault early on, or so we’re led to believe. But in our daily lives, both personally and professionally, an apology can go a long way. Acknowledging your own role in something not going right can quickly defuse a tense situation, and often leads to an apology being returned, which can help decrease your own blood pressure.

And after acknowledging what you’ve done, it’s about being clear that you didn’t mean to cause harm, what you’re going to do to fix it and that you will take action to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

I’m sorry I didn’t meet the deadline we agreed to. I didn’t mean to hold up the project and I’m going to work on it tonight so you’ve got it first thing tomorrow. I’ll put reminders on my calendar so this is the last time we need to have a conversation like this.

I’m not always great about practicing this, but when I’m able to, I find I get to a resolution much faster and everyone feels better, including me. And when I think about the best customer service I’ve received, it’s usually about correcting something that didn’t go as planned in the first place, and a genuine apology for their actions makes all the difference. Things go wrong. We all make mistakes. And way more often than not, it’s not intentionally malicious, so it’s all about how we handle what happens next. So what’s next for you when something doesn’t quite go as you’d hoped?

Categories
Inside My Head Libby

Electrifying!

My kid stuck a paperclip in an electrical socket at school today. Awesome. Besides receiving a wee shock, he wasn’t hurt, except for his pride in being called out. I’m not sure that’s a good thing – I feel like if he did it after years of us telling him not to with no repercussions, what’s to keep him from doing it again and in a more sneaky fashion? So he’s not a genius…or is he?

There are a lot of ways to look at the situation, most of which either anger or depress me (I’m dreading the adolescent years). I’ve decided to focus on: experimentation. We learn nothing without experimentation, without trying new things. As adults, we often stop trying new stuff – whether it is because we’re scared or just plain tired. But when we stop experimenting, we stop growing and life gets pretty boring.

I’m not advocating you go sticking metal things into outlets, but now that it’s spring, it’s a great time to try something new and take a chance. I just got a bike for my ten year work anniversary (what?? Sweet…) and an awesome new helmet, so I’m going to give bike riding a try. I am also going to experiment with Dutch oven cooking on our camping trip this weekend. I really have no way of telling, but I don’t anticipate getting shocked. I do hope to feel revived and energized. What might electrify you this season?

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Inside My Head

Spring Cleaning

I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions (or maybe that’s just me being lazy and uncommitted), but there’s always been something about spring and fall that seem like much more natural times of reflection. They don’t feel forced or like I’m setting myself up for failure. These seem to be the times of year I’m truly ready for a change or to recommit to priorities that have fallen by the wayside. And it clearly isn’t just me. There’s a restlessness about, and it’s evident all around. In the past two weeks alone, I’ve had friends who have quit their jobs, announced plans for international or cross-country moves, ended or wholly committed to long-term relationships and contemplated major career moves. Thankfully, these major changes are not all the same person – I’m fairly certain that would be a recipe for insanity if I’ve ever heard one.

One could certainly make the argument that it’s not necessarily the time of year, but rather, the time of life all my friends seem to find themselves in. And that could be true, but these friends are scattered across North America, span 20 years of age difference and are at very different life stages. All this makes it hard to ignore the feeling that, as we’re all shaking off the gray of winter, we’re also finding a renewed commitment to living the lives we truly want to lead. That’s not to say that you need to make a major life change to live the life you’d like. Perhaps you’re doing exactly what you want to be doing with exactly the right people and figuring out how to keep that balance is your spring challenge. Personally, I’m recommitting to making time for the people who are most important in my life. Time with them helps keep me grounded, makes me happy and is, well, good for my soul. What does spring cleaning mean for you this year?