Tag: Motivation

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

Harsh Truths

In the middle of all the New Year Resolution posts going around, someone posted a link to 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person by David Wong. A few warnings…

  1. If you don’t appreciate harsh language with your harsh truths, this article is definitely not for you.
  2. The article was originally posted at the end of 2012, so while new to me, it may be old news to you.
  3. The website that originally posted the article is aimed at 20-something males, so…
  4. People seem to love or hate this approach to the world. There don’t seem to be many folks in the middle.

Given that I’m devoting a blog post to this, you can probably guess that I’m in the love camp. It’s not because I particularly love harshness for the sake of harshness, but I think his overall message is right on. Wong organizes his argument into these 6 truths, but his second to last truth is the one that really summed up his whole article for me: What you are inside only matters because of what it makes you do. He explains it this way:

Being in the business I’m in, I know dozens of aspiring writers. They think of themselves as writers, they introduce themselves as writers at parties, they know that deep inside, they have the heart of a writer. The only thing they’re missing is that minor final step, where they actually f***ing write things.

But really, does that matter? Is “writing things” all that important when deciding who is and who is not truly a “writer”?

For the love of God, yes.

How many of you are walking around right now saying, “She/he would love me if she/he only knew what an interesting person I am!” Really? How do all of your interesting thoughts and ideas manifest themselves in the world? What do they cause you to do? If your dream girl or guy had a hidden camera that followed you around for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw? Remember, they can’t read your mind — they can only observe. Would they want to be a part of that life?

Wong talks earlier in his article about the world only caring what it can get from you and hippies being wrong [insert audible gasp here from many people]. But I get what he’s saying. It’s not just enough to be a nice person and think kind thoughts – it’s about how your nice comes out and what your kind thoughts drive you to do that’s noticeable to other people. The world wants your unique skills and kindness, and while perhaps unpopular with some, this call to action is just the sort of thing that resonates with me.

I’m personally wired with a bias towards action as opposed to patiently waiting, which is probably why this resonates with me so much (that said,  my bias is sometimes good and sometimes gets me in trouble, and I definitely need the people who are wired to be patient in my life. It’s taken me a long time to learn from these types of people that not responding can be a thoughtful choice, and sometimes the most powerful option, but that’s another issue for another day.). Wong ends his article with a call to action for the new year – learn a new skill and be good enough to impress people with it. But I’d take it a step further.

Don’t set out to do what you think will be impressive to others – set out to do what you want to impress others with. While it’s easy to look for the tangible creations – painting, learning to code, cooking – don’t forget the intangibles that show you’ve a nice person. Send just because cards in the mail, make time for coffee with someone you know is having a hard time, buy a copy of a book you read for a friend who would enjoy it – impress people in your own unique way and let your kindness shine. Let’s do this, 2016!

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

A Merry and Bright 2016

As 2015 comes to a close and we spend time reflecting with friends and family, we here at Good for the Soul wish you a 2016 filled with all good things – strength, productivity, health, happiness and the courage to take on whatever comes your way. We’ll be here, sharing our experiences and we look forward to seeing what the new year has in store for us. Thank you for sharing this world with us.

 

Categories
Inside My Head

Failure: the other f word

Earlier this month, I was asked to participate in a panel discussion on women in leadership. I was honored to be included and was looking forward to the discussion. In preparation for our time together, the moderators of the panel sent us a few of the questions they wanted us to consider in advance. They were great questions about our own personal experiences, and I was looking forward to hearing from the other panelists. I was having a hard time with one of the questions, though.

“Tell us about a time you failed.”

Gulp. I had no idea how I was going to answer that question. Now, to be very clear before I go on – it’s not that I’ve always been successful or that things have always worked out for me. That’s absolutely not the case. There have been plenty of times things haven’t worked out as I’d hoped or planned, but nothing jumped out as an instance of failure. That’s become such a loaded word, and just isn’t how I think about things.

We’re so quick to judge and label experiences or situations as successes or failures so we can study or dismiss them, but that’s a terribly limiting point of view. It sets us up for either/or, with no room to grow or think differently. When I think back on things in my life that others might label as failure – leaving school in the middle of a semester, quitting a new job after two weeks and going back to my old job or leaving a dream job – I just don’t see those things as failures. I see them as important events and situations that helped me define who I am. Of course they didn’t work out as I’d planned, but they taught me so much about myself and what I value.

And honestly, I’m grateful things in my life haven’t turned out exactly as planned. If I hadn’t altered my idea of what I wanted out of life as I got older and learned more, I wouldn’t have enjoyed many of the adventures I’ve had. And if I was quick to label something a failure when it didn’t go as I’d planned, would I have been able to enjoy the ride as much?

I’m not afraid to try new things or not be the best at something (there are LOTS of things I’m not the best at!) and I suppose some would say that means I’m not afraid of failure. I guess I think that means I’m not afraid to try, give it my best and see what happens from there. And perhaps suspend judgement along the way.

Categories
Book Reports

Why Not Me?

Over Thanksgiving break, I had the opportunity to do a lot of reading, and one of the books I read was Mindy Kaling’s Why Not Me? I love smart and funny women and tear through books like Bossypants and Yes, Please, as well as Kaling’s last book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? These women tell wonderful stories and are funny as hell. But the thing that makes me adore them is that they work hard. They don’t expect things to be handed to them, and through their hard work, they develop incredible bonds with the people around them. That sounds pretty great to me – working hard with people you trust and enjoy. They also sneak in really smart observations in the middle of their witty story-telling. It’s like they’re tricking you into learning!

I was tricked into learning about confidence and entitlement in the last chapter of Kaling’s book. She revisits a question she got at a panel and didn’t feel like she addressed well at the time. A teen-aged woman asked Kaling about confidence and where she found hers. In retrospect, Kaling felt she gave a generic answer about her family and her parents believing in her. And while that was true, she expanded on her ideas about confidence and where it comes from.

Kaling is a hard worker and is proud of it. And because that hard work, she talks about feeling entitled. Not the kind of entitled we’ve come to associate with “kids these days who don’t know the value of hard work.” but the kind of entitlement that comes from being a good person and working your ass off. We are all entitled to basic decencies from the second we’re born, and sometimes that’s harder for women, and women of color, which Kaling also addresses. But past the basic decencies,  you have to earn your entitlements. Being entitled is a concept we’ve come to view as wrong, and I think Kaling’s approach is refreshing. Sometimes, it’s okay to feel entitled. And in her words, confidence comes when you “work hard, know your shit, show your shit and then feel entitle.”

And to me, that’s a beautiful concept.

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Awesomeness in the World Uncategorized

Caring What Others Think

So often, we’re told not to listen to what others say about us – not to worry about what they think, pay no attention to their opinions. And while that’s good advice for some things, I think we miss out on some valuable intel. Set aside, for a moment, the notion of constructive criticism or looking for the gem of good feedback delivered in a mountain of shit. I’m not talking about those things (at the moment, anyway – I think we can get a lot out of feedback, even if it’s not delivered in the best way. But that’s another blog post from another day.).

What I’m talking about is what our friends and trusted advisers see in us. I wouldn’t have gotten into the type of consulting I do now if it hadn’t been for a friend who had a job and thought I could help her out. She described me as being good with teams and getting buy-in and consensus. These aren’t the primary ways I would have described myself, but she was right. I am good at those things, even if they don’t pop into my mind as the things I’m best at (they are now, thanks to her).

We know we’re usually our harshest critic, but why is it so hard to listen to those around us who have seen what we’re capable of? It’s easy to believe the bad things, but so much harder to believe we have talents we may not even know about or think of as strong skills. You value your friends’ judgment, so why not value it when it’s about you and your amazingness?

I was recently approached about a job opening and I believe I know the perfect person for it, so I connected the employer and the candidate. It’s not quite a job the candidate has done before, but there’s no question in my mind that she would knock it out of the park in this position. She was hesitant as we talked about it. As we talked through the skills and experience I thought she could bring to it, I think I was able to convince her, but it took some doing. From the outside, I don’t even see how that’s possible – this job was made for her. But the job title was making her uneasy. The job title was just the title. It didn’t get to the heart of her skills and passion, which were absolutely what the employer wants and needs. I’m happy to report they’re in discussions now, so we’ll see where it goes.

So the moral of the story – don’t listen to the haters, but listen to the people who have your back. They know your talents and abilities and want the best for you. And you have great taste in friends, so listen to them.

Categories
Inside My Head Libby

Seasonal Change

It has been a beautiful autumn in the Washington, DC area. The weather is cool, but mild; the trees are a riot of red, yellow and orange. One thing I’m always inspired to do when the weather changes is to attempt to “get it together.”

This is naming a very ambiguous, yet permeating feeling which compels me to change along with the weather. Here’s what has taken place so far:

  1. Hair: I always get my hair cut when the seasons change – not always something drastic, but enough to signify that something has changed. Even if you’re not feeling like it, it’s helpful to look like you’re put together!
  2. Wardrobe: Unfortunately, I can’t afford to buy a new wardrobe every season, but I like to go through what I have, give stuff away that I’ve lost interest in, try on things I haven’t worn in a while or rediscover things I’ve forgotten about. I am also lucky because I have friends who do the same thing, and what may be old to someone else could be new and exciting to you!
  3. Exercise: Honestly, my desire for change when it comes to exercise is a daily battle, but when the weather changes, it really hits home. Since things have been mild here, I have been trying to do more outdoor activities (walking, biking) but it’s also a time to reassess your diet and overall health – go ahead and make that doctor appointment you’ve been putting off!
  4. Work: As the leaves change colors, it is an excellent opportunity to update your resume. Not because you’re going to go off and get a new job, but it’s not a bad idea to keep your skills fresh and review your accomplishments.
  5. Home: Staying organized is good for your mental health – if you use seasonal changes as a reminder to tidy up clutter, do a big shop or rearrange your linen closet, you will feel more in control of your life as you move speedily along.

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

The Power of a Compliment

I got the nicest compliment yesterday. A woman I worked with said she though I was awesome and that being around me made her want to be a better person. Wow. Her words floored me. It was incredibly kind, and I was overwhelmed with the sentiment. I value her opinion and this sort of comment coming from her absolutely made my day.

I share this not because I want you to know how awesome she thinks I am, but because I am once again reminded of the power of our words. She took 30 seconds out of her day to extend our email conversation and let me know she appreciated me, and it changed my whole outlook. 30 seconds of appreciation. It can be that simple to alter someone’s day. Sure, there are lots more elaborate ways of showing someone we appreciate them, but it doesn’t have to be so grand. It’s easy to skip that step and assume people know we think they’re awesome. But even if they do, who doesn’t like to hear it every now and again?

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

30 seconds of your life won’t win the battle for anyone, but a reminder of awesomeness is a powerful weapon in any battle. Who can you share 30 seconds with today to let them know how much you appreciate them?

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

It Was Luck!

When I read Good To Great, it really resonated with me when Jim Collins wrote about great leaders believing in luck – they believe in good fortune.

“Later, when asked to discuss the factors behind the enduring nature of the transformation, he said, ‘The first thing that comes to mind is luck…I was lucky to find the right successor’.” – Jim Collins, Good To Great

Sometimes the answer to our success is “we were fortunate.”

I wish for you a waterfall of good fortune in your professional lives and aspirations; that you will be in the right place at the right time.

Keep chasing your longing. You just never know what’s around the corner. None of us ever really know.

And with regards to your vision – anything is possible. Surround yourself with great people. Look to those around you as invaluable contributors and positive influencers.

All the great leaders – and there are many – give “luck” or “good fortune” a lot of credit for their success.

Based on the insights these influential leaders offer, the beautiful part of good fortune means nothing is impossible. It’s truly possible for you to encounter good fortune.

We only know what life offers us right now, right here, in this moment. We don’t know what tomorrow holds. We don’t even know what will occur an hour from now.

When you happen upon good fortune, remind yourself how lucky you are. It doesn’t mean you are better than someone else, nor does it mean you’re more qualified or more experienced or more impressive. It means you were chosen in that moment, and that’s something quite wonderful to be thankful for.

Feeling lucky is not the same as being lucky. We can have a good feeling about something, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will translate to good fortune.

When we happen upon good fortune, it’s the realness that favor knocked on our door unannounced, we answered the door and welcomed it in.

On a side note: to only carry wishful thinking is a deterrent to your good fortune.

“Diligence is the mother of good luck.” – Benjamin Franklin

Denzel Washington (I’m a fan!) also made this statement that I respect, “I say luck is when an opportunity comes along and you’re prepared for it.”

Continue being diligent, and keep yourself in a posture of preparation, and let’s see what unfolds for you. You just never know…..

– Karen Thrall

*also published on www.karenthrall.com

Categories
Career

Expecting the Unexpected

I saw a teaser on LinkedIn last week about taming your schedule. As someone who feels like my calendar has gotten completely out of control these days, I was obviously intrigued. Shane Atchison talks about a skill he leaned from a mentor of his and titled his post Scheduling for the Unexpected. The idea is simple – block a portion for your day for the inevitable surprise. It’s not a question of whether or not something will come up, but what that will be. Atchison shares that he schedules some time at the end of the day, typically an hour, and that helps him keep on track. And while he does usually need that time, on the rare occasions he doesn’t, he’s able to leave work an hour earlier and prioritize something else.

This certainly isn’t a new concept, but I so love the idea of scheduling unstructured time (I know, I know…scheduling unscheduled time? Could my Type A be any more obvious?). I personally do best with structure and plans. It helps me organize, stay focused and not feel overwhelmed. That does mean I’m not always great when the unexpected comes my way, but I want to be better at being more flexible, and this seems like just the tool to help. The idea of building in time to handle what I didn’t expect really resonates with me. The hard part, of course, is sticking to it. That time, at least for me, will always be the first thing to go as the calendar gets tighter and demands pile up. But that’s also something I’m trying to be better at – sticking to my priorities. So if carving out time for the unexpected means I feel less crazed and I can get things done? Sign me up. I’m blocking the time on my calendar right now.

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

What’s Wrong with Being Confident?

Jennifer Lawrence has been in the news lately for a post she wrote for Lenny, Lena Dunham’s latest creation. The post is titled “Why Do I Make Less Than My Male Co-Stars?” It’s short and to the point, which is that pay gap is still very real, regardless of the scale (it’s possible Jennifer and I may be in different tax brackets…). And it’s not just the pay gap – it’s the expectations around our behavior. When it comes to negotiating, sharing our ideas or stating an opinion, we’re too busy trying to be liked to be as effective as we could be. While certainly not a universal truth for all women everywhere in every scenario, this issue obviously hit close to home for many of us, given all the attention her post is receiving.

I’ve been pretty neutral on most things Demi Lovato up to this point, but her newest song is my jam. And while this might seem wholly unrelated to Jennifer Lawrence’s post, bear with me. Confident is the second release off Demi’s upcoming album of the same name. It’s no secret that I love a good pop anthem, and this song doesn’t disappoint. But in the middle of the strong bass line and ridiculously catchy tune, she asks a good question – what’s wrong with being confident? Her chorus goes a little something like this:

So you say I’m complicated
That I must be outta my mind
But you’ve had me underrated
What’s wrong with being confident?

It’s a good reminder for me to not let others define who I am (plus, the song is just fun). And that’s Jennifer’s point, too – we define our value. As women, more often that not, we need to remind others that they’ve underrated us. Yes, it’s not fair and it’s ridiculous that we need to do any reminding at all. But until that changes, there’s not a damn thing wrong with being confident.