Author: catherinewemette

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Gabriel Inside My Head

Right Now

The perfectly seasoned sea bass melted in my mouth as my coworkers and I joked about life’s lemonade. I felt my phone vibrate, so looked down to check the message. It read “delete the group message, dude.”

It would have been rude to pursue the issue any further in the current circumstances, so I just did what the message told me, and our dinner continued. After some lovely and interestingly colored ice cream, I left with one of my coworkers. For the entire car ride, I was anxious to hear about the particular incident that caused such an abrupt disbandment of the seemingly dynamic chemistry this group had. Once I was dropped off and able to deal with the issue at hand, I was able to have a conversation with a trusted friend with whom the incident affected the most.

I found out that within the group there had been some misunderstandings between my old friend and another one of the guys. It escalated to the point of delusion and recklessness, and a decision was made to no longer include the divergent and intense thoughts of this individual amongst the group of friends.

Amidst all the commotion, my friend and I spoke in very positive terms about our future plans and how we can continue to progress towards our goals. I had shared the feeling of inadequacy that had been plaguing my mind recently. And he told me something I needed to hear: that I am doing just as well as anybody else. Given the resources at my disposal right now, I’m the best that I can be. Not confusing this with complacency, the recognition of success begins with the definition of success.

The next day my friend sent me a link to a YouTube video of an audio clip. It was a recording of a lecture called “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale. In the lecture, Nightingale shares why 5 out of 100 people will be successful: they do the work they do because they want to and love to. If you get up in the morning, get ready, and go to do whatever it is you do because you want to, then you are successful. The recording played as my eyes widen. It seemed as if Nightingale was listening in on our conversation the night before. Continued progression should always be the goal, but don’t forget to pat yourself on the back every now and then. Because right now, you’re doing just fine.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

Categories
Book Reports Libby

The Poisoner’s Handbook

I am a pretty avid reader – I must read anywhere from 3-6 books a month. Not bad considering it’s all pretty much done in 10-30 minute increments right before I fall asleep drooling on the page (“Note to self: don’t lend Libby any books…”). I love reading and always have – it is a great way to learn something or escape something. I love the way I can fall in love with a character and by the end feel so sad it’s over like we just broke up (the tragically sad Victoria in The Language of Flowers), or even get angry at some long dead historical figure (I’m looking at you, General George B. McClellan!).

My husband, who can only read if something is on an electronic device, is aware of my love of reading – over the years he has kind-heartedly mocked me for bringing piles of books on our canoeing trips or shoving them into our suitcase for international adventures (yes, he bought me a Kindle). He is also very gentle when marking my drooled page and turning out the light. For Christmas, he bought me a book entitled The Poisoner’s Handbook. Was this a request, a challenge or a lark?? Whatever it was, it was awesome.

It is one of my favorite kinds of books: non-fiction that reads like fiction…a page turner with true moxie! This book ranks right up there with The Devil in the White City (read it!). Poisoner’s is all about the birth of forensic science and focuses on all the everyday household products that existed at the turn of the century (the last one, not this one) that could kill you. It is the intersection of Prohibition (what a terrible idea…really, terrible), breakthroughs in scientific methodology, and murder. It mostly follows one guy, Charles Norris, who was the first Chief Medical Examiner in New York City who actually knew about science and medicine and wasn’t on the take. He forms a team of smart, curious people (Alexander Gettler was a chemist who was just obsessive enough to pretty much create modern toxicology) who are either solving murders or outing the government for failing to protect the people. It’s outrageous and you’ll thank your lucky stars that these guys existed…otherwise, you may never have!

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Book Reports

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

One of my favorite books is Crucial Accountability, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler and David Maxwell. I read it after I heard one of the authors speak at a conference last year. What I liked best about the book was that it takes all of your good intentions and helps you put them into action. The whole premise is that we need to address the gap between our expectations and reality, though we seldom do. We’ll complain about where our colleagues fall short and we grumble about what our spouse forgot to do, but we rarely address these issues with the person involved. We’re happy to tell everyone else, but it’s too scary to talk about it with them directly. We’re nervous they won’t see it our way, we’re afraid they won’t like us, we don’t want to be seen as too demanding…the list goes on and on.

In talking about how to address these issues, the book suggests changing the stories we tell ourselves. When a colleague of mine totally blows off a meeting with me without any heads up, it’s easy for me to tell myself that she’s rude and doesn’t respect me. The suggestion made by authors, however, is to ask yourself why would a logical and rational person would behave this way. It’s perhaps another way of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, but with a bit different angle. I’m not a particularly unlikable person, and we do have a culture of respect in my office, and really, if I’m honest, her blowing off the meeting probably has very little to do with me. If I ask why a logical and rational person would totally blow off my meeting, I come up with a whole list of other possibilities: she was running late and wasn’t in the building yet, she got caught up in something else and lost track of time, or – gasp – maybe I didn’t communicate how important it was for her to be there and she didn’t make it a priority. These are all things that I could see happening to me, who I consider a fairly logical and rational person.

Now sure, there are ways to avoid these things, but I think there are two important things to remember. One, we’re all doing the best we can. No one wakes up in the morning with the sole purpose of destroying my day – they’re doing the best they can and sometimes a priority for me isn’t the same priority for them. Two, shit happens. It just does. And the best we can do when it does happen is apologize and do what we can to make it right. And make sure we make it to the next meeting on time – maybe even a few minutes early.

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

First Receive, Then Give

Karen AppleThere is a presupposition about giving that I’ve noticed is quite popular. It is the mindset that we are to give more than we receive.

I disagree. Actually, I believe the opposite.

For you to truly give – you must give from what you already have.

How can I possibly give what I have not?

Therefore, receive first – then give.

Does that sound selfish? Not at all.

From what I have been given; from what I have received; from what I have experienced for myself – from that place I will give generously to you.

When I need help with my golf game, to whom do I turn? I turn to my friends that are scratch golfers, or I make an appointment with my golf coach. What they are able to give me is a surplus of information and experience. It is effortless for them to share golf tips with me that will improve my game. They are giving from what they have. They are giving from what they’ve also received that helps them play well.

KAREN: I am going to give you a dozen apples.

INVISIBLE CYBER VOICE: Do you have a dozen apples?

KT: Well, no.

ICV: How many do you have?

KT: I have one apple.

ICV: Then why would you tell me you’ll give me a dozen apples when you don’t have a dozen? Why don’t you just give me a portion of the apple you have?

KT: Oooo, good idea. A win/win.

You can’t pretend to give a dozen apples. The receiver will figure out soon enough that you don’t have a dozen apples to give!

Why would other forms of giving be any different? Why do we treat giving of ourselves as a sacrifice? The whole point of giving is generosity.

What does generosity mean? The quality or fact of being plentiful! Give from a place of plentifulness; a place of abundance. Give from what we have. What I have, I will give.

“Karen, what if I don’t have anything to give?”

Impossible.

There is always something to give. BUT only give what you have! Whatever you are able to give is precious. Stand in a pitch-black room where no light can penetrate. I’m talking the kind of darkness where you will not be able to see your own hand if you put it in front of your face.

Now, strike a match. What happens is extraordinary!

That little flame illuminates the entire darkened room.

Whether your “giving” is a single flame from a single match or the grandeur of a lighthouse beaming across the stormy ocean waves – light is light. Translate it now to generosity. Regardless of the quantity of giving, generosity is still generosity.

I may not have much, but what I have I will share. I like that mindset.

Never underestimate the power of your giving. It is far better to give from what you have than to give from a place of deficit.

KT: I do not have a dozen apples. But I do have one apple. Would you like to share it with me?

ICV: That is so generous of you KT. I would love to share it with you.

KT: I wish I could give you a dozen apples. But I only have one.

ICV: The fact that you’d be willing to share the only apple you have with me, means more to me than a thousand apples. Thank you.

Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you get my point?

“Karen, I am giving from a place of deficit. What do I do?”

Be honest. Stop sacrificing. Generosity was never meant to be equated with sacrifice. The whole point of generosity is giving from a place of abundance. If you ain’t got it – don’t give it! Simple enough.

I am adamant about this.

Trust me, you will experience more joy and pleasure in giving when you only give what you have. Whether that is a physical resource, your time, your heart, your soul, your energy, your mind, your talent, your wisdom, etc. Give from a place of abundance.

Only give what you have. Share only what you have. Stop giving from an empty tank – please fill it back up.When you invest in nurturing your well-being, you will give abundantly. Do not measure the amount of your giving, measure the generosity of your giving. Keep it simple.

If I give from an empty place, then I’m going through the motions of giving – giving has now become a duty – and I convince myself it’s the right thing to do.Giving from a place of surplus, however small the gesture, will have the greatest impact.

How do you know when and how much to give? What is your mindset around giving? Is it…

I really, really want to! – OR –  I must.

I am so happy that I’m able to give. – OR –  It’s the right thing to do.

It’s not much, but I want to share it with you. – OR – They really need my help.

Yes, there will be times in our lives we will sacrifice. However, remember what true sacrifice is. In those moments of sacrifice, there is great joy because we want to. Sacrifice is done as an expression of generosity; not hardship.

“Karen, what about at work? The demands are exhausting me. I keep piling work on my desk.”

  1.  How urgent is it? How much time do you have to get the work done?
  2. What other areas of work are they willing for you to neglect while you focus on the newest task?
  3. Communicate honestly what you have to give. Your colleagues and superiors understand. They know what it’s like to have a heavy workload. They will negotiate the completion date with you.
  4. Ask for help. Teamwork rocks!

When John Fluevog (the person I report directly to) approaches me with ideas, projects or research – I ask him one simple question: “When do you need this by?” This will help me gauge if I can put the time into my work to complete the task. More so than not, it has a flexible timeline. And the few times it’s immediate, I call my colleague and let him know that I’ll be distracted for the next couple of days and I ask for his help to keep the ship on course.

I have a favor to ask of you… please practice receiving. It is a remarkable resource for giving. Ohhhh, that from a place of surplus you may give lavishly, extravagantly, wholeheartedly, effortlessly and generously.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Make Your Mark: Creation is Life

The wind blew ferociously this particular night. I decided to cut through the lesser lit residential streets of Georgetown on my way home from a long day at work. Of course, after enjoying myself so thoroughly in New York City not long ago, the responsibility of work had definitely shown its ugly head for the last five or six days. A bit drained from all the hoopla of designer podiatry, I finally arrived at my girlfriend’s place for dinner.

There was a good bit of talk centering on the artist Kanye West while we were in New York, enough for me to walk in on my girlfriend watching his performance at SNL’s 40th Anniversary show almost a week later. The taping of that performance also corresponded with the release of his new Yeezy sneaker under the Adidas brand that same weekend. And the shoe will soon be accompanied by a clothing line also created by West that he revealed at NYC Fashion Week (a video of which we subsequently watched).

Most of this seemingly irrelevant information was provided (or thrust upon me) by my fanatical significant other. Don’t get me wrong – Kanye West is one of my favorite musical artists and innovators, yet lately, I’ve been a little turned off by his antics and careers decisions. But near the beginning of the video of his fashion show, over a black screen, he speaks on creation and artistry. He says that we have become afraid to truly create, to be on the front lines of “the new.” Right then, it all made sense to me. Every ridiculous attempt to make his mark on the fashion industry, however sourly received by the public, had led to this moment: creation.

Why should we feel limited or restrained? I understand now why West moves through life the way he does. Creation is power and beauty. It is life. Civilization, life as we know it, would be nothing without creation. Creation is the engine that propels life. So never be afraid to create. Leave you mark. Let someone know you were there. Let them know you are here. Create something and see what happens. Kanye did it, and his mark has definitely been made. I mean, he married the lead Kardashian.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

Categories
Career Libby

Nice to Meet You!

I just had my ten year work anniversary…what?! Out of that decade, almost 7 of those years have been spent working from home. I go into the office occasionally, but not on any regular kind of basis. This arrangement works well for getting my job done, as well as doing what I need to for my family. When I do go in, I see the people I need to see, and my office friends that I don’t necessarily need to see but want to see. I also see a whole host of people that are completely new to me…and me to them! (You should see some of our stare-down-face-offs in the elevator; we’re on high alert here in the Nation’s Capital – “see something, say something”.) I’m a friendly sort and usually end up being the first to say hello and identify myself. I typically get one of two reactions: a blank stare and a “nice to meet you” or a wide-eyed “oooohhh…nice to meet you.” I’m not sure which is worse: not being known at all or being known by reputation. I’m not saying my reputation isn’t earned (love me or hate me, I think, are my two general camps), but it’s disturbing when it somehow follows you like a ghost. I mean, catch me in action before you make a judgment, people!

In that spirit, I’d like to offer a bit of advice for people working remotely. Face-to-face relationship building becomes more important than ever – whenever possible, show your face! Meet a colleague for coffee, go in and pick your boss’ brain for an hour, attend a non-mandatory meeting. And maybe a smidge of advice for you office folks working with colleagues who are outside the office? Try to involve your faceless co-workers in non-traditional ways – share a bit of office gossip in a virtual water-cooler situation or maybe try to meet them on their own turf for a post-work happy hour drink. I’ve had many opportunities to build a relationship with folks over the phone or email that was been strengthened with just one short, informal interaction (and there are some folks I would prefer to ONLY have a virtual relationship with!!). Whichever side of the equation you sit on, it’s important to put a face to a name, actions with a reputation, the personal with the virtual. To be fully satisfied with being a teleworker, it is important to become fully vested in both the status AND the people. I’m hoping this recipe allows me to embrace my semi-anonymity for the next ten years!

-Libby Bingham

Categories
Awesomeness in the World

The Platinum Rule

We’re all familiar with the Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. There’s a lot to be said for this, and while it’s definitely a philosophy that won’t lead you astray, I would argue that there’s another rule that will serve you even better: put out into the world what you would like to get back from the world. I suppose some would suggest that’s karma, but I think it’s a bit more proven than karma (which, for the record, I also believe in, but that’s another post), so I’m going to go ahead and make it the Platinum Rule.

Putting out into the world what you would like to get back from the world means you are an active participant in bringing things into your life rather than simply having life happen to you. You’ll find yourself surrounded by people who support your worldview – not in a mindless groupthink way, but by those who share your values. When you are genuinely interested in those around you, you will attract people who want to know the real you. When you are positive, you attract people who believe anything is possible. If you take risks, entrepreneurs and those who seek adventure will find you. If you enjoy talking about people behind their backs, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who will be happy to talk about you when you leave the room. The Platinum Rule reminds us that we should treat people well because we value them as individuals – not just because we want to be treated well.

I am personally drained by negativity. I find it exhausting, unproductive and, quite frankly, not very much fun. I need positive energy – I crave it and thrive off it, and it seems a little greedy to want it and not put the same energy back out there. I find that the more positive energy I release into the universe, the more comes back to me. I find that the negative people aren’t much interested in being around me – believing that you can change your life and have a say in how things play out is equally exhausting for them. Karen’s post on beautiful awkwardness is a great example of the Platinum Rule.

So if you find yourself underwhelmed by what’s taking place in your life right now, consider exploring how you can put out more of what you’d like to see come back – generosity, kindness, strength, understanding, patience. I guarantee you it will be time well spent.

Categories
Awesomeness in the World Karen

Awkwardness is Beautiful

Karen - SocializingI was having tea with a friend of mine on Friday. We were talking about the importance of socially engaging with people.

She says to me, “You greet strangers on the street?”

I responded, “Yes, sometimes. Why not? What’s the worst that will happen?” I smile and offer a greeting. If they ignore me, that’s okay. If they smile and return the greeting, we both just added happiness to the other person’s day. Low risk!

Hmm… well, my friend got me thinking. So, yesterday while at the airport heading to Southern California, I paid attention to my interactions with strangers.

Why do I interact with strangers? Because people appreciate kindness and smiles. I sure do! When someone approaches me, and his or her facial expression shows kindness? I will respond – absolutely! Why wouldn’t I?

The philosophy behind my behaviour is: Kind people create happy environments.

More and more it seems people are losing their confidence in conversing with others. I would imagine one of the biggest hurdles for growing our social skills is technology. Quoting a member of my team, “Social media is the opportunity to be our own paparazzi.” Brilliantly stated!

Social media is a forum where:

  1. we communicate who we are and what we think… when we want to.
  2. we are in complete control of how we want people to perceive us.
  3. we can think before we speak; ponder what we want to say; and delete and re-word our thoughts until they are eloquently crafted.

Social media is not reality. It is a perception.

The realness of social engagement is that it has an element of awkwardness to it. And awkwardness is beautiful.

I remember in the movie Dirty Dancing, Baby fumbles her words when she meets Johnny for the first time. He asks “What’s she doing here?!” Baby blurts out “I carried a watermelon.” When Johnny walks away she expresses self-disgust, “I.. carried.. a.. watermelon??” In other words, “That’s the best line I could come up with?!?”

Yes, Baby, welcome to the awkward world of socializing.

It’s perfectly normal. I am intentional with that phrase. Did you catch it? Let me say it again: it’s perfectly normal.

We are too quick to disqualify ourselves in how we engage with others.

Our engagements with people are laced with “foot IN mouth disease”. My question is: What’s bad about that? So what? Why is this a problem? We disqualify ourselves if we’re uneasy; tongue-tied; stuttering; nervously laughing; don’t have a come back; not funny enough; and so the list grows…

Give yourself a break.  Give yourself a second chance! The world is full of second chances. And third chances, and fourth and fifth and and and….

Enjoy those awkward moments. They are priceless. And endearing!

We have 3-5 seconds to leave our first impression. Wow! Talk about pressure! But here’s the great news: Relationships and friendships are not built on impressions. Nor are they built on perceptions.

Great connections grow with time. It takes time to get to know one another. Don’t be quick to disqualify yourself because of any “foot in mouth disease” that may arise.

Yesterday, while in the United lounge waiting for my flight, a gentleman said he couldn’t connect to the lounge’s Wi-Fi. I had a similar problem. So I asked him if I could help. He snapped at me and was curt. I guess I insulted him and possibly made him feel incompetent? Don’t know. But I do know he did not appreciate me offering my help.

Sometimes my openness to people backfires on me. And that’s okay. 75% of the time my social interactions are perfectly fine and the 25%? Well, they’re fine too. Regardless, a story is birthed.

– Karen Thrall

Categories
Inside My Head Libby

Involved and Engaged

I’m what my mom calls a “Do-Bee” – since I was a little kid, I was a helper, pitching in, taking the lead on school projects and the like. Back in the day, when I used to work in the office, I was a pretty involved employee – I volunteered for party-planning, task forces, charitable give-backs and the whole thing. Now I’m so far removed from a daily office routine that I usually go in on a Sunday so I don’t bogart the copy machine. It’s not so much that I miss the specific activities, but I now have to find other ways to expend my Do-Bee energy. Last year this looked like me being a homeroom parent for Kindergarten (talk about demanding!), summer camp researcher and family reunion organizer. This year it’s more like the outdoor classroom’s pond committee chair, hockey mom and retirement party organizer. All this activity should make me feel good, connected to the community and fulfilled, right? What I really feel is just plain tired.

How do I stop the Do-Bee cycle? Why am I compelled to volunteer, to help, to be involved, to do more? The thing is that if I’m not doing, I feel anxious, like I should be doing something (yes, please feel free to send me your therapist recommendations.), but when I am engaged in all these activities, I feel like I’m doing nothing well. Luckily, a friend recently posted an article on Facebook ( I definitely do NOT have time for Facebook, but this was worth it…) that spoke about women needing to cut themselves a break on how they’re living their lives – constantly worried about whether or not we’re making the right choices and if we’re doing enough and doing it well. It made me think in a new way about all the things I do – family, work, my Do-Bee activities – and I realized that I’m doing okay. I have my bad days, but generally, I can keep it all together and be a pretty good wife, mother, friend, worker, scheduler, planner and participant. Sure, I’m tired, but if I take a little pressure off myself, I realize that I’m pretty happy, too. That’s okay – not perfect, but pretty cool.

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Gabriel Inside My Head

Little by Little

The drive took way longer than we expected. Not long after we exited the city did we run into the northbound evening traffic we had so ambitiously tried to avoid. But I thought, “Hell. At least I’m out of DC.”

We crawled higher up the column of vehicles in front of us, all friends embarking on a trip for the city that never sleeps for a tasteful, yet raucous, weekend that threw itself together. The rented silver mom van sat all six of us comfortably. We all spoke often of how sweet it would be to own such a van in another life, while making fun of the oldest of us, who indeed was driving this homage to the loss of one’s dignity and/or cajones. We finally passed the dreaded obstacle of all road trips, hitting much sought after open road. After making a few stops along the way, we crept upon New York City as night fell.

The last two times I had been to the city are some of my fondest memories since living in the Northeast. Yet, I’ve always seen New York as an unapproachable beast of concrete, engines, and lights that I could never get acquainted with. However, on this particular trip, I found myself taking on the city with an approach that surprised me. I didn’t feel overwhelmed or stressed about the immensity of the crowds or the possibilities. I took the reins and walked through the city at my own pace. As the weekend progressed, I came to appreciate the company I was in, past that of my friends. I realized that even though things may seem large, intimidating, or just too big to handle, I shouldn’t shy away, but calmly approach it – little by little. Look at me! It took three separate trips to say, “I can handle New York.”

It just goes to show that any experience can facilitate growth, so keep your ears and mind open. Attack that unapproachable beast, one blow at a time.

– Gabriel Oigbokie