Tag: Personal Development

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Inside My Head Karen

Compartmentalizing

Karen CompartmentsDon’t allow your fears and anxieties to paralyze you from making good decisions.

I can be content about many things and anxious about one thing. And that’s okay. Chances are, there will always be that one thing that I’m unsettled about. My life isn’t paradise. But I will make the best of it.

Compartmentalizing works well for me. I take inventory on a daily basis. I zoom out. I look at the entire picture. I don’t pigeonhole myself into a rut. I won’t let myself wallow in that one area of my life that is the bane of my world!

Usually when we’re unsettled, it’s not about everything; it’s about one or two things. I refuse to allow that one compartment to rob me of the happiness that is living in all other compartments. No matter how upset it makes me.

Some might say, “That’s great for you, Karen. But I am extremely anxious in every part of my life.” Really? I promise you, I can prove that to be an inaccurate statement.

Hone in on whatever that negative vice might be, and name it. What is it – exactly? Once you have the exact language and perspective, you then zoom out and measure it against other personal topics and situations.

Several years ago, I was at a party. I had just launched a small business. I was now officially an entrepreneur. A neighbor of mine, a successful entrepreneur, approached me and said, “So I hear you started a business?” I nodded yes and we chatted about what it means to be an entrepreneur. He then says, “Have you cried in the corner like a baby yet?” Pleasantly surprised and relieved by how accurate he was, I blurt out, “Yes! Yes, I have!”   I laughed and he smiled, “Yeah, me too. We’ve all done it.”

Wait. What? What did he mean, “We’ve all done it?!?”

He meant it’s normal. He included me amongst the entrepreneur posse and reassured me that those moments of “anxiety” were momentary and played a smaller role in the bigger order of life.

We can afford to be anxious for a moment; however, we cannot afford to wallow in anxiety. Fear must never dominate the path we have embarked upon.

One of the best gifts I give myself is the permission to change my mind. This is how I experience this situation today. Only today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. I then resolve to look at all the areas of my life where I am content. They are more important to me than this negative situation.

I have a friend who writes his gratitude list every day. I like that. That’s another way to do it. There’s many ways to remind yourself that fear in one area must not dominate your overall gratitude.

Anxiety is not meant to paralyze you. It becomes a gift that provokes you. But it can only provoke you if you acknowledge the compartments you’re indeed content with. Our hardships become an offensive weapon that propels forward motion.

What are these compartments? Here are a few suggestions I propose:

  • Your income
  • Your personal finances
  • Your financial responsibilities
  • Your (student) loans
  • Your position at work
  • Your educational status
  • Your colleagues
  • Your supervisors
  • Your workload
  • Your commute
  • Your demographics
  • Your neighbor
  • Your friend(s)
  • Your child(ren)
  • Your spouse/partner
  • Your love life
  • Your sexual activeness
  • Your health
  • Your fitness
  • Your eating habits
  • Your addictions
  • Your communication skills
  • Your social skills
  • Your social circle
  • Your hobby
  • Your home
  • Your home life
  • Your home responsibilities

(1) Rate each one anywhere between 0-10. Zero means you are absolutely undeniably miserably anxious!! Ten means you are over-joyed, elated, and exuberantly content!!

(2) If you rated yourself below a 2, is there anything you can potentially do to increase your number from 0 to, let’s say, a 2.25? I’m not asking you to jump immediately to a 10. I’m asking if there’s anything in your power, perhaps a minor adjustment, that can move your number to a higher place.

(3) For the compartments you rated 3 and higher, there is joy to be seen and found – right now.

Be tenacious with your unsettledness! After all, it is in your control to change your perspective. Be stubborn. Be really stubborn. Hope wins. Hands down. Hope rules. Let it rule.

Okay, so you did that. Thank you! But, now what?

The important part.

From this place, you will now be able to find the best decisions for yourself. From the realm of contentment, you will walk in wisdom. Wisdom (your wisdom) will help you know what to do. Wisdom is a friend to your happiness. They co-exist. One will strengthen the other.

Your contentment lets the world in on a special secret: you know what to do.

– Karen Thrall

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Ashley Awesomeness in the World

Great Moments

This week, my baby brother is getting married. When I say “baby” brother, it’s in the vein that most big sisters try to trap their younger siblings’ into a lapsed time and place. But to my credit, he is eight years my younger, making him the ripe old age of 20. In 1995, my parents finally gave into their eldest child’s consistent requests for a sibling, and six days after I turned 8, we welcomed my “bubba” into this world. Getting a sibling wasn’t quite what I had expected; after all, I was way into board games and American Girl dolls at that point, and none of the activities associated with those obsessions are fit for an infant or toddler’s participation. But hell, was I proud. There is a classic photo of me in my khaki corduroy pants and red waffle henley grinning from ear to ear pushing that 9lb 9oz tank of a baby down the hallway of the hospital – my mom being wheeled behind us, looking exhausted and astonished. (To her credit, birthing a 9lb 9oz human must do that to you.)

My last post, “Life Promises,” got me thinking about the piles of advice we offer loved ones and friends at various milestones in life – like marriage. My brother has several milestones ahead of him that, being an opinionated, oldest child, have me desperate to do a brain dump of advice. When he was a baby I was busy dispensing practical advice; “clean up your toys” (oh, the clean up song!), “the remote doesn’t have a motor so stop pretending it does”, “stop touching your…” Well, you know…boys are gross. I’m sure all those things set him up for success (right?!), or at least taught him how to (sort of) function in society.

As he prepares to be married and, in May, ship off to San Antonio for Air Force basic training, I have a much wider range of advice to offer; like, even when your family is far away, they’re always still there for you, and how making dinner for two people is really, really difficult and it’s okay to eat popcorn on lazy nights. But I don’t think I’ll waste my breath. Not because I don’t think it’s valuable knowledge or think he won’t listen to his big sister, but because those things are so fun to learn on your own. I’ve made some crazy mistakes along the way so far and a wise motivational speaker once shared this message about those flubs; mistakes are great moments. There is so much to be learned from doing things the “wrong” way. Let’s face it, when you flub, it’s easier to identify what you did to cause the problem or situation and you’re less likely to let it happen again; thus, a great moment.

So rather than offer a “life promise,” I think I’ll encourage my sweet baby brother to love (a lot!), face fears, try new things, and make lots and lots of mistakes. Okay…and maybe eat ice cream for breakfast with no shame.

– Ashley Respecki

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Career

Anatomy of an Apology

It’s never easy to admit we’re wrong or that we’ve done something to adversely affect someone else, especially if that someone is important in our life (though you’d think that would make it easier!). This is such a hard task, that we’ve come to accept – and offer – the most insincere of apologies.

I’m sorry if I…

No. You’re not sorry if your apology contains the word “if.” You’ve now put the blame back on the person who is supposed to be receiving the apology. You may as well just give up and go with something much more straightforward like “If you’re so sensitive that I hurt your feelings, then it’s not my fault.” Ouch. That’s harsh. And clearly doesn’t convey anything close to remorse for what happened.

Apologizing is all about taking genuine responsibility for your actions. It needs to be “I’m sorry I…” I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I missed the deadline. I’m sorry I failed to meet our shared expectations. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. We’re taught early on never to apologize at the scene of a car accident – doing so implicates you and assigns fault early on, or so we’re led to believe. But in our daily lives, both personally and professionally, an apology can go a long way. Acknowledging your own role in something not going right can quickly defuse a tense situation, and often leads to an apology being returned, which can help decrease your own blood pressure.

And after acknowledging what you’ve done, it’s about being clear that you didn’t mean to cause harm, what you’re going to do to fix it and that you will take action to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

I’m sorry I didn’t meet the deadline we agreed to. I didn’t mean to hold up the project and I’m going to work on it tonight so you’ve got it first thing tomorrow. I’ll put reminders on my calendar so this is the last time we need to have a conversation like this.

I’m not always great about practicing this, but when I’m able to, I find I get to a resolution much faster and everyone feels better, including me. And when I think about the best customer service I’ve received, it’s usually about correcting something that didn’t go as planned in the first place, and a genuine apology for their actions makes all the difference. Things go wrong. We all make mistakes. And way more often than not, it’s not intentionally malicious, so it’s all about how we handle what happens next. So what’s next for you when something doesn’t quite go as you’d hoped?

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Ashley Awesomeness in the World

Life Promises

I have my weekly habits like most people. Monday nights I skip working out, at least once a week I get coffee and oatmeal at Peets (maybe Starbucks), I call my mom or grandmother during my walk home from the metro, and on Sunday night, I watch my standard tv. One of those standard shows is Girls on HBO. It’s a guilty pleasure for sure. I love Lena Dunham’s stark take on life as a twenty-something, even if it is far flung. If you watch, you know the fourth season just ended, and if you’re an avid fan like me, you’re incredibly depressed about how long you have to wait for season 5.

Sometimes revelations come from the most unexpected sources. Likely you’ve had one in the shower or while brushing your teeth. Mine have come from niche corners of my life recently and I sort of enjoy that. The most recent came from – you guessed it – the season four finale of Girls. (Minor spoiler alert!) There’s a birth that brings together some recently estranged characters and when the little one finally arrives, Hannah (Dunham’s character) has some great wisdom about the wonders of life to pass on to the tiny human. In a sweet, baby-coo voice, she says this: “Life…I can’t guarantee perfection, but I can guarantee intrigue.”

How beautiful is that?

If you have any ounce of Type A in you, you’re likely to have a competitive side, a passion for organizing, and an expectation for perfection in everything you do. But even if you’re not a Type A personality, what I think Hannah realized, much like this twenty-something has, is that we often set our bar too high. We expect from ourselves and those around us entirely too much. We ignore the beauty in imperfections and are afraid to say no. After all, we’re busy crafting a perfect life with memories exactly as we want them! If you hang around a Gen Y-er at all, you know they’ve coined the acronym FOMO – fear of missing out. I think that desire for perfection comes so much from our technology-overloaded, over-sharing culture; we want to go on that gorgeous vacation our high school rival just took or get an invite to brunch with that great new group of friends we’ve been courting. But life’s not perfect, is it? We can’t quite customize it the way we hope. But think about how much more exciting that is! Just try and count how many lessons you’ve learned from failure, and how great those stories are when you share them now.

I hope this week, you take the time to recognize the not-so-perfect moments and allow your curiosity to take over – relish in the fascination and intrigue.

– Ashley Respecki

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Inside My Head Libby

Electrifying!

My kid stuck a paperclip in an electrical socket at school today. Awesome. Besides receiving a wee shock, he wasn’t hurt, except for his pride in being called out. I’m not sure that’s a good thing – I feel like if he did it after years of us telling him not to with no repercussions, what’s to keep him from doing it again and in a more sneaky fashion? So he’s not a genius…or is he?

There are a lot of ways to look at the situation, most of which either anger or depress me (I’m dreading the adolescent years). I’ve decided to focus on: experimentation. We learn nothing without experimentation, without trying new things. As adults, we often stop trying new stuff – whether it is because we’re scared or just plain tired. But when we stop experimenting, we stop growing and life gets pretty boring.

I’m not advocating you go sticking metal things into outlets, but now that it’s spring, it’s a great time to try something new and take a chance. I just got a bike for my ten year work anniversary (what?? Sweet…) and an awesome new helmet, so I’m going to give bike riding a try. I am also going to experiment with Dutch oven cooking on our camping trip this weekend. I really have no way of telling, but I don’t anticipate getting shocked. I do hope to feel revived and energized. What might electrify you this season?

– Libby Bingham

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Awesomeness in the World On the Job

Personal is Perfect

In order to add an element of fun to a recent staff gathering, a team leader hid a prize envelope under the chair of one of the attendees. In the middle of the meeting, the attendee in that seat found out he’d won treats for his department, delivered courtesy of the team lead. No specifics had been promised, and the plan was to figure it out after the meeting (you know how many logistics go into a big meeting leading up to it – sometimes you’ve got to punt what you can).

In a discussion afterwards about what sorts of treats would be appropriate, several ideas were tossed around. Custom logo cookies. Cupcakes from a local bakery. Make your own ice cream sundae bar (and yes, I really just wanted a giant cupcake for most of the conversation). The next morning, the team lead asked a couple of us if we thought it would be too hokey if she baked cookies for the team instead of anything we’d talked about. It was a GREAT idea. What a very cool, personal touch. Who doesn’t love the childhood nostalgia of homemade chocolate chip cookies? And what a fun way to not only add an element of surprise to the meeting itself, but follow up afterwards with not just the treat, but the important message of making the time to do something with such a personal feel.

I think we so often want to do something to let people know we’re thinking of them or that we value them, but we get caught up in thinking we have to do the one right thing, get the best gift or spend the appropriate amount of money. And before we know it, we’ve become too paralyzed and done nothing. I think most often it’s the little things that mean the most – a handwritten thank you note, inviting someone out for a cup of coffee and conversation, or, of course, a baked good. What can you put your own personal touch on to let someone know you appreciate them?

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Career Karen

Training: We Have to Pursue It

Karen PuppyIt doesn’t matter what type of training you are experiencing. Training is a one-step-at a-time process.

Training is an invitation for growth. Growth in what? Well, what do you want to see grow? Let me ask that again: What. Do. You. Want. To. See. Grow?

We have to choose training. We have to pursue it and want it. It takes discipline and commitment.

Why do we train? What’s the purpose? We pursue training so that we may excel and become better at something. It hones in on a skill. We are strengthened through training. It opens up the opportunity to reach a goal – or even better – a dream.

Training is “the action of teaching a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time”. You begin at point A and, through training, you reach point B; and so on. Training is intentional and each step matters.

The truly committed will not look to fast track. They recognize that the step they are taking – right here, right now – is the only one that matters. It’s the most important one.

Training forces you to live in the moment. If you lose sight of the training at hand, you will not reach your goal.

Training requires endurance. And endurance cannot function without patience.

Training isn’t easy. It can be discouraging. It provokes self-doubt in our capabilities. It depletes our energy and pushes us beyond our comfort levels. It confronts our fears; our insecurities; and any feelings of inadequacy we might have.

Training commands us to let go and to forfeit our need for control. Training summons us to surrender our need to understand. Because sometimes it’s not time to understand, it’s time to train for…what might be possible.

– Karen Thrall

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Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Kenny Rogers is That Guy

Have you ever seen those quirky Geico car insurance commercials? You know, the ones when they act out useless pieces of information that are compared to the well-known fact that fifteen minutes could save you whatever on car insurance (clearly we love those here in Good for the Soul’s Creative Community!). The embarrassing amount of TV I watch sort of makes me a self-proclaimed expert on these odd skits. Engaging recently in your classic game of phone tag (America’s favorite pastime), a friend of mine and I finally got a chance to talk and update the other on what’s happening in our lives. Something about that particular conversation reminded me of one of the commercials which featured an appearance by Kenny Rogers.

If you don’t know who Kenny Rogers is, then you should probably stop reading now. Fair warning. Classic American pop and country singer. Silver mane and goatee of the same color. Strong and hardy, yet smooth chops. Kenny is definitely a guy you want to have breakfast with, enjoying his sultry sounds while drinking OJ. The commercial that featured him showed him playing poker and singing his famous “The Gambler” to emphasis the overkill. But I began to think about the song and its lyrics after I spoke to my friend, who was considering not going through with his initial post-grad plans of going to China to study and teach.

I asked him why he decided to abandon such a solid plan, and his answer was simple: it wouldn’t make sense. He and his father have begun to build up their name into a brand back home in Memphis, having started a cigar bar empire that continues to expand. With a passion for business and a few good things going for him in Memphis, he couldn’t find a good enough reason to leave what he had started. Though he originally thought he didn’t want that, deciding to stay is the best choice, even if it might not seem like he’s moving forward. My friend now understands that his decision and the current circumstances are just an extra step in his plan for success. It just hadn’t showed up in his instructional manual yet.

So back to Kenny. Like my friend here, you’ve got to know when to fold them and when to hold them. What may seem like the worst or insensible thing to do at the time could be your best move yet. Always keep your hand strong.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

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Inside My Head

Spring Cleaning

I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions (or maybe that’s just me being lazy and uncommitted), but there’s always been something about spring and fall that seem like much more natural times of reflection. They don’t feel forced or like I’m setting myself up for failure. These seem to be the times of year I’m truly ready for a change or to recommit to priorities that have fallen by the wayside. And it clearly isn’t just me. There’s a restlessness about, and it’s evident all around. In the past two weeks alone, I’ve had friends who have quit their jobs, announced plans for international or cross-country moves, ended or wholly committed to long-term relationships and contemplated major career moves. Thankfully, these major changes are not all the same person – I’m fairly certain that would be a recipe for insanity if I’ve ever heard one.

One could certainly make the argument that it’s not necessarily the time of year, but rather, the time of life all my friends seem to find themselves in. And that could be true, but these friends are scattered across North America, span 20 years of age difference and are at very different life stages. All this makes it hard to ignore the feeling that, as we’re all shaking off the gray of winter, we’re also finding a renewed commitment to living the lives we truly want to lead. That’s not to say that you need to make a major life change to live the life you’d like. Perhaps you’re doing exactly what you want to be doing with exactly the right people and figuring out how to keep that balance is your spring challenge. Personally, I’m recommitting to making time for the people who are most important in my life. Time with them helps keep me grounded, makes me happy and is, well, good for my soul. What does spring cleaning mean for you this year?

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

Curiously Engaging

Karen CuriosityWhen curiosity and engagement are interwoven and lived out simultaneously, it creates this magical wonder we call: being present

What does it look like to curiously engage?

  • You are approachable.
  • You ask questions.
  • You are personable.
  • You explore conversations.
  • You laugh freely.
  • You open yourself up to new experiences.
  • You pursue understanding
  • You expand your knowledge.
  • You radiate safety and warmth.
  • You extend respect easily.
  • You appreciate more.
  • You welcome camaraderie.
  • You create community.
  • You express belonging.
  • You offer space for others to be known.

And the cool part is – while gallivanting around in curious engagement – you become contagious. Not a bad return on investment!!

May I suggest that curiosity be viewed as a verb rather than a noun? When curiosity is a thing it loses its power. When curiosity is alive, it is a blazing unstoppable force that opens doors you never thought imaginable.

-Karen Thrall