Tag: Personal Development

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Ashley On the Job

Trust & Empowerment

Working in teams is hard, and it’s difficult to pinpoint all the reasons why. I’m sure you have some ideas as to why – I sure do. Varying personalities, goals, passions, work styles, and so much more make teamwork challenging. While teams can struggle when priorities differ, there is also incredible value in recognizing the strengths of individuals to optimize the efforts of the team and create dynamic results.

There’s a great tool that’s caught on at work recently; the Gallup StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment. (The Chief Goodness Officer here at Good for the Soul knows this tool well – she shared her own experience back in January!) If you’ve never heard of the assessment, it’s worth a look, and more than that, a consideration as an asset to your personal and professional future. You answer a series of questions in split second time and at the end, and then you receive a custom report based on your top 5 strengths. I won’t oversell it here, I’ll just say, it’s been enlightening for me, and impacted the way our team works together.

What’s happened with the StrengthsFinder 2.0 outcomes for our team is this: it’s given our team a platform to openly recognize one another’s genuine strengths. Sure, it sounds like the outcomes could be pretty stale and obvious, but they’re not. Even if you have an overlapping strength with a teammate, your custom report highlights the variation in your strength given the order, makeup, etc., of your top 5. The results have also afforded our team an opportunity to speak frankly about what makes us tick, and what we see as opportunities for our future work model.

For me personally, this exercise has taught me a lot about trust and leadership. When leaders trust their team, they can more easily develop consensus for priorities and projects. When leaders allow their team to make decisions on the team’s behalf and team members step up to the plate to make decisions without having to confer with a team lead at every corner, the results can be vast! Shortened decision making time frames and more dynamic and reiterative outcomes are just a couple of the positives results. The best leaders don’t just lead; they empower. When you recognize your team’s strengths, focus on building trust, and tackle challenges through empowerment, in my book, you’re doing great things as a leader.

Categories
Inside My Head

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

I was having dinner with a colleague last night and found myself fascinated by the stories he was telling. Not fascinated in the way that you pretend to be when someone is in town visiting and you’re trying to get dinner to go by faster, but really genuinely interested in hearing more about his family and past career adventures. And as I was enjoying his tales, I got to thinking about my own stories and how he was definitely getting the raw end of this deal. I’ve got far less international intrigue, and while I’ve chosen not to have children, they definitely provide some great material. To be fair, he’s got a few years on me, so maybe I just haven’t caught up yet. And I also feel like it’s important to say that nothing he said or did made me feel like my stories weren’t just as interesting (there was no excessive yawning or picking up imaginary phone calls that suddenly came in). He was a great active listener to my tales, which was another part of what made the conversation so great.

I suppose the other part of this is that I’ve also told most of my stories before. Sure, we covered some new ground, and I shared some things with him about my work that were unique to the conversation we were having. But many of my stories are oldies but goodies to me. And all of his stories were new and shiny to me. In that shininess, I so enjoyed hearing his perspective on life and learning more about what makes him who he is. That connection to people is what drives me to do what I do, both in my personal and professional lives. And in the middle of our dinner, I decided anytime I’ve picked a dinner companion whose stories were more interesting than my own, I’ve done something right. So I told him such and will I very much look forward to the next time we’re able to share a drink and a story.

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How to be Awesome Libby

Life Was Tough

This weekend I went camping with my family. We usually do a car camping kind of thing (drive up in the car, pitch the tent, open up the bundle of wood we bought at the camp store, go a few steps to a pump for water, fire up the camp stove to make mac ‘n cheese, sit and sip cocktails in the nice firelight)…fun! Not this weekend. This weekend we had to hike half a mile – in the rain and mud with all our stuff – to stay in a cabin with no running water, an outhouse halfway up the hill, collecting and processing our own wood…a different kind of fun, to be sure, but easy it is not.

It’s amazing what we take for granted. I’m not saying our problems are not important and that we should all shut-up and stop complaining, but it is very interesting to compare the trials of having to wait in line for self-checkout with having to hike .25 miles to the spring every time you need water. It kind of helps put things into perspective.

This is something my husband and I have done on several occasions on our own, and we’ve taken our son a few times as a carry-in-a-pack age baby, but this is the first time he’s come as a real kid. We were interested to see how the unplugged experience would resonate with our digital native boy. There were some negotiations regarding the bringing of his laptop (I won with the logic that he’d have to carry it himself), but ultimately, we were all device free. During the day, we did “chores,” hiked around, looked for crayfish, ran screaming through the woods (one of us); at night, we read books, told jokes, played UNO, checkers and Yahtzee at night. It was exhausting, but delightful.

The book Joey and I are reading together is Farmer Boy, the second in the Little House series. It is an historical fictional account of a nine-year old boy who lives on a farm in upstate NY in the 1860s – the story focuses on all the chores (morning and night), work on the farm (animals and plants), daily routines of bathing, cooking and going to school (when he doesn’t have farm work to do, of course). Joey and I are both exhausted by the end of every chapter! It has led to a new appreciation on his end for zippers, Gore-Tex, toilets and the refrigerator. He even has changed his morning refrain to “I can’t wait to go to school today!”

These reminders – both in theory and practice – have served to reframe some of my thoughts on my own daily routine (laundry, dishes, dinner…) and as a result, I have found peace in the daily minutiae. A shout-out to the men and women of the past, who worked so hard to feed, clothe and care for their families – all their hard work, struggles and lack of “downtime” have made it possible for me to look at their daily chores as recreational activity, for me to read to my son at night, and then blog about it.

– Libby Bingham

Categories
Gabriel Inside My Head

Hanging on the Fence

Palm trees, the soothing sounds of crashing waves and pink sunsets. Some consider California to be a little slice of heaven. A slice that could soon have its first teeth marks from yours truly. But it’s an interesting situation to “follow” your significant other to another state. Many my age would stay far away from something of this nature, I figure but fortune favors the brave.

Opportunities like this don’t happen often enough to good people. But who wouldn’t be anxious about something like this? Major steps towards this and that, commitments to his and hers fuel the fire of doubt. Yet, the last few months, I have been fairly set on embarking on such a journey. I was recently discussing the Chinese New Year with a friend of mine who read me the prediction or whatever for my year, the monkey.

She read out loud what had been buzzing in my head for a little while at that point. This would be a year of major decisions. Some of which could alter my life’s trajectory. It struck me as strange on one hand, but on the other, it didn’t. It just reaffirmed what I knew. So now the whole hanging on the fence thing comes together (I think). The monkey, hanging, big decisions…you get the picture. I guess what I’m trying to say is: take the leap. Make your mark. Know that anything can lead to something. They say 90% of success is just showing up. Well, this guy is already up and getting dressed.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

Categories
Gabriel Inside My Head

Right Now

The perfectly seasoned sea bass melted in my mouth as my coworkers and I joked about life’s lemonade. I felt my phone vibrate, so looked down to check the message. It read “delete the group message, dude.”

It would have been rude to pursue the issue any further in the current circumstances, so I just did what the message told me, and our dinner continued. After some lovely and interestingly colored ice cream, I left with one of my coworkers. For the entire car ride, I was anxious to hear about the particular incident that caused such an abrupt disbandment of the seemingly dynamic chemistry this group had. Once I was dropped off and able to deal with the issue at hand, I was able to have a conversation with a trusted friend with whom the incident affected the most.

I found out that within the group there had been some misunderstandings between my old friend and another one of the guys. It escalated to the point of delusion and recklessness, and a decision was made to no longer include the divergent and intense thoughts of this individual amongst the group of friends.

Amidst all the commotion, my friend and I spoke in very positive terms about our future plans and how we can continue to progress towards our goals. I had shared the feeling of inadequacy that had been plaguing my mind recently. And he told me something I needed to hear: that I am doing just as well as anybody else. Given the resources at my disposal right now, I’m the best that I can be. Not confusing this with complacency, the recognition of success begins with the definition of success.

The next day my friend sent me a link to a YouTube video of an audio clip. It was a recording of a lecture called “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale. In the lecture, Nightingale shares why 5 out of 100 people will be successful: they do the work they do because they want to and love to. If you get up in the morning, get ready, and go to do whatever it is you do because you want to, then you are successful. The recording played as my eyes widen. It seemed as if Nightingale was listening in on our conversation the night before. Continued progression should always be the goal, but don’t forget to pat yourself on the back every now and then. Because right now, you’re doing just fine.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

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Book Reports

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

One of my favorite books is Crucial Accountability, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler and David Maxwell. I read it after I heard one of the authors speak at a conference last year. What I liked best about the book was that it takes all of your good intentions and helps you put them into action. The whole premise is that we need to address the gap between our expectations and reality, though we seldom do. We’ll complain about where our colleagues fall short and we grumble about what our spouse forgot to do, but we rarely address these issues with the person involved. We’re happy to tell everyone else, but it’s too scary to talk about it with them directly. We’re nervous they won’t see it our way, we’re afraid they won’t like us, we don’t want to be seen as too demanding…the list goes on and on.

In talking about how to address these issues, the book suggests changing the stories we tell ourselves. When a colleague of mine totally blows off a meeting with me without any heads up, it’s easy for me to tell myself that she’s rude and doesn’t respect me. The suggestion made by authors, however, is to ask yourself why would a logical and rational person would behave this way. It’s perhaps another way of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, but with a bit different angle. I’m not a particularly unlikable person, and we do have a culture of respect in my office, and really, if I’m honest, her blowing off the meeting probably has very little to do with me. If I ask why a logical and rational person would totally blow off my meeting, I come up with a whole list of other possibilities: she was running late and wasn’t in the building yet, she got caught up in something else and lost track of time, or – gasp – maybe I didn’t communicate how important it was for her to be there and she didn’t make it a priority. These are all things that I could see happening to me, who I consider a fairly logical and rational person.

Now sure, there are ways to avoid these things, but I think there are two important things to remember. One, we’re all doing the best we can. No one wakes up in the morning with the sole purpose of destroying my day – they’re doing the best they can and sometimes a priority for me isn’t the same priority for them. Two, shit happens. It just does. And the best we can do when it does happen is apologize and do what we can to make it right. And make sure we make it to the next meeting on time – maybe even a few minutes early.

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Awesomeness in the World Karen

First Receive, Then Give

Karen AppleThere is a presupposition about giving that I’ve noticed is quite popular. It is the mindset that we are to give more than we receive.

I disagree. Actually, I believe the opposite.

For you to truly give – you must give from what you already have.

How can I possibly give what I have not?

Therefore, receive first – then give.

Does that sound selfish? Not at all.

From what I have been given; from what I have received; from what I have experienced for myself – from that place I will give generously to you.

When I need help with my golf game, to whom do I turn? I turn to my friends that are scratch golfers, or I make an appointment with my golf coach. What they are able to give me is a surplus of information and experience. It is effortless for them to share golf tips with me that will improve my game. They are giving from what they have. They are giving from what they’ve also received that helps them play well.

KAREN: I am going to give you a dozen apples.

INVISIBLE CYBER VOICE: Do you have a dozen apples?

KT: Well, no.

ICV: How many do you have?

KT: I have one apple.

ICV: Then why would you tell me you’ll give me a dozen apples when you don’t have a dozen? Why don’t you just give me a portion of the apple you have?

KT: Oooo, good idea. A win/win.

You can’t pretend to give a dozen apples. The receiver will figure out soon enough that you don’t have a dozen apples to give!

Why would other forms of giving be any different? Why do we treat giving of ourselves as a sacrifice? The whole point of giving is generosity.

What does generosity mean? The quality or fact of being plentiful! Give from a place of plentifulness; a place of abundance. Give from what we have. What I have, I will give.

“Karen, what if I don’t have anything to give?”

Impossible.

There is always something to give. BUT only give what you have! Whatever you are able to give is precious. Stand in a pitch-black room where no light can penetrate. I’m talking the kind of darkness where you will not be able to see your own hand if you put it in front of your face.

Now, strike a match. What happens is extraordinary!

That little flame illuminates the entire darkened room.

Whether your “giving” is a single flame from a single match or the grandeur of a lighthouse beaming across the stormy ocean waves – light is light. Translate it now to generosity. Regardless of the quantity of giving, generosity is still generosity.

I may not have much, but what I have I will share. I like that mindset.

Never underestimate the power of your giving. It is far better to give from what you have than to give from a place of deficit.

KT: I do not have a dozen apples. But I do have one apple. Would you like to share it with me?

ICV: That is so generous of you KT. I would love to share it with you.

KT: I wish I could give you a dozen apples. But I only have one.

ICV: The fact that you’d be willing to share the only apple you have with me, means more to me than a thousand apples. Thank you.

Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you get my point?

“Karen, I am giving from a place of deficit. What do I do?”

Be honest. Stop sacrificing. Generosity was never meant to be equated with sacrifice. The whole point of generosity is giving from a place of abundance. If you ain’t got it – don’t give it! Simple enough.

I am adamant about this.

Trust me, you will experience more joy and pleasure in giving when you only give what you have. Whether that is a physical resource, your time, your heart, your soul, your energy, your mind, your talent, your wisdom, etc. Give from a place of abundance.

Only give what you have. Share only what you have. Stop giving from an empty tank – please fill it back up.When you invest in nurturing your well-being, you will give abundantly. Do not measure the amount of your giving, measure the generosity of your giving. Keep it simple.

If I give from an empty place, then I’m going through the motions of giving – giving has now become a duty – and I convince myself it’s the right thing to do.Giving from a place of surplus, however small the gesture, will have the greatest impact.

How do you know when and how much to give? What is your mindset around giving? Is it…

I really, really want to! – OR –  I must.

I am so happy that I’m able to give. – OR –  It’s the right thing to do.

It’s not much, but I want to share it with you. – OR – They really need my help.

Yes, there will be times in our lives we will sacrifice. However, remember what true sacrifice is. In those moments of sacrifice, there is great joy because we want to. Sacrifice is done as an expression of generosity; not hardship.

“Karen, what about at work? The demands are exhausting me. I keep piling work on my desk.”

  1.  How urgent is it? How much time do you have to get the work done?
  2. What other areas of work are they willing for you to neglect while you focus on the newest task?
  3. Communicate honestly what you have to give. Your colleagues and superiors understand. They know what it’s like to have a heavy workload. They will negotiate the completion date with you.
  4. Ask for help. Teamwork rocks!

When John Fluevog (the person I report directly to) approaches me with ideas, projects or research – I ask him one simple question: “When do you need this by?” This will help me gauge if I can put the time into my work to complete the task. More so than not, it has a flexible timeline. And the few times it’s immediate, I call my colleague and let him know that I’ll be distracted for the next couple of days and I ask for his help to keep the ship on course.

I have a favor to ask of you… please practice receiving. It is a remarkable resource for giving. Ohhhh, that from a place of surplus you may give lavishly, extravagantly, wholeheartedly, effortlessly and generously.

– Karen Thrall

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Awesomeness in the World Gabriel

Make Your Mark: Creation is Life

The wind blew ferociously this particular night. I decided to cut through the lesser lit residential streets of Georgetown on my way home from a long day at work. Of course, after enjoying myself so thoroughly in New York City not long ago, the responsibility of work had definitely shown its ugly head for the last five or six days. A bit drained from all the hoopla of designer podiatry, I finally arrived at my girlfriend’s place for dinner.

There was a good bit of talk centering on the artist Kanye West while we were in New York, enough for me to walk in on my girlfriend watching his performance at SNL’s 40th Anniversary show almost a week later. The taping of that performance also corresponded with the release of his new Yeezy sneaker under the Adidas brand that same weekend. And the shoe will soon be accompanied by a clothing line also created by West that he revealed at NYC Fashion Week (a video of which we subsequently watched).

Most of this seemingly irrelevant information was provided (or thrust upon me) by my fanatical significant other. Don’t get me wrong – Kanye West is one of my favorite musical artists and innovators, yet lately, I’ve been a little turned off by his antics and careers decisions. But near the beginning of the video of his fashion show, over a black screen, he speaks on creation and artistry. He says that we have become afraid to truly create, to be on the front lines of “the new.” Right then, it all made sense to me. Every ridiculous attempt to make his mark on the fashion industry, however sourly received by the public, had led to this moment: creation.

Why should we feel limited or restrained? I understand now why West moves through life the way he does. Creation is power and beauty. It is life. Civilization, life as we know it, would be nothing without creation. Creation is the engine that propels life. So never be afraid to create. Leave you mark. Let someone know you were there. Let them know you are here. Create something and see what happens. Kanye did it, and his mark has definitely been made. I mean, he married the lead Kardashian.

– Gabriel Oigbokie

Categories
Career Libby

Nice to Meet You!

I just had my ten year work anniversary…what?! Out of that decade, almost 7 of those years have been spent working from home. I go into the office occasionally, but not on any regular kind of basis. This arrangement works well for getting my job done, as well as doing what I need to for my family. When I do go in, I see the people I need to see, and my office friends that I don’t necessarily need to see but want to see. I also see a whole host of people that are completely new to me…and me to them! (You should see some of our stare-down-face-offs in the elevator; we’re on high alert here in the Nation’s Capital – “see something, say something”.) I’m a friendly sort and usually end up being the first to say hello and identify myself. I typically get one of two reactions: a blank stare and a “nice to meet you” or a wide-eyed “oooohhh…nice to meet you.” I’m not sure which is worse: not being known at all or being known by reputation. I’m not saying my reputation isn’t earned (love me or hate me, I think, are my two general camps), but it’s disturbing when it somehow follows you like a ghost. I mean, catch me in action before you make a judgment, people!

In that spirit, I’d like to offer a bit of advice for people working remotely. Face-to-face relationship building becomes more important than ever – whenever possible, show your face! Meet a colleague for coffee, go in and pick your boss’ brain for an hour, attend a non-mandatory meeting. And maybe a smidge of advice for you office folks working with colleagues who are outside the office? Try to involve your faceless co-workers in non-traditional ways – share a bit of office gossip in a virtual water-cooler situation or maybe try to meet them on their own turf for a post-work happy hour drink. I’ve had many opportunities to build a relationship with folks over the phone or email that was been strengthened with just one short, informal interaction (and there are some folks I would prefer to ONLY have a virtual relationship with!!). Whichever side of the equation you sit on, it’s important to put a face to a name, actions with a reputation, the personal with the virtual. To be fully satisfied with being a teleworker, it is important to become fully vested in both the status AND the people. I’m hoping this recipe allows me to embrace my semi-anonymity for the next ten years!

-Libby Bingham

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Awesomeness in the World

The Platinum Rule

We’re all familiar with the Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. There’s a lot to be said for this, and while it’s definitely a philosophy that won’t lead you astray, I would argue that there’s another rule that will serve you even better: put out into the world what you would like to get back from the world. I suppose some would suggest that’s karma, but I think it’s a bit more proven than karma (which, for the record, I also believe in, but that’s another post), so I’m going to go ahead and make it the Platinum Rule.

Putting out into the world what you would like to get back from the world means you are an active participant in bringing things into your life rather than simply having life happen to you. You’ll find yourself surrounded by people who support your worldview – not in a mindless groupthink way, but by those who share your values. When you are genuinely interested in those around you, you will attract people who want to know the real you. When you are positive, you attract people who believe anything is possible. If you take risks, entrepreneurs and those who seek adventure will find you. If you enjoy talking about people behind their backs, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who will be happy to talk about you when you leave the room. The Platinum Rule reminds us that we should treat people well because we value them as individuals – not just because we want to be treated well.

I am personally drained by negativity. I find it exhausting, unproductive and, quite frankly, not very much fun. I need positive energy – I crave it and thrive off it, and it seems a little greedy to want it and not put the same energy back out there. I find that the more positive energy I release into the universe, the more comes back to me. I find that the negative people aren’t much interested in being around me – believing that you can change your life and have a say in how things play out is equally exhausting for them. Karen’s post on beautiful awkwardness is a great example of the Platinum Rule.

So if you find yourself underwhelmed by what’s taking place in your life right now, consider exploring how you can put out more of what you’d like to see come back – generosity, kindness, strength, understanding, patience. I guarantee you it will be time well spent.